The good, the bad, the lonely

There's been a lot going on over the past few days, which is why I haven't written much lately.  So, here's what's been going on.

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We all know how I feel about getting drunk...well, yesterday I heard from Strider saying he was out with a Sr Chief friend of his.  He said he'd call me back when he got to his room...well, he never did.

You know why?  Because he got fucking trashed and showed up to the boat drunk and sick as hell.  He swore he'd never do that...yet he did it. After talking to him he said he learned his lesson.  I seriously hope so. He doesn't need to get his ass busted because he gets stupid and shows up a mess again.

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About a week ago Strider's jeep stopped working, yesterday I had it towed to FS in the morning. R took a look at it, turned out to be the battery, which he replaced.  When I went to pick up the jeep I dropped off my car to get new tires, alignment and oil change.  Thankfully everything, for both cars, only cost $1049...originally it was going to be $1300 for my car alone!  Talk about a great deal!  Thank you R!

Now that the cars are all fixed and Bug's out of school the fun can start. So many crafts, trips, you name it. The first trip...the VLM( The Virginia Living Museum).

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Saturday is Logan's appointment, he's doing pretty well, walking well even if he keeps his foot up sometimes.  The lunatic refuses to stay still, he runs and jumps, plays tug, climbs all over Bug and I. I can't wait to get his leg all better so we can move forward.

I'm not worried about his surgery, to be honest I'm more worried about Bug's surgery which is in July.

Yep, you guessed it, Bug has to go in for a second surgery on her eyes.  Thankfully she has the best surgeon, the same one that did her eyes when she was only 18 months old, and he's seen her every 3 months since then.  Her pre-op is on July 8th and her surgery is the 18th.  I've got that lump in my gut like I did last time.  Anyone who's kid has gone through any kind of surgery would know the feeling in my gut.

I think maybe it's harder for me this time because Strider's not here, and I know he wishes he was here for it, he misses Bug and I so much.

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This time with Strider gone it's harder then it was the last time. Sleeping in the bed that has his scent is rough, especially without him there next to me, Not feeling him there, or hearing him breathing, or smelling him...it's hard. I've been so lonely without him.  Sure, I've got Bug here, which is great, I adore her beyond words....I need adult company.

The other night I fell so deep into this damned depression that I was seconds away from cutting again, something I hadn't done since I was 14.  The straw that broke my back was his getting plastered when he knew how I felt about it.

I miss him so damned much, this year has to go by quickly with all the stuff Bug and I have planned or I swear, I'll lose what's left of my mind.

There you have it, the good, the bad and the loneliness.


< /RANT >