Is it the moon or the stars?

House clean....laundry done...lawn done....still have to pressure wash the house, driveway, and walkways...I'm so damned exhausted I can barely feel my hands and feet and my eyes keep threatening to close...what the hell is wrong with me?

I can't seem to stop pushing myself like this.  The pain has been so bad lately, nothin seems to help make it better, not even sleep or the massage chair..my spine, hands, and shoulder hurt so much I want to cry.  Why is there no cure for fibromyalgia? Doctors say that staying active helps relieve the pain...I can say that's not working for me.

The other day a thought crossed my mind that has never crossed it before....I need to get my affairs in order and quickly...plan my funeral.  What the hell? Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?  Is this where I'm headed?  Have I really pushed myself to that point?

Then there's the feeling that a lie has been spoken and that everything that was built up is about to come crashing down. When I touch Strider I get a sinking feeling in my heart, I don't like that feeling at all! It's the feeling I get when I lose something precious in my life.

< /RANT >