Ever feel like everyone around you, friends, family, strangers, are all taking advantage of you?  I've been feeling that way for a while now. No matter who it is, when they ask for my help for some reason I'm determined go help them, even if it means I get hurt in the end.  No matter what I do to help people I always end up with the short end of the stick.

Fucking idiots!

Back in October I had posted about the hell my house was in. Well, everything was finally fixed, there were a few bumps along the way, like the contractors not finishing what they started, the owner of the contracting company getting his panties in a bunch and getting bitchy with me. I'm sorry, but I hired him to do a job, I expected it to be done to my satisfaction, not his. Even now there are some of the floor boards that aren't seated correctly, but will he come out here to see them so he can fix them? Nope, he didn't even bother doing a final walk through to make sure the walk had been done correctly the first time.

One of his guys even went so far as to throw lit cigarettes into Bug's Fairy Garden...umm...that's a big no no! He got what he deserved though.  He was rushing to get the word done, not even caring about the quality of the work, and he ended up splaying his hand open on the table saw. Talk about just deserts. But did his boss even care about that? Nope.  When he finally did respond to my email he got snarky as hell with me! Excuse me?!? I'll never hire that company EVER again!

He had promised the house would be finished by Thanksgiving...it wasn't done.  It was finally finished the week AFTER Thanksgiving.

I mean, shit, if someone hires you to do a job, do the fucking job, seriously, it saves everyone the anxiety and saves you from getting my foot up your ass...or worse...my lawyer on your ass.

Speaking of lawyers, my insurance company hired a lawyer to go after the guy that caused all this mess, I'm not even sure they'll get their money back from him.  I'm not even sure if they'll get my deductible back from him.

This whole thing has been rough and really put a strain on our lives in this house. But, now that it's all fixed, we can cook at home again, no need to go out for every damned meal. That was crazy expensive!

Now all I need to do is motivate Strider to help me do the rest of the work in the house. We have the two bathrooms to refinish as well as three bedrooms. I want to have them done within this calendar year if possible...without hiring someone to do it.

During the time that we had no living room or kitchen we ended up doing Bug's classes as best as possible. Sadly during that time Aim's boys didn't even do any of their work and fell seriously behind...and they kept falling behind, they're STILL behind. Seriously?!? I just don't get it...but that's a rant for another day...

< /RANT >

And the hits just keep on coming...

So tired of seeing all the anti-gun crap. If you don't want a gun, don't get one. If you don't have a gun when you need it to protect yourself don't cry about it and blame the gun the bad guy has. 

It wasn't the gun or the Confederate battle flag that killed those people in South Carolina, it was a young man that was seriously messed up in the head. Instead of blaming the man people start freaking out about the flag, seriously people, get a fucking grip!

When these crazy people go into schools and kill innocent people everyone starts yelling for stronger gun control. That won't help the situation. The people was messed up in the head. 

If you take guns away from the citizens you take away their ability to protect themselves.

Look what happened not long ago on that base, a terrorist got onto the base and a navy man with his own sidearm shot the terrorist. No one freaked out about it, why? Because it was a good kill. 

Guns don't kill people, I have a gun on my nightstand and not once has it gone off on its own and killed someone. (Had to say it)

It's people that kill people, it's people that kill animals for sport, it's people that mistreat dogs and make them mean.

Stop blaming the gun, the dog, the food, the flag, the statue, or what ever the fuck your blaming for the bad shit in this world and start blaming the people that do the bad shit!

< /RANT >

Quit bitching

So tired of seeing all the anti-gun crap. If you don't want a gun, don't get one. If you don't have a gun when you need it to protect yourself don't cry about it and blame the gun the bad guy has. 

It wasn't the gun or the Confederate battle flag that killed those people in South Carolina, it was a young man that was seriously messed up in the head. Instead of blaming the man people start freaking out about the flag, seriously people, get a fucking grip!

When these crazy people go into schools and kill innocent people everyone starts yelling for stronger gun control. That won't help the situation. The people was messed up in the head. 

If you take guns away from the citizens you take away their ability to protect themselves.

Look what happened not long ago on that base, a terrorist got onto the base and a navy man with his own sidearm shot the terrorist. No one freaked out about it, why? Because it was a good kill. 

Guns don't kill people, I have a gun on my nightstand and not once has it gone off on its own and killed someone. (Had to say it)

It's people that kill people, it's people that kill animals for sport, it's people that mistreat dogs and make them mean.

Stop blaming the gun, the dog, the food, the flag, the statue, or what ever the fuck your blaming for the bad shit in this world and start blaming the people that do the bad shit!

<\rant>

Portsmouth VA Public School System

Over the past few months I've spoken to many teachers.  Some still teach in this district, others taught here many years ago and have either moved to different cities or to different states all together. They all say the same thing, their hands are tied, the budget cuts have caused so much harm to the schools, the teachers, and the students.

Teachers today have to supply the classroom items out of their own pockets because of the budget cuts.  Yet I've seen principals redecorate the main offices, get new wardrobes, and the kids still have old text books that have been written in, torn pages, highlighted text, or missing information because of how  out of date they are.

I've seen some children get passed onto the next grade even after they've failed the grade they were in, they didn't fail because they couldn't do the work, they failed because the teacher failed to help them in a way that they needed.  I've also seen children run away from the school and the school do nothing except ask the parents who are there to pick up their own children if they'd seen so and so. The school didn't lock down, they didn't call the police, not sure if they contacted the parents of not. How do I know? Because I was there for two of the incidents.  How can we feel that our children are safe in the school when things like this happen? This is what happens when the school system stops caring or the principal doesn't care about the kids anymore. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good principals in the district, from what I've been told.  I've dealt with a principal that's less than desirable.

After speaking to these teachers, several of them have used the same word to describe the school system here in Portsmouth...Corrupt.  They've all mentioned the new Superintendent, they've asked what he's doing to help the school systems, they mention that he promised to fix the school systems from the top down...where is that change? Will anyone give us an answer as to what's happening to the money the school board says they have? When will the teachers get what they need so they can teach the kids better? When will we get an answer about the corruption? How deep does it go?

These teachers have worked their asses off to help our kids, some of them have even lost their jobs when they spoke out or tried to go above and beyond their job description.

As a mom I urge anyone that has or had a child in the school system here, is a teacher, student past or present, to speak up.  The only way there's going to be any changes if we stand up and make some noise.  Send letters, emails, phone calls, to the board of education, to the superintendent, members of the school board.  We have someone in our corner who's willing to speak for us, but we need to be willing to speak to him, tell him what's going on in the schools.  I'm certain that he will keep things confidential and anonymous, especially if you're a teacher who's currently employed in the school system anywhere in Portsmouth or have moved on to another district and fear for your career. If your child has been subjected to bullying, poor teaching, racism, or lack of adequate education, please contact the school board, or contact me and I'll pass your information along to the right person who can help.

I've pulled my child out of the school system because of the abuse, racism, abuse, assaults and bullying by students and staff, that she had endured in that school since kindergarten. Several other parents have done the same thing and pulled their children out of public school and started homeschooling.

I've spoken up....are you willing to?

Open your eyes

This country is so beyond screwed up.  We people as a whole can't even see what's really important...we're blinded by the media sensations...

So many things that are from our past have been twisted by the people of today. Swastika for one, it was originally a symbol of "good furtune" and "well being" turned into a symbol of death and hate by the Natzi's.

The confederate Battle Flag, it was just a battle flag, and now people see it as a symbol of racism and hate.  Here's something I found on Snopes, a place people go to debunk information or to prove it's validity.

"The Confederate Battle Flag today finds itself in the center of much controversy and hoopla going on in several states. The cry to take this flag down is unjustified. It is very important to keep in mind that the Confederate Battle Flag was simply just that. A battle flag. It was never even a National flag, so how could it have flown over a slave nation or represented slavery or racism? This myth is continued by lack of education and ignorance. Those that vilify the Confederate Battle Flag are very confused about history and have jumped upon a bandwagon with loose wheels."

While a lot of people have suffered injustices throughout the ages, today's children and most adults have not experiences anything like it. I could go on ana don about how all people of German decent were crual monsters that put my ansectors into interment camps, starved and killed them. How the Polish, Jewish, anyone not of the Arian race where exterminated in the madness of Hitler's genocidal madness.

Or I could go on and on about how all the other races in this world killed, enslaved, raped and stole from the Native Americans. How they were forced to live on sections of land "granted" to them by the United States, by the very people that stole the lands from them to begin with.

Black, white, Asian, Hindi, or what ever color, race, of ethnicity is...GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF! The shit that's going on in this world has NOTHING to do with race, it has to do with ignorant people doing stupid shit and not wanting to take responsibility for their own actions.

You know the realy important things that have happened in this country lately? I'll give you a hint...it has nothing to do with the Confederate Battle Flag, it has nothing to do with the Supreme Court's ruling that same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states, it's not racism... It's the Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement that Obama passed. It's the ongoing battle against ISIS and terrorists here in the US, it's the drought, wildfires, disease...it's our country and we let the things that create an emotional response distract us from what we should really be looking at, really be concerned about.

< /RANT >

Personal Boundaries and Why We Need Them

Why you should never force your children to hug people. 

This is very important.  The article above touches a sensitive subject. Boundaries are very important in our lives.

 I've seen parents force their children to give people hugs, and it's not right, it teaches the children that they have no say over what happens to them.  This is why I DON'T force Bug to hug anyone, it's her choice, and if she says no then it's no.

This also goes for when people touch or try to poke kids when kids doesn't want to be touched, when the kid says stop they have to. Bug has told people to stop many times when they try to touch or poke her playfully and she's not in the mood to play.  She's developing healthy boundaries, which is very good. There are some people that don't recognize or even accept those boundaries, and that's bad.  We need to teach our kids when touching, hugging, poking, or even holding hands is acceptable, we have to teach them that their boundaries are okay and that THEY have the right to say NO to someone. We as parents then have to reinforce the no if the person doesn't stop what ever action our kids don't like.  We as parents need to let the other people, including family, know that we want our kids to have those boundaries, that we want them to be able to tell someone no when they're feeling uncomfortable.

When we're out somewhere and we meet up with a friend I make sure that I tell Bug that it's okay for her to hug the person if she wants to.  If she doesn't want to hug them then she doesn't have to.
There are so many people in this world that will violate the boundaries of children as well as adults, and we need to make sure that our children can protect themselves. Not everyone will listen to the word no, and that's when things get bad.

Fran Walfish, PhD, said in an article that teaching our children boundaries is healthy and good to do.  Here's her advice on how to help our children to build those boundaries.

Get clear on your own boundaries.

Work on setting effective boundaries with your kids. This affects their behavior and conveys the right way to create their own boundaries.

For instance, if a father sets boundaries harshly — he screams and even slaps his kids — then that child is likely to behave harshly or aggressively with other kids, Walfish said. “And [they] might even become the bully.”

(Here’s more on setting boundaries with your kids.)

Help them honor themselves.

Walfish also suggests parents reflect out loud to their kids about what feels and doesn’t feel comfortable.

For instance, if you have a shy child, avoid “rubbing it in” — or pressuring them to talk to others — “which will make them embarrassed and self-conscious and maybe shame the child.”

Instead, in an empathic tone of voice say, “You know, I think you’re the kind of person who likes to take time and warm up to someone before you feel comfortable talking, and that’s fine,” she said.

This way, you’re helping your child define a boundary. You’re helping them figure out what works for them and what doesn’t — and to honor that.

Talk about it.

Teach your kids about what it means to be a good friend, and how to deal with bullying or exclusion from the schoolyard. “If kids say, ‘you can’t play with us,’ teach your kids to say ‘you’re not being a good friend,'” Walfish said.

Help them understand that kids who reject them aren’t nice kids — “and who wants to hang out with mean kids anyway? Most of us pursue those who reject us, and that’s the wrong pursuit.” Be sure to talk to your child on their level, depending on age, she added.

Role-play.

“Ask your kids to play what-if scenarios,” Walfish said. Ask them what they might say in certain situations. Avoid feeding them the answers, because this “facilitates dependency.” And it’s key to “praise every increment toward your child’s autonomy.”

It is helpful to give your kids several key phrases they can use to self-advocate, and to teach them to use their words, not their hands, she said.

Walfish also stressed the importance of helping your kids develop a good value system and build their character — and to choose friends who, too, have good ethics.

She also noted that parents shouldn’t take sides in sibling fights or rivalry.

“Don’t position yourself to blame, judge or criticize, but rather position yourself as a mediator.” You’re simply there to let the kids take turns == “each one having a chance to talk and listen without interrupting.”

Being able to set your personal boundaries is a skill that, unfortunately, not all of us get the chance to learn.  Experiences that we have can help us to pick up tid bits here and there on how to set our boundaries, but not always enough to help us to keep those boundaries. 
Below are some tips from Dr Dana Gionta from an article I had read from Psych Central.

1. Name your limits.

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits, Gionta said. Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. “Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”

2. Tune into your feelings.

Gionta has observed two key feelings in others that are red flags or cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries: discomfort and resentment. She suggested thinking of these feelings on a continuum from one to 10. Six to 10 is in the higher zone, she said.

If you’re at the higher end of this continuum, during an interaction or in a situation, Gionta suggested asking yourself, what is causing that? What is it about this interaction, or the person’s expectation that is bothering me?

Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us, she said.

“When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary,” Gionta said.

3. Be direct.

With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue. Usually, this is the case if people are similar in their communication styles, views, personalities and general approach to life, Gionta said. They’ll “approach each other similarly.”

With others, such as those who have a different personality or cultural background, you’ll need to be more direct about your boundaries. Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense.

There are other times you might need to be direct. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said. Partners might need to talk about how much time they need to maintain their sense of self and how much time to spend together.

4. Give yourself permission.

Fear, guilt and self-doubt are big potential pitfalls, Gionta said. We might fear the other person’s response if we set and enforce our boundaries. We might feel guilty by speaking up or saying no to a family member. Many believe that they should be able to cope with a situation or say yes because they’re a good daughter or son, even though they “feel drained or taken advantage of.” We might wonder if we even deserve to have boundaries in the first place.

Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. So give yourself the permission to set boundaries and work to preserve them.

5. Practice self-awareness.

Again, boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honoring them. If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, Gionta suggested asking yourself: What’s changed? Consider “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing?” or “What is the situation eliciting that’s making me resentful or stressed?” Then, mull over your options: “What am I going to do about the situation? What do I have control over?”

6. Consider your past and present.

How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries. If you held the role of caretaker, you learned to focus on others, letting yourself be drained emotionally or physically, Gionta said. Ignoring your own needs might have become the norm for you.

Also, think about the people you surround yourself with, she said. “Are the relationships reciprocal?” Is there a healthy give and take?

Beyond relationships, your environment might be unhealthy, too. For instance, if your workday is eight hours a day, but your co-workers stay at least 10 to 11, “there’s an implicit expectation to go above and beyond” at work, Gionta said. It can be challenging being the only one or one of a few trying to maintain healthy boundaries, she said. Again, this is where tuning into your feelings and needs and honoring them becomes critical.

7. Make self-care a priority.

Gionta helps her clients make self-care a priority, which also involves giving yourself permission to put yourself first. When we do this, “our need and motivation to set boundaries become stronger,” she said. Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”

Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”

8. Seek support.

If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, “seek some support, whether [that’s a] support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.” With friends or family, you can even make “it a priority with each other to practice setting boundaries together [and] hold each other accountable.”

Consider seeking support through resources, too. Gionta likes the following books: The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time and Boundaries in Marriage (along with several books on boundaries by the same authors).

9. Be assertive.

Of course, we know that it’s not enough to create boundaries; we actually have to follow through. Even though we know intellectually that people aren’t mind readers, we still expect others to know what hurts us, Gionta said. Since they don’t, it’s important to assertively communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.

In a respectful way, let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you and that you can work together to address it, Gionta said.

10. Start small.

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice. Gionta suggested starting with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increasing to more challenging boundaries. “Build upon your success, and [at first] try not to take on something that feels overwhelming.”

ER's & doctors galore

It's been so long since I wrote anything here, it's been so busy and hectic that I guess I forgot that this was even here. I know, horrible of me to forget that the one place I can vent and let my feelings be known. I'll try to do better next time.

Last Tuesday my mom had gone to see a doctor that she was hoping would become her primary, sadly that didn't work out, but, the doctor did see her about her massive headache. The doctor said that if she got another headache that she needed to get into the ER immediately. Well, she got more. A lot more. 

We had been sitting in Red Robin having lunch and trying to relax, her headaches got so bad that I called 911. I also had to call Strider to have home come get Bug. When the EMT's got there they took her BP, which was 200/145, her heart rate was down in the 40's, which concerned the EMT's as well as myself.  They ended up taking her to Maryview ER, which was a good thing. She had gone into sinus bradycardia twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, the EMT that was in the back of the ambulance with her was very concerned. 

Once at the hospital they took her right in, put her onto fluids heart monitor and shock pads just in case her heart rate dropped again.  They did a CT and found no evidence of a stroke or aneurism., which was good yet bad at the same time because it left us with more questions as to what caused this to happen. 

It was a crazy night, they had even told her that she may need a pace maker. The nurse had even gone as far as explaining to us how they would put the pace maker in, the way the wires are wrapped around the heart and the little electronic part is under the skin. After talking to the doctors and nurse, we then talked to a neurologist via a teleconference, which was so cool. He was able to zoom the camera in and even control the movements of it. Very state of the art.

The following day we saw her primary doctor who was very concerned about everything that happened. A lot of tests were ordered, echocardiogram, halter monitor, cardiologist, MRI, neurologist, blood tests. 

And that all leads up to today...we're at the Belleharbour Sanatara heart center to see the cardiologist and to have some of the cardio tests and such done if they can do them today.

So much on my shoulders right now, I'm trying to figure out how I'm even handling this.

Later I'll write about what possibly lead up to all of this. 

</RANT>

Homeschooling

Our school year started on Monday...it's been good so far.

It's taken me quite a while to get the lesson plan straightened out.

I'll post more about this subject later on, I'm far too tired to think straight enough.


< /RANT >

Narrow minds

I just love how narrow minded people are.  It really does make me feel sorry for them.  Especially those that claim to be like you when you first meet them, then suddenly they're the opposite and are oh so much better then you. Those people that feel threatened by your ideals, by your beliefs, by your opinions, those are the ones that I truly feel sorry for.

If you feel threatened by someone's beliefs or their sexual orientation I feel sorry for you. There's no reason to feel threatened unless you yourself feel the same but are afraid to voice it.  Fear holds you back, fear makes you hate.

I don't push my beliefs on anyone, if people don't like that I don't follow their ways, or their god, they can either walk away or not even bother. My beliefs are strong because of the life I've lead, which isn't for everyone, I've been ostracized, chastised, ridiculed, bullied and tormented my entire life for being who and what I am, I won't stand for it any more. I'm pagan, I will never cheat on my husband or neglect my child, I make homemade things for my friends and family out of love.

If you feel that I have somehow wronged you or rubbed you the wrong way then by all means, tell me why or get the hell out of my life.  You're not amusing anyone, all you're doing is making your life worse.  Remember that, the more you hate, the more you bash, the more you disrespect...the more of that that will come back to you in the long run.

< /RANT >

Can I get a redo on my day?

My day started out well enough, until we got to Petsmart and my mom got into it with Bug. Bug said my mom flipped her off and my mom said Bug was lying. Bug doesn't lie to me anymore, she learned her lesson.  My mom had said that she needed stuff from the stores we were going to, that's why I brought her with us, and yet again she acts like a 2 year old. Seriously, she's 60 some odd years old and can't act like an adult.

Then when we were at Kroger's Bug almost got hit in a parking lot by some old asshole that refused to yield. I had to yank her back, then he had the balls to tell me I was in the wrong even though it's state law to yield to pedestrians in parking lots.  What the hell is wrong with people? 

We got home and we're doing the dishes before I made dinner, my kitchen sink backed up so badly that I had to use a plunger after emptying all the dirty and wet dishes onto the stove. 

To top it all off the dog stepped on Bug's ankle so hard that she was in tears for the past 45 minutes. So now we're sitting here at the E.R. Waiting to be seem. 

All this and we have a storm over us with winds about 20mph with 60mph gusts and torrential rain. 

To say my day has been rough is an understatement. I just want to crawl into a hole and hide for a while.

Emotional Spring Cleaning

Time for some spring cleaning of the emotional kind. 

Over the years I've lost a lot of friends, most decided they didn't want to talk to me anymore but never had the guts to say anything to my face.  

In the past year things have been hard for Bug and I. I've tried reaching out to friends, but they're always so busy. 

Maybe it's time I just stop reaching out at all. Stop trying to get together with 'friends'. I can't keep going through this, I can't keep letting Bug go through this too, especially when those so called friends have kids that Bug is/was friends with. 

It hurts that people are like this. But apparently we're not good enough for them. Even the people that I've met since we've moved here have stopped talking to me. 

Guess I'm just not good enough for them.  Screw them all, when they call needing something, needing a friend or what ever....I won't be there for them.  Why should I be there for them of they're never there for me? Of they need a friend they can turn to their husbands or their other friends. I'll be here with Bug missing my husband and keeping things going for the next 10 months without him. 

So to all you assholes that decided that I wasn't good enough to even talk to anymore.....fuck you! 

They know who they are, they're people I've known for years or people I've recently met since Bug started school, either way they suck and have shown to me that they're not worth my time.  Kind of like certain family members, they're too good to even call us or text, so they're not worth the time either.

There are some are always going to be in my life, they're the ones that have always been there for me no matter what. I've been there for them throughout the years and that's never going to change.

Now I'm going to eat sushi with my Bug. 

< /RANT >

Been a while...

It's been a while since I've written anything here...a lot's been going on.

We got to spend a few extra days with Strider, which brought it up to 18 days, because it snowed the day he was supposed to fly out.  That was a good thing.

When we let him get onto that plane it was hard, Bug ran to him to give him one last hug as she cried.  It was heart breaking to say the least.

Since then it's been rather interesting.

Bug's been going through these odd mood shifts that she doesn't understand. It's as though she's trying to piece together her personality and test it out, but there are parts of it all that are way too much like my mom. I told Bug that last night and she freaked out. She doesn't want to be like my mom at all because of the nasty way my mom acts almost all the time.

Here's a run down of what's happened since I posted the last time...

Jack had his surgery to remove the useless eye, so now he's truly One-Eyed-Jack and a lot happier for it.

Bug has asthma...yup, she has RAD(Reactive Airway Disease) like I do...not good.

I've been very creative...here are some pics of what I've made so far.

 Crossroads talisman

A Dreamer's Key for good dreams

Mother Goddess talisman(front)

(back)

Claws, beads and more.

Mother Goddess talisman

Triple Goddess talisman

A rug from old towels

Elder Futhark Runes

New key chain- This one is Bug's, mine is black

Ankhs

Egyptian Rosaries

My first attempt at wire work!

Gypsy runes

Trying my hand at hieroglyph (oracle stones)

Bug is really excited about the warm weather coming soon, it means more time outside, having the windows open, going hiking, beach combing...lots of fun.

My mom has driven me far too close to losing my shit completely.

There it is, the reader's digest version of what's gone on since the last time I posted.

Other then that my mom's just been driving us completely nuts with her bad attitude and the expectations that everything will be done her way. She drove me to an asthma attack today.

I'll write more later.


< /RANT >

Stolen property and canceled flights

On the 28th of this month Strider was due to come home for two weeks. I had hoped that everything would have gone without a hitch, but that was a pipe dream, seriously, it was just a dream. Nothing went as it should have. The entire day leading up to his arrival at the house was just one thing after another.

It all started at 8:20am the morning of the 28th. It started out as a normal day, got up, got Bug breakfast and started to get her ready for school. Then I went outside to start the car...that's when the bad shit started. My car had been robbed, as in someone had gotten into my car and stole stuff. The glove box and center console were open and the contents all over the car. Thankfully I never leave anything of value in my car, so all they got was the leather folio that the registration and insurance in kept in, the thing that holds the car manual and such.

So I called the police, the insurance company and the DMV, had to cover all my bases, you know? An officer came out to check out the car, he even tried to get prints but he couldn't. Let me just say that fingerprinting dust is messy as all hell! The officer and I stood outside and talked for a while, he let me in on a lot that's been going on in the neighborhood lately, which is a good thing. One of my neighbors had also had their car broken into that same night.

While I had been waiting for the officer to show up I had been taking a nap, that's when I got the message from the flight app that I had all set up with Strider's flight information...the flight had been canceled...

I was hard waiting for the plane to land at Dulles so that I could talk to him and try to get him set up with a rental car. And here's where it gets even better...it started snowing...in the first half hour we already had about 1/4 inch on the ground and we were supposed to be getting a total of 8-15 inches by the end of the storm.

Strider had finally called me around 4:30pm and let me know what was going on, so I did some fancy foot work with the accounts and got the money where he needed it and set up the rental for him...then the waiting started.

He finally got in around 10:45 that night, by then we already had a good couple of inches on the ground and were expecting to get a lot more. I had reserved an SUV and what did they give him? A minivan. Things finally got better at that point.

We ended up getting a total of 8-10 inches.

Strider's home with Bug and I, things can finally return to some sort of normal for the next two weeks before he has to go back to Bahrain for who know how much longer. We're still playing the waiting game with his orders, hopefully they'll be in so we know what's going on, the waiting is the worst part of it all.



< /RANT >

My mom's date from hell....

He shambled like a damned zombie or a drunk or something! I wanted to shoot him before he got close to the table!  He was a complete idiot.

 My mom went on a date with this guy that she met on some online dating service, it was a serious waist of time in my opinion.

 This guy, we'll call him John, has RA, MS and who knows what else wrong with him. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not against people with RA or MS, my mom has RA and my good friend Dragoness has MS. But this guy wasn't about to even walk all that well, he was rather large too, not talking large as in stature, I mean large as in over weight.

 Let's start from the beginning shall we? My mom met John on this dating site, things seemed all good at first, but then she started to feel a bit smothered. John was being uber clingy, emailing her up to five times a day, sending her e-cards two to three times a day and calling her who knows how many times a day. She had asked him not to be to damned clingy, he said he was sorry that he's not do it again...well, he did it again.

This all leads us to tonight...he wanted to meet up for dinner with my mom, Bug and myself. Guess he thought I'd approve of him or something. Not so much, the guy was sloppily dressed, slurred his words, and focused on nothing but himself the entire time. It was so bad that when I tried to talk to my mom about something he spoke over me! Can you believe that?! Talk about a self absorbed idiot. When he showed up he never even bothered to introduce himself to Bug and I, he focused solely on my mom and ignored us. Yet he claimed that he wanted to be a part of things with us...how exactly did he plan on doing that with the focusing his self centered conversation on himself? Oh, I'm sorry, he didn't always talk about himself...half the time he was talking about his ex. Isn't that one of the cardinal rules of dating? Never talk about your ex? 

Even Bug said she didn't like him. My mom is planning on telling him that things just aren't going to work and to never contact her again. I just hope that this guy gets the hint. The guy before this one was a bit odd too, my mom swore that he was a scam artist or something, who knows?

 That was my evening...now to get my head back in the game and finish getting the house ready for Strider's leave homecoming!

< /RANT >

Bird seed and the sink

Ever wonder what happens when your kid spills bird seed in the sink and doesn't clean it up? Well, Bug found out what happens first hand today. It grows plant life in the drain. And yes, I find this amusing. Not just amusing, it was actually kinda cool the way it looked and how it was growing up from the drain around the drain stopper.

You can see the little seedlings reaching up from the drain, kinda cool looking, and creepy at the same time. At first I didn't know what the hell it was that was coming up out of the drain! I thought it was some kind of strange creature that I hadn't seen before! Thankfully though, it was just the seeds growing.

I knew that I would have to take the pipes apart and make sure that the roots didn't go past the trap, thankfully they didn't even get that far. When I took removed the first part to get the stopper out I found that it was rotted. After I pulled it off I pulled the stopper out to look at how it was all growing in the pipe, when I cleaned it out a chunk of metal came out with the seedlings and a rather good sized glop of hair...small hairs...as in beard hairs...thank you, Strider, I needed to see that nasty gloppy stuff. So now I have to go out tomorrow or Monday and buy a new drain assembly for the sink, may as well dismantle the one in the other bathroom too and just replace them both at the same time. It;ll make my life easier and prevent me from possibly having a melt down if the stopped in the other sink suddenly gives up what little life is left in it.

Here's the moral of this story...The good news is that the drain is fixed....bad news is I have more work ahead of me. If it wasn't for Angie accidentally spilling the seed down the drain I never would have known about the rotted parts.

See, things happen for a reason, this is one of those times that makes me so glad that I'm not one of those moms that yells about everything. Instead I turned it into a lesson and explained to her how it clogged the sink and how it grew. So now there is a small container of seeds soaking in water for her to grow so she can see what they will become.


< /RANT >

Don't treat your kids like shit...

It's been a while since I've had much to say, but right now I have stuff I need to get off my chest.

First is about this friend, we'll call her AJ.

AJ has two kids, one is a somewhat special needs kid, meaning he has Asbergers. I've got another friend who has a son with the same condition, so I'm rather familiar with it from talking to Kat and being around Boy.  Anyway, AJ tends to coddle the younger Asbergers kid, she gives in to everything, doesn't discipline very often, and when she does it's very minor compared to her other kid whom she yells at and practically bludgeons to death emotionally and psychologically. She'll yell at her older kid no matter what he does.  If he takes a pen to school or uses a sheet of paper he gets yelled at.

I'll admit, I used to be like that with Bug, but I learned that it wasn't the right way to be, so I changed.  AJ needs to change or her kids are going to end up so maladjusted it's not even funny.

She also says that her youngest has pica, a condition that causes them to eat anything they find on the floor, well, all the times he's been here he not once ate anything off my floor.  And let me tell you, my floors are less then clean! Bug has left beads laying on the floor, the cats will play with things and send them in all directions never to be seen again until I clean up or trip over it.

The other day I was with her after her eldest was home from school. She went on and on about her health issues without any restraint at all right in his face. I swear, she was trying to guilt trip him or something.  After a few minutes of this he changed the subject. I looked at her and told her she needed to chill out, that if she watched his body language she'd see that he was don't listening. She says that he steels, lies, breaks things and is mean spirited. He also has been having a lot of accidents in his pants at school when the teacher yells at him.  That should be a dead giveaway right there that something's wrong, but she's not seeing it, neither is her husband.

I'm worried for the kids, I really am, but it's not my place to step in and tell her how to parent, nor is it my place to step in and talk to her kids for her.  AJ told me that her kids are in therapy but she's in the room with them when they talk to their therapist.  I think they need to be able to talk to the therapist in private, have a change to voice how they feel without her there, without her influence. It's important for kids to feel safe and feel that they can trust the adults that are taking care of them.  Without that trust there's going to be nothing but fear and animosity, that's the last thing I want to see happen to her kids.  She mentioned once that the therapist offered to have the eldest removed from the house and put into a home, she had refused to have that done, yet all the does is complain about the poor kid and torment him emotionally and psychologically. Granted, there may be something wrong with the kid, but what if it's all AJ's doing that he is the way he is?

AJ seems to have a lot going on with her as well, but I'm starting to think that some of it might just be in her head. She says that she has fibro like I do, as well as a supposed upper broken back. If someone has a broken upper back, don't they generally have trouble walking or can't walk at all?  Unless I'm misinformed about broken backs. She says that her legs go numb.  Personally I think that a lot of it has to do with her diet, as well as with all the damned meds she's on.  She takes percocet like it's candy, she takes at least ten different medications a day, several times a day. There are so many things that make me seriously question the validity as well as the reality of half of her health issues.

I'm in a lot of pain almost all the time, yet I get out of bed on time every day, get Bug ready for school, make breakfast and get her lunch packed, drive her to school.  Granted, I'm behind on the cleaning, but that's something I'm trying to work on with the pain in my lower back. But we're not here to talk about me, we're talking about AJ.

Maybe I'm being too judgmental...maybe I'm not seeing the truth of it all. I am only seeing them for only a few hours at a time, but from what I see...things aren't good at all.

AJ had told me that her parents doted on the first kid, gave him everything, that he could do no wrong.  Then the second kid came into the picture and her parents refused to even acknowledge the kid until he was three months or three years old I think she said, can't remember which. I'm sorry, but if my mother did that to Bug I'd have walked away from her and cut all ties completely.  She had told me once that sometimes she wished that the second kid was "normal" like her first kid.  I think that a lot of what she's been doing is tearing her oldest down and making him so damned emotionless and uncaring that he's likely to stay that way for the rest of his life.  How can someone treat their kids like that?

She told me that the kids really dislike, almost hate her mother and don't want to be with her at all. Yet today she told me that they wanted to go spend time with their grandmother.

Last night I told her we'd postpone dinner & game night because of how bad off she was feeling. When I saw her she didn't seem that bad off, aside from a migraine and having tests done. Which I can understand are rough.  When I showed her son how to rub her back when she leans over because she's not feeling good she should have thanked him for trying to help her to feel better.  Instead she completely ignored his good actions and laid into him for something so damned trivial that it made me question everything she's told me about the kids mental well being.

I've been questioning everything she says lately, especially after she tried to convince me that the youngest ate something off the floor and covered his ears cause it was "too loud inside his head". I'm sorry, I was right there and the kid did no such thing.  She tried to say that the reason I didn't see it was because I wasn't paying attention.  Sorry, honey, but I was watching the kids too since all you were doing was drinking a beer and not paying much attention to your own kids.

Enough about AJ, if I keep going my brains going to start oozing out of my ears or some crazy shit like that.

So, now on to the next subject of tonight...my mother...yup, she did it again, she pissed me off and upset Bug to tears.  She started doing to Bug the exact same thing we had been talking about AJ doing to her kids...seriously, it was horrible!

I guess that it's for now...time to go stir the chicken soup and get ready to add in the gluten free orzo...yum.

Until next time...

< /RANT >

Is it over yet?

To say it's been a rough week and a half is putting it very mildly.

It all started last Tuesday when my mom called me not even two minutes after I had dropped her off.  Apparently someone poured gasoline all over her back and side yard, so we called the fire department who came out and checked it out.  That was the first in a series of felonies and injuries.

On Wednesday of last week I was attacked by my mom's dog, the breed of which doesn't matter, she was obviously not temperament tested properly, if she had been, my mom would have never have adopted her. My dog, Logan, saved me from a potentially serious dog attack.  His face was bitten up and the lower lid of his right eye was split open, the poor baby's face was so swollen and painful.  Logan ended up with several stitches and a drain in his face because when the other dog bit him she shook her head, which caused the flesh to pull away from the muscle causing a pocket.  Now he's still in the collar and will be until Monday when he gets his stitches out.  Thankfully Bug was around at the side of the house when it happened, the last thing I would have wanted would be for her to have witnessed such a frightening thing.  I'm covered in bruises and scrapes from the other dog and from being under the two of them.

Thursday of last week, which was Halloween, some asshat threw a small pumpkin at my car while I was driving.  The guys were all shouting as I drove by, they tried to incite my dog to attack while in the car then.  I hit my brakes, Bug was upset as was Logan, I turned the car around and opened the window, yelling at them asking who the hell threw it, well,they all scattered like fucking roaches.  So I asked a female that was with them, she gave me attitude, which only solidified by concerns about what I had heard and experienced.  I was on the phone with the 911 operator at that point, I gave the operator the descriptions of every single one of them, including the females.  An Officer showed up later that evening to file a report for me.  It was yet another felony report.

Then on Friday the asshats behind my mom called the police on her for the cameras that we had set up around her yard after the attempted arson, which is what the gasoline spillage was labeled as by the FD as well as the PD. The officer that showed up informed them that my mom was/is well within her legal rights to put up the cameras.  On Monday of this week the lady of the house, I assume the owner, came outside and confronted me about the camera facing her property, I was oh so very pleasant, even smiling the entire time while I explained to her that we were within our legal right and why the camera was in that specific direction. I informed her about the attempted arson, about how my mom's dog was killed and even more.  Ever since then the people have been quiet and not bothering my mom at all.

To top it all off Bug was sick all last week, that was just added stress.

Everything seemed to be okay until Thursday when I got a text from Strider that said he was in the hospital after falling off his bike on his way from the boat to the apartment. He said he'd be there over night and that he'd contact me Friday...well, he didn't. I had tried to get in touch with him from 7am EST Feiday until 11am EST, I finally had enough of the sitting around and worrying that I called Tri-care, they put me in contact with the right area, who then transferred me to to their London office, who was then able to get me on the phone with Strider.  He sounded totally out of it and knew nothing about the results of the CT scans. After a short time after that I added international calling to my cell plan and called the hospital myself and got the information I needed.  I also called the lady I had thought was the ombudsman, turns out she's no longer the ombudsman. That's when I got even more pissed off...turns out that they now have the ombudsman for the boat in Bahrain and not one here in the US despite only 2 families being there while the rest are here! The captain of the boat NEVER bothered to call the ombudsman to have her contact me to let me know that Strider was in the hospital and what was going on. He seriously dropped the fucking ball and I want to know why.

I told the ombudsman in Bahrain that I want the captain to call me within 24 hours, I have a feeling he won't even bother.  That's all fine by me, he refuses to call me I go above him to the commander of the base out there and file a formal grievance against him for the way things were handled.  If he dropped the ball on this what else could he be covering up? It leaves a lot of questions in my mind.  As for the ombudsman for the boat in Bahrain...she's a fucking idiot. I thin she had me on speaker the entire time we were speaking, which is against the regulations, the conversations between her and the spouses are supposed to be private and confidential. Needless to say, I want to know why there aren't 2 ombudsmans, one out in Bahrain and one here, I also want to know why I wasn't notified of what was going on with Strider WHEN it happened.

And that all leads me to where I am right now, I've had one person to talk to, no one else even gets what I'm going through.  They all say how sorry they are, I'm tired of hearing how sorry they are. I just want my husband home and safe.


< /RANT >

Strabismus and my Bug

As a mom, I can say that strabismus can be interesting to handle, especially if you're unfamiliar with what it is and how it affects your child's eyes. With all the information on the internet about it, it can be hard to decipher all that information and translate it into something that's easy to understand when you're trying to explain it to your child. Thankfully we have an amazing ophthalmologist that not only explained it to us, but showed us what he'd be doing and how he would be doing it.

Read the PDF from the NIH here.

My daughter has strabismus and has had 2 surgeries, has been wearing glasses since she was about a year old.  We tried patching one eye, when the glue of the patch caused irritation and made her uncomfortable, which is when we found out that she had an allergy to latex, so I spoke to her ophthalmologist and he switched us to atropine therapy, which is a drop of atropine in the stronger eye to essentially paralyze it to force the weaker eye to function harder. Both patching and the atropine therapy has essentially the same affect, it forces the weaker eye to take control and work harder then the stronger eye in the hopes of correcting the alignment of the eyes, in conjunction with glasses.  This doesn't always work, as in our case, Bug needed surgery twice.

We sat there with the ophthalmologist, as soon as he mentioned the word surgery my stomach twisted up tighter then anything I'd ever felt before. The days went by as we prepared for it, then the day of her first surgery came and we were okay, I was okay...and then she came out of the anesthesia...that's when it hit me that my baby wasn't going to leave me, that I wouldn't lose my baby Bug...I threw up and felt better, and she was perfect as always.  That was surgery number one...surgery number two Strider wasn't here for.

When Bug came out of the anesthesia the first time she started screaming instantly, which made my heart sink and my stomach wrench. I was worried about my Bug, worried that she was in pain, my stomach of course had a different concern...I barely made it to the bathroom in time, I was so worried that I actually threw up. It wasn't about me, no matter how I felt, I knew that it was all about my baby Bug, and that's what I focused on.  We asked the surgeon, which was her ophthalmologist, what we needed to do as far as treatment, medications, restrictions. He let us know that we had to watch her, keep an eye out for any signs of infections, if she fell or banged her head that we were to bring her into his clinic immediately.

Of course, a week after her surgery she took a header on the sidewalk, forehead first right on the sidewalk at our back door. Gathering her up, called the EMT's then called the clinic, getting her in there right away the ophthalmologist was able to look at her eyes and the muscles, thankfully there was no damage to the muscles or the eyes, the last thing she needed at that point was another, more extensive, surgery. We did however have to watch her for signs of a concussion because her forehead welted instead of bled. Suffice it to say that Bug was less then thrilled about being woken up every two hours.

After that everything looked to be pretty good, until her right eye started to drift again.  We watched the eye, did more atropine therapy, more small detail work to try to focus her eyes in one place, and another script for glasses.  Sadly nothing helped, so she had another surgery this past July. That was a whole different adventure which you can read about here.


< /RANT >

Pre-autumn cleaning

The shed is well on it's way to being organized...if only I had help other then Bug, to help with the heavy things.  I might even donate all the old computer books I have...and I have a lot of them from my years as a tech type person. I still need to get the hangers and other organization things for the tools and such, maybe install a few shelving units as well.  With fall fastly approaching I'll be able to do more and more things outside, plus with Bug starting school I'll be able to get the house completely squared away as well.

A Letter to Ginelle - My Sister-in-law

Dear Ginelle,

It was good to see you again, even after all these years.  It's a a shame that my brother, Nick, doesn't let you call or text me, unless it's you who just doesn't wish to do so.

After we got home Bug had asked me why Nick drinks so much, she felt that he should have had water after two beers instead of continuing to down them one after another, especially considering he was driving.  I could not agree with her more.  She also asked me why Nick kept the girls away from her most of the time, she said that she felt as though Nick wants the girls to have nothing to do with her. We went to the museum in the hopes that you guys would have let the girls see it with us. To be honest, it hurt the way Nick acted, he acted as though your girls are the best in everything, saying that just because your girls can ride in a bike race or run at a certain pace that they're better then Bug.  I'm sorry, but I felt that it was seriously inappropriate for him to speak to me in front of Bug in that manner.

We had sent you a bookmark and a hand written letter for Brooklyne for her birthday, I had hoped that you would have, at the very least, have texted me, but I got nothing, not even a simple text to say thank you. That's very disappointing, Bug was rather upset that Brooklyne didn't even bother to call to say thank you when we had supplied you with our phone number.. For years Jake and I had sent you both gift cards and not once had we gotten a thank you for them, which is why we stopped sending them.

I had gone to Williamsburg in hopes of having a relationship with you and my brother as well as the girls.  Sadly that isn't going to happen.

I'm very sorry that this is how it ends with us, it would have been nice to have had a relationship with you.

I hope you guys have a good life, that the girls have a good year in school, and that you enjoy the time you have with them as they grow up.


Goodbye.

Why did I even bother to call?

I can only offer friendship so many times, you slapped my hand away and for what? Just remember, the next time you'll get a call or text from me it'll be because I saw your house burning down or read about your tragedy in the news.  Just because your family isn't separated by thousands of miles and you have more kids then I do doesn't make you a better parent then me. At least I do things with my kid instead of sit around the house or have someone else watches them.  I'm so sick of people like you in my life. Kindly remove yourself from my life so I can heal and move on.

Three months in...

Ever notice how everything seems to happen when you're the only one around to do anything about it?  That's been the was my life has been since Strider left a little over 3 months ago.

So far since he's left my car needed repairs twice, his Jeep is dead again due to an unknown electrical issue, Bug had surgery, the toilets need to be repaired and a breaker needs to be replaced.

How exactly am I to do all of this on my own while feeling like complete and utter crap?  It's not an easy answer, but I know that my answer is that I have to keep going no matter what.

I found that I couldn't get the bolts out of the tank on the back of the toilet on my own, that still needs to be taken care of. I wish I could say that procrastination played in a part in the toilets not being fixed yet, but that isn't the issue, the main issue is that I can't do it on my own and I have no one here to help with things like this.

The other day I reset the breaker after it tripped, then I turned on the pool filter again only to have the breaker trip after five seconds.  Looks like I'll have to replace the breaker and possibly the external socket. Needless to say the pool was taken apart and put away.

The house is in serious need of a good cleaning, I know I've slacked off on it lately, with all that's happened lately...I need to get my ass in gear and get this house organized and cleaned again.  I really need to stay on top of this stuff and not let this damned depression get the better of me.

I think the main reason this depression has been hitting me so hard this year is because the people I leaned on last year aren't here this year.  Jay and Tracy both moved away, now the only people I have to lean on are my mother and B who's on oxygen and not doing so well herself.  Guess you can say that there's really no one here for me to lean on, or even a shoulder to cry on. This is why I need to keep my own head above water and keep myself from drowning. And I'll do it too, I have to, there's no other alternative.

It all feels so much harder with Strider not here.  Does that make me sound weak?  Sometimes I feel weak.

There are so many times that I've caught myself feeling jealous and bitter toward people who have their loved ones around them.  I feel so sad when I see them together, yet I'll still smile and keep on going.  I've admitted this sadness to a few people but all they seem to be able to say is that they're sorry. I'm tired of hearing the word sorry, they're not really not sorry for the situation, instead they feel sorry for me, which makes me feel even worse.

When I woke up today I felt so achy and just run down, maybe it's the stress of everything catching up with me, hopefully I'm not getting sick.  Seriously, even my scalp hurts, my skin hurts too. One second I'm freezing, the next I'm boiling...I better not be getting sick.


< /RANT >

My Bug's Eyes

This morning we got up early and went to the hospital to get checked in by 0845.  It didn't go according to plan...not even a little bit.

First the check engine light went on in the car, then we got to the hospital and found parking far too easily...and then it got crazy.

First we got off on the wrong elevator on the 3rd floor, ended up in Psych where they were trying to get a wheel chair for me but the QD wanted me to go down and check one out...seriously? I was carrying two bags, Bug and her crutches...oh, wait...what?  You asked about the crutches? Well, funny story that...but I'll get to that later.

Anyway, I started to leave the clinic when one of the girls behind the desk followed me and picked up Bug, she carried her all the way to the place we needed to be for pre-op check in. Talk about an awesome gal.

After we got checked in, we got her changed and waited in the pre-op waiting room, which only took a few minutes.  After that we went to the room to get her ready, talked to the anesthesiologist and got her the red stuff she wanted to help her handle everything.  After she went in I was escorted to the ICU waiting room.

It was maybe an hour in total that I waited before Klink came in to get me, Bug had done great and was in recovery.

She woke up nice and slow this time, which was great compared to last time.  After she woke up she was so upset and hurting so badly, yet she refused the heavy medication they wanted to put into her IV, so much like me in that respect.

After a little bit they took us to the recovery room where she got some Tylenol which was a battle to get her to take. After that she curled up on the seat of the wheel chair and refused to sit up after I got her changed.  She was so damned adorable, and the nurse was obviously getting tired of Bug's whininess and uncooperative actions.   What did she expect?  Bug just had surgery on both eyes, of course she'd be whining and a touch uncooperative.

Then we drove home, that was all fine, then my mom stopped by.  Oh, did I mention that my mom bailed on going with me at the last second this morning? Yup, handled it all alone.  Anyway, she brought Bug some orange jello then left after like three minutes.

The night went on rather well, Bug got to talk to her bestie over Skype, and talk to Strider, which was great.

 
And then we fine out that the pool filter's not running, so I check it out and find that the breaker had tripped, after fixing it I try again...trips again...so now the pool's draining so I can get it taken apart and put away tomorrow.

It was an eventful day...

Only nine more months before Strider comes home...

Yes, now I'll tell you about the crutches...two days ago I had asked Bug not to mess with the pool cover, well, she didn't listen.  She tried to fold the pool cover, stepped back and tripped over the dog and twisted her ankle.  Needless to say we spent 2 hours in the ER, she was put in a half cast and on crutches.  The half cast is off now and she's in a brace instead to make it easier for her to get around and give her more stability.

That was my day...how was yours?


< /RANT >