Pisses me off...

I swear to Gods, no matter what the hell is going on Strider has to go hide in the damned computer room.  I understand that the computer is in there, but he goes in there and starts playing Facebook games! Really?! Are those games really that important to him? Seriously pisses me off.

Today I had asked him to hang out with Bug outside while she played outside in the small pool, what does he do? He sits in the fucking dining room and plays a game on his cell phone with the window open!! That's apparently his idea of watching her!! What the fuck!!

He refuses to work out, he refuses to eat less, he's getting fat and he doesn't seem to give a shit. Gah! I'm putting on weight and it's turning into fat, so I
m working out, riding my bike 2 days a week, plus going to PT three days a week.  I still try to get the flab gone even with all that pain I'm in every single fucking day. If I can do it why the hell can't he? Lazy! That's why, he's fucking lazy!

My mom seems to think that she needs to know everything that's going on with Bug, especially at school.  It's as though she's trying to be a mom to Bug. Sorry, I'm Bug's mom, not her. She wasn't that good of a mom when I was growing up. To be honest, she wasn't quite right, she was always lashing out verbally, physically, and psychologically. She was always so damned angry all the time, she's still angry all the time.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe it's not jealousy, jealousy over the fact that I'm still married to a man that loves me and she's not. She ended up losing her marriage when I was three, could she still be holding a hatred over it? She's always bringing up the past and trying to get me to side with her. She even told me that my grandparents used to abuse her, beat her and such. I'm sorry, but I can't believe that, not even a little bit.  She always says how her sister hates her, and how her sister had been mean to her during her sisters son's funeral. I don't think it was all my aunt's fault, there's got to be a reason behind it all.  Even my aunt won't talk about it, she even told me that she doesn't want to talk about or even hear my mom's name at all after what she did, but she won't tell me what she had gone. Gah! That's frustrating as all hell.

There are so many inconsistencies when my mom talks about something that it's so obvious that she's lying. I'm starting to think that Bug's tendencies to tell tales and lye about things is something she's learning from my mom, so not good.

Just a little bit ago she called and was acting all "I gotta know what's going on" type of thing. She kept asking me to repeat when my appointments were tomorrow, she wants a reason to bitch about Strider. She's convinced that he's not a good dad or husband. You know what? The military takes him away from us, and I can deal with that. If she sees that as a failure as a husband and dad then she needs to wake to hell up and realize that his job isn't like a civilian job, he has no choice.

My mom said it was bullshit that he'd still deploy if the thing in my knee turned out to be cancer, well, I dunno, we'd have to see what happens when we get the results.

::sighs::  Somedays it's just not worth it to get out of bed or to start thinking about things, or to even answer the phone. lol


< /RANT >