Bubble worm!

The other day I did a little fun thing with Bug, the bubble worm.

She loved it!  Not really sure who enjoyed it more, though, Bug or the dog.

Directions for the bubble worm:

needed items

water bottle
scissors
old sock
bowl
water
dish soap

directions

1. cut the bottom off the water bottle, then cut the top of the sock off and slide the sock onto the water bottle over the newly cut opening.

2. mix a little dish soap with water in a bowl.

3. dip the end of the sock into the water/soap mixture and blow through the small opening at the top of the bottle.

Bug had a lot of fun with this, so did Logan.  This is a very easy, and cheap, craft/fun thing to do with the kids.  I highly recommend it, I even enjoyed playing with it!

< /RANT >

Photography

I rarely ever share my photos, especially on FB, but I'm gonna out a few up here, hope you all like them.

Here are some macro shots.

Here are some shots of an old factory that's near here.

Here are some of flowers, pollen on a flower, another macro shot and the rescued bird that we're rehabilitating.

Hope you enjoy, please leave me a comment on what you think!

< /RANT >

Gross!

Maybe it's just me, but ever since I started menopause I've been able to smell things that most people can't.

Take today for example, I'm sitting here in the waiting room of the speech therapists office waiting with Bug for her time to see her therapist, and there is this smell in here, and I shit you not, smells like someone's either menstruating or they just had sex. The smell of the hormones is almost overwhelming. I actually find the smell rather offensive.

I always drive Strider crazy when I smell something he doesn't, especially in the kitchen. Once I actually had him move the fridge and stove because I couldn't find the source of a smell and I was afraid it was rotting food scraps or something.

But seriously, the smell in here is very heavy, and the lack of air conditioning makes it even worse. Nothing like stagnant air in a place that smells like someone's vagina.

Gross!

< /RANT >

Rest In Peace, Cloudy

Today we lost one of our furry family members.

Cloudy was a Winter White hamster, about a year and a half old. He lost a lot of weight all of a sudden and developed a growth on his belly, it was cancer.  Last night he ate it off his belly, which was very bad. Thankfully he didn't bleed.  This morning Bug went to pet him and hold him, he was very shaky and very agitated, he bit her hard enough to hurt but not hard enough to break the skin.

We put Cloudy back into his cage with some fresh veggies in hopes that he would feel better.  Later  on I went in to check on him, he was still warm and curled up as though he had been asleep when he passed.

After putting him into a small box with some cushioning, rosemary, some flowers from the garden and food for his trip into the afterlife.  Our neighbor made an old fashioned wooden cross as a grave marker and carved Cloudy's name into it. After a small funeral we buried Cloudy and put the marker at his grave.

We'll miss you, Cloudy,you were a good little hammy, so cuddly, affectionate and oh so soft.

May you play for all eternity and be at peace now, little dude.

And yet again....bad news....

The other day I went in for my yearly womanly exam, you know, the one we all hate. Anyway, during the exam my dr found a 2cm mass on the right side of my uterus.  She sent me down right away for an ultrasound, they did both external and internal but they couldn't identify the mass.

Sure, I'm glad to finally have an answer as to why I've had pain there for the past six plus months. Granted, it's not what I was expecting it to be.  I was actually expecting something with my intestines, not my uterus.

So, here I am, without Strider, and scared. Yup, I admitted it, I'm scared. I know it's not cancer, they said it was some kind of fatty mass from what they could tell. If it's a fatty tumor, that's pretty damned rare.

After talking to Strider I've decided that I'm going to talk to my dr about having a hysterectomy just to be on the safe side. It's not like it'll throw me into menopause...I'm already in menopause! What's the worst that can happen? I get more hot flashes and night sweats? I can handle that. I just want the pain gone.

Every-time my bladder is full, or my intestines are processing food, or if I lift something the wrong way...it hurts, even sex hurts sometimes.

Hopefully this can be taken care of soon, I'd really like to be out of pain.


< /RANT >

Father's day....

Father's Day means one thing to me...the day I met my husband Strider, the dad of my baby girl Bug. Technically we met June 15, 1997, which that day was Father's Day that year.

This year Bug and I are making some things for Strider that we think he'll love.  I'd post them here but just in case he reads this blog I'd hate to spoil the surprise.

We really miss Strider, especially lately. Next year we'll have to make all the holidays he's missing this year, oh so very special!

So many people ask me about my father, I tell them all the same thing...I haven't seen him since the last time he kidnapped me when I was seven or so.

Do I feel jealous of my friends that had good dads? Yes, a little.

I was raised by my mom, a single mother of two. Sure she had her moments of insanity, she drank a lot when I was growing up, she was violent, abusive mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically...sadly...she's still the same way, abusive emotionally and mentally, thankfully the physical abuse stopped years ago.

For those of you who have good dads, enjoy them, celebrate the day with them, and remind them of how much you love them! Take them out for a great meal, make something with them, play games with them...what ever it takes to make them smile and make you both happy!


< /RANT >

The good, the bad, the lonely

There's been a lot going on over the past few days, which is why I haven't written much lately.  So, here's what's been going on.

~

We all know how I feel about getting drunk...well, yesterday I heard from Strider saying he was out with a Sr Chief friend of his.  He said he'd call me back when he got to his room...well, he never did.

You know why?  Because he got fucking trashed and showed up to the boat drunk and sick as hell.  He swore he'd never do that...yet he did it. After talking to him he said he learned his lesson.  I seriously hope so. He doesn't need to get his ass busted because he gets stupid and shows up a mess again.

~

About a week ago Strider's jeep stopped working, yesterday I had it towed to FS in the morning. R took a look at it, turned out to be the battery, which he replaced.  When I went to pick up the jeep I dropped off my car to get new tires, alignment and oil change.  Thankfully everything, for both cars, only cost $1049...originally it was going to be $1300 for my car alone!  Talk about a great deal!  Thank you R!

Now that the cars are all fixed and Bug's out of school the fun can start. So many crafts, trips, you name it. The first trip...the VLM( The Virginia Living Museum).

~

Saturday is Logan's appointment, he's doing pretty well, walking well even if he keeps his foot up sometimes.  The lunatic refuses to stay still, he runs and jumps, plays tug, climbs all over Bug and I. I can't wait to get his leg all better so we can move forward.

I'm not worried about his surgery, to be honest I'm more worried about Bug's surgery which is in July.

Yep, you guessed it, Bug has to go in for a second surgery on her eyes.  Thankfully she has the best surgeon, the same one that did her eyes when she was only 18 months old, and he's seen her every 3 months since then.  Her pre-op is on July 8th and her surgery is the 18th.  I've got that lump in my gut like I did last time.  Anyone who's kid has gone through any kind of surgery would know the feeling in my gut.

I think maybe it's harder for me this time because Strider's not here, and I know he wishes he was here for it, he misses Bug and I so much.

~

This time with Strider gone it's harder then it was the last time. Sleeping in the bed that has his scent is rough, especially without him there next to me, Not feeling him there, or hearing him breathing, or smelling him...it's hard. I've been so lonely without him.  Sure, I've got Bug here, which is great, I adore her beyond words....I need adult company.

The other night I fell so deep into this damned depression that I was seconds away from cutting again, something I hadn't done since I was 14.  The straw that broke my back was his getting plastered when he knew how I felt about it.

I miss him so damned much, this year has to go by quickly with all the stuff Bug and I have planned or I swear, I'll lose what's left of my mind.

There you have it, the good, the bad and the loneliness.


< /RANT >

Not worth it

So you don't answer your texts for days...sure, I'm just peachy, thanks for asking...oh, wait, you never did ask, did you?  Nope, all you did was complain about your life and your situation.  While I do care, I'd really appreciate it if you'd listen to me for once. But, that's impossible for you, isn't it?

When they don't bother to answer for days it's not worth it, when all they do is talk about themselves it's not worth it. I'm sorry that you're not there when I need you. I guess I should schedule my depression and meltdowns around your schedule from now on.  I'll keep that in mind.

Thanks for nothing.


< /RANT >