Playing catch up...

Okay, so I haven't posted in here in a while. So what? You gonna hold it against me? Hmm, now that I think of it, I wouldn't mind having some things held against me. *wink*

Anyway...back on topic here. I've been MIA for a while, as you can tell. Things kinda blew up big time.

Strider came home from Iraq, all was good, sort of. bug was afraid of him at first but she settled into daddy being home again, which was good.

Strider's grandfather passed away, no big loss there for me, he was a complete asshole anyway.

We had to put our dog to sleep, poor guy was suffering too much with his seizures and hip displaysia.

Bug burned her hand pretty badly on hot coffee. Poor kid screamed for what felt like hours, it broke my heart. Thankfully it was only a first degree burn/scald.

Hmm, what else....oh yeah! We got rid of all the carpeting, except the carpeting in the computer room. We put down bamboo flooring, we did it ourselves. So very proud of ourselves for that. Now if I can only get a good weekend so we can finish them! Grrr!

Strider and I have been married for over 12 years now. Woohoo!

I started menopause...whole other topic there, trust me, you really don't want to miss it. *rolls eyes*

I think that's about it. I may be mistaken since my memory has been pretty iffy lately at best.

Snow in VA

I miss snow, I really do. but here in VA I swear, the people are idiots, complete and total idiots.

It snowed here on Saturday, did I see a single plow? Nope, not a one. Sunday rolls around...nope, still no plows, all the roads were still snow covered. Even the main roads! I mean, come on people, is it really that hard to plow a frakking road? Oh, wait, that's right, you all spent your winter storm allotment on useless BULLSHIT! And now you can't do what you say you do on your own website.

And this is a direct quote from their site.

Snow removal

Snow removal plays an important role in the winter duties for the Shop. In September of every year, the Shops starts readying the City snow equipment to be in good working condition for our unpredictable weather in Portsmouth. Shop crews coordinate the Public Works snow detail and provide annual updates to the City of Portsmouth Snow Manual.

At the first sign of news that snow and ice are on the way, Public Works employees are ready to spread salt and sand and plow roads. Crews work in 12 hour shifts. Bridges and overpasses are addressed first. Next, crews proceed to the main arteries of the City. As the weather clears, crews move onto the secondary streets.

Each truck has a snow route map to follow, and each area has a supervisor that examines the area for heavy buildups of snow and ice. The supervisor will dispatch a truck to such an area when encountered. The Police Department provides additional assistance in reporting these areas.

In severe weather, unless there is an emergency please stay off the roads and show our driver courtesy. Residents should understand that snow removal is a public safety initiative. It is not intended to provide convenient road conditions for everyone to travel everywhere within the City of Portsmouth.

What the hell are they doing? Sitting around with their thumbs up their asses? Getting drunk and frakking their cousins? I mean come on! If this was NJ,. far too many people would have been out of jobs. And here's the kicker...the Governor knew they had no money for snow removal, due to spending the allowance on bullshit they didn;'t need, that he declared a state of emergency BEFORE the storm hit!

Yup, I'm a very pissed up pup right about now. *huffs*

I'm done

Strider knows how tight we are financially, yet he still went out a bought a fucking motorcycle. We had agreed to enroll Bug in either dance or martial arts classes this month or January...that's not happening now. WTF was he thinking?!

Then he has the gall to yell at me when I bring up the fact that we are going to sink financially.

Why are men such idiots? He needs to ask his family for a bail out, I refuse to ask my mom again, she's helped out too much already. She buys us groceries if we're short on money, but I refuse to ask her to help us out again.

Because of all this stress I haven't slept since I woke up Friday morning.

I can't even type anymore...bye for now..

Unsaid things - a rant at people

I have had it with your fucking bullshit , I'm tired of you being part of my life! You dare to call MY cell and give ME a fucking attitude when you want to talk to your grandson! You make the flight arrangements BEFORE he finds out if he has the leave or not! You said YOU would pay for the fucking car rental then I find out that Strider had to when my card was fucking DECLINED!!!

And you, you fucking bitch of a MIL, you don't want to leave on an earlier flight because you don't want to get the up before 9am! Well you! Grow the up and put your big girl panties on and suck it the fuck up! I want Strider home BEFORE the storms hit!

So what, his grandfather died, like I give a flying rats ass! The two of you wished me dead and wished Bug had never been born! He got what he deserved! You'll get yours in the end too! I WANT YOU THE FUCK OUT OF OUR LIVES!!! If you EVER call here again I WILL HANG UP ON YOU!! I gave you both a second and third chance for Strider's sake! And you both screwed it up by ignoring me in MY OWN HOUSE AND MY MOMS HOUSE!!! THAT ENDS AS OF THIS MOMENT!! Highly aggressive? Oh, this is nothing, trust me, this is just me fuming! If you want to see me highly aggressive, I dare you to push my buttons one more time!! I've kept my mouth shut about you for long enough! I'm done holding my tongue when it comes to talking to you, which will NEVER happen again! Fuck you!

Back door frame - Why the did you have to break?! Don't we have enough shit to deal with without having to replace a door and frame??

Neighbors with dogs - CURB YOUR FUCKING DOGS!! I'm tired of picking up your dogs crap in my front yard!!

And Bug - I love you dearly, but I swear, if you don't start picking up your toys and behaving I'm going to pop you on the bare butt and send you to your room no matter how much or how loudly you scream about it.

Why?

It's been a tough month. Two weeks ago we had 6 tornadoes touch down, then we had some great weather for a few days. Then it got all cold again, last night we had another tornado warning in effect. Grr, I just want this weather to stabilize!

I heard from Strider today, for about 20 minutes of the phone before the call got cut. At least I got to hear his voice, and got to play email tag with him for about an hour or so. Bad thing is where he is now. I hate this war crap, I wish it would just be over and there wouldn't be anymore troubles. but, of course that's not about to happen anytime soon. I miss him so damned much. I can't wait until he's home again.

*sighs* Well, that's it, I'm too down to write any more...

Gettin rough...

Two months are done, six remaining...it's so hard right now, maybe it's because this is our first Iraq tour, I dunno. I'm just so down right now, yet when I talk to someone on the phone or face to face I paint on a smile and act as though every thing's alright. Some days I find it so hard to get out of bed, but I have to, I have to take care of Bug. There's really no one around lately either. My friends who said they'd be coming out to visit have more excuses then carter has pills and no one seems to be home when I try to call anyone. I just feel so....alone.

Okay, so maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, or maybe it's starting to get to me. I look forward the times when Angie takes a nap, a little quiet in the middle of the day. But, then when she goes to bed at night it's too quiet. Every time Strider and I talk on the phone it gets harder and harder to say goodbye, and I catch myself whimpering as I hang up the phone.

I don't have the energy to clean, which I really need to do, my living room looks like an atom bomb went off in the toy box and sent everything everywhere. I also need to get back to painting, that at least made me happy and not think on the situation.

Plus, my mom's planning on moving to CA, she's putting her house on the market in June. She said when it sells she's out of here, so much for her sticking around until Strider got home. *sighs*

Oh well, another day marked off on the calendar is one day less, right?

Amazon's at it again...

Is it really right for a company to try to bully a publisher to get them to raise their prices? I thing it's rediculous how Amazon tries to do that with my publisher. Here's the email I got from my publisher.

Dear author:
 
PublishAmerica is drastically reducing sales prices of all titles on its own website!
 
A little background: A few weeks ago we shared with you news about the pressure that many publishers were receiving from online vendor Amazon.com. As you know, PublishAmerica refused to budge. Today we can also report that this was not the first time that Amazon attempted to strong-arm PublishAmerica.
 
Roughly a year ago Amazon forced PublishAmerica to raise the pricing of our own books on our own website. They would not allow us to sell our almost 30,000 titles at sales prices lower than what Amazon chose to charge, and they threatened us with the very same retaliation that followed a year later after all. We complied at the time, and have been charging full list price in our own online store, because Amazon also charged full list price.
 
Staring down the bully: Now that Amazon has decided to punish PublishAmerica anyway for resisting further bullying, the time has come to reduce prices in our own online bookstore. And as an introductory step we will now slash our prices in half.
 
That's right: all book sales on PublishAmerica's website are at a 50 pct discount. Royalties are paid on all online sales. Go see for yourself at www.publishamerica.com.
 
The introductory offer will expire April 28, when discounts will go back to approximately where they were before Amazon first attempted to dictate the nation's vending terms.
 
Thank you!

PublishAmerica Author Support team

Naps?

It seems that Bug is not going to be taking Naps anymore. Talk about tiring.

She's also been acting out alot since Strider left. Maybe this is all just normal, I have no idea.

He called!

Bug and I were in the shower, I had brought the phone in and turned the volume all the way up just in case. He called me from BAB! It was so damned good to hear his voice!! I miss him so much. I've been dreaming about him too, and no I won't share those dreams here.

Missing him

Strider got to Germany safely, but he couldn't get an operator on the line to call me, so he emailed me. I miss him so much, it's so hard not to loose it right now, and we have so much more time to go until he's home.

Breaking my heart...

Strider called me tonight, collect. Not like I care, I mean, so long as I get to hear his voice I'm all good with it. I asked him what was wrong and he didn;t answer, it sounded like he was crying. When I asked him if he was crying he said he was...he doesn't cry...ever. He loves me so much, he loves Bug so much that this is killing him as much as it's killing me. He said he'll call me when he gets to Germany...I can't wait to hear his voice again. I miss him so damned much.

Please let the next 5 months go by quickly....please....

Yesterday (A new poem...finally)

It feels like just yesterday
That you told me you loved me
That you held me in your arms for the first time
That we kissed with so much passion
It was the beginning of our life together

Do you remember how it all started?
I do, like it was yesterday
I stood at the booth in jeans and a chainmaille bikini top
You were arrogant and stubborn
You stalked me, hunted me, pursued me

There was nowhere for me to hide
In the end I gave into your desires
I took you home with me, you met my mom
You took me to see my brother in the hospital
You took me out for dinner...you got a ticket for no headlights

We made love with passion unbridled
We said words so sweet and full of hope
When the leaves began to fall from the trees
You asked me to marry you, but not in the traditional way
More like a common place discussion is what it was

I dropped my wine glass and stared at you
I said yes with a smile and a glad heart
But I had my doubts about your sincerity
Until the day you put that ring on my finger
And we said I do

We have been through so much together
We've grown so strong together
We've created a child together
And now you're going away
So far away from me, it hurts my heart




I pray that you'll return to me
That you'll be safe
That you'll be secure and in good health
You are my world, my life, my love
You bring me passion and thoughts that I cannot speak

Do you remember how it felt?
When we kissed that last time?
It was like the flame was burning so deep within us
That nothing could quell it
And now I wait for you to return to me, my love

We are one in so many ways
But do you remember when it first became obvious?
I do, like it was yesterday
We were swimming in the lake at the mountain
I looked into your eyes and asked you if you loved me

You said you did as you stared deep into my eyes
I knew at that very moment that it would be forever
I write in my journal for you, so you can read my thoughts
I help our daughter to paint, to sculpt to draw things for you
I have your picture all over the house

I miss you more with every passing day
My heart cries out for you
My body screams for your touch
My lips beg to taste your kiss
I remember how it felt to touch you, to kiss you

When you return to me we will kindle that flame once more
We will be as one again
We will be stronger then ever before
We will endure the distance and grow from it
Yesterday is our tomorrow

It feels like yesterday that I held you in my arms
That I kissed your lips
Touched your face
Held your hand
I miss you, my love

Man I get a break now???

Well, today we said our goodbyes over the phone, Strider has to be up and on the transport at the butt crack of dawn in the morning. He said he'll call when he gets to Germany, it'll be so good to hear his voice.

Today was an absolutely terrible day. I woke up to the sound of our dog Remy puking, not just once, but so many times that I took him to the vet. Turns out that his pention for eating everything in sight, including my clothing, has caused him alot of badness...and is costing me a lot of money that we don't have. He needed surgery to remove a bloackage in his stomach/intestines. So, yeah, it's been a bad day.

Bug's been saying "I want daddy home now" and "I miss my daddy" and "Mommy, call daddy now." I wish I could wave my hand or pray to the goddess and have him be home, but that's not about to happen. And so, we have 172 days until he's home again.

The house seems colder now that he's gone, and I find it hard to breathe, I miss him so much, even though he pisses me off to no end at times.

*sigh*

206 days...

Tomorrow Bug and I take Strider to the airport. It's really hard to try to see the months to come without him here, but we'll make it, one day at a time. After he leaves we won't see him for 206+/- days...my heart's breaking over this crap.

*sigh*

Life...

Well, I haven't had much to say, until over the past few months, life kinda exploded. My mom's having issues with her doctors, our dog started having severe seizures 8 hours apart...and Strider's deploying to Iraq.

I'm not really sure if I can handle this whole Iraq deployment thing, emotionally. I mean, sure, I've been through alot in my life, but nothing really prepares you for your husband going to war, you know? Bug and I will be taking Strider to the airport on Tuesday, he'll be down south for about 2 weeks, so at least we'll still be able to talk to him. After that...he's off to the sand box.

I need some serious strength here, not sure where I'm going to get it from, but I have got to find some.

Wish me luck!

Pneumothorax...a scary word

Spontaneous Pneumothorax is a scary word, even more so when you're the one told that it you have one. A few weeks ago I went in to see my doctor because I thought I was coming down with bronchitis, the doc decided to do a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia... after the visit we went home, then right back to the doctors for Bug's 2 year appointment, that's when they told me that my doctor wanted me back in his office STAT. He said it was an emergency situation. So, after Bug's appointment we went back to see him, that when he told me the news...I had a Spontaneous Pnuemothorax, my right lung had a 30% collapse...talk about terrifying. I couldn't help but laugh. So, after nearly 6 hours in the ER and no change to the amount of collapse they sent me home.

I had to make an appointment with the thorasic surgeon for a follow up, which went good. All except for him telling me that there's a 30% chance this can and most likely will happen again, and if it does that I'll have no choice but to have surgery. He also said that I'll hopefully out grow this by the time I turn 40...so...6 years to go..

I still have about 3 1/2 weeks of restrictive activity, can't lift things and have to to try not to cough too hard and so on. Other then the errant pain in my chest I'm doing pretty good. Poor Bug though, she was so scared seeing me in the ER with all the wires for the monitors on me and the IV in my arm...I was just lucky that they didn't have to put a chest tube in.

The price of milk...

You know it's just wrong when the price of milk is more then the price of a gallon of gas! I went into a WalMart and was appalled to see that the price of PET milk was nearly $6 a gallon!





Will someone please explain this to me??!!

A long few months...

Well, it's been an interesting few months. Strider's been gone alot, Bug's been getting her two year molars and I've been going nuts. While he was home on leave we finally finished the doorway where the water heater is, we framed it out and put up the new door. We also tore down all the paneling in the living room and the hall, it looks alot better. Minus the two tone paint job and the spackle everywhere it looks better. We're planning on waiting until fall to buy the paint and get the living room, hall and kitchen/dining room painted. That way we can have the windows open for ventilation.

I went in to see the doctor a week or so ago about my left shoulder, it's been killing me for the past few months. Anyway, he does this whole thing where he squeezed each of my joints, then he tells me that he wants me to have a full body x-ray done as well as a whole battery of blood work. When I asked him why, he said that it's to rule out some stuff and to confirm his diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis...lovely. I've had some bad days lately where the pain is so bad that I don't even want to get out of bed, but I have to...I have to take care of Bug.

The house is in serious need of a good cleaning, I've slacked off big time. Maybe I'll start on it this Friday or Saturday.

To top it all off, bug refuses to go to sleep tonight, she's like wired for sound. She needs to go to sleep, she really does...so I can gather up the trash and get the can outside for the morning pickup then get to bed myself.

I really miss Strider, he'll be back sometime next week, hopefully Wednesday, late. I so need a break..again. When he was home on leave he got up with Bug just about every morning because I was getting up with her several times a night.

I have a new addiction...FlyFF...Fly For Fun...it's a MMORPG, and it's alot of fun.

Anyway, time for me to go and try to get this kiddo down for bed.


Till next time...

New favorite words...

Bug has a new favorite word...ucky. From the time she woke up this morning to the point where I couldn't take any longer , Bug was pointing at the carpet in the living room and hallway saying ucky. Yes, I know the carpets got rather badly soiled, but what am I supposed to do? Anyway, I got to the breaking point and broke out the steam cleaner. Between 1130 and 245pm I got the living room, hallway, mine and Bug's carpets all steam cleaned. What a job that was, but it was worth it. After I got the carpet in the living room cleaned she leaned down, sniffed at it and smiled saying "Dragon Garden!". Her way of saying it smells good now.

Next on my hit list is the kitchen...yet again...and the curtains and the bed linens. It's going to be another late night for me, but that's okay, I like having a clean house.

It's been a while

Okay, so it's been a while since I've written anything here, it's been a busy month or so. Back on May 15th Bug had her surgery. It went well, the only bad part was when she came out of the anesthesia she panicked and was inconsolable. Thankfully I was able to hold on until we knew she was alright and everything had gone well. From the moment I heard the words "she needs surgery to fix her eyes" my stomach had been queezy. Once we knew she was alright my blood pressure bottomed out and my heart started to act up, I barely made it to the bathroom without passing out, one of the ambulatory nurses had to help me to the bathroom. But, once I puked I felt so much better. We brought her home a few hours later, she was a bit cranky at first, which was understandable, I mean hell, her eyes were killing her and she couldn't open them without them hurting. The next day, though, she was up and running like nothing had happened. Now she's doing great and not tripping over anything. We've already had her first post op appointment, her next one is on the 21st of June. But, so far all is good with the Bug's eyes. YAY!

On another note, I started to make jewelry to keep my sanity and to help with the post pardom depression, it's really been helping me to deal with it better. I've even sold quite a few pieces. You can see them all here. Spider Designs Or here Spider Designs Blog.

This past week I've had the gates down that normally block off the bedroom and the kitchen from the Bug. She's been doing really well with the gates down. I'm so proud of her!

Anyway, it's about bath time for the Bug, so I need to go get her bath ready while Strider keeps her happy for a few minutes.

Until next time!

The randomness of my brain

The date of Bug's surgery is getting closer and I'm feeling worse and worse about it. I know that everything's going to be fine, but I still can't shake the feeling that this is somehow my fault. What did I do wrong that made her eyes end up this way? The doctor says it's not my fault, but I still feel as though it is.

To keep myself from going completely nuts I started to make jewelry, here's where it's all listed. Spider Designs

A friend of mine seems to think that I'm angry with her or something, I'm not. I'm just in a bad place emotionally right now. I should probably give her a call today just so she knows that I'm not angry with her.

This past Saturday Strider and I took Bug to the aquarium. It was pretty cool. She got to pet a Sting Ray, see all sorts of fish, some sharks, otters and other nifty stuff. The down side? Well, we ate at the cafe and spent about 28$ for a hamburger with fries, a kids grilled cheese ( or should I say pressed cheese) sandwhich with fries and a garden salad for myself...and the drinks were extra! Not to mention that the aquarium is currently under some major renovations. Once the renovations are done we'll go back and see what they have going on.

The next place we want to take Bug is to the Living Museum up in Newport News. It should be fun, a long drive, but fun none the less. I also want to take her to the Children's Museum. I want her to experience all there is.

Well, that's about it for now. Tomorrow is Bug's pre-op, so we'll see how it goes.

Until next time...

This is what I've been up to...

I've gotten back into making jewelry. So far I have made four necklaces, three bracelets, and three sets of earrings. Have a look. They're all for sale, just ask about pricing.

This one is made from black freshwater pearls, smokey quartz chips and seed beads for the spacers.

















This one is the same as the black freshwater pearl set, but instead of the pearls I used Rose Quartz.

















This one is made of all gemstones.

















This one is made with Lampglass and Swarovski crystals with Bali beads as spacers.

Yuck

Poor Bug, she woke up this morning all happy. I woke up to a smiling Bug climbing into bed with me, talk about a nice way to wake up. A few hours after waking up she had diarrhea, and bad. I'm talking the kind that explodes in the diaper and creeps up the back. Poor Bug. Then the fever kicked in. So, I gave her some tylenol, she's been drinking juice today which is good, it'll help keep her hydrated. But, the diarrhea's still there, if she still had the diarrhea tomorrow morning I'll call to get her an appointment with her doctor. I'm hoping she feels better soon.

Maybe she got sick from being out with me yesterday. It was cold and windy all day, very little rain, she never got wet or anything. She may have gotten sick from breathing in the germs of someone who was sick. We all know how those tiny micro-particles float through the air when we sneeze or cough without covering our mouths. All it takes is one sick person to cough or sneeze and not cover their mouth for others to get sick.

I know I should be doing the dishes right now, but I'm worn out. Bug's been running crazy today, when she's not laying on the floor, the couch or in my lap whimpering from the body aches.

Gonna just have to wait and see how she feels later tonight.

Addendum:
Before putting Bug to bed tonight I checked her temperature...it's up to 100.4. I gave her Motrin so we'll see how it goes. I plan on calling her doctor tomorrow and getting her in if she still has either or both the diarrhea and fever. This poor kid, it sucks that she's sick again, but they say that kids get sick an average of 12 times a year.

Monday...

The day started off with an odd feeling of dread, maybe it came from the nightmare I had earlier that morning. At around 3am I woke up with a start, in my dream I heard gunfire and screams, no real details. I never should have watched the news yesterday morning. I turned on the tv like I do every morning to turn the Disney channel on for Bug, and there it was on the news...mass murder at VA Tech. Scary is one word to describe it. I mean, we've always thought of college campuses as a safe haven...not any more.

Kids bring guns to school, and I'm not talking college or high school kids, I'm talking about grade school kids. As it stands I'm putting serious thought into getting certified or licensed, or what ever it takes, to home school Bug to keep her safe.

It's frightening how the world is going now a days. Every time you turn on the tv you see murder, rape, disease, famine, arson... is this the world we're leaving for our children? Every time I turn around I'm seeing some horrific thing on the news, and it seems to be getting closer and closer to home. You read the paper, or watch the news and you can see it, kids who look all strung out on drugs, kids having babies, kids with guns. Don't parents give a damn anymore about what their kids are doing? I mean come on! All you have to do is talk to your kids about not doing drugs, about safe sex, about guns and safety and about the dangers of gangs. How difficult is that? My mom talked to me about those things and I stayed clear of them...until I met my ex, that's when it all went down hill. But I brought myself back to the surface and look at me now. I have a great husband, a beautiful daughter and a good life. Granted it could be better, you know, more money and such, maybe a bigger house, but that's something that we can work on. But all this other crap...it can be avoided. We have the power to keep our kids safe, we have the power to change things, we have the power to make a difference. But do we use that power? No, not until a tragedy like the VA Tech massacre happens, or the Twin Towers, or Somalia. And when people do use that power it's to speak out for a short time, then they go back to the way they were.

I remember when the Towers crumbled, it's a day I'll never forget. People remembered for a while, they were nice to one another for a while...a year at the most...and now they seem to have forgotten. Why? Because it's easier to forget then to deal with what happened. I say deal with it! Deal with what's happening in your world! Deal with what's happening in your neighborhood! Deal with what's happening in your schools! Stand up and speak up! For gods sake, do something! Don't just sit there with your thumbs up your asses waiting for someone else to stand up and do something. If you wait...nothing is going to happen.

Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box for now, but I'm far from finished with this rant...so don't even get me started.

WTF is up with gas prices?

This is getting ridiculous now, I mean, come on! I know that they can lower the prices of gas, hell, congress could do it, but, they won't. Why won't they do it? Easy, the gas companies have the politicians in their pockets. Not to mention that despite the fact that we have our own pipe line coming down from Alaska, we're still dependent on foreign oil. Oh, and we can't forget that it's coming close to summer, so they have to raise the price of gas for that too.

At the gas station I took this pic at, they only had regular, there was a sign on the pump that said they had no medium or plus grade gas. Sounds to me like that gas station is only selling regular in an effort to try and save people some money, since they have to pay a higher price they have to jack the price up for us too.

I'm so sick of the gas prices lately. I've been tossing around the idea of sending one hell of a gripe letter to congress about this, as well as the gas companies. Who do they think they are? Gods? I think not.

Rough week

Well, as my earlier post said, last week started the bad week. Last Monday we find out that Bug need surgery on her eyes, then way early Wednesday morning Strider left to do work in another state. That afternoon Bug fell and slammed her forehead into the sidewalk out back...I called the EMT's just to be safe. They said she seemed fine but to get her evaluated within a few days, so on Thursday I called to get her an appointment with her pediatrician...no luck, instead we get a different doctor, no big deal really. When I go to check her in at the pediatric clinic they tell me that her appointment is at the Specialty Clinic, so I go over there to check her in. That's when I find out that the appointment was with a pediatric neurologist...talk about luck. Anyway, she got checked out completely, the doc even had her walk up and down the hall, felt her forehead where she had hit the concrete and everything in between. I was told that Bug is perfectly fine, that put my mind at ease big time.

Now for a little back tracking, on Thursday night Bug puked, just once. Most likely from something she ate, but still, it's never an easy thing to see puke coming out of your kid.

This weekend went okay, a little too slow for my taste really.

Monday night I took my mom and Bug to Ruby Tuesday's at Victory Crossing for dinner. When we sat down at the table there were maybe 3 to 4 other tables with patrons. We placed our orders and then got our salads. We waited for between 30 - 40 minutes for our dinners. With it being so quiet in the restaurant one would expect the meals to arrive promptly, not to have to wait 30 minutes or longer. At that point I requested to speak to a manager, who in turn treated me like my comments did not matter, he seemed to be almost angry with me for bringing the matter to his attention. He walked away, didn't say a word, and did not come back to our table to let us know what was going on, instead it was our waitress who told us that the manager had comped our meals. That's not the point, sure, it was nice of him to do so, but I would have preferred an apology, which I never got from the manager. I'm sorry to say that that will be the last time I will go to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. I was seriously disappointed in the time it took to get our meals, which we ended up having to have packed up to go.

After we got home from the restaurant, I put in Happy Feet for Bug, man did she enjoy it! It was a riot to watch her rock out to all the singing and dancing. She loved it so much.

And that leads us to today. Bug woke up happy, had a big breakfast. Man did she get into everything today, I swear, I don't have a kid, I have a monkey. We had to run out to the store this evening so she ended up not getting a second nap, which caused her to become rather cranky and not willing to listen. Tonight we actually got all the way through Happy Feet before she fell asleep. She's now all happily asleep in her bed which gives me the chance to get all her toys cleaned up off the livingroom floor. I'm just waiting for Strider to call, then after that I can go get some rest too. I'm wondering why it's taking him so long to call me tonight...maybe I should call him.

Ah well, time for me to get the picking up of the Bug toys.

Bug's eyes...

We took Bug in for her 18 month check up back on Monday, it went good. She's a few centimeters shy of 33 inches tall and almost 23 pounds. She's doing so great. After the pediatrician appointment we went to see her ophthalmologist, that's when the bad news was given. Bug needs to have surgery on her eyes, the doc wants to go in on either side of her nose and loosen the eye muscles to straighten them out. Her eyes turn inward.

I have this huge hole in my gut about all of this. I mean, it's my baby going in for surgery, it's nerve wracking.

Work work work

It's been a busy week for us. Bug's had a lot of fun playing outside when the weather was warm. Today my mom got Bug a club house play house with a swing, Strider's putting it together. While he was mowing the back yard and getting started on the club house I took Bug to the garden center.

I decided that I want to pull up the shrubs that are in front of the house, they look all diseased and just nasty. So, Strider's doing to take care of that for me. I got a bunch of really pretty flowers and rose bushes, some anti-weed matting and some mulch. Once he gets the shrubs out I can work on getting the area ready for planting. I think it'll turn out nice. We're going to need to get a about 15 yards or so of mulch to put around Bug's play house, that way if she falls it'll be softer. Plus, if we get the cedar mulch it'll keep the pests away from the area.

We hit Sears, JC Penny and the Disney Store the other day, they all had some nice sales going on so we got bug a bunch os spring and summer clothing.

The house needs to be cleaned yet again, so I might start doing that this week, try to get it all done by the weekend. I know I've been doing alot lately, but I just want our house to look nice inside and out. Especially if we'll be selling it in a year. If we do sell the house it'll be to buy a bigger one.

Bug's napping right now so I'm off to watch a little tv and fold laundry.

Until next time.

My day

Today was a good day with Bug, she woke up around five til nine this morning. Granted she got a little cranky while I was making her breakfast, but it stopped as soon as she started eating. It was a miserable day out today, rainy and in the 40's...yuk! So we had to spend the day inside.

Bug and I sat down to watch Anastasia this afternoon, around five after one she got up off the floor, picked up her bunny and crawled into my lap. Five minutes later she was out cold. It was just so cute! After she got up from her nap we went to the store.

I got really pissed off at this one fat cow of a woman that was in there. I swear, she was seconds away from getting her face punched. I was over by the dairy grabbing a gallon of milk and this woman was standing there complaining about the cholesterol on eggs, I so mentioned that the brown, free range eggs by Eggland's Best had about half the cholesterol of the regular white eggs. Let's just say that she's lucky that Bug was with me at the time...she had the gall to say "You don't have to worry about cholesterol, you skinny bitch.". Man was I pissed at that woman!

Anyway, by the time we got home Strider was already home, which made it easier for me. I got out of the car, grabbed Bug then opened the trunk, grabbed three bags with my free hand then went to the back door. I'm still not entirely sure how I managed it, but I held Bug in one arm, the groceries in the other and still was able to open the door. I asked Strider to get the rest of the bags out of the car so I could get Bug inside and out of the rain..he had no issues with that.

Shortly after we got home Bug started to get cranky, she was getting hungry, so I had Strider made her a hot dog while I was putting the groceries away. I think it was about an hour after she ate she crawled into my lap and fell asleep again. It was so adorable!

It's been a pretty busy day, and I must say that I'm glad it's nearing the end. Strider has duty tomorrow which means it's just Bug and I all day until Sunday morning.

I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Tinker Bell

I can't wait for Tinker Bell the movie to come out, Bug will absolutely love it!

Identity...

We all have an identity, but some of us lose it somewhere along the line. I know I've lost my identity, or at least, the way I used to be.

I was rummaging through some of my old stuff yesterday and found all my jewelry that I used to wear. Been putting some serious thought into reverting to the way I used to dress...only classier. You know, the classy goth kind of look. Not so much in the eyeliner or other makeup department, but the nice black and dark colored clothing. Basically the way I am now, only with a little makeup and some of my old jewelry...like my ankh choker.

Then there's my hair...it's short, and I was thinking of going even shorter...but if I do that then I'll need to figure out what color to dye it next. Maybe something darker then it is. Right now my hair's a medium mahogany color...hmm.

Hmm...

Not sure what happened last night, Bug usually goes to bed around 10pm, but that wasn't the case last night. She was wired for sound and didn't go to bed until around 1130pm. I don't mind the hyper happy being up late, it's the cranky, scream all the time up late that I don't like.

Around noon yesterday I got this strange pain in my left shoulder, between my shoulder blades that wrapped around and across my chest. I couldn't figure out what it was, so I guessed at it being a pulled muscle or a pinched nerve. I took some Aleve and it didn't help. I decided that if I still had the pain today or if I was feeling odd that I would go to the doctors. When I woke up this morning the pain was almost completely gone, only a slight twinge in my shoulder. My chest is still bugging me a little, but it's the muscles, most likely from coughing alot. I'm still fighting this damned head/chest cold, it's been four weeks now. Blame it on the weather...in the 70's one day, 40's the next.

The sky looks a bit overcast today, like it's going to rain. I hope not, I want to be able to take Bug out after she wakes up from her nap and has something to eat. If it's not raining we might make a run out for some fast food or something.

Strider put our new platform bed together last night. We didn't need the boxspring so it's out for Thursday's bulk pick-up. The bed is so comfy now, and Bug can crawl right up onto it.

And in other news...as you can see I've changed the layout of my blog...yet again. I like this look a lot better. But I'm keeping my options open.

A stink pretty house

Bug and I went to Wally World today to pick up a few things, while we were there I found this new scent of Arm & Hammer carpet powder. The scent is Lavender and White Rose Petals, it's nice and subtle. It got the smell of the animals, smoke and everything out of the computer room and Bug's room carpeting, as well as in the air. It made the whole back half of the house smell so nice that it sent me into a cleaning tizzy. I used the Clorox wipes on all of her toys, the tables, and I even scrubbed the TV screen and entertainment center glass door. I asked Strider tonight when I spoke to him if he could possibly take Bug outside to pay tomorrow for about 20-25 minutes while I get the hall and living room carpets done. He said he would.

I just have this thing about my house being as clean as possible. There are days when it seems like an absolute disaster area to me, but to anyone who visits they say it's really clean and smells nice. All I want is a safe and clean environment for Bug. The last thing any of us want is a sick Bug...again. Especially since there's a nasty stomach virus running around.

After I get the house cleaned up as much as I can tomorrow I might decide that we're going out for dinner...dunno yet.

Tonight before I put Bug to bed I was getting her room ready, she walked into the room holding a stuffed dragon that I had gotten for my birthday when I was 16. I smiled and asked her where she wanted me to put it, she pointed at a spot across from her bed, so I put him there. His name's Fafneer by the way. Anyway, she then pointed at his head then to her bed and said "Dagan potet me." so I turned his head toward her bed and she nodded her approval with a big smile. It's amazing how quickly they grow up, she's going to be 17 months on Sunday...and man is she ever smart.

Hopefully my Bug will sleep through the night again tonight, this way we can have a good day tomorrow. She had slept through the night last night, and I had to wake her up this morning. She is just too cute for words.

Anyway, that's about it for now, time for this one to go get some sleep.

Very upset Bug

My poor Bug woke up a little bit ago screaming. She wasn't fully awake so I knew not to wake her because it could do more harm then good. It seems to be a either a night terror or gas, possibly a combination thereof. Strider's trying to calm her down right now, I'm just worried about her. If this is a night terror I hope she doesn't have them late into her life the way I do.

I gave her some Mylicon, if it's gas it'll help. After she started to open her eyes she stretched while screaming and gave a few small farts. She was looking around as though she had no clue where she was.

I'm hoping she'll calm down, release the gas if there is anymore, and fall back into a peaceful sleep.

It breaks my heart to hear and see her so upset. The last time she was this upset was when she got her 1 year shots which is 4 1/2 months ago.

I'm going to try and get her to maybe have a few sips of water after she calms down a bit more.

Wish me luck.

A Fragile Dream Crushed

Well, today was a mostly good day, minus the headache that I woke up with. The blasted headache stuck with me all day long. Bug was good today, until after she woke up from her nap. She woke up sort of happy then started screaming within the first two minutes. Talk about a bad way to wake up.

The day went pretty good, until I got the mail from the mailbox. Mostly it was all junk mail, except for the letter from my publisher. *sigh* My dream has officially been crushed. Not only is my book not selling at all, but a bookstore that did order it returned two copies of it, so now I owe my publisher money. Major suckage. It really upset me to see that. I mean, I do what I can to market my own book, but it just seems like no one wants to read or buy poetry anymore. I guess I'm not going to be able to get my second book published at all. With the way it's going I might as well pull my book from the publisher and call it quits. After three years of no sales I think it's time to just forget about my dream.

I don't get it, people claim that they love poetry, but then when I ask them if they'd buy my book they ask me if I have a copy to give to them. Give to them! Come on, people, I need to make money. All I ever wanted was a little recognition for my writing, but I'm not even getting that. Maybe one day people will recognize my writing, probably when I'm long dead, that seems to be how it goes for people who write poetry anyway. Look at Shakespeare and Poe and others like them, they all became well known after they died.

Okay, enough sulking for now, Bug's getting upset and it's about time for her to go to bed anyway.

What's wrong?

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, I mean, I try to be the best mom I can to Bug, but, it just feels like I'm doing something wrong. As for my marriage...I feel like I've already lost Strider. He barely talks to me anymore and even when he's home he's not really here.

When Strider and I started out we had so much passion for one another, now it seems like that passion has died. Granted, he's not the most romantic man in the world, but he used to try, now he just seems to ignore my needs. He doesn't touch my hair or my face very often and we barely even have sex anymore. It seems like the only time he's even remotely affectionate to me is when we do have sex...and that worries me. When he's away from he doesn't seem to miss me or Bug at all, it's as though he's free. I wish I knew what to do.

It feels like there's there's something that I'm missing, forgetting about. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to make sense of it, I can't seem to be able to make sense of much lately. Maybe it's just the stress of everything getting to me.

I know it's not the finances because we're doing good in that department. Sure, we have two mortgages, but we're not having difficulties paying them. We have no credit card debt except for the new appliances which will be paid off in a year. If it's not that then what is it? Have I lost who I am? Or am I just too far gone?

Lately it seems like even the friends I have don't have time to talk anymore. Most of them live in other states, I only one person out here where we live and I rarely talk to her. I miss Mouse and the way we were able to get together anytime we wanted when I lived up North. It's been almost four years since I saw her last.

I used to be so strong, so willing to do anything, now it seems like I've lost my edge. Sure, others see me the same way as I was years ago, but I don't. Can I ever regain myself? Can I ever be the way I used to be? Can I ever find the peace that I want to badly to find? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Bug in glasses and life

Well, I took Bug in to see the ophthalmologist the other day, he said that her eyes hadn't improved any and he wanted her to wear glasses for the next two months. Now there's an interesting concept, trying to keep glasses on the face of a 15 month old. She's been wearing them without too much of a hassle, at least until they start to hurt the bridge of her nose.

I ended up having to go to two different places to get the glasses even done. After calling everywhere and finding only one place that had the infant frames I was frustrated to say the least. Anyway, I went to the shop that had the infant frames, the guy was nice, but he pushed me into buying the plastic frames which are a bit heavy for Bug's face. After that I took her over to Lens Crafters to get the lenses done, after a lot of hassle and bullshit, meaning the day before when I was treated like complete shit by the lady at the shop, I got the lenses made and put into her frames. The lenses cost 210$, can you believe that? The manager gave me 50% off, granted that dropped them to 105$, but still, that's way too much money.

Yesterday I took Bug over to Walmart to pick up a few things and decided to stop in the eye center they have there. To make a long story short, the lady there showed me the best frames for Bug, they're light and metal, they can be made shorter in the temples and the lenses will not make them much heavier. The new glasses cost me about 125$. The new glasses will be in next Wednesday, after I pick them up I'll be going over to Lens Crafters and getting my money back on the lenses.

This has been a very busy week for Bug and I, especially with Strider being in Nevada since Monday...and today he drops it on me that won't be home until Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. Talk about pissed.

Tomorrow I need to run to the store to pick up more of her little lunches, she really likes them. I also need to run by Lowes and pick up the vent covers so we can get the heat go all throughout the room instead of being a curtain of heat along the wall.

Ah well, guess that's it for now...

Sick day

Poor Bug's sick, her fever has been bouncing up and down all day...going from 100.6 all the way up to 102 degrees. We'vebeen giving her tylenol and keeping her warm but I'm just worried that this is the start of something.

I'm probably going to be up all night with her just to make sure she's going to be alright. Strider and I will be taking shifts if we have to.

Okay, mommy break is about over, time to get back to Bug.


Addendum: Bug's fever went up to 102.6 around 6am then broke around 930am. Her fever was gone completely and hasn't come back at all.

Clingy Bug

They say that as they get older babies develop their own personality as well as choose a favorite parent..I didn't think it would happen this early. Bug just turned 13 months about a week ago, for the past six or so months she only wants me to hold her. When Strider holds her when I try to pass her over to him so I can get a few minute break she flips out. When she gets hurt she comes crying to me. The worst thing she's been doing is hitting me. When I catch her opening something she shouldn't be opening I smack or flick her hand...Could that be causing her to hit me? I dunno.

Then there's the food time...when it's time to eat she will not feed herself. If I set the food on her tray for her to feed herself she'll throw it everywhere. I end up having to feed her. It's as though she wants to be waited on or something.

Then there's the hitting herself, the tantrums, although they're both short lived they still worry me a bit. I've read that it's normal for babies her age to hit themselves and bite themselves when frustrated. She only does it when she's frustrated, tired or just plain grumpy. I usually end up having to fight with her to get her to take a nap, and sometimes it's a fight to get her to go to bed at night. Though some nights are infinitely easier then others...like the nights that she passes out while drinking her nightly bottle of warm milk.

Ah well, I guess this is all par the course.

Not so fun trip to the doctors

Yesterday started out pretty normal, got Bug up, fed, and dressed. Around one in the afternoon we left to go to her 1 year appointment…that’s when the day got bad. Not even two miles from the house we got hit by some idiot making a left turn across the street. He was going the opposite direction and turned to cross over the lane I was in. He didn’t even yield or anything. Then he just sat there staring at me for about a minute before he finally listened to the hand gesture I was giving him to back the hell up. I couldn’t believe it, the S.O.B. tried to tell me that it was my fault.

After making sure Bug was alright I called the insurance company while Strider called the police. I got out of the car to see if the idiot was okay and he said that I was supposed to yield for him, bull. Anyway, the cops got there, the guy got a ticket. The officer reassured me that I had right of way and that I was in no way at fault for the accident. We got to Bug’s appointment with like 7 minutes to spare.

The appointment for the estimate is on Thursday, it looks like about grand plus of body damage. The check engine light is on now and the car’s running oddly, a bit rough. The shop will check it over and let us know how bad the damage is.

Some mothers...

Today I took Bug out shopping for her birthday, it was rather uneventful, but then we got to the cookie aisle. Something black went over my head, I felt pressure in my chest and sick to my stomach, I had to get out of the store. So I hit the checkout and got out, that's when I saw something that pissed me off to no end. A mother was changing her baby's diaper in the front seat of the car, no big deal, I've done that. But, then she grabbed the baby by the wrists, flung it out of the front seat, around the open back door and into the car seat. The poor baby was screaming in agony as she tossed it around like a rag doll. It took everything I had not to beat that woman's head into the ground.

I don't care what the situation is you don't do that to a baby.

Then there's the woman in Eirie PA who used her 1 month old baby as a weapon. According to the news she got into a fight with her boyfriend, picked her 1 month old baby up by the ankle and threw it at her boyfriend. She's in prison now. I say put her in general population...she won't last long.

Okay, enough about that, it pisses me off.

New shoes

Yesterday Strider and I took Bug out to get her a pair of shoes. We took her to StrideRite because they seem to know kids feet better then anyone else, and their shoes flex and move with the childs feet.

Anyway, we took her in and she was so good. We picked out the shoes for her, the lady at the store out them on Bug's feet and she was all good about having shoes on. It took a little bribing to get her to start walking around so we could see how she was in them. But, after a few minutes she was up and walking all over the store. The lady was amazed at how well behaved Bug was, and how she walked normally in the shoes. She had told us that most babies walk like they have skiis on thier feet, not BUg, she bent her knees and walked quite normally.

I was so proud f her because she was so good in the store. We then took her to the Disney Store and let her pick out one toy, she picked out the Tinker Bell plush doll.

Bug's napping right now, but when she gets up I'll be taking her to get her birthday present. I still can't believe that her birthday is tomorrow...she's a year old...the year went by way too fast. I was thinking of getting her the magnetic letters and one of those magnetic wipe boards that I can put on the wall.

Over the past few days we've been buying Bug alot of clothing, we have plenty to last her now, and bigger sizes for her to grow into. The only things we still need to get for Bug are a winter jacket and winter shoes/boots, then we'll be all set.

Thoughts

Today was just a day, that's about all I can think of to describe it. Bug woke up around 930 this morning, her first nap was around 1130. I tried to keep her up longer so she'd take a good nap but she fell asleep while eating. She only napped for about 25-30 minutes. not too much on the fussing after that nap, her second nap was only 20 minutes...and third, which she doesn't get normally, was about the same, 20 minutes.

She started to get cranky around 430 this afternoon, when she knew that daddy was supposed be coming home.

Strider ended up having to stay at work until 1030 tonight all because someone screwed up while he was on holiday. Now the shop has to be manned 24/7. I was upset when he told me this. I'm just hoping he has Bug's birthday off, or at least can come home early, and that he'll have the day of her party off too. I really don't want him to miss either of those days. It was bad enough that he was at work the day she started walking.

Since Bug started walking a little over a week ago she's been non-stop. She walks everywhere now with very little stumbling. We're going to have to get her some shoes soon. Not for indoor wear, but for outdoor since she loves to walk in the grass and on the sidewalk. She really loves to be outside with the ground beneath her feet and the wind in her hair. She always has the biggest smile on her face when she's walking around outside. When she's inside she's mostly happy unless she's tired or hungry, then she'll walk to me while crying or fussing. If she's overtired she'll just go onto her hands and knees and put her forehead on the carpet and whimper.

There are so many times that Bug will do something that's just too funy, like when she's eating. If she's done with what ever food she's eating she'll start dropping it onto the floor while looking in the opposite direction. The whole "If I can't see it you don't see it" type of thing. I try so hard not to laugh as she does that because she needs to learn not to do things like that. Today she stopped feeding the dog and started feeding the cat her food after she had her fill.

I still can't believe that next Wednesday she's going to be a year old. It's already been a year. It boggles the mind. Tp me it still feels like yesterday that I gave birth to her. Everytime I look at Bug's face, or into her eyes I'm just amazed at how smart she is and how big she's getting. Lately she's been wanting lots of hugs from me, which is great by me, I love hugging her and just holding her.

I guess that about does it for now.

...

My mom had a friend stay with her this past week...I felt so sorry for her friend at first. She looks like flesh hanging off of bones. Like I said, I felt sorry for her at first until I found out that it was self induced. Nan doesn't eat, and when she does she throws it back up. Supposedly she has a digestive disorder that auses her pain when she eats. She told me that even her shrink said she needed help...she told her shrink to go to hell.

Nan said that she's been starving herself for the past two years. The pain she has when she goes to the bathroom is because there's nothing to pass, and the stomach cramping is because there's no food in there. My mom tried to get her to eat but when she did she went into the bathroom and threw it up. It disgusted me. Nan wanted me to bring Bug over to meet her, I just couldn't let my daughter see someone who was like that. All Nan did was lay on the floor and complain about how much her stomach hurt...well if she would eat and not throw it up she'd be fine!

To me, anyone who intentially starves themselves need serious help. I could go on about this, but it pisses me off to no end so I'm going to stop now.

And the training wheels are off...

Bug took her first steps today...it was so exciting, for both of us. It started with about five steps, which grew to nine steps. Later in the evening she walked three quarters of the way accross the livingroom. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Of dirt and weeds...and yucky tummies...

I started to do the gardening today, I picked up a bunch of bulbs that get planted in the fall. Picked up a 40 count of tulips and a 40 count of Daffodils. I did the big area of the front garden, dug it all up with a pitch fork to turn the earth and loosen the weeds and other plants that were growing in there. So far it looks good, now I have to get the other side of the garden box turned and weeded.

I tried to get it done while Bug was napping today, but she only took a 20-30 minute nap. She's not feeling so good today, she has diarrhea, the poor kid. No fever though and she's been eating somewhat and drinking so I'm not too worried about her getting dehydrated. It doesn't seem like a virus or anything like that, more like maybe what she had for dinner last night didn't agree with her digestive tract. She's been pretty active today, about half her normal activity level actually. But that could be due to her not sleeping very well last night. She woke up at around 3:30 this morning and fell back to sleep around 5, then she was up again around 7:30 and back down by 8 and back up again at 9. Poor kid is going through so much right now. When I was playing with her she laid on her back and started laughing, when she opened her mouth real wide I saw the teeth that are coming in. It looks like her upper and lower right pre-molars, which seems odd to me considering her canines haven't come in yet.

Even though Bug's a little under the weather today we had fun. I took her outside with me while I was doing the turning in the garden. She sat happily in her stroller and talked to me while I worked, it was like she was supervising the work as I did it.

Earlier today when I was trying to change the cover on the couch Bug thought it would be fun to try to climb the cushion. I couldn't help but laugh, she had the biggest grin on her face while she was climbing Mt Couch. It's so good to see her playing and having fun. I can't get enough of her smile or her laugh.

I called Strider and asked him to pick up some Pedialyte on his way home, that way we can make sure that she doesn't get dehydrated. If she still has the diarrhea tomorrow I'll call her doctor and try to get her in for an appointment.

Tired....

I'm just so tired right now, but sleep is not on the agenda for about another hour or so.

It all started at around 215am this morning, Remy had another seizure, just like the first one four months ago it was a grand maul. After it was over and he was back to his normal goofy self I stayed up for a little bit just to make sure he'd be okay.

Strider snored most of the way through the night and Bug woke up crying several times. I was so tired by the time 10am rolled around that I didn't want to get out of bed, but I had to. I had to get Bug up and fed.

The morning was went rather well, until I talked to my mother in law. Can I just say that I'm not going to be talking to her for a very long time?

Anyway, after Bug had a good 1 hour 45 min nap I fed her lunch then we went shopping for the groceries. After that was done we got home and I tried to get her down for a 2nd nap, but that didn't happen.

Strider has duty tomorrow so I don't get sleep in, talk about major suckage. Tomorrow's going to be a very busy day for me and Bug. I have to steam clean the master bedroom carpet because when Remy had the seizure he peed on the carpet. I also have to finish the grocery shopping tomorrow and try to get the spray on sealant so I can finish at least one more dining room chair. That reminds me, I also need to do the dishes.

Have I mentioned yet that I'm tired?

Ah well, it's time to give Bug her bath then it's off to bed for all of us. Hopefully she'll sleep through the night so I can get a good night's sleep....providing the spray and breath right strips I got for Strider actually work and he doesn't snore.

The finishing of furniture

I started finishing the dining room chairs today. I got one done, I know, not all that big of a deal, but to me it is. In the midst of finishing the chair I played with Bug, did the laundry and tried to keep the animals from getting thier fur in the stain.

Here's what the chair looked like before I finished it.



















And here's the finished chair.



















I really like how you can see the grain of the wood after the staining. It just looks so good. You can't really see it in the picture, but it looks great.

One down, five more chairs to go. I need to get out to the home store and pick up some more rags and spray acrylic for the waterfroof coating. Once I'm done with the chairs I'll be refinishing the dining room table. Gonna have to pick up new table legs though, the ones that are on their are not just nasty, they're also plastic. My mom gave me the table, she had gotten it after she got married to my ex-father. The wood itself seems to be in good condition on the table top, but I won't know for certain until I strip all the years of varnish and polish off it. I'm hoping it turns out good like the coffee table that I refinished a year and a half ago.

Late summer cleaning...

Today I not only vaccumed the livingroom carpet, I also attacked it with the steam cleaner. Bug hung out in the hallway with some toys while I did the work. She was in a supervisory possition you could say. The carpet looks really good now. Guess I didn't need to hire someone to do it after all.

I also tackled the carpet in Bug's room, it really needed it since our elder cat decided it was a good idea to pee on some of Strider's stuff that was in there.

With all the work I did today I still managed to be with Bug all day and even make dinner.

Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard, I mean, my back is constantly hurting. *sighs* Ah well, if I don't do it who will? Answer: No-one.

Self Image

Why are people so concerned with the way they look? My mom is doing this whole internet dating thing and she asked me to scan some pictures for her. They're old pictures, Glamour shots to be exact. They make her look like she's trying to be someone she's not. I just don't get it.

She said that honesty with someone when you're trying to start a relationship isn't always the best thing to do, I think she's wrong. She also seems to think that she needs to pretend to be someone she's not. She sometimes acts as though she's better then everyone else, like she's in some higher class then the rest of us. It just bugs me. Why can't she just be herself? I mean, sure, not everyone likes the way they look, but why does she have to try to be someone she's not?

Okay, so what, I've been tossing around the idea of breast augmentation for a while now. I'm an A cup, and all I want is a B cup, nothing too big, just one cup size. But I don't feel that I have to wear makeup and try to be someone I'm not to get the world to accept me. I want to do this for me, no one else, me. To give me a better sense of self, a way for me to maybe like my body and the way it looks. Then again, I'd also like to be able to gain about ten pounds and keep it on, but that's never going to happen unless I do reverse lipo suction. Okay so that's a bit far fetched, but hey, you can't blame a girl for trying, right?

I don't see the point in wearing makeup, even when I go out somewhere nice I usually don't wear it. Granted, I wore makeup for our wedding, but that was different, and I think I also wore it for the Navy Christmas Ball a few years back. I hate social functions where I don't know a single person except my hubby.

And that brings me to another point...what the hell is up with this vanity sizing thing?! I mean, come on, are the heavier set women really in that dire of need to feel smaller that clothing manufacturers had to change the size labeling of clothing? I used to wear a size 2-3, now I wear 00-0. Finding my size is really difficult, but the manufacturers of clothing don't really care. All they seem to care about is making those bigger women feel better about themselves because a size ten can now claim to be a size seven. It sickens me.

Ah well, enough ranting for now...

T.S. Ernesto

Well, the storm started in on us around 5am or so I think. By 6am the power went down for a little bit, but came back on after a few minutes. I had trouble sleeping because of the sound of the rain and wind.

After I got Angie up this morning and gave her breakfast I decided to go outside and see what was hitting the side of the house. A piece of the siding was pulled halfway down by the high winds. I called a guy about fixing it, he'll be here sometime this weekend of Monday, he said it would be about $50 to fix it providing it doesn't take more then an hour.

Braving the storm I had to go to the store, we needed formula, milk, bread and eggs. The formula for Bug being the most important. It was when I was getting ready to leave that I noticed a leak in the hall bathroom. The water is dripping in from the exhaust vent. I'm hoping it's not a leak in our roof. I'll ask the guy to take a look up in the attic when he comes over to do the siding repair.

Amazingly enough the store was empty. Considering there's a T.S. and it's payday I was rather happy to see it so empty. I got what we needed and high tailed it out of there. By the time I got home I was soaked to the skin from just going out in the rain for about three minutes total.

T.S. Ernesto seems to have subsided, it's just breezey outside now, so we have the windows open to air out the house. Providing it stays calm like this throughout the rest of the day I'll make another run out to the store to get the rest pf what we need for groceries and such. I also want to stop by BJ's and pick up Brother Bear 2 for Bug.

Speaking of Bug, she's been in such a happy mood today, she took a good nap and was all smiley and ready to play when she woke up. Now it's time for lunch.

20/20 out to terrify people...

Last night I decided, against my better judgment, to watch 20/20: Last Days On Earth. Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed by it. It seemed like they only had some of the facts and made the rest of it up as they went along. It seemed to be more science fiction then science fact to me. The only person they had on there that made sense and told it like it is was Steven Hawking. As he said, the Earth is more likely to be destroyed by humankind rather then Gamma Ray Bursts.

This makes me wonder though, are there really people out there who take everything on 20/20 as 100% fact and truth? Is the populous really that gullible?

Remind me to never watch 20/20 again.

They said that a black hole could suck up the earth, umm, anyone have proof that this can and has happened? Scientists have stated that only matter that reached the event horizon in a black hole is doomed to be "sucked in". The biggest misnomer is that black holes are giant cosmic vacuum cleaners, this isn't a whole truth.

Here is what the fact is about Black Holes:

Black holes and quasars ( Source – Answers.com )

When a very massive star collapses, it forms a black hole. A black hole does not have a surface in the usual sense of the word. There is simply a region in space around a black hole beyond which nothing can be seen, because nothing can escape from inside this region. This region is called the event horizon.

Anything that passes beyond the event horizon is doomed to be crushed as it descends ever deeper into the gravitational well of the black hole. Neither visible light, nor x-rays, nor any other form of electromagnetic radiation given off by the particle can escape.

A black hole cannot be seen directly. The only way to find one is by observing the energy released by matter that is falling toward the black hole. As gas and dust particles swirl toward a black hole, they speed up and form a flattened disk. Friction caused by collisions between the particles heats them to extreme temperatures. Just before the particles pass beyond the event horizon, they produce x-rays and gamma rays as their temperatures approach 10⁸ K.

Black holes grow when matter falls into them. A black hole in the center of a galaxy where stars are densely packed may grow to the mass of 10⁹ suns. Energy released from large clouds of gas as they fall into these supermassive black holes can be stupendous. This is the accepted explanation for quasars, sources in which the power output at the center of a galaxy is a thousand times greater than an entire galaxy of 10¹¹ stars. See also Quasar.

One of the most intriguing features of supermassive black holes is that they do not suck up all the matter that falls within their sphere of influence. Some of the matter falls inexorably toward the black hole, and some explodes away from the black hole in high-energy jets that move at near the speed of light. These jets produce radio, optical, x-ray, and gamma radiation. The matter swirling around the black hole must somehow be producing enormous electric and magnetic fields that accelerate electrons to extremely high energies. Exactly how this happens is unknown and is a major focus of research. See also Black hole.

They also talked about Gamma Ray Bursts hitting and destroying the Earths Ozone layer and that the only thing left living will be the microbes. Not a very comforting feeling. The fact about Gamma Ray Busts is such:

Gamma Ray Bursts ( Source: NASA )

Extraordinary explosions.

Imagine an explosion so fierce and intense that it carries with it the power to destroy everything in its path for hundreds if not thousands of light years away. No this isn’t the realms of science fiction but the amazing world of Gamma Ray Bursts.

Astonishing discovery.

Gamma Ray Bursts, or GRBs as they are otherwise known were f irst detected during the late 1960’s. US monitoring equipment on a space satellite set up to detect Soviet nuclear weapons testing began to notice intense gamma ray bursts that were hard to explain.

For a long time it also proved impossible to determine the origin of these bursts. Then in the last decade of the 20th century astronomers made the astonishing discovery that these phenomenal bursts of radiation emanated from the observable extremities of the known Universe.

Nothing rare.

Dramatic though the discovery of Gamma Ray bursts was, there is nothing particularly rare about them since they were, and continue to be spotted at a rate of around one a day. But what were these bursts? They were obviously some form of intense radiation coming from an unimaginably distant location but how could they be explained?

Very quickly astronomers began to surmise that GRBs were exploding stars. These are usually known as supernovas but GRBs were in a whole new category and made even the tremendous force of a supernova look minuscule by comparison. Scientists have now speculated that Gamma Ray Bursts may be associated with black holes capable of releasing a fireball of energy into a high pressure jet that in turn creates the shock waves that lead to the formation of Gamma Rays.

Long and short duration.

For all their astonishing power GRBs are of extremely short duration and fall into two categories. The first involves those with an average of just a third of a second and others with a much longer average span of 30 seconds. Astronomers then conjectured that different causal forces lay behind the origin of the two categories. As it is there is still a huge amount we do not understand about GRB’s, but one thing we do know for sure is the great damage they would be capable of causing.

Deadly consequences.

Since most GRBs are at the extremities of the Universe and occurred when the Earth was very young there is seemingly nothing to worry about. Yet the very nature of GRBs mean that an explosion at even several thousand light years distance could prove deadly to all life on Earth. Indeed some scientists believe that GRBs were responsible for at least some of the frequent mass extinction's that have swept the planet over millions of years. For more on the possibly drastic implications that GRB’s could hold for our planet please turn to the accompanying link:

http://www.nature.com/nsu/030922/030922-7.html

Our Sun - the ultimate end!

For the ultimate disaster representing the End of the World we should look no further than our own Sun. Eventually - in many millions of years - this too will erupt in a vast fireball and completely vaporize our planet. This may be a long time in the future but the Sun has shown recent signs of an increase in activity.

They also mentioned the exploding of Yellow Stone National Park’s Caldera. That’s not a matter of if, that’s a matter of when. It has happened in the past and it will happen again according to Discovery Channel and the scientists involved in the information.

Here’s what they had to say:

Yellow Stone Caldera ( Source: Discover Channel )

The VEI scale runs from zero to eight. The higher the VEI number, the bigger — and less frequent — the eruptions. On one end there are the burbling, rather gentle eruptions that happen on the big island of Hawaii. These happen daily on Earth, and even with their occasional impressive fountains of lava, they rate a zero on the VEI.

At the other extreme is the Yellowstone eruption of 2.1 million years ago, which is described on the VEI as an eight: mega-colossal, with a towering ash cloud 10 miles high that pours out at least a thousand cubic miles of ash. That Yellowstone eruption had 10 times the ejected material as a VEI 7 volcano, which modern humans have never seen either.

In fact, the last VEI 7 eruption was in Toba, Indonesia, 74,000 years ago, and it caused such global cooling that some scientists think it nearly drove humans to extinction.

The largest known eruption in the last several thousand years is believed to be that of Tambora, Indonesia, in 1815. It was tens of times more massive an eruption than Mount St. Helens in 1980. Despite pouring out 7 cubic miles of ash and causing short-term global cooling, Tambora was small fry compared with any of Yellowstone's big eruptions, or even the eruption of Toba 74,000 years ago.

No eruptions of this magnitude have happened since the dawn of civilization, about 10,000 years ago — which is lucky for us, and perhaps one reason civilization has been able to develop.

As with Yellowstone, none of the other caldera-based supervolcanoes around the globe fit the classic volcano image.

Calderas are broad, sunken areas often filled with lakes, ringed with hot springs and landscaped with domes of lava. They are something like cauldrons, after which they were named, and tend to be the largest volcanoes on the planet — hence the less formal name they are sometimes given: supervolcanoes.

Like other calderas worldwide, the Yellowstone caldera landscape was created by the "roof collapse" on a subterranean chamber after molten rock — called magma — was ejected in massive prehistoric eruptions. It's almost as if there was a giant magma balloon under the surface that suddenly deflated. The deflation itself is the super-eruption, and the sunken land left behind is the caldera.

Also, as with many other calderas, there is still hot material not far underground at Yellowstone, which is why there are so many hot springs and geysers today.

As for what caused the land to inflate with magma and explode in the first place, it was a powerful "hot spot" welling up from deep in the Earth and melting rock closer to the surface into magma, says Smith.

But what caused the hot spot? And what can explain it today? Scientists are still learning answers to these questions.

"A hot spot is a long-lived point spot of magmatism," explains geologist Paul Ihinger of the University of Wisconsin at Eau Claire. Among the most famous places made by hot spots are the Hawaiian Islands, Iceland and, of course, Yellowstone.

In the case of Yellowstone, the hot spot has left a 350-mile trail marked by several generations of ever-older and deader calderas marching away to the southwest of Yellowstone.

The oldest is a 15- to 16.5-million-year-old dead caldera straddling the Oregon-Nevada state line near McDermitt, Nev. The trail of dead calderas is evidence that the hot spot has remained in place while the North American continent has moved southwest over it.

The next thing they talked about was an asteroid hitting Earth. Again, that’s not a matter of if but a matter of when. The Earth has been hit by asteroids, meteors and other space debris in the past, and is hit by smaller meteorites to this very day. According to NASA we’ve had many near misses in the past. But, seriously, this probably won’t happen in our lifetimes, or even our children’s lifetimes. Or so scientists hope. NASA has been working on finding ways to “deflect” an asteroid if it should target our planet. They have some pretty far fetched ideas, but they could very well work, or not. For this one we have nothing else to do but wait and see what happens.

They also talked about Nuclear War, okay, so that is a possibility, considering the state of things. This one is not far fetched and is a possibility. What more can I say about it? Of course I’m hoping it doesn’t happen.

Next was Germs/Disease: Plague and Bioterrorism, again not so far fetched. Bioterrorism is a very real threat.

Then there was the all-time favorite Global Warming/Climate Change, again, not far fetched. The human race is killing our planet with all the gasses and toxins we’re spewing into the atmosphere. It’s called progress, I call it killing our planet. But there’s not much that one person can do about something this big. An example of the climate changes is the recent heat wave that hit North America. Temperatures reached 100 degrees Fahrenheit and higher. What can be done to fix this? The scientists seem to think they have an answer to this question. Stop pumping so much CO2 into our atmosphere, but that’s the cost of using our fossil fuels and driving our cars, trucks, busses and so on.

Okay, time for me to hop off my soap box.

Another day in the life...

Today wasn't too bad with Bug. Even though she didn't sleep through the night she was generally happy and playing all day. She had two naps that were only a maximum of 30 minutes each and a third nap that was about an hour and a half.

When it came time to get her ready for bed she faught it tooth and claw. She had an entire bottle, and still wasn't ready to fall asleep. I tried letting her put herself to sleep, but that didn't work. I ended up having to give her her nuk and rock her to sleep. Not that I mind doing that, it just means that I get a little more cuddle time with the Bug.

After I got her to sleep around midnight I was able to gather up the trash and get it out into the can for collection in the morning. I just have to try to remember to tell Strider to take it to the curb when he gets up for work. He sometimes forgets to take the can out front on Thursday mornings, but he's gotten alot better about that lately.

Sometimes I wonder about our dog, he used to be such a well behaved and well trained dog. Until he got older, then he got all the bad habbits of our elder dog, which we had to put to sleep a few months ago.

Anyway, he attacks the door when he wants to come in, he's always on the bed, never sits down when you tell him to....and he's always in my face.

I've tried just about everything to get him to listen to me, I've tried possitive reenforcement training, treat training even clicker training...nothing's worked.

It started to get even worse with him after he had a grand maul siezure, maybe it fried his brain. He only had the one seizure so the vet said there wasn't anything that could be done for him except to wait to see if he has any more.

Don't get me wrong, he great with Bug, he's very protective over her and loves her to no end. I just wish he'd listen to me.

Well, now that everything's said and done it's time for me to try to get some sleep. I hope Bug sleeps through the night tonight so I can get a good amount of sleep and be rested for the mornings adventures with her.

One hot night...

Yesterday we had a few power blinks, then later on in the evening we had a storm roll through. It was a lot of thunder and lightning and some rain. But that's not what this post is about...

At around 7:30pm I noticed that the AC unit hadn't turned on and it was getting hotter in the house. After checking the circuit breaker and changing the batteries in the thermostat on the wall it was obvious that the unit outside was dead. I must have called about half a dozen placed that claimed to have 24hr emergency service.

It wasn't until around 1015pm that I finally got in touch with someone who was willing to come out and fix it. The add in the Yellow pages said "Call anytime to speak to the owner", I thought it was just a marketing ploy, boy was I wrong.

By 1045pm a guy called me back, he called back again to get our address and said he'd be here in 30-40 minutes...exactly 40 minutes later he was pulling up in front of the house. Turned out he was the owner. Talk about true to your add.

Anyway, he found the problem, which was the capacitor, it had been blown by a power spike. When he did the test with the multi-meter he was able to discern the problem right off the bat. Instead of giving off 35 volts like normal, the capacitor was giving off 3000 volts. Within fifteen or so minutes he had the new capacitor in and the unit worked again. We had cold air coming in through the vents within seconds. By twelve midnight it was all done and working great again.

Granted it cost us a good chunk of money that we didn't technically have, but at least we have AC again, which is a very good thing in my book.

This makes me wonder though, could the capacitor have started to go with the initial power spike that blew out our T.V. and fried the memory chip on our DVR? I guess we'll never really know.

The really bad thing about this whole thing is that Bug didn't sleep through the night, she woke up every hour on the hour starting at 215am. I'm a bit tired and groggy, but I know that I have to keep chugging along with my day. It's a good thing that she's not cranky today, she's in a really good mood, playing, going all over the place, yelling at and talking to the cats and the dog.

Now we have an appointment scheduled for the 5th of September to have the air ducts cleaned and sanitized. Next on our list will be having the carpets professionally cleaned.

Party planning

Bug's birthday is coming up in about a month and a half and I have no clue what to do for a party for her. She's going to be a year old. We don't know any of the other parents or kids her age in the nieghborhood, but we do know some people with kids.

So far we've invited three couples with kids. Bug's been around four of thie kids, two of which are MomInsane's kids, which are very well manored and well behaved, the other two...well, let's just say that they're wild and rather unruley. The last set of kids Bug hasn't met, niether have I for that matter.

I know that we'll be having two cakes, one small one for her to devour and turn into a mess, and the other cake for the rest of us.

The other party we're planning is for Halloween. Not sure what to do for that either, maybe have stuff for the kids to make like candied apples, craft projects and other stuff...good thing Halloween's a good two months away.

I found these on the Kids Domain for Halloween crafts, they're so cute and should make it more fun for the kids.

Cat and Ghost Streamers


I also found these on the same site, the kids don't have to make them for the car antenna, they can make them to hang on thier walls or something.

Bat Antenna Buddy


There's lots more that I found, I might ask each parent to bring something for the crafts, that way we can all chip in to pay for it. That should make it alot easier on all of us.