Friends...where?

Go ahead, rub it in that you go out with your friends and have fun. Go right ahead. I know I have no life, I know that I have no friends in the area, I know that I suck as a person. So what, you're one of the lucky ones, good for you.

The amount of real friends I have I can count on two hands at the most, maybe 6 or 8 people in total. Everyone else could care the fuck less. I tried to being there for people like Priss and Prim, look where it got me, pushed aside like last years shoes, tossed to the back of the closet to be ignored. I thought I had actually made some friends around here when I met them, yeah, okay, I was delusional, seriously delusional. There have been others aside from them that did the same thing. They hung with me and acted like it was something they were being forced to do. When Priss and Prim were here for Bug's 4th birthday they stuck together, they talked about getting together with one another...in front of me. Thanks a lot, seriously, what a way to make someone feel like total shit.

There are others who have been really upsetting me lately too. No matter what i say, no matter how often I'm there for them, no matter how many sleepless nights I get to keep them company when they need someone...they're not around when I need someone. You wanna know the kicker? They don't even see it. Maybe they'll see it when I stop answering texts and start sending their calls straight to voice mail. Maybe then they'll get the hint.

If you're going to say that you're going to be there for me when I need someone to talk to, then be there. Don't just sit silently on the fucking phone, or argue with your fucking spouse or go off on another fucking tangent. I listen to you, I offer you advice, I talk to you about your problems...why can't you do the same for me? Is it that difficult for you? maybe I should walk away.

Maybe I'm too harsh of a person, maybe I'm too damned brash, maybe I'm just too different. Maybe that's why no one seems to want to be around me. Fuck everyone, I'm through being nice or even trying to make friends. if I'm meant to be without people to hang out with, then so fucking be it. I'm done. Good bye, assholes.

At least I have my bug, she gives me little cards every day with the words "I love you, mommy" inside them that she wrote. I spend every moment with her, every single moment.

< /rant >