What's wrong?

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, I mean, I try to be the best mom I can to Bug, but, it just feels like I'm doing something wrong. As for my marriage...I feel like I've already lost Strider. He barely talks to me anymore and even when he's home he's not really here.

When Strider and I started out we had so much passion for one another, now it seems like that passion has died. Granted, he's not the most romantic man in the world, but he used to try, now he just seems to ignore my needs. He doesn't touch my hair or my face very often and we barely even have sex anymore. It seems like the only time he's even remotely affectionate to me is when we do have sex...and that worries me. When he's away from he doesn't seem to miss me or Bug at all, it's as though he's free. I wish I knew what to do.

It feels like there's there's something that I'm missing, forgetting about. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to make sense of it, I can't seem to be able to make sense of much lately. Maybe it's just the stress of everything getting to me.

I know it's not the finances because we're doing good in that department. Sure, we have two mortgages, but we're not having difficulties paying them. We have no credit card debt except for the new appliances which will be paid off in a year. If it's not that then what is it? Have I lost who I am? Or am I just too far gone?

Lately it seems like even the friends I have don't have time to talk anymore. Most of them live in other states, I only one person out here where we live and I rarely talk to her. I miss Mouse and the way we were able to get together anytime we wanted when I lived up North. It's been almost four years since I saw her last.

I used to be so strong, so willing to do anything, now it seems like I've lost my edge. Sure, others see me the same way as I was years ago, but I don't. Can I ever regain myself? Can I ever be the way I used to be? Can I ever find the peace that I want to badly to find? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.