Guess I’ll never learn..

I really need to learn to not trust people.  Yet again I was burned by yet another person I thought was a friend.  The worst part is that their daughter was supposedly Bug’s friend.  Let me start at the beginning...

Summer of 2017 was like any other summer, hot, fun, busy. Then Bug and I met this girl named Leatah, she seemed like a nice girl. Good head on her shoulders.  A few months later her boyfriend died saving her life.  They had gone swimming in the ocean even with the rip tide warmings.  Long story short, they swam out too far and couldn’t get back. Leatah’s boyfriend pushed her and his cousin to safety, which meant he drowned, he died a hero.  After that Leatah seemed to cling to me, cling to having someone that cared about her and that was there when she needed them.

A little while later she called me all upset because of a fight she’d had with her mom.  So I went over there and spoke to her mom, Merideth, who also seemed to be a nice person.  Until she said one thing that made me realize the type of person she really was. She said “Leatah was supposed to be watching my kids”. Umm...Leatah’s her kid too, what the fuck?

I had tried to help them work through their issues and become a better family unit, that didn’t work at all.  Merideth is only interested in what she wants, in partying, getting drunk, and what ever else she does...which includes paying more attention to games on her phone then anything else.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago.... Merideth took it upon her self to try to be like me.  She was relieved of her job at the ship yard, then became a stay at home mom...well, that went over about as well as one could expect. The fights continued, she tortured her kids and never really took care of them from what I had seem.

This house always smelled like dog shit and cat piss. They had a new kitten too that would piss on the bed Leatah and her mother slept on.  And for the bed, Leatah only got to sleep in the bed when Merideth’s boyfriend...who was dating someone else...wasn’t staying the weekend.  It got worse from there...a lot worse. Merideth decided that she was going to start publicly flaming me on facebook...yeah, not a good idea. Leatah actually had Bug banned from Facebook for saying something about how you can’t trust people.  Seriously, this woman her daughter are fucked up beyond anything I’d ever seen.

When Merideth said she was “talking to Leatah”...she was talkin *at* Leatah.  You don’t talk at a kid, you talk to them.  Not to mention that her other two kids are absolute terrors. I’m so glad that I cut them out of our lives.  We don’t need people, or should I say, parasites, like them in our lives.

The sad part is that one of Bug’s friends, V (who’s like a daughter to me), is still spending time with them, and I have a feeling that she’s been telling Merideth things about me and my family.  If she is...well...let’s just say that I’ll be short one kid. It really bothers me to see V hanging with them, especially after what they had said about her.  Leatah called V a toxic person then tried to say she meant who V was dating make her a toxic person.

That whole thing would make for a great soap opera...yay for teenage drama that drugs the moms into it.

And yet again people shown their true colors to me.

Remember back when I was trying to help A with homeschooling her boys?  Remember how she ended up not being able to do it and cut off contact with me?  That should have been a lesson learned, but I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.

Yet again I was let down by people.  But this time instead if getting through half of a school year before bailing....this one bailed before the school year even started.  She started expecting me to hand everything over to her, she acting like she was in charge of the whole thing.  I'm sorry, but if you're going into an already established home school, you follow the direction of the person who's running it and has the years of experience.  She didn't. Audrey decided she'd start attacking me for "not consulting" her about any changes I made.  She even thought that I'd volunteer my time at a bookstore to teach other kids!  She didn't even know the gist of home schooling, or what it entailed.  I tried to explain it to her.  Yes, she has health issues, but she didn't have to jump down my throat, then her husband did the same thing!

I just don't get it.  Why do I keep letting this happen?  Why am I such a sucker for helping people?  Maybe I'll never learn.

Review of GoFormative

Homeschool in the modern world…

A resource for all!

Can I just start out by saying that Go Formative is an awesome tool?  It’s been a big help over the past few months. We started homeschooling 3 years ago, almost all the time I was either typing out the work and printing it out or having my daughter write it out.  After a while it started to get frustrating, for both of us. It was so hard to keep her focused and wanting to write out the work.  Her hands hurt her a lot some days, so writing hasn’t been easy for her.  Being able to do the work with Go Formative makes it so much easier for her. ( Now if only I could find an essay program that would guide her toward better essays).  I knew that she needed a technology class as well, and typing her class work would be a good addition for that very reason.

What made us choose Formative?

I spent nearly two weeks looking all over the web for the perfect fit for us. That’s when I came across Go Formative!  I checked it out, put some work up for her, and she loved it! Her grades have gone up, and she looks forward to her classes!   It used to be that she would procrastinate and come up with so many excuses why she didn’t want to do her classes, now it’s easier.  Since she can do it all online, she understands it better and is more willing to do her classwork.  Talk about a great asset for the homeschooling families like us. Now if I can just get her to use scratch paper for writing out her math problems we’d be golden!

It’s a great asset in the classroom...both home and public school!

With Go Formative I can put up images of a graph, or a whiteboard explanation of a problem, and the math block is awesome!  With the math block, you can put in code, and enter in the math problems to not only make them easy to read, but oh so very spiffy. I mean, seriously, it looks all professional. Here, have a look, this is one of the lessons I made for her.

Go here http://new.goformative.com/join and use this code XMHWRZ

I’ve made quite a few of the lessons available for others to use.  Mostly we have math lessons, but there are the occasional science, literature, and social studies tests.  I’ve even been able to help a friend of mine in another state tutor her daughter in math with the lessons I’ve written up!

Doesn’t that look nice?  I would show you all some of the whiteboard work...but, seriously, you all don’t need to see my crazy chicken scratch. :)  On second thought...here’s an example of the white board...with my chicken scratch and all. Lol

There’s also this part called instant feedback where you can send notes to the students.  We don’t use it all the time since she does her lessons right there with me in the room.  But, when I grade her work after she goes to bed I use it.  Mostly to give her ideas and let her know what a great job she’s doing!  Having that allows teachers to help their students that are home sick, with their homework, or even taking a distance learning class.  It’s an asset to the world of education.

Getting help from the formative team!

Yes, I stumbled my way through learning it, but the guys at Go Formative were so helpful! I asked a lot of questions, and I got all the right answers.  They helped me to learn the coding for the math block, not to mention they’re there to answer any future questions I may have!

Is it the moon or the stars?

House clean....laundry done...lawn done....still have to pressure wash the house, driveway, and walkways...I'm so damned exhausted I can barely feel my hands and feet and my eyes keep threatening to close...what the hell is wrong with me?

I can't seem to stop pushing myself like this.  The pain has been so bad lately, nothin seems to help make it better, not even sleep or the massage chair..my spine, hands, and shoulder hurt so much I want to cry.  Why is there no cure for fibromyalgia? Doctors say that staying active helps relieve the pain...I can say that's not working for me.

The other day a thought crossed my mind that has never crossed it before....I need to get my affairs in order and quickly...plan my funeral.  What the hell? Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?  Is this where I'm headed?  Have I really pushed myself to that point?

Then there's the feeling that a lie has been spoken and that everything that was built up is about to come crashing down. When I touch Strider I get a sinking feeling in my heart, I don't like that feeling at all! It's the feeling I get when I lose something precious in my life.

< /RANT >

Year from hell!

This past year has been rough to say the least!

It all started when my mom ended up in the hospital May 2015.  She had a headache, she never gets headaches...then she felt dizzy and disoriented, she forgot what the date was.  So I called 911 and made she was treated for it, they ended up putting her in the hospital for a week.  They ran so many tests but couldn't find the cause.

While she was in the hospital I found a hole in my roof the size of a softball..okay, bigger than a softball.  A squirrel had eat it's way into my attic from the outside and had babies in my attic! The noise was insane! I thought we had rats so I put a trap up there.  The day my mom was due to come home from the hospital the trap caught something...a baby squirrel...damn it.  A baby squirrel had been caught in the trap, it's leg was broken.  Gods I felt horrible! 

Thankfully I knew what to do, I caught the baby, freed it's hind leg from the trap and took it in.  It needed serious care for the broken leg that was through the skin.  I took care of it, for a long time, over a year now actually.  Her leg ended up falling off, but she's doing good and is about to be released.

You see, I take care of and rehabilitate wildlife that's been abandoned or injured, and I get no money for it, no help either. I do it because of the animals, because I love them. I've taught Bug so much about how to take care of wildlife.  Between her and I we've successfully rehabilitated and released several birds, and now we're going to be releasing the squirrel.

Things went to hell faster than I had ever thought they could.

We took in a foster dog that someone on the police force said needed to be taken care of, so I did, I took it in.  Not even three days later it killed my Tempest! ( I gave the dog to animal control to be euthanized) She was laying there in the kitchen in a pool of her own blood, her skull was crushed, right eye was hanging out of her skull.  It killed me to see her like that.  My baby girl, my Tempest, the cat that I've had since she was a 3 week old kitten...dead. Her cremation was about $150....gods I miss her so much.

Not long after that I took Logan into the vet because I found a lump that was odd feeling, and even odder smelling.  It wasn't like the other lumps I'd found on him, this one was different, it felt like a large tapioca pearl in jello under the skin. Not a solid lump, but it was there. I had it tested and it came back positive for mast cell cancer., in his tail at the base of the spine. How the hell can this be happening?  The ultra sound of his internal organs is expensive, the treatment is tail amputation.  TAIL AMPUTATION!  My poor Logan!  I don't know how I'm going to afford this!  We're looking at at least $5,000 for everything. We don't have this kind of money! 

It's been so rough lately, trying to afford all that's happened.  I found a kitten that healed my heart, he's not a replacement for Tempest, rather he's a new part of my heart.  The poor kitten jumped off the kitty condo and broke his leg! He broke it in 2 places!  Now he needs surgery to put pins into the bones to try to fix it.  I could have gone with amputating his leg, but he's just a baby, how could I do that!   We're looking at another $5,000 if not more to cover all of this! 

I've sold some of my things, but it's not enough to cover all of these vet bills.  I've tried going to charities but they couldn't help.  I can't do this anymore.  I can't let cancer take Bug's dog! If she loses Logan it will devastate her!

I've been shuffling the bills around to try to pay for everything, I'm not sure how much tighter I can make things.  I wish there was a way for someone to help us get through this.  Strider has been trying so hard to keep me together emotionally, he know that all of this has put a serious damper on our lives.  The military keeps him away a lot of the time, which means my daughter and I go through this alone.  No one to hold us when we cry, save for me holding her.  I hold her just about every night as she cries, Logan is our ESA (Emotional Support Animal), he also helps my daughter with her Aspergers, he makes it not so hard for her.

Rue is my ESA, he's healed my heart after I lost Tempest. Seeing him in so much pain kills me.

What am I going to do?

< /RANT >

Ever feel like everyone around you, friends, family, strangers, are all taking advantage of you?  I've been feeling that way for a while now. No matter who it is, when they ask for my help for some reason I'm determined go help them, even if it means I get hurt in the end.  No matter what I do to help people I always end up with the short end of the stick.

Fucking idiots!

Back in October I had posted about the hell my house was in. Well, everything was finally fixed, there were a few bumps along the way, like the contractors not finishing what they started, the owner of the contracting company getting his panties in a bunch and getting bitchy with me. I'm sorry, but I hired him to do a job, I expected it to be done to my satisfaction, not his. Even now there are some of the floor boards that aren't seated correctly, but will he come out here to see them so he can fix them? Nope, he didn't even bother doing a final walk through to make sure the walk had been done correctly the first time.

One of his guys even went so far as to throw lit cigarettes into Bug's Fairy Garden...umm...that's a big no no! He got what he deserved though.  He was rushing to get the word done, not even caring about the quality of the work, and he ended up splaying his hand open on the table saw. Talk about just deserts. But did his boss even care about that? Nope.  When he finally did respond to my email he got snarky as hell with me! Excuse me?!? I'll never hire that company EVER again!

He had promised the house would be finished by Thanksgiving...it wasn't done.  It was finally finished the week AFTER Thanksgiving.

I mean, shit, if someone hires you to do a job, do the fucking job, seriously, it saves everyone the anxiety and saves you from getting my foot up your ass...or worse...my lawyer on your ass.

Speaking of lawyers, my insurance company hired a lawyer to go after the guy that caused all this mess, I'm not even sure they'll get their money back from him.  I'm not even sure if they'll get my deductible back from him.

This whole thing has been rough and really put a strain on our lives in this house. But, now that it's all fixed, we can cook at home again, no need to go out for every damned meal. That was crazy expensive!

Now all I need to do is motivate Strider to help me do the rest of the work in the house. We have the two bathrooms to refinish as well as three bedrooms. I want to have them done within this calendar year if possible...without hiring someone to do it.

During the time that we had no living room or kitchen we ended up doing Bug's classes as best as possible. Sadly during that time Aim's boys didn't even do any of their work and fell seriously behind...and they kept falling behind, they're STILL behind. Seriously?!? I just don't get it...but that's a rant for another day...

< /RANT >

And the hits just keep on coming...

So tired of seeing all the anti-gun crap. If you don't want a gun, don't get one. If you don't have a gun when you need it to protect yourself don't cry about it and blame the gun the bad guy has. 

It wasn't the gun or the Confederate battle flag that killed those people in South Carolina, it was a young man that was seriously messed up in the head. Instead of blaming the man people start freaking out about the flag, seriously people, get a fucking grip!

When these crazy people go into schools and kill innocent people everyone starts yelling for stronger gun control. That won't help the situation. The people was messed up in the head. 

If you take guns away from the citizens you take away their ability to protect themselves.

Look what happened not long ago on that base, a terrorist got onto the base and a navy man with his own sidearm shot the terrorist. No one freaked out about it, why? Because it was a good kill. 

Guns don't kill people, I have a gun on my nightstand and not once has it gone off on its own and killed someone. (Had to say it)

It's people that kill people, it's people that kill animals for sport, it's people that mistreat dogs and make them mean.

Stop blaming the gun, the dog, the food, the flag, the statue, or what ever the fuck your blaming for the bad shit in this world and start blaming the people that do the bad shit!

< /RANT >

Quit bitching

So tired of seeing all the anti-gun crap. If you don't want a gun, don't get one. If you don't have a gun when you need it to protect yourself don't cry about it and blame the gun the bad guy has. 

It wasn't the gun or the Confederate battle flag that killed those people in South Carolina, it was a young man that was seriously messed up in the head. Instead of blaming the man people start freaking out about the flag, seriously people, get a fucking grip!

When these crazy people go into schools and kill innocent people everyone starts yelling for stronger gun control. That won't help the situation. The people was messed up in the head. 

If you take guns away from the citizens you take away their ability to protect themselves.

Look what happened not long ago on that base, a terrorist got onto the base and a navy man with his own sidearm shot the terrorist. No one freaked out about it, why? Because it was a good kill. 

Guns don't kill people, I have a gun on my nightstand and not once has it gone off on its own and killed someone. (Had to say it)

It's people that kill people, it's people that kill animals for sport, it's people that mistreat dogs and make them mean.

Stop blaming the gun, the dog, the food, the flag, the statue, or what ever the fuck your blaming for the bad shit in this world and start blaming the people that do the bad shit!

<\rant>

Portsmouth VA Public School System

Over the past few months I've spoken to many teachers.  Some still teach in this district, others taught here many years ago and have either moved to different cities or to different states all together. They all say the same thing, their hands are tied, the budget cuts have caused so much harm to the schools, the teachers, and the students.

Teachers today have to supply the classroom items out of their own pockets because of the budget cuts.  Yet I've seen principals redecorate the main offices, get new wardrobes, and the kids still have old text books that have been written in, torn pages, highlighted text, or missing information because of how  out of date they are.

I've seen some children get passed onto the next grade even after they've failed the grade they were in, they didn't fail because they couldn't do the work, they failed because the teacher failed to help them in a way that they needed.  I've also seen children run away from the school and the school do nothing except ask the parents who are there to pick up their own children if they'd seen so and so. The school didn't lock down, they didn't call the police, not sure if they contacted the parents of not. How do I know? Because I was there for two of the incidents.  How can we feel that our children are safe in the school when things like this happen? This is what happens when the school system stops caring or the principal doesn't care about the kids anymore. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good principals in the district, from what I've been told.  I've dealt with a principal that's less than desirable.

After speaking to these teachers, several of them have used the same word to describe the school system here in Portsmouth...Corrupt.  They've all mentioned the new Superintendent, they've asked what he's doing to help the school systems, they mention that he promised to fix the school systems from the top down...where is that change? Will anyone give us an answer as to what's happening to the money the school board says they have? When will the teachers get what they need so they can teach the kids better? When will we get an answer about the corruption? How deep does it go?

These teachers have worked their asses off to help our kids, some of them have even lost their jobs when they spoke out or tried to go above and beyond their job description.

As a mom I urge anyone that has or had a child in the school system here, is a teacher, student past or present, to speak up.  The only way there's going to be any changes if we stand up and make some noise.  Send letters, emails, phone calls, to the board of education, to the superintendent, members of the school board.  We have someone in our corner who's willing to speak for us, but we need to be willing to speak to him, tell him what's going on in the schools.  I'm certain that he will keep things confidential and anonymous, especially if you're a teacher who's currently employed in the school system anywhere in Portsmouth or have moved on to another district and fear for your career. If your child has been subjected to bullying, poor teaching, racism, or lack of adequate education, please contact the school board, or contact me and I'll pass your information along to the right person who can help.

I've pulled my child out of the school system because of the abuse, racism, abuse, assaults and bullying by students and staff, that she had endured in that school since kindergarten. Several other parents have done the same thing and pulled their children out of public school and started homeschooling.

I've spoken up....are you willing to?

Open your eyes

This country is so beyond screwed up.  We people as a whole can't even see what's really important...we're blinded by the media sensations...

So many things that are from our past have been twisted by the people of today. Swastika for one, it was originally a symbol of "good furtune" and "well being" turned into a symbol of death and hate by the Natzi's.

The confederate Battle Flag, it was just a battle flag, and now people see it as a symbol of racism and hate.  Here's something I found on Snopes, a place people go to debunk information or to prove it's validity.

"The Confederate Battle Flag today finds itself in the center of much controversy and hoopla going on in several states. The cry to take this flag down is unjustified. It is very important to keep in mind that the Confederate Battle Flag was simply just that. A battle flag. It was never even a National flag, so how could it have flown over a slave nation or represented slavery or racism? This myth is continued by lack of education and ignorance. Those that vilify the Confederate Battle Flag are very confused about history and have jumped upon a bandwagon with loose wheels."

While a lot of people have suffered injustices throughout the ages, today's children and most adults have not experiences anything like it. I could go on ana don about how all people of German decent were crual monsters that put my ansectors into interment camps, starved and killed them. How the Polish, Jewish, anyone not of the Arian race where exterminated in the madness of Hitler's genocidal madness.

Or I could go on and on about how all the other races in this world killed, enslaved, raped and stole from the Native Americans. How they were forced to live on sections of land "granted" to them by the United States, by the very people that stole the lands from them to begin with.

Black, white, Asian, Hindi, or what ever color, race, of ethnicity is...GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF! The shit that's going on in this world has NOTHING to do with race, it has to do with ignorant people doing stupid shit and not wanting to take responsibility for their own actions.

You know the realy important things that have happened in this country lately? I'll give you a hint...it has nothing to do with the Confederate Battle Flag, it has nothing to do with the Supreme Court's ruling that same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states, it's not racism... It's the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement that Obama passed. It's the ongoing battle against ISIS and terrorists here in the US, it's the drought, wildfires, disease...it's our country and we let the things that create an emotional response distract us from what we should really be looking at, really be concerned about.

< /RANT >

Personal Boundaries and Why We Need Them

Why you should never force your children to hug people. 

This is very important.  The article above touches a sensitive subject. Boundaries are very important in our lives.

 I've seen parents force their children to give people hugs, and it's not right, it teaches the children that they have no say over what happens to them.  This is why I DON'T force Bug to hug anyone, it's her choice, and if she says no then it's no.

This also goes for when people touch or try to poke kids when kids doesn't want to be touched, when the kid says stop they have to. Bug has told people to stop many times when they try to touch or poke her playfully and she's not in the mood to play.  She's developing healthy boundaries, which is very good. There are some people that don't recognize or even accept those boundaries, and that's bad.  We need to teach our kids when touching, hugging, poking, or even holding hands is acceptable, we have to teach them that their boundaries are okay and that THEY have the right to say NO to someone. We as parents then have to reinforce the no if the person doesn't stop what ever action our kids don't like.  We as parents need to let the other people, including family, know that we want our kids to have those boundaries, that we want them to be able to tell someone no when they're feeling uncomfortable.

When we're out somewhere and we meet up with a friend I make sure that I tell Bug that it's okay for her to hug the person if she wants to.  If she doesn't want to hug them then she doesn't have to.
There are so many people in this world that will violate the boundaries of children as well as adults, and we need to make sure that our children can protect themselves. Not everyone will listen to the word no, and that's when things get bad.

Fran Walfish, PhD, said in an article that teaching our children boundaries is healthy and good to do.  Here's her advice on how to help our children to build those boundaries.

Get clear on your own boundaries.

Work on setting effective boundaries with your kids. This affects their behavior and conveys the right way to create their own boundaries.

For instance, if a father sets boundaries harshly — he screams and even slaps his kids — then that child is likely to behave harshly or aggressively with other kids, Walfish said. “And [they] might even become the bully.”

(Here’s more on setting boundaries with your kids.)

Help them honor themselves.

Walfish also suggests parents reflect out loud to their kids about what feels and doesn’t feel comfortable.

For instance, if you have a shy child, avoid “rubbing it in” — or pressuring them to talk to others — “which will make them embarrassed and self-conscious and maybe shame the child.”

Instead, in an empathic tone of voice say, “You know, I think you’re the kind of person who likes to take time and warm up to someone before you feel comfortable talking, and that’s fine,” she said.

This way, you’re helping your child define a boundary. You’re helping them figure out what works for them and what doesn’t — and to honor that.

Talk about it.

Teach your kids about what it means to be a good friend, and how to deal with bullying or exclusion from the schoolyard. “If kids say, ‘you can’t play with us,’ teach your kids to say ‘you’re not being a good friend,'” Walfish said.

Help them understand that kids who reject them aren’t nice kids — “and who wants to hang out with mean kids anyway? Most of us pursue those who reject us, and that’s the wrong pursuit.” Be sure to talk to your child on their level, depending on age, she added.

Role-play.

“Ask your kids to play what-if scenarios,” Walfish said. Ask them what they might say in certain situations. Avoid feeding them the answers, because this “facilitates dependency.” And it’s key to “praise every increment toward your child’s autonomy.”

It is helpful to give your kids several key phrases they can use to self-advocate, and to teach them to use their words, not their hands, she said.

Walfish also stressed the importance of helping your kids develop a good value system and build their character — and to choose friends who, too, have good ethics.

She also noted that parents shouldn’t take sides in sibling fights or rivalry.

“Don’t position yourself to blame, judge or criticize, but rather position yourself as a mediator.” You’re simply there to let the kids take turns == “each one having a chance to talk and listen without interrupting.”

Being able to set your personal boundaries is a skill that, unfortunately, not all of us get the chance to learn.  Experiences that we have can help us to pick up tid bits here and there on how to set our boundaries, but not always enough to help us to keep those boundaries. 
Below are some tips from Dr Dana Gionta from an article I had read from Psych Central.

1. Name your limits.

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits, Gionta said. Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. “Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”

2. Tune into your feelings.

Gionta has observed two key feelings in others that are red flags or cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries: discomfort and resentment. She suggested thinking of these feelings on a continuum from one to 10. Six to 10 is in the higher zone, she said.

If you’re at the higher end of this continuum, during an interaction or in a situation, Gionta suggested asking yourself, what is causing that? What is it about this interaction, or the person’s expectation that is bothering me?

Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us, she said.

“When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary,” Gionta said.

3. Be direct.

With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue. Usually, this is the case if people are similar in their communication styles, views, personalities and general approach to life, Gionta said. They’ll “approach each other similarly.”

With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries. Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense.

There are other times you might need to be direct. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said. Partners might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.

4. Give yourself permission.

Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls, Gionta said. We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. Many believe that they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter or son, even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.” We might wonder if we even deserve to have boundaries in the first place.

Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. So give yourself the permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them.

5. Practice self-awareness.

Again, boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honoring them. If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, Gionta suggested asking yourself: What’s changed? Consider “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing?” or “What is the situation eliciting that’s making me resentful or stressed?” Then, mull over your options: “What am I going to do about the situation? What do I have control over?”

6. Consider your past and present.

How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. If you held the role of caretaker, you learned to focus on others, letting yourself be drained emotionally or physically, Gionta said. Ignoring your own needs might have become the norm for you.

Also, think about the people you surround yourself with, she said. “Are the relationships reciprocal?” Is there a healthy give and take?

Beyond relationships, your environment might be unhealthy, too. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work, Gionta said. It can be challenging being the only one or one of a few trying to maintain healthy boundaries, she said. Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs and honoring them becomes critical.

7. Make self-care a priority.

Gionta helps her clients make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first. When we do this, “our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger,” she said. Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”

Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”

8. Seek support.

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”

Consider seeking support through resources, too. Gionta likes the following books: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).

9. Be assertive.

Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, Gionta said. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.

In a respectful way, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it, Gionta said.

10. Start small.

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. Gionta suggested starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. “Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”

ER's & doctors galore

It's been so long since I wrote anything here, it's been so busy and hectic that I guess I forgot that this was even here. I know, horrible of me to forget that the one place I can vent and let my feelings be known. I'll try to do better next time.

Last Tuesday my mom had gone to see a doctor that she was hoping would become her primary, sadly that didn't work out, but, the doctor did see her about her massive headache. The doctor said that if she got another headache that she needed to get into the ER immediately. Well, she got more. A lot more. 

We had been sitting in Red Robin having lunch and trying to relax, her headaches got so bad that I called 911. I also had to call Strider to have home come get Bug. When the EMT's got there they took her BP, which was 200/145, her heart rate was down in the 40's, which concerned the EMT's as well as myself.  They ended up taking her to Maryview ER, which was a good thing. She had gone into sinus bradycardia twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, the EMT that was in the back of the ambulance with her was very concerned. 

Once at the hospital they took her right in, put her onto fluids heart monitor and shock pads just in case her heart rate dropped again.  They did a CT and found no evidence of a stroke or aneurism., which was good yet bad at the same time because it left us with more questions as to what caused this to happen. 

It was a crazy night, they had even told her that she may need a pace maker. The nurse had even gone as far as explaining to us how they would put the pace maker in, the way the wires are wrapped around the heart and the little electronic part is under the skin. After talking to the doctors and nurse, we then talked to a neurologist via a teleconference, which was so cool. He was able to zoom the camera in and even control the movements of it. Very state of the art.

The following day we saw her primary doctor who was very concerned about everything that happened. A lot of tests were ordered, echocardiogram, halter monitor, cardiologist, MRI, neurologist, blood tests. 

And that all leads up to today...we're at the Belleharbour Sanatara heart center to see the cardiologist and to have some of the cardio tests and such done if they can do them today.

So much on my shoulders right now, I'm trying to figure out how I'm even handling this.

Later I'll write about what possibly lead up to all of this. 

</RANT>

Homeschooling

Our school year started on Monday...it's been good so far.

It's taken me quite a while to get the lesson plan straightened out.

I'll post more about this subject later on, I'm far too tired to think straight enough.


< /RANT >

Narrow minds

I just love how narrow minded people are.  It really does make me feel sorry for them.  Especially those that claim to be like you when you first meet them, then suddenly they're the opposite and are oh so much better then you. Those people that feel threatened by your ideals, by your beliefs, by your opinions, those are the ones that I truly feel sorry for.

If you feel threatened by someone's beliefs or their sexual orientation I feel sorry for you. There's no reason to feel threatened unless you yourself feel the same but are afraid to voice it.  Fear holds you back, fear makes you hate.

I don't push my beliefs on anyone, if people don't like that I don't follow their ways, or their god, they can either walk away or not even bother. My beliefs are strong because of the life I've lead, which isn't for everyone, I've been ostracized, chastised, ridiculed, bullied and tormented my entire life for being who and what I am, I won't stand for it any more. I'm pagan, I will never cheat on my husband or neglect my child, I make homemade things for my friends and family out of love.

If you feel that I have somehow wronged you or rubbed you the wrong way then by all means, tell me why or get the hell out of my life.  You're not amusing anyone, all you're doing is making your life worse.  Remember that, the more you hate, the more you bash, the more you disrespect...the more of that that will come back to you in the long run.

< /RANT >

Can I get a redo on my day?

My day started out well enough, until we got to Petsmart and my mom got into it with Bug. Bug said my mom flipped her off and my mom said Bug was lying. Bug doesn't lie to me anymore, she learned her lesson.  My mom had said that she needed stuff from the stores we were going to, that's why I brought her with us, and yet again she acts like a 2 year old. Seriously, she's 60 some odd years old and can't act like an adult.

Then when we were at Kroger's Bug almost got hit in a parking lot by some old asshole that refused to yield. I had to yank her back, then he had the balls to tell me I was in the wrong even though it's state law to yield to pedestrians in parking lots.  What the hell is wrong with people? 

We got home and we're doing the dishes before I made dinner, my kitchen sink backed up so badly that I had to use a plunger after emptying all the dirty and wet dishes onto the stove. 

To top it all off the dog stepped on Bug's ankle so hard that she was in tears for the past 45 minutes. So now we're sitting here at the E.R. Waiting to be seem. 

All this and we have a storm over us with winds about 20mph with 60mph gusts and torrential rain. 

To say my day has been rough is an understatement. I just want to crawl into a hole and hide for a while.

Emotional Spring Cleaning

Time for some spring cleaning of the emotional kind. 

Over the years I've lost a lot of friends, most decided they didn't want to talk to me anymore but never had the guts to say anything to my face.  

In the past year things have been hard for Bug and I. I've tried reaching out to friends, but they're always so busy. 

Maybe it's time I just stop reaching out at all. Stop trying to get together with 'friends'. I can't keep going through this, I can't keep letting Bug go through this too, especially when those so called friends have kids that Bug is/was friends with. 

It hurts that people are like this. But apparently we're not good enough for them. Even the people that I've met since we've moved here have stopped talking to me. 

Guess I'm just not good enough for them.  Screw them all, when they call needing something, needing a friend or what ever....I won't be there for them.  Why should I be there for them of they're never there for me? Of they need a friend they can turn to their husbands or their other friends. I'll be here with Bug missing my husband and keeping things going for the next 10 months without him. 

So to all you assholes that decided that I wasn't good enough to even talk to anymore.....fuck you! 

They know who they are, they're people I've known for years or people I've recently met since Bug started school, either way they suck and have shown to me that they're not worth my time.  Kind of like certain family members, they're too good to even call us or text, so they're not worth the time either.

There are some are always going to be in my life, they're the ones that have always been there for me no matter what. I've been there for them throughout the years and that's never going to change.

Now I'm going to eat sushi with my Bug. 

< /RANT >

Been a while...

It's been a while since I've written anything here...a lot's been going on.

We got to spend a few extra days with Strider, which brought it up to 18 days, because it snowed the day he was supposed to fly out.  That was a good thing.

When we let him get onto that plane it was hard, Bug ran to him to give him one last hug as she cried.  It was heart breaking to say the least.

Since then it's been rather interesting.

Bug's been going through these odd mood shifts that she doesn't understand. It's as though she's trying to piece together her personality and test it out, but there are parts of it all that are way too much like my mom. I told Bug that last night and she freaked out. She doesn't want to be like my mom at all because of the nasty way my mom acts almost all the time.

Here's a run down of what's happened since I posted the last time...

Jack had his surgery to remove the useless eye, so now he's truly One-Eyed-Jack and a lot happier for it.

Bug has asthma...yup, she has RAD(Reactive Airway Disease) like I do...not good.

I've been very creative...here are some pics of what I've made so far.

 Crossroads talisman

A Dreamer's Key for good dreams

Mother Goddess talisman(front)

(back)

Claws, beads and more.

Mother Goddess talisman

Triple Goddess talisman

A rug from old towels

Elder Futhark Runes

New key chain- This one is Bug's, mine is black

Ankhs

Egyptian Rosaries

My first attempt at wire work!

Gypsy runes

Trying my hand at hieroglyph (oracle stones)

Bug is really excited about the warm weather coming soon, it means more time outside, having the windows open, going hiking, beach combing...lots of fun.

My mom has driven me far too close to losing my shit completely.

There it is, the reader's digest version of what's gone on since the last time I posted.

Other then that my mom's just been driving us completely nuts with her bad attitude and the expectations that everything will be done her way. She drove me to an asthma attack today.

I'll write more later.


< /RANT >

Stolen property and canceled flights

On the 28th of this month Strider was due to come home for two weeks. I had hoped that everything would have gone without a hitch, but that was a pipe dream, seriously, it was just a dream. Nothing went as it should have. The entire day leading up to his arrival at the house was just one thing after another.

It all started at 8:20am the morning of the 28th. It started out as a normal day, got up, got Bug breakfast and started to get her ready for school. Then I went outside to start the car...that's when the bad shit started. My car had been robbed, as in someone had gotten into my car and stole stuff. The glove box and center console were open and the contents all over the car. Thankfully I never leave anything of value in my car, so all they got was the leather folio that the registration and insurance in kept in, the thing that holds the car manual and such.

So I called the police, the insurance company and the DMV, had to cover all my bases, you know? An officer came out to check out the car, he even tried to get prints but he couldn't. Let me just say that fingerprinting dust is messy as all hell! The officer and I stood outside and talked for a while, he let me in on a lot that's been going on in the neighborhood lately, which is a good thing. One of my neighbors had also had their car broken into that same night.

While I had been waiting for the officer to show up I had been taking a nap, that's when I got the message from the flight app that I had all set up with Strider's flight information...the flight had been canceled...

I was hard waiting for the plane to land at Dulles so that I could talk to him and try to get him set up with a rental car. And here's where it gets even better...it started snowing...in the first half hour we already had about 1/4 inch on the ground and we were supposed to be getting a total of 8-15 inches by the end of the storm.

Strider had finally called me around 4:30pm and let me know what was going on, so I did some fancy foot work with the accounts and got the money where he needed it and set up the rental for him...then the waiting started.

He finally got in around 10:45 that night, by then we already had a good couple of inches on the ground and were expecting to get a lot more. I had reserved an SUV and what did they give him? A minivan. Things finally got better at that point.

We ended up getting a total of 8-10 inches.

Strider's home with Bug and I, things can finally return to some sort of normal for the next two weeks before he has to go back to Bahrain for who know how much longer. We're still playing the waiting game with his orders, hopefully they'll be in so we know what's going on, the waiting is the worst part of it all.



< /RANT >

My mom's date from hell....

He shambled like a damned zombie or a drunk or something! I wanted to shoot him before he got close to the table!  He was a complete idiot.

 My mom went on a date with this guy that she met on some online dating service, it was a serious waist of time in my opinion.

 This guy, we'll call him John, has RA, MS and who knows what else wrong with him. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not against people with RA or MS, my mom has RA and my good friend Dragoness has MS. But this guy wasn't about to even walk all that well, he was rather large too, not talking large as in stature, I mean large as in over weight.

 Let's start from the beginning shall we? My mom met John on this dating site, things seemed all good at first, but then she started to feel a bit smothered. John was being uber clingy, emailing her up to five times a day, sending her e-cards two to three times a day and calling her who knows how many times a day. She had asked him not to be to damned clingy, he said he was sorry that he's not do it again...well, he did it again.

This all leads us to tonight...he wanted to meet up for dinner with my mom, Bug and myself. Guess he thought I'd approve of him or something. Not so much, the guy was sloppily dressed, slurred his words, and focused on nothing but himself the entire time. It was so bad that when I tried to talk to my mom about something he spoke over me! Can you believe that?! Talk about a self absorbed idiot. When he showed up he never even bothered to introduce himself to Bug and I, he focused solely on my mom and ignored us. Yet he claimed that he wanted to be a part of things with us...how exactly did he plan on doing that with the focusing his self centered conversation on himself? Oh, I'm sorry, he didn't always talk about himself...half the time he was talking about his ex. Isn't that one of the cardinal rules of dating? Never talk about your ex? 

Even Bug said she didn't like him. My mom is planning on telling him that things just aren't going to work and to never contact her again. I just hope that this guy gets the hint. The guy before this one was a bit odd too, my mom swore that he was a scam artist or something, who knows?

 That was my evening...now to get my head back in the game and finish getting the house ready for Strider's leave homecoming!

< /RANT >

Bird seed and the sink

Ever wonder what happens when your kid spills bird seed in the sink and doesn't clean it up? Well, Bug found out what happens first hand today. It grows plant life in the drain. And yes, I find this amusing. Not just amusing, it was actually kinda cool the way it looked and how it was growing up from the drain around the drain stopper.

You can see the little seedlings reaching up from the drain, kinda cool looking, and creepy at the same time. At first I didn't know what the hell it was that was coming up out of the drain! I thought it was some kind of strange creature that I hadn't seen before! Thankfully though, it was just the seeds growing.

I knew that I would have to take the pipes apart and make sure that the roots didn't go past the trap, thankfully they didn't even get that far. When I took removed the first part to get the stopper out I found that it was rotted. After I pulled it off I pulled the stopper out to look at how it was all growing in the pipe, when I cleaned it out a chunk of metal came out with the seedlings and a rather good sized glop of hair...small hairs...as in beard hairs...thank you, Strider, I needed to see that nasty gloppy stuff. So now I have to go out tomorrow or Monday and buy a new drain assembly for the sink, may as well dismantle the one in the other bathroom too and just replace them both at the same time. It;ll make my life easier and prevent me from possibly having a melt down if the stopped in the other sink suddenly gives up what little life is left in it.

Here's the moral of this story...The good news is that the drain is fixed....bad news is I have more work ahead of me. If it wasn't for Angie accidentally spilling the seed down the drain I never would have known about the rotted parts.

See, things happen for a reason, this is one of those times that makes me so glad that I'm not one of those moms that yells about everything. Instead I turned it into a lesson and explained to her how it clogged the sink and how it grew. So now there is a small container of seeds soaking in water for her to grow so she can see what they will become.


< /RANT >

Don't treat your kids like shit...

It's been a while since I've had much to say, but right now I have stuff I need to get off my chest.

First is about this friend, we'll call her AJ.

AJ has two kids, one is a somewhat special needs kid, meaning he has Asbergers. I've got another friend who has a son with the same condition, so I'm rather familiar with it from talking to Kat and being around Boy.  Anyway, AJ tends to coddle the younger Asbergers kid, she gives in to everything, doesn't discipline very often, and when she does it's very minor compared to her other kid whom she yells at and practically bludgeons to death emotionally and psychologically. She'll yell at her older kid no matter what he does.  If he takes a pen to school or uses a sheet of paper he gets yelled at.

I'll admit, I used to be like that with Bug, but I learned that it wasn't the right way to be, so I changed.  AJ needs to change or her kids are going to end up so maladjusted it's not even funny.

She also says that her youngest has pica, a condition that causes them to eat anything they find on the floor, well, all the times he's been here he not once ate anything off my floor.  And let me tell you, my floors are less then clean! Bug has left beads laying on the floor, the cats will play with things and send them in all directions never to be seen again until I clean up or trip over it.

The other day I was with her after her eldest was home from school. She went on and on about her health issues without any restraint at all right in his face. I swear, she was trying to guilt trip him or something.  After a few minutes of this he changed the subject. I looked at her and told her she needed to chill out, that if she watched his body language she'd see that he was don't listening. She says that he steels, lies, breaks things and is mean spirited. He also has been having a lot of accidents in his pants at school when the teacher yells at him.  That should be a dead giveaway right there that something's wrong, but she's not seeing it, neither is her husband.

I'm worried for the kids, I really am, but it's not my place to step in and tell her how to parent, nor is it my place to step in and talk to her kids for her.  AJ told me that her kids are in therapy but she's in the room with them when they talk to their therapist.  I think they need to be able to talk to the therapist in private, have a change to voice how they feel without her there, without her influence. It's important for kids to feel safe and feel that they can trust the adults that are taking care of them.  Without that trust there's going to be nothing but fear and animosity, that's the last thing I want to see happen to her kids.  She mentioned once that the therapist offered to have the eldest removed from the house and put into a home, she had refused to have that done, yet all the does is complain about the poor kid and torment him emotionally and psychologically. Granted, there may be something wrong with the kid, but what if it's all AJ's doing that he is the way he is?

AJ seems to have a lot going on with her as well, but I'm starting to think that some of it might just be in her head. She says that she has fibro like I do, as well as a supposed upper broken back. If someone has a broken upper back, don't they generally have trouble walking or can't walk at all?  Unless I'm misinformed about broken backs. She says that her legs go numb.  Personally I think that a lot of it has to do with her diet, as well as with all the damned meds she's on.  She takes percocet like it's candy, she takes at least ten different medications a day, several times a day. There are so many things that make me seriously question the validity as well as the reality of half of her health issues.

I'm in a lot of pain almost all the time, yet I get out of bed on time every day, get Bug ready for school, make breakfast and get her lunch packed, drive her to school.  Granted, I'm behind on the cleaning, but that's something I'm trying to work on with the pain in my lower back. But we're not here to talk about me, we're talking about AJ.

Maybe I'm being too judgmental...maybe I'm not seeing the truth of it all. I am only seeing them for only a few hours at a time, but from what I see...things aren't good at all.

AJ had told me that her parents doted on the first kid, gave him everything, that he could do no wrong.  Then the second kid came into the picture and her parents refused to even acknowledge the kid until he was three months or three years old I think she said, can't remember which. I'm sorry, but if my mother did that to Bug I'd have walked away from her and cut all ties completely.  She had told me once that sometimes she wished that the second kid was "normal" like her first kid.  I think that a lot of what she's been doing is tearing her oldest down and making him so damned emotionless and uncaring that he's likely to stay that way for the rest of his life.  How can someone treat their kids like that?

She told me that the kids really dislike, almost hate her mother and don't want to be with her at all. Yet today she told me that they wanted to go spend time with their grandmother.

Last night I told her we'd postpone dinner & game night because of how bad off she was feeling. When I saw her she didn't seem that bad off, aside from a migraine and having tests done. Which I can understand are rough.  When I showed her son how to rub her back when she leans over because she's not feeling good she should have thanked him for trying to help her to feel better.  Instead she completely ignored his good actions and laid into him for something so damned trivial that it made me question everything she's told me about the kids mental well being.

I've been questioning everything she says lately, especially after she tried to convince me that the youngest ate something off the floor and covered his ears cause it was "too loud inside his head". I'm sorry, I was right there and the kid did no such thing.  She tried to say that the reason I didn't see it was because I wasn't paying attention.  Sorry, honey, but I was watching the kids too since all you were doing was drinking a beer and not paying much attention to your own kids.

Enough about AJ, if I keep going my brains going to start oozing out of my ears or some crazy shit like that.

So, now on to the next subject of tonight...my mother...yup, she did it again, she pissed me off and upset Bug to tears.  She started doing to Bug the exact same thing we had been talking about AJ doing to her kids...seriously, it was horrible!

I guess that it's for now...time to go stir the chicken soup and get ready to add in the gluten free orzo...yum.

Until next time...

< /RANT >