What's wrong?

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, I mean, I try to be the best mom I can to Bug, but, it just feels like I'm doing something wrong. As for my marriage...I feel like I've already lost Strider. He barely talks to me anymore and even when he's home he's not really here.

When Strider and I started out we had so much passion for one another, now it seems like that passion has died. Granted, he's not the most romantic man in the world, but he used to try, now he just seems to ignore my needs. He doesn't touch my hair or my face very often and we barely even have sex anymore. It seems like the only time he's even remotely affectionate to me is when we do have sex...and that worries me. When he's away from he doesn't seem to miss me or Bug at all, it's as though he's free. I wish I knew what to do.

It feels like there's there's something that I'm missing, forgetting about. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to make sense of it, I can't seem to be able to make sense of much lately. Maybe it's just the stress of everything getting to me.

I know it's not the finances because we're doing good in that department. Sure, we have two mortgages, but we're not having difficulties paying them. We have no credit card debt except for the new appliances which will be paid off in a year. If it's not that then what is it? Have I lost who I am? Or am I just too far gone?

Lately it seems like even the friends I have don't have time to talk anymore. Most of them live in other states, I only one person out here where we live and I rarely talk to her. I miss Mouse and the way we were able to get together anytime we wanted when I lived up North. It's been almost four years since I saw her last.

I used to be so strong, so willing to do anything, now it seems like I've lost my edge. Sure, others see me the same way as I was years ago, but I don't. Can I ever regain myself? Can I ever be the way I used to be? Can I ever find the peace that I want to badly to find? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Bug in glasses and life

Well, I took Bug in to see the ophthalmologist the other day, he said that her eyes hadn't improved any and he wanted her to wear glasses for the next two months. Now there's an interesting concept, trying to keep glasses on the face of a 15 month old. She's been wearing them without too much of a hassle, at least until they start to hurt the bridge of her nose.

I ended up having to go to two different places to get the glasses even done. After calling everywhere and finding only one place that had the infant frames I was frustrated to say the least. Anyway, I went to the shop that had the infant frames, the guy was nice, but he pushed me into buying the plastic frames which are a bit heavy for Bug's face. After that I took her over to Lens Crafters to get the lenses done, after a lot of hassle and bullshit, meaning the day before when I was treated like complete shit by the lady at the shop, I got the lenses made and put into her frames. The lenses cost 210$, can you believe that? The manager gave me 50% off, granted that dropped them to 105$, but still, that's way too much money.

Yesterday I took Bug over to Walmart to pick up a few things and decided to stop in the eye center they have there. To make a long story short, the lady there showed me the best frames for Bug, they're light and metal, they can be made shorter in the temples and the lenses will not make them much heavier. The new glasses cost me about 125$. The new glasses will be in next Wednesday, after I pick them up I'll be going over to Lens Crafters and getting my money back on the lenses.

This has been a very busy week for Bug and I, especially with Strider being in Nevada since Monday...and today he drops it on me that won't be home until Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. Talk about pissed.

Tomorrow I need to run to the store to pick up more of her little lunches, she really likes them. I also need to run by Lowes and pick up the vent covers so we can get the heat go all throughout the room instead of being a curtain of heat along the wall.

Ah well, guess that's it for now...