Tears and toads

Today when I drove Bug to school she had a meltdown.  She missed her daddy so much, she's been crying a lot lately.  I feel bad for her, there's nothing I can do except tell her that I miss him too and that he'll be home soon.

While I was helping her out with her homework tonight I saw just how bright she really is.  She knew all the words for her spelling, and her math skills are great. We even played a game for her homework, I love watching her laugh and have fun. It's one of those truly enjoyable moments as a parent, when you enjoy the fun times with your child.


When we went for dinner tonight Bug and I almost stepped on a toad, so we rescued it.  It's in a critter keeper with some crickets right now.  We'll probably take it with us to the Dismal Swamp this weekend and set it free.  I'm looking forward to going hiking with my Bug and Logan, take the camera and see what kind of shots we can get.


That's it for now, I'm tired and can't really think straight right now.



< /RANT >

Another day...

Today started out rather nicely, got a text from Strider over Tango.  I love getting messages from him first thing in the morning, they really do brighten up my mornings. But, that was rather short lived when my mom called and started in on me about the other day.

I'm really getting tired of the way she acts.  Tonight when I tried to talk to her about it and tell her that she was showing quite a few signs of bi-polar manic depression, but would she listen? Of course not. She refuses to even see a counselor about it, or even talk to her GP about it. She says she doesn't need help. I guess all my words fell on deaf ears once again. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only semi-sane one in my family.

Oh well, I guess I can't help her, not unless she's willing to acknowledged the fact that she has a problem and get help for it on her own. I seriously don't see her doing that any time soon.

I started draining the pool today, it's actually about half way done already, talk about fast draining. Tomorrow I can take it apart and wash the liner, let it dry then roll it up for storage. That way I'll have some more room in the back yard, I might even start working on the patio, just have to measure it out and get the amount of blocks I need.  That way I can also set aside a spot for Bug to have a sand box to play in.  I know she's almost 7, but she really loves to play in the sand.

Guess I should get started on the new batch of dish washer detergent, I might even try to press it into the ice cube trays and make them little blocks. That would be awesome if it actually worked! Seriously need to try it!  I also need to make a fresh batch of the laundry detergent.  This week will be spent cleaning this house, trying to get it all squared away.  I know that I need to get rid of some things, you know, the things we don't need anymore.  Better to do that then hold onto things that'll just take up space and have no use at all even later on.

Well, off to go make the laundry and dish washer detergents. Might even try making a batch of skin lotion.

Wish me luck!

< /RANT >

Out of place...

Ah yes, the after midnight blog entry...

Bug and I went to our friends house tonight for a birthday party for Kitty and Bitty. Bug had a blast hanging out with the kids and playing.  After a while we left to go have dinner, when we returned we took our dog with us.  He had fun playing with the other dogs.

There was only one problem...I felt out of place...I was the only one there who's husband was gone.  It's the one thing I dislike about hanging out with friends, is being the only one there without their husband.

I mean, sure, I had fun, but I just felt like an outsider, you know?

Maybe I'm being silly, but it just bothers me, makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. But I didn't say anything, I really didn't want to ruin the day for anyone else.

Oh well, I should go before I feel any more depressed then I already do.



< /RANT >

She needs help!

It happened again yesterday. My mom decided to start going after Bug because she was pissed off at me.  It all started when I was talking to Strider on Tango, we were talking about his mother when my mom decided to but her nose into the conversation. I told her that it wasn't her business and to stay out of it, well, that pissed her off apparently. So she took it out on poor Bug.  That's when I lost it, I yelled at her to stop.  She threatened to walk home, so I let her.  I wasn't about to stop her, not after what she did to Bug.  Besides, it was a very nice day out yesterday, perfect walking weather.

Strider thinks I should have her committed, I can't do that, she'd hate me for life. She does need help though, serious help.  When I first suggested a therapist to her she claimed she had seen one that told her she was bi-polar and she flipped out on him and stormed out of his office.  The next time I asked her about seeing one she claimed she had gone to one and he tried to kill her by putting her meds that would have reacted badly with the meds she's on now.

According to her dr she's in stage 4 renal failure, I'm sorry, but if she was in stage 4 she'd be a lot worse off then she is.  Not to mention being almost crippled if she had RA as severely as she says she does.

I just don't know what to do anymore, she's become so bitter and angry all the time, unless she's getting what she wants.  She says that my Aunt, her sister, treated her like crap when she was up there for my aunts son's funeral.  Knowing my mom she said something in her usual angry, bitchy tone and was told to stop and she went off as usual.  My brother doesn't even bother with her unless he wants something from her, sounds familiar really.

Bug tried to call her today to tell her what she had learned in school today, well, my mom was cold and unemotional to her. Then when Bug asked my mom if she wanted to talk to me she said "I have nothing to say, good bye" and hung up. If she wants to be alone in her life, she's doing a great job so far.  Because of her attitude I don't like being around her. I've tried so hard to be nice to her, to understand what she's going through and be there for her, but she just doesn't seem to give a damn.  All she cares about is her crap and talking about the same thing over and over again.  I'm done with it.  Even when we're driving she freaks out of a person coming to a stop sign next to us rolls slightly over the line, I swear, she acts as though they're gonna run the light and hit us!

I can't anymore of this, I really can't. Goddess help me, I just don't know what to do about her any more.  Even when we're out in public she'll start in on Bug, refuse to listen when Bug says to stop, then I have to yell because she refuses to listen the first three times I ask her to stop! Then I look like the bad guy! She needs to learn to stop demeaning Bug, stop picking on Bug and to respect bug's personal space!

I swear, between my mom and Strider's mom Bug has no grandmothers at all, no grandfathers either, Strider's father is dead and mine is...well...I have no clue to be honest.

My mom tried to get me all pissed at my father again, I forgave him a long time ago, just like I had forgiven her a long time ago for the physical abuse.  But this...I dunno if I can forgive this.  She's making my daughter miserable, making my daughter not want to be around her, making my daughter cry. Sorry, but no one makes my kid cry.

Before I get even more angry about this crap I should go...time for bed anyway.



< /RANT >

A MiL that's not worth the trouble...

So..between Bug lying to me and being disappointed in certain people in my family I guess things could be worse.  As long as I can get Bug to stop lying to me and have Strider home with me again I know that I'll make it through all the other crap. As for the people in my family that have disappointed me...well, there's no helping them if they can't help themselves.

I can't keep worrying about them and hoping that they not only get better but that they pick up the phone and call.  I'm not sure what's wrong with my mother in law, I really don't. Over the past few weeks she keeps saying in posts on my FB that she'll call us over the weekend, yet she never does.  Not once since Strider's been gone has she even picked up the phone and called us, not even a single text to see how Bug and I are holding up.  She's not a mother to him, not even a little bit.  After the way she lost them when Strider was 7 years old she doesn't deserve to be in his life. Yet when she talks about it she always says "The judge even said it wasn't because we were bad parents"...what the hell do you call being an alcoholic, drug addict and a hoarder if not a bad parent?

Any time I even think about the way she is it really pisses me off. I feel bad for Strider because he never had a childhood where he could feel safe. Granted, mine wasn't all that good either, but at least I had my family.

Not long ago my mom told Bug that she has two grandmothers, Bug flat out said "No, I only have one grandmother."  Talk about a heart breaking thing to come out of a six year old kid.  But I doubt that it would even phase my MiL, and if it did she'd just drink it away or some shit.  I'm worried that Strider will lose his mother to the drinking, he already lost his father to the drinking and drugs.

Well, before I get even more upset I better stop this rant...


< /RANT >

Ready to scream!

I swear, when it rains it really fucking pours. Yesterday I went to speak to one of the ladies in the cafeteria at Bug's school.  I told her that Bug needed soy milk and that the board of education told me that they have to go pick it up that it's not a delivery item. She said she'd have it in by lunch time yesterday...yeah, that never happened.

Today Bug tells me that one of the cafeteria ladies took the regular milk, opened it and poured it into her cereal and told her to eat it anyway. She told me that the nurse asked what the lady was doing and told her about Bug's allergy. Needless to say Whitley came over and did her usual bullshit. She doesn't give a damn about the kids in that school unless they're black.  I hate to say it that way, but that's the way it seems.

I'm so damned frustrated with this fucking principal. I've called the board of education, but they don't seem to care much at all.  So, today I called them and left a message saying that I expect the head of nutrition to meet me there by 835am, I also called the governors office and left a message about what was going on.  I also went as far as calling the local TV station.

What else am I supposed to do?  I guess I'll see what happens tomorrow morning.  If this isn't taken care of by the appropriate parties then I have no idea what the hell to do. 

If I pull her out of the school she'll miss her friends and lose the socialization the school offers, yet at the same time she'll be safe and getting the education she needs and wants.

I guess I'll update tomorrow with what ever happens.


< /RANT >

Grumbles, Growls and everything in between

It's been a while since I blogged anything, I know, I need to start putting my feelings and such down better.  It's just hard sometimes, you know, life and all.

Things have been interesting to say the least since Strider left for deployment.

I took our dog to the vet because he was losing fur on his sides, they did the Free T3 for me, which is a full thyroid panel.  The results...well, he has Lymphocitic Thryoiditis.  What is that you ask? It's a genetic disease similar to Hashimoto's disease in humans.  He also has seasonal flank alopecia, which is treatable with melatonin.

I PM'd the breeder to let him know what was going on, well, he was a complete ass to say the least.   He never even bothered to respond until another dog, that was since put to sleep due to aggression issues, was brought up.  After I remarked about the contract, he went off the deep end. He threatened, he huffed, he puffed, he bluffed. He even tried to tell me not to treat the dog.  Excuse me? I'm sorry, but he did not go to veterinary school, why the hell should I listen to him? I'm listening to what the VET said to do.  What did I do?  I called two lawyers, gave them all the information, including the emails back and forth. They said to ignore him, one of them actually flat out said that if he tries to take me to court that the judge will call him a dumb ass.  How great is that? They also said that if he does try to sue me that they'll handle him, they both said that he will end up paying more then he would have had he simply done what any responsible breeder would have done.  Anyway, he claimed to be sending me a certified letter or some shit, yeah, okay, been two weeks and it hasn't shown up...yet another fucking bluff from this asshole.  Needless to say I will sending the test results to the OFA as well as sending a letter to the UKC about how unprofessional this breeder is.  Why send a letter to the UKC? Because he's the president of it up in MI. Can you tell that I'm not someone to be bullied?

While all of that was going on I've had an MRI, which came back negative. So now I have to go see a neurologist for further testing.  My Dr is just wanting the same answers I'm looking for.  Is it really fibromyalgia or is it MS?  Hopefully we'll get an answer, no matter how good or bad it is, I'll handle it.

Plus I've been making and selling homemade products for the home and body. It all started out when Bug was itching from the laundry detergent.  I started making our own laundry and dish detergent.  Then it spread to bug spray and hand sanitizer, and just spread from there.  Now I make sachet's, carpet and upholstery freshener and even shampoo! Soon I'll be making glycerin soaps, possibly some bath bags, bath bombs/fizzies and maybe even some skin lotion!

So you can see that even when I'm stressed out and about to slap the shit out of assholes in my life, I can still make good things and keep my head up.

Bug starts school in a few days, I can't wait.  I know, that sounds horrible, but it's true! Yet at the same time I'm dreading it.  On Tuesday when I take her to school I need to stop in and speak to the cafeteria manager about them having soy milk for Bug.  If she tries to tell me that it'll take a week or two, I'll tell her bullshit, the board of ed said that it's their responsibility to go pick it up!  After that I get to go talk to the principal about them putting that kid that assaulted Bug three times last year in her class!  Seriously?!  I'm telling you, if anything, and I mean ANYTHING, is done to my Bug by that kid I'm holding the school and the principal PERSONALLY responsible.

Well, I guess that's about it for now, maybe I'll have more to say tomorrow.

By the way, if that certain person is reading this, then he needs to get a life.  I can already get him on cyber bullying, shall we go for cyber stalking as well?


< /RANT >