Life unbound

Ever feel completely invisible? I do, but only to certain people.

Ever have those friends who claim to give a damn then they turn out to be complete psychotics? Yup, got them too.

Ever feel like your life has spun out of control and you're barely hanging on? Yup, going through that too lately, the emotional roller coaster can stop now, I'm ready to get off and go back to my quasi normal life.

Ever feel like you want to just scream? ::raises hand:: That's me again, I'd love some primal scream therapy, but in my neighborhood the cops would show up, not a good idea.

Ever feel like you're being pulled in a thousand different directions? ::sighs: That would be me as well.

So, the ones I feel invisible to are the ones I enjoy talking to, their lives became busy yet they don't seem to have two seconds to respond to a text message. Hmm, okay, I must be strange then because I always take the time to respond even if it's a few hours later, I still respond. My friend Jay, that's what we'll call him, recently got engaged, I understand how hectic life can be, but he doesn't have the time to even answer a single text message? He said he felt like crap for ignoring his friends, so I talked to him about it. He hangs out with his friends that live near him, but he said he felt like he was ignoring me. Which, yeah, he was, and is. But it's okay. Friends grow apart, right? Not like I can stay on contact with him forever, no matter how much I enjoy his company and conversation. There are a lot of people that I've lost touch with over the years, but some of them seem to stand out more than others. There are some that it hurts to have fallen out of touch with them, and others that I could care less about. Okay, time to get out of this annoying funk. I have good friends that I can talk to, that I enjoy talking to. So what if these other people can't be bothered, right? I have my post-it-note girl, my Shadus, my Kuroshi, my girls, my Strider, my Bug...what more do I need?

I've been feeling pretty nostalgic lately, which for me can be a bad thing.

Sometimes I feel invisible. Don't we all? Lately Strider's been trying to help me through this. But there's not much he can do, not much anyone can do really. I've been feeling very out of sorts lately. I know a lot of it has to do with menopause, which is a bitch in and of itself. I don;t wish this on my worst enemy, but, just about every woman I know will go through this at some point in her life. I get confused far too easily, I forget things. As an example, I was standing in the kitchen cooking when Jake started to talk to me, I stopped doing the prep for dinner. Then I got confused as to what the hell I was doing. ::chuckles:: Talk about annoying. Some days I walk into a room and forget what I was doing. Yeah, annoying as all hell. The night sweats have come back full force, and the mood swings..up and down, up and down....annoying! I can't kick the crap out of this like I do every other stress in my life like depression. If I can't beat it what can I do? Live with it? GAH! I'm being pulled in a thousand directions at one, can I get a break now? I just want the ride to stop so I can take a breath and get my head together.

My therapy...my needs....my wants...can you handle it?

Primal scream... where you let the beast within you scream out with all the built up rage and fury it has gathered over the years. Scream it out for the world to hear, scream it out in the most feral of voices.

Rough sex... yes even a good rutting is good for the soul, and the body sometimes. Clawing, biting, screaming, sweating, growling, groaning. Mmmm.

Run...just run. Go into the forest, a place so pure, so wild and just....run. Feel free, feel alive, feel the ground beneath your feet.

Barefoot...yes, barefoot. Stand in the grass barefoot, feel the pulse of the Earth beneath your feet. Breathe in, breathe out, feel Her all around you.

Talk to a rock...I know it sounds insane, but sometimes just talking gets it all out. Talk about the things you don't dare tell your mate or friends, tell it your darkest secrets, your darkest thoughts and desires. It'll listen and it won't walk away or ignore you or interrupt you.

No words anymore..just....be.

That's what I call therapy. That's what I call a way to focus and find your center again. We can all do it. At certain points of our lives we all feel like our skin's crawling, like there's something deep inside of us clawing to get out. How do you handle it?

I feel so much better now, hope you enjoy my crazy ranting and strange methods of therapy. Maybe I should put a disclaimer on here...warning you may find some things said here offensive or down right STRANGE! ::laughs::


< /rant >