Don't treat your kids like shit...

It's been a while since I've had much to say, but right now I have stuff I need to get off my chest.

First is about this friend, we'll call her AJ.

AJ has two kids, one is a somewhat special needs kid, meaning he has Asbergers. I've got another friend who has a son with the same condition, so I'm rather familiar with it from talking to Kat and being around Boy.  Anyway, AJ tends to coddle the younger Asbergers kid, she gives in to everything, doesn't discipline very often, and when she does it's very minor compared to her other kid whom she yells at and practically bludgeons to death emotionally and psychologically. She'll yell at her older kid no matter what he does.  If he takes a pen to school or uses a sheet of paper he gets yelled at.

I'll admit, I used to be like that with Bug, but I learned that it wasn't the right way to be, so I changed.  AJ needs to change or her kids are going to end up so maladjusted it's not even funny.

She also says that her youngest has pica, a condition that causes them to eat anything they find on the floor, well, all the times he's been here he not once ate anything off my floor.  And let me tell you, my floors are less then clean! Bug has left beads laying on the floor, the cats will play with things and send them in all directions never to be seen again until I clean up or trip over it.

The other day I was with her after her eldest was home from school. She went on and on about her health issues without any restraint at all right in his face. I swear, she was trying to guilt trip him or something.  After a few minutes of this he changed the subject. I looked at her and told her she needed to chill out, that if she watched his body language she'd see that he was don't listening. She says that he steels, lies, breaks things and is mean spirited. He also has been having a lot of accidents in his pants at school when the teacher yells at him.  That should be a dead giveaway right there that something's wrong, but she's not seeing it, neither is her husband.

I'm worried for the kids, I really am, but it's not my place to step in and tell her how to parent, nor is it my place to step in and talk to her kids for her.  AJ told me that her kids are in therapy but she's in the room with them when they talk to their therapist.  I think they need to be able to talk to the therapist in private, have a change to voice how they feel without her there, without her influence. It's important for kids to feel safe and feel that they can trust the adults that are taking care of them.  Without that trust there's going to be nothing but fear and animosity, that's the last thing I want to see happen to her kids.  She mentioned once that the therapist offered to have the eldest removed from the house and put into a home, she had refused to have that done, yet all the does is complain about the poor kid and torment him emotionally and psychologically. Granted, there may be something wrong with the kid, but what if it's all AJ's doing that he is the way he is?

AJ seems to have a lot going on with her as well, but I'm starting to think that some of it might just be in her head. She says that she has fibro like I do, as well as a supposed upper broken back. If someone has a broken upper back, don't they generally have trouble walking or can't walk at all?  Unless I'm misinformed about broken backs. She says that her legs go numb.  Personally I think that a lot of it has to do with her diet, as well as with all the damned meds she's on.  She takes percocet like it's candy, she takes at least ten different medications a day, several times a day. There are so many things that make me seriously question the validity as well as the reality of half of her health issues.

I'm in a lot of pain almost all the time, yet I get out of bed on time every day, get Bug ready for school, make breakfast and get her lunch packed, drive her to school.  Granted, I'm behind on the cleaning, but that's something I'm trying to work on with the pain in my lower back. But we're not here to talk about me, we're talking about AJ.

Maybe I'm being too judgmental...maybe I'm not seeing the truth of it all. I am only seeing them for only a few hours at a time, but from what I see...things aren't good at all.

AJ had told me that her parents doted on the first kid, gave him everything, that he could do no wrong.  Then the second kid came into the picture and her parents refused to even acknowledge the kid until he was three months or three years old I think she said, can't remember which. I'm sorry, but if my mother did that to Bug I'd have walked away from her and cut all ties completely.  She had told me once that sometimes she wished that the second kid was "normal" like her first kid.  I think that a lot of what she's been doing is tearing her oldest down and making him so damned emotionless and uncaring that he's likely to stay that way for the rest of his life.  How can someone treat their kids like that?

She told me that the kids really dislike, almost hate her mother and don't want to be with her at all. Yet today she told me that they wanted to go spend time with their grandmother.

Last night I told her we'd postpone dinner & game night because of how bad off she was feeling. When I saw her she didn't seem that bad off, aside from a migraine and having tests done. Which I can understand are rough.  When I showed her son how to rub her back when she leans over because she's not feeling good she should have thanked him for trying to help her to feel better.  Instead she completely ignored his good actions and laid into him for something so damned trivial that it made me question everything she's told me about the kids mental well being.

I've been questioning everything she says lately, especially after she tried to convince me that the youngest ate something off the floor and covered his ears cause it was "too loud inside his head". I'm sorry, I was right there and the kid did no such thing.  She tried to say that the reason I didn't see it was because I wasn't paying attention.  Sorry, honey, but I was watching the kids too since all you were doing was drinking a beer and not paying much attention to your own kids.

Enough about AJ, if I keep going my brains going to start oozing out of my ears or some crazy shit like that.

So, now on to the next subject of tonight...my mother...yup, she did it again, she pissed me off and upset Bug to tears.  She started doing to Bug the exact same thing we had been talking about AJ doing to her kids...seriously, it was horrible!

I guess that it's for now...time to go stir the chicken soup and get ready to add in the gluten free orzo...yum.

Until next time...

< /RANT >

Is it over yet?

To say it's been a rough week and a half is putting it very mildly.

It all started last Tuesday when my mom called me not even two minutes after I had dropped her off.  Apparently someone poured gasoline all over her back and side yard, so we called the fire department who came out and checked it out.  That was the first in a series of felonies and injuries.

On Wednesday of last week I was attacked by my mom's dog, the breed of which doesn't matter, she was obviously not temperament tested properly, if she had been, my mom would have never have adopted her. My dog, Logan, saved me from a potentially serious dog attack.  His face was bitten up and the lower lid of his right eye was split open, the poor baby's face was so swollen and painful.  Logan ended up with several stitches and a drain in his face because when the other dog bit him she shook her head, which caused the flesh to pull away from the muscle causing a pocket.  Now he's still in the collar and will be until Monday when he gets his stitches out.  Thankfully Bug was around at the side of the house when it happened, the last thing I would have wanted would be for her to have witnessed such a frightening thing.  I'm covered in bruises and scrapes from the other dog and from being under the two of them.

Thursday of last week, which was Halloween, some asshat threw a small pumpkin at my car while I was driving.  The guys were all shouting as I drove by, they tried to incite my dog to attack while in the car then.  I hit my brakes, Bug was upset as was Logan, I turned the car around and opened the window, yelling at them asking who the hell threw it, well,they all scattered like fucking roaches.  So I asked a female that was with them, she gave me attitude, which only solidified by concerns about what I had heard and experienced.  I was on the phone with the 911 operator at that point, I gave the operator the descriptions of every single one of them, including the females.  An Officer showed up later that evening to file a report for me.  It was yet another felony report.

Then on Friday the asshats behind my mom called the police on her for the cameras that we had set up around her yard after the attempted arson, which is what the gasoline spillage was labeled as by the FD as well as the PD. The officer that showed up informed them that my mom was/is well within her legal rights to put up the cameras.  On Monday of this week the lady of the house, I assume the owner, came outside and confronted me about the camera facing her property, I was oh so very pleasant, even smiling the entire time while I explained to her that we were within our legal right and why the camera was in that specific direction. I informed her about the attempted arson, about how my mom's dog was killed and even more.  Ever since then the people have been quiet and not bothering my mom at all.

To top it all off Bug was sick all last week, that was just added stress.

Everything seemed to be okay until Thursday when I got a text from Strider that said he was in the hospital after falling off his bike on his way from the boat to the apartment. He said he'd be there over night and that he'd contact me Friday...well, he didn't. I had tried to get in touch with him from 7am EST Feiday until 11am EST, I finally had enough of the sitting around and worrying that I called Tri-care, they put me in contact with the right area, who then transferred me to to their London office, who was then able to get me on the phone with Strider.  He sounded totally out of it and knew nothing about the results of the CT scans. After a short time after that I added international calling to my cell plan and called the hospital myself and got the information I needed.  I also called the lady I had thought was the ombudsman, turns out she's no longer the ombudsman. That's when I got even more pissed off...turns out that they now have the ombudsman for the boat in Bahrain and not one here in the US despite only 2 families being there while the rest are here! The captain of the boat NEVER bothered to call the ombudsman to have her contact me to let me know that Strider was in the hospital and what was going on. He seriously dropped the fucking ball and I want to know why.

I told the ombudsman in Bahrain that I want the captain to call me within 24 hours, I have a feeling he won't even bother.  That's all fine by me, he refuses to call me I go above him to the commander of the base out there and file a formal grievance against him for the way things were handled.  If he dropped the ball on this what else could he be covering up? It leaves a lot of questions in my mind.  As for the ombudsman for the boat in Bahrain...she's a fucking idiot. I thin she had me on speaker the entire time we were speaking, which is against the regulations, the conversations between her and the spouses are supposed to be private and confidential. Needless to say, I want to know why there aren't 2 ombudsmans, one out in Bahrain and one here, I also want to know why I wasn't notified of what was going on with Strider WHEN it happened.

And that all leads me to where I am right now, I've had one person to talk to, no one else even gets what I'm going through.  They all say how sorry they are, I'm tired of hearing how sorry they are. I just want my husband home and safe.


< /RANT >

Strabismus and my Bug

As a mom, I can say that strabismus can be interesting to handle, especially if you're unfamiliar with what it is and how it affects your child's eyes. With all the information on the internet about it, it can be hard to decipher all that information and translate it into something that's easy to understand when you're trying to explain it to your child. Thankfully we have an amazing ophthalmologist that not only explained it to us, but showed us what he'd be doing and how he would be doing it.

Read the PDF from the NIH here.

My daughter has strabismus and has had 2 surgeries, has been wearing glasses since she was about a year old.  We tried patching one eye, when the glue of the patch caused irritation and made her uncomfortable, which is when we found out that she had an allergy to latex, so I spoke to her ophthalmologist and he switched us to atropine therapy, which is a drop of atropine in the stronger eye to essentially paralyze it to force the weaker eye to function harder. Both patching and the atropine therapy has essentially the same affect, it forces the weaker eye to take control and work harder then the stronger eye in the hopes of correcting the alignment of the eyes, in conjunction with glasses.  This doesn't always work, as in our case, Bug needed surgery twice.

We sat there with the ophthalmologist, as soon as he mentioned the word surgery my stomach twisted up tighter then anything I'd ever felt before. The days went by as we prepared for it, then the day of her first surgery came and we were okay, I was okay...and then she came out of the anesthesia...that's when it hit me that my baby wasn't going to leave me, that I wouldn't lose my baby Bug...I threw up and felt better, and she was perfect as always.  That was surgery number one...surgery number two Strider wasn't here for.

When Bug came out of the anesthesia the first time she started screaming instantly, which made my heart sink and my stomach wrench. I was worried about my Bug, worried that she was in pain, my stomach of course had a different concern...I barely made it to the bathroom in time, I was so worried that I actually threw up. It wasn't about me, no matter how I felt, I knew that it was all about my baby Bug, and that's what I focused on.  We asked the surgeon, which was her ophthalmologist, what we needed to do as far as treatment, medications, restrictions. He let us know that we had to watch her, keep an eye out for any signs of infections, if she fell or banged her head that we were to bring her into his clinic immediately.

Of course, a week after her surgery she took a header on the sidewalk, forehead first right on the sidewalk at our back door. Gathering her up, called the EMT's then called the clinic, getting her in there right away the ophthalmologist was able to look at her eyes and the muscles, thankfully there was no damage to the muscles or the eyes, the last thing she needed at that point was another, more extensive, surgery. We did however have to watch her for signs of a concussion because her forehead welted instead of bled. Suffice it to say that Bug was less then thrilled about being woken up every two hours.

After that everything looked to be pretty good, until her right eye started to drift again.  We watched the eye, did more atropine therapy, more small detail work to try to focus her eyes in one place, and another script for glasses.  Sadly nothing helped, so she had another surgery this past July. That was a whole different adventure which you can read about here.


< /RANT >

Pre-autumn cleaning

The shed is well on it's way to being organized...if only I had help other then Bug, to help with the heavy things.  I might even donate all the old computer books I have...and I have a lot of them from my years as a tech type person. I still need to get the hangers and other organization things for the tools and such, maybe install a few shelving units as well.  With fall fastly approaching I'll be able to do more and more things outside, plus with Bug starting school I'll be able to get the house completely squared away as well.

A Letter to Ginelle - My Sister-in-law

Dear Ginelle,

It was good to see you again, even after all these years.  It's a a shame that my brother, Nick, doesn't let you call or text me, unless it's you who just doesn't wish to do so.

After we got home Bug had asked me why Nick drinks so much, she felt that he should have had water after two beers instead of continuing to down them one after another, especially considering he was driving.  I could not agree with her more.  She also asked me why Nick kept the girls away from her most of the time, she said that she felt as though Nick wants the girls to have nothing to do with her. We went to the museum in the hopes that you guys would have let the girls see it with us. To be honest, it hurt the way Nick acted, he acted as though your girls are the best in everything, saying that just because your girls can ride in a bike race or run at a certain pace that they're better then Bug.  I'm sorry, but I felt that it was seriously inappropriate for him to speak to me in front of Bug in that manner.

We had sent you a bookmark and a hand written letter for Brooklyne for her birthday, I had hoped that you would have, at the very least, have texted me, but I got nothing, not even a simple text to say thank you. That's very disappointing, Bug was rather upset that Brooklyne didn't even bother to call to say thank you when we had supplied you with our phone number.. For years Jake and I had sent you both gift cards and not once had we gotten a thank you for them, which is why we stopped sending them.

I had gone to Williamsburg in hopes of having a relationship with you and my brother as well as the girls.  Sadly that isn't going to happen.

I'm very sorry that this is how it ends with us, it would have been nice to have had a relationship with you.

I hope you guys have a good life, that the girls have a good year in school, and that you enjoy the time you have with them as they grow up.


Goodbye.

Why did I even bother to call?

I can only offer friendship so many times, you slapped my hand away and for what? Just remember, the next time you'll get a call or text from me it'll be because I saw your house burning down or read about your tragedy in the news.  Just because your family isn't separated by thousands of miles and you have more kids then I do doesn't make you a better parent then me. At least I do things with my kid instead of sit around the house or have someone else watches them.  I'm so sick of people like you in my life. Kindly remove yourself from my life so I can heal and move on.

Three months in...

Ever notice how everything seems to happen when you're the only one around to do anything about it?  That's been the was my life has been since Strider left a little over 3 months ago.

So far since he's left my car needed repairs twice, his Jeep is dead again due to an unknown electrical issue, Bug had surgery, the toilets need to be repaired and a breaker needs to be replaced.

How exactly am I to do all of this on my own while feeling like complete and utter crap?  It's not an easy answer, but I know that my answer is that I have to keep going no matter what.

I found that I couldn't get the bolts out of the tank on the back of the toilet on my own, that still needs to be taken care of. I wish I could say that procrastination played in a part in the toilets not being fixed yet, but that isn't the issue, the main issue is that I can't do it on my own and I have no one here to help with things like this.

The other day I reset the breaker after it tripped, then I turned on the pool filter again only to have the breaker trip after five seconds.  Looks like I'll have to replace the breaker and possibly the external socket. Needless to say the pool was taken apart and put away.

The house is in serious need of a good cleaning, I know I've slacked off on it lately, with all that's happened lately...I need to get my ass in gear and get this house organized and cleaned again.  I really need to stay on top of this stuff and not let this damned depression get the better of me.

I think the main reason this depression has been hitting me so hard this year is because the people I leaned on last year aren't here this year.  Jay and Tracy both moved away, now the only people I have to lean on are my mother and B who's on oxygen and not doing so well herself.  Guess you can say that there's really no one here for me to lean on, or even a shoulder to cry on. This is why I need to keep my own head above water and keep myself from drowning. And I'll do it too, I have to, there's no other alternative.

It all feels so much harder with Strider not here.  Does that make me sound weak?  Sometimes I feel weak.

There are so many times that I've caught myself feeling jealous and bitter toward people who have their loved ones around them.  I feel so sad when I see them together, yet I'll still smile and keep on going.  I've admitted this sadness to a few people but all they seem to be able to say is that they're sorry. I'm tired of hearing the word sorry, they're not really not sorry for the situation, instead they feel sorry for me, which makes me feel even worse.

When I woke up today I felt so achy and just run down, maybe it's the stress of everything catching up with me, hopefully I'm not getting sick.  Seriously, even my scalp hurts, my skin hurts too. One second I'm freezing, the next I'm boiling...I better not be getting sick.


< /RANT >

My Bug's Eyes

This morning we got up early and went to the hospital to get checked in by 0845.  It didn't go according to plan...not even a little bit.

First the check engine light went on in the car, then we got to the hospital and found parking far too easily...and then it got crazy.

First we got off on the wrong elevator on the 3rd floor, ended up in Psych where they were trying to get a wheel chair for me but the QD wanted me to go down and check one out...seriously? I was carrying two bags, Bug and her crutches...oh, wait...what?  You asked about the crutches? Well, funny story that...but I'll get to that later.

Anyway, I started to leave the clinic when one of the girls behind the desk followed me and picked up Bug, she carried her all the way to the place we needed to be for pre-op check in. Talk about an awesome gal.

After we got checked in, we got her changed and waited in the pre-op waiting room, which only took a few minutes.  After that we went to the room to get her ready, talked to the anesthesiologist and got her the red stuff she wanted to help her handle everything.  After she went in I was escorted to the ICU waiting room.

It was maybe an hour in total that I waited before Klink came in to get me, Bug had done great and was in recovery.

She woke up nice and slow this time, which was great compared to last time.  After she woke up she was so upset and hurting so badly, yet she refused the heavy medication they wanted to put into her IV, so much like me in that respect.

After a little bit they took us to the recovery room where she got some Tylenol which was a battle to get her to take. After that she curled up on the seat of the wheel chair and refused to sit up after I got her changed.  She was so damned adorable, and the nurse was obviously getting tired of Bug's whininess and uncooperative actions.   What did she expect?  Bug just had surgery on both eyes, of course she'd be whining and a touch uncooperative.

Then we drove home, that was all fine, then my mom stopped by.  Oh, did I mention that my mom bailed on going with me at the last second this morning? Yup, handled it all alone.  Anyway, she brought Bug some orange jello then left after like three minutes.

The night went on rather well, Bug got to talk to her bestie over Skype, and talk to Strider, which was great.

 
And then we fine out that the pool filter's not running, so I check it out and find that the breaker had tripped, after fixing it I try again...trips again...so now the pool's draining so I can get it taken apart and put away tomorrow.

It was an eventful day...

Only nine more months before Strider comes home...

Yes, now I'll tell you about the crutches...two days ago I had asked Bug not to mess with the pool cover, well, she didn't listen.  She tried to fold the pool cover, stepped back and tripped over the dog and twisted her ankle.  Needless to say we spent 2 hours in the ER, she was put in a half cast and on crutches.  The half cast is off now and she's in a brace instead to make it easier for her to get around and give her more stability.

That was my day...how was yours?


< /RANT >

Making pancakes....or not...

Best way to spend your morning with step by step instructions.

Step 1- Put 1 cup cold water into the jug of instant GF pancake mix.
Step 2- Put lid on tightly and shake for 30 seconds vigorously.
Step 3- Get pancake mix ALL OVER the room because the lid pops off.
Step 4- Stare at the mess with utter disbelief that it just happened.
Step 5- Spend the time cleaning instead of eating, cursing at yourself under your breath.
Step 6- End up throwing up because of hunger.
Step 6- Let's not do that again...EVER!


Lesson learned, even if the lid is secure....hold it down just to be certain!


< /RANT >

My brother the asshat

Bug and I went up to Colonial Williamsburg today because my mom wanted us to go and see my brother...yeah, that wasn't all that great of an idea.

His daughters were nice, as was his wife, but my brother himself needs a serious attitude adjustment. He thinks he's better then anyone else.

He did nothing but brag about running, biking, and he texted the entire time during lunch.  He even had the gall to talk down to Bug, then he made fun of our allergy to gluten after we had left.

While we were there Bug wanted to see the museum since we didn't get to see it last time we went. My mom stayed with my brother and his family, then we ran into them all again at the Reviewing of the Soldiers which is an end of day event they do.

He flaunted the fact that he was with his family and Strider was gone, he practically rubbed it in my face that I was alone in everything I had to do right now. That his girls had their dad and Bug didn't.  That's a seriously shitty thing to do, especially to a kid!

Then he went on to pick on Bug for the pets we had as well as the rescues we were taking care of long term. He hasn't changed much except that now he's an adult and treats everyone as inferior to him more-so then he did when he was younger.

His hands shake all the time, I swear he starves himself, even his kids are far too skinny.

According to my brother his photography is better then anyone else's, that my photography is crap...he degrades everyone to make himself feel better about himself.


< /RANT >

Can't take it much longer...

I'm not sure what to think at this point.

We went to BJ's with my mom earlier tonight, while I grabbed what we needed my mom went to the restroom, so to be nice I asked Bug to please go check on her since she had to go potty anyway.

Bug came out of the bathroom really upset, a woman walked by and stared at my mom with absolute shock and my mom was pissed off as hell.  I asked Bug what happened and she said "Mommy, nana called me the B word."  So I asked my mom about it and sure enough she got defensive and called Bug a liar.

I'm sorry, but I'd sooner believe my child then my mother at this point. My mom has a history of lying, as well as being abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I told Strider about it when he called me a bit ago, let me tell you, his jaw was set and he was so damned pissed.  I seriously don't know what to do about my mom anymore.  She's getting worse by the day.

No one has the right to call a 7 year old child a bitch!  No one!  Especially not my 7 year old child!


< /RANT >

Sunset and a broken rule

Today was an okay day, despite my mom being a total bitch Bug and I had fun.

Bug spotted a "rocket" over the trees, once I drove a bit further I could see that it was in-fact a dirigible, and since Bug never saw one before, I drove even more and followed it just to get a photo of it for her!  It made me think that we should go on a hot air balloon ride when Strider gets home. The dirigible was for Budwiser, but still, she got to see one!

Before dinner I decided to try mowing the lawn, yes in this heat, no I'm not crazy, just a little bent in the head.  lol  Anyway, while I was mowing the lawn I saw 2 praying mantis jump onto the side of the shed, stopping the lawn mower I did the best thing I could think of...I moved them out of harms way, finished that part of the lawn then put them back where I found them.  I think the little guys might be the offspring of the one that was in our yard last summer.  The one from last year flew into my car when it was so tiny, when I got home I put her in the yard and I guess she never left, so now her young are in my yard too!  I just love how nature is!

Bug and I raced to see the sunset this evening, we drove all the way to the top of the parking deck at NMCP just to see it and take some photos.  Here's the beautiful sunset we saw!

After we got a few great photos of the sunset we went over to the water front to get a panoramic of the Norfolk skyline...that's where the broken rule comes into play. lol  You see, I had no idea that you weren't allowed to take photos from the base even if it's of the Norfolk skyline.  The officer was really cool about it when he told me, so we got back into the car and left.   Here's the panoramic I got.

Overall Bug and I had a good day, can't wait to see what tomorrow holds for us!

< /RANT >

Bubble worm!

The other day I did a little fun thing with Bug, the bubble worm.

She loved it!  Not really sure who enjoyed it more, though, Bug or the dog.

Directions for the bubble worm:

needed items

water bottle
scissors
old sock
bowl
water
dish soap

directions

1. cut the bottom off the water bottle, then cut the top of the sock off and slide the sock onto the water bottle over the newly cut opening.

2. mix a little dish soap with water in a bowl.

3. dip the end of the sock into the water/soap mixture and blow through the small opening at the top of the bottle.

Bug had a lot of fun with this, so did Logan.  This is a very easy, and cheap, craft/fun thing to do with the kids.  I highly recommend it, I even enjoyed playing with it!

< /RANT >

Photography

I rarely ever share my photos, especially on FB, but I'm gonna out a few up here, hope you all like them.

Here are some macro shots.

Here are some shots of an old factory that's near here.

Here are some of flowers, pollen on a flower, another macro shot and the rescued bird that we're rehabilitating.

Hope you enjoy, please leave me a comment on what you think!

< /RANT >

Gross!

Maybe it's just me, but ever since I started menopause I've been able to smell things that most people can't.

Take today for example, I'm sitting here in the waiting room of the speech therapists office waiting with Bug for her time to see her therapist, and there is this smell in here, and I shit you not, smells like someone's either menstruating or they just had sex. The smell of the hormones is almost overwhelming. I actually find the smell rather offensive.

I always drive Strider crazy when I smell something he doesn't, especially in the kitchen. Once I actually had him move the fridge and stove because I couldn't find the source of a smell and I was afraid it was rotting food scraps or something.

But seriously, the smell in here is very heavy, and the lack of air conditioning makes it even worse. Nothing like stagnant air in a place that smells like someone's vagina.

Gross!

< /RANT >

Rest In Peace, Cloudy

Today we lost one of our furry family members.

Cloudy was a Winter White hamster, about a year and a half old. He lost a lot of weight all of a sudden and developed a growth on his belly, it was cancer.  Last night he ate it off his belly, which was very bad. Thankfully he didn't bleed.  This morning Bug went to pet him and hold him, he was very shaky and very agitated, he bit her hard enough to hurt but not hard enough to break the skin.

We put Cloudy back into his cage with some fresh veggies in hopes that he would feel better.  Later  on I went in to check on him, he was still warm and curled up as though he had been asleep when he passed.

After putting him into a small box with some cushioning, rosemary, some flowers from the garden and food for his trip into the afterlife.  Our neighbor made an old fashioned wooden cross as a grave marker and carved Cloudy's name into it. After a small funeral we buried Cloudy and put the marker at his grave.

We'll miss you, Cloudy,you were a good little hammy, so cuddly, affectionate and oh so soft.

May you play for all eternity and be at peace now, little dude.

And yet again....bad news....

The other day I went in for my yearly womanly exam, you know, the one we all hate. Anyway, during the exam my dr found a 2cm mass on the right side of my uterus.  She sent me down right away for an ultrasound, they did both external and internal but they couldn't identify the mass.

Sure, I'm glad to finally have an answer as to why I've had pain there for the past six plus months. Granted, it's not what I was expecting it to be.  I was actually expecting something with my intestines, not my uterus.

So, here I am, without Strider, and scared. Yup, I admitted it, I'm scared. I know it's not cancer, they said it was some kind of fatty mass from what they could tell. If it's a fatty tumor, that's pretty damned rare.

After talking to Strider I've decided that I'm going to talk to my dr about having a hysterectomy just to be on the safe side. It's not like it'll throw me into menopause...I'm already in menopause! What's the worst that can happen? I get more hot flashes and night sweats? I can handle that. I just want the pain gone.

Every-time my bladder is full, or my intestines are processing food, or if I lift something the wrong way...it hurts, even sex hurts sometimes.

Hopefully this can be taken care of soon, I'd really like to be out of pain.


< /RANT >

Father's day....

Father's Day means one thing to me...the day I met my husband Strider, the dad of my baby girl Bug. Technically we met June 15, 1997, which that day was Father's Day that year.

This year Bug and I are making some things for Strider that we think he'll love.  I'd post them here but just in case he reads this blog I'd hate to spoil the surprise.

We really miss Strider, especially lately. Next year we'll have to make all the holidays he's missing this year, oh so very special!

So many people ask me about my father, I tell them all the same thing...I haven't seen him since the last time he kidnapped me when I was seven or so.

Do I feel jealous of my friends that had good dads? Yes, a little.

I was raised by my mom, a single mother of two. Sure she had her moments of insanity, she drank a lot when I was growing up, she was violent, abusive mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically...sadly...she's still the same way, abusive emotionally and mentally, thankfully the physical abuse stopped years ago.

For those of you who have good dads, enjoy them, celebrate the day with them, and remind them of how much you love them! Take them out for a great meal, make something with them, play games with them...what ever it takes to make them smile and make you both happy!


< /RANT >

The good, the bad, the lonely

There's been a lot going on over the past few days, which is why I haven't written much lately.  So, here's what's been going on.

~

We all know how I feel about getting drunk...well, yesterday I heard from Strider saying he was out with a Sr Chief friend of his.  He said he'd call me back when he got to his room...well, he never did.

You know why?  Because he got fucking trashed and showed up to the boat drunk and sick as hell.  He swore he'd never do that...yet he did it. After talking to him he said he learned his lesson.  I seriously hope so. He doesn't need to get his ass busted because he gets stupid and shows up a mess again.

~

About a week ago Strider's jeep stopped working, yesterday I had it towed to FS in the morning. R took a look at it, turned out to be the battery, which he replaced.  When I went to pick up the jeep I dropped off my car to get new tires, alignment and oil change.  Thankfully everything, for both cars, only cost $1049...originally it was going to be $1300 for my car alone!  Talk about a great deal!  Thank you R!

Now that the cars are all fixed and Bug's out of school the fun can start. So many crafts, trips, you name it. The first trip...the VLM( The Virginia Living Museum).

~

Saturday is Logan's appointment, he's doing pretty well, walking well even if he keeps his foot up sometimes.  The lunatic refuses to stay still, he runs and jumps, plays tug, climbs all over Bug and I. I can't wait to get his leg all better so we can move forward.

I'm not worried about his surgery, to be honest I'm more worried about Bug's surgery which is in July.

Yep, you guessed it, Bug has to go in for a second surgery on her eyes.  Thankfully she has the best surgeon, the same one that did her eyes when she was only 18 months old, and he's seen her every 3 months since then.  Her pre-op is on July 8th and her surgery is the 18th.  I've got that lump in my gut like I did last time.  Anyone who's kid has gone through any kind of surgery would know the feeling in my gut.

I think maybe it's harder for me this time because Strider's not here, and I know he wishes he was here for it, he misses Bug and I so much.

~

This time with Strider gone it's harder then it was the last time. Sleeping in the bed that has his scent is rough, especially without him there next to me, Not feeling him there, or hearing him breathing, or smelling him...it's hard. I've been so lonely without him.  Sure, I've got Bug here, which is great, I adore her beyond words....I need adult company.

The other night I fell so deep into this damned depression that I was seconds away from cutting again, something I hadn't done since I was 14.  The straw that broke my back was his getting plastered when he knew how I felt about it.

I miss him so damned much, this year has to go by quickly with all the stuff Bug and I have planned or I swear, I'll lose what's left of my mind.

There you have it, the good, the bad and the loneliness.


< /RANT >

Not worth it

So you don't answer your texts for days...sure, I'm just peachy, thanks for asking...oh, wait, you never did ask, did you?  Nope, all you did was complain about your life and your situation.  While I do care, I'd really appreciate it if you'd listen to me for once. But, that's impossible for you, isn't it?

When they don't bother to answer for days it's not worth it, when all they do is talk about themselves it's not worth it. I'm sorry that you're not there when I need you. I guess I should schedule my depression and meltdowns around your schedule from now on.  I'll keep that in mind.

Thanks for nothing.


< /RANT >

Who needs a plumber? Not me!

So today I went out with my mom, she insisted on getting the replacement parts that I needed for the toilets.

That was a good thing, the bad part was when the guy in the toilet section of HD basically said that I couldn't do it because I'm female, I was like "Excuse me?". Yeah, not such a good idea for that guy.  I wanted so badly to just hit him across the jaw and shut him up. Why do some men do that?

Anyway, I got to work on the toilet in the hallway and found that I was able to fix it without replacing the parts.

I cleaned it out by using some vinegar then I adjusted the float level which reduced how much water is in the tank. So far it hasn't made that awful flushing sound that it was making.  The other toilet on the other hand...it needs to be gutted and possibly replaced.

Not a bad evening...tomorrow I need to pick up a few tools and price toilets so I know what I need to save up so I can replace the toilet if I have to.


More later, this gal needs sleep.


< /RANT >

It's gonna be a long year....

Father's day, his birthday, my birthday, Bug's birthday, 1st day of second grade, Thanksgiving, Christmas, our 16th anniversary, New Years Eve, Mother's Day....that's what my love will be missing as far as dates go...everything else is priceless, tooth loss, day trips, 1st camping trip for Bug, apple/peach picking...so much will be missed...we miss him so much...

For those of you that have your loved ones at home with you, hold them close and remember that men and women like my husband are out there making sure that you CAN be with your loved ones tonight while myself and other spouses like me go to bed alone in a cold bed, wake up alone in the middle of the night, are deprived of their touch, their smile, their scent, sex...and our children are deprived of their parents, like Bug's without her daddy...

We sacrifice a lot everyday.

You don't know our names, you see our faces but not our tears. My heart breaks when Bug asks me "When is daddy coming home?" All I can tell her is next April..which is the truth.

Strider said that he may not even be able to come home on leave at all while's out there.  And now he tells me that the 2 years IA out there not longer counts as 2 years sea time! When did the change that and why?  Even the Chief's I've spoken to since he left have all said it still counts as 2-3 years sea time, so either they're out of the look, misinformed or someone's lying through their teeth to Strider. It all comes down to what it says on his orders...he's not over there IA...he's been PCS'd there...which means it's only 1 year of sea time, so he'll owe 3.

I wish he could have been there today for Bug's speech therapy session today so he could have heard it right form the therapist that she has weak lips instead of from me.  I know that sounds odd, but there are times when I wish he was here to hear what the doctors have to say.

So, Bug needs to do lip exercises three times a day, and she'll be having therapy 2-3 days a week for a few months to see if it helps.  I really hope it does.  I do plan on talking to her doctor, once she's assigned a new one, about the problem and see if we need to see a neurologist about it. I just want to know what could have caused the weakness in her lips.  Was it something that could have been avoided had the hospital treated me correctly when I went in with a fever of 103+? Was it one of the 103+ degree fever's she's had over the past few years? Could the weakness in her lips and the issue with her eyes be related? There are so many frightening causes for this sort of thing that I really want a good solid answer from a neurologist...we need piece of mind.


It's going to be a long year...


< /RANT >

Prayers for Oklahoma

As a parent I've had the nightmare that I can't get to Angie, that's she's arms length away, or behind an invisible wall, in a place that should be safe, so many night I've woken up shaking from that very nightmare...

A parent isn't supposed to outlive their children...the pain is not something you can describe, the tears of a mother who lost her child aren't easily dried, the broken heart of a parent that lost their child isn't easily mended...

I can't even begin to imagine what the parents of the children that were in the Plaza Towers Elementary School are going through right now. So many children around the age of Bug were injured or killed in a tornado that ripped through Oklahoma yesterday.

My chest hurts just thinking about it, the tears that sting my eyes are for those parents who've lost their children in this great tragedy.

May the Gods be with the people of Oklahoma as they go through this most troubled of times. May the children that were taken at far too young an age be welcomed into the after life with open arms. I pray the parents have some peace in this, their darkest hour.


< /RANT >

Military Wife & A Mom...

Co-parenting is difficult when one parent is away, I can say this from experience. Yes, there is a comparison, in a small part, to being a single parent, in the respect that you're alone doing it all state side while your spouse is off in a foreign country where he or she could possibly get hurt or killed. So yes, there is a lot of stress, between the deployed member being gone, the kid(s), bills, house, family and everything in between. It may feel as though you're a single parent, but in reality you're not, even though your spouse may be gone, they're still there when they can be to talk to you. Having no one here to help during a crisis, tantrums, fights in school, illness' surgeries....yes, it hard as hell doing it ALL alone. Last year Strider was gone for 6 months, home for a little over five months and now gone for a YEAR.

When the spouse is gone you can't always wait for a response on how to handle a situation, I know that when kids are young you can't wait to decide what disciplinary actions should be taken, you do what you feel is right then tell your partner later. That's what I have to with Strider gone, that's what ALL military parents do, the ones I know that is. Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs you'll ever have, especially when you're married to the military, this comes from 15 years of marriage to a military man and 7 years as a mom.

While they're gone you may feel inadequate, vulnerable, alone, scared...it's all normal and natural to feel that way when you're tossed into a situation that's new to you. Just breathe, and ask for help. Your civilian friends won't get it, they'll try to compare their husbands going away for a weekend to what you're going through. Your family may not get it, unless you come from a military family. Some other military wives will be there to support you, and some will be three to tear you apart.

Remember this, you're perfect, you're more than adequate, you're strong, you're brave, you're NOT ALONE.

The separation is only the beginning, to be honest. The homecoming is just as hard, sometimes harder. They have to readjust to life state side, to the way the house runs, how the kids act...everything. After they get re-acclimated and re-acquainted with the family, then you get to try to go back to the way it was before he left, that can be rough.

And Gods forbid if they come home wounded, that's a whole other ball game.

When I hear or see women who are married to deployed soldiers call themselves single moms, I want to slap them, they're not single moms, they're wives and moms of the military!

Hold your head up high, stand proud of who you are and what you do! And remember this, you're what gives them the strength, courage and drive to fight for our freedom, you're the reason why he comes home, you and the children! I know Strider will be coming home to me and Bug, and I know that he misses us and that he loves us.



< /RANT >

Self reliance in a can...

This past weekend I canned stewed tomatoes (8 half pints) and four pounds of pickled beets(13 half pints), I still have four pounds of beets to pickle.

Over the next two weeks I'll be canning 20 pounds of carrots, 60+ ears of corn, potatoes, green beans, pasta sauce, fire roasted peppers and who knows what else.

Now that the pantry is empty of the manufactured veggies, jams, jellies and so on, I can finally restock with the homemade all natural stuff. By the time I'm finished we should have about 6 months worth stocked up, if not more. I also plan on making my own juices sometime this summer, and canning those as well.

Bug loves helping with the canning, she gets to snack on the stuff as we make it. My mom's been a big help with this as well, she's been helping with the supplies since she wants me to can stuff for her too. This will help us out a lot, and make it so we're more self-reliant.

We already made strawberry preserves this year and have plans to make more kinds. We're planning on making blueberry, black berry, and boysenberry. Not to mention spiced apples, apple sauce, apple butter and sliced peaches.

Sure, it's a lot of work, but the end result is well worth it, especially when it means more time spent with Bug and teaching her as well as having fun. Not to mention the fun of going to the farms and picking the fruits ourselves, that's always a blast!

So, between the canning and all the fun day trips we have planned, this summer should not only be a blast for Bug and I, but it should also go by quickly, and the quicker it goes by the better. And when Strider gets home we won't have to worry about much as far as fruits and veggies.

I'm also planning on fixing up the back yard, if I can, as well as digging a fire pit.


< /RANT >

Kids and televisions...

Are the kids of today really that hooked on the television that they have no idea what to do without one? Bug has a friend over who has asked me several times of we have T.V. cause she wanted to watch it, she seemed shocked that we had none, that we had cancelled our cable. She even went so far as to ask what Bug does without one.

Well, Bug does crafts, draws, paints and even sculpting with clay.  Why are kids today so dependent on the television for entertainment? Do the parents really not do things with their kids and leave them to watch the television all the damned day?

When we were at dinner with L and her girls, she didn't seem happy when she heard that Summer vacation starts in about a month or so.  Guess she doesn't know what to do with her girls, but as she said, she wants to get a job so she doesn't have to be around them all the time. Honestly, I'm looking forward to it! It means lots of time with my Bug to go out and do things. Hiking, going on day trips and so much more.

Maybe I'm odd, but actually enjoy the days off that Bug has from school, the weekends and especially the summer.  Yet another summer without Strider, but we'll make it good, even if it's hard.


< /RANT >

Prostylization banned by the Pentagon...

An article is circulating about how the government is making it illegal to prostylize your religion. While there are people who feel this is wrong of them to do...I agree with what the government is trying to do. You can read it here.

There are a lot of people who are against this, saying that it goes against our constitutional rights. Where in the constitution does it say that we can forcibly convert others to out faiths? Can someone please show me where it says that? It's not there, that's why no one can show it to me, or to you for that matter.

What the government is trying to stop is when they try to convert people to their religion. When they prostyltized the Native Americans, or any other peoples of different faith, it was a "convert or die" mentality, they did the same thing to the pagans, even going so far as building their churches on the sites if temples and places of strength for other faiths.

I think the government is trying to avoid that from happening again, especially with all the "home grown" terrorists that have been "converted" to the Muslin beliefs. And in that respect I completely agree with what they're trying to do. This isn't just about Christianity or Catholicism  it's about ALL religions.

Now if you look at it all from a different perspective, this could cause "witch hunts" of people who are accused of prostltizing their faith(s). I don't want to see more blood spilled because of religion, if it's a belief of tolerance and love, then why, tell me why, is there so much strife over what people believe? Yes, we should have freedom of religion, but we don't. What we have are faiths that demean and attack other faiths. My religion is attacked all the time, back in the late 1600's people were burned for little more then fear. Most of them were healers or midwives yet they were burned at the stake as witches...why?

If you look at the Christian and Catholic religion historically, they have a very bad habit of raping, murdering and burning people just to get them to convert.

Have a look at what different religions do - (from Wikipedia)

Bahá'í Faith

In the writings of the Bahá'í Faith, the endeavor to attract people to the religion is strongly emphasized. The process of attracting people to the religion is referred to as teaching. The term proselytism is given the connotation of aggressively teaching the religion to others, and is prohibited.

Every Bahá'í has the obligation of teaching their religion, as it is seen as the path toward bringing peace and justice to the world. Some Bahá'ís move to other countries or cities where there are a small number of Bahá'ís to help spread the religion, and this is called pioneering. Some other Bahá'ís move from place to place in a process called travel teaching.

When moving or traveling to other countries Bahá'ís are encouraged to integrate into their new society and apply Bahá'ís principles in living and working with their neighbors. In total, however, only a small minority of Bahá'ís are directly teaching their religion to others.

Bahá'u'lláh, the founder of the Bahá'í Faith, wrote that those who would be teaching his religion should emphasize the importance of ethics and wisdom, and he counseled Bahá'ís to be unrestrained and put their trust in God. At the same time he stated that Bahá'ís should exercise moderation, tact and wisdom and not be too aggressive in their teaching.

In sharing their faith with others, Bahá'ís are cautioned to make sure the person they are proposing to teach is open to hearing what they have to say. In most countries becoming a Bahá'í is a simple matter of filling out a card stating a declaration of belief. This includes acknowledgment of Bahá'u'llah as the messenger of God for this age, awareness and acceptance of his teachings, and intention to be obedient to the institutions and laws he established. It does not necessarily involve negating on one's previous beliefs, due to the Bahá'í belief in progressive revelation.

Christianity

Many Christians consider it their obligation to follow what is often termed the Great Commission of Jesus, recorded in the final verses of the Gospel of Matthew: "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen."

The Acts of the Apostles and other sources contain several accounts of early Christians following this directive by engaging in individual conversations and mass sermons to spread the Good News.

Evangelical Christians often use the term "witnessing" to mean discussing one's faith with another person with the intent of proselytism.

Most self-described Christian groups have organizations devoted to missionary work which in whole or in part includes proselytism of the non-religious and people of other faiths (including sometimes other variants of Christianity).

Some Christians define "proselytism" more narrowly as the attempt to convert people from one Christian tradition to another; those who use the term in this way generally view the practice as illegitimate and in contrast to evangelism, which is converting non-Christians to Christianity. An Eastern Orthodox writer, Stephen Methodius Hayes has written: "If people talk about the need for evangelism, they meet with the response, 'the Orthodox church does not proselytize' as if evangelizing and proselytism were the same thing." However the boundary varies from group to group. For instance the Moscow Patriarchate has repeatedly strongly condemned what it describes as Catholic proselytism of Orthodox Christians within Russia and has therefore opposed a Catholic construction project in an area of Russia where the Catholic community is small. The Catholic Church claims that it is supporting the existing Catholic community within Russia and is not proselytizing.

Recently, the Balamand declaration on proselytism was released between the Roman Catholic Church and Orthodox Churches.

Groups vnoted for proselytism include:

Anglican
Jehovah's Witnesses
Jews for Jesus
Roman Catholi
Seventh-day Adventists
Southern Baptist Convention
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Indian religions

Buddhist proselytism at the time of king Ashoka (260-218 BC), according to the Edicts of Ashoka Indian religions such as Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism are largely pluralistic. Hinduism places faith in a Vedic proclamation which states that "Truth is One, though the sages know it by many names"; Hinduism has no conversion/re-conversion rituals whatsoever—one is free to choose any religion he/she wants, follow any philosophy or belief one fancies and worship any god in a manner he/she deems fit. Religion for a Hindu is merely a path to a universal destination. This is inherently due to the karmic nature of the religion: you will reap what you sow. It is also not uncommon for Hindus to visit holy men of other religions.

Mahavira (599-527 BC), the 24th Tirthankara of Jainism, developed an early philosophy regarding relativism and subjectivism known as Anekantavada. As a result of this acceptance of alternate religious practices, the phenomenon of proselytization is largely absent in these religions but not unknown.

Hare Krishna

One group that takes in willing converts in Hinduism, but without calumniating other faiths, is the International Society for Krishna Consciousness also known as Hare Krishnas. Devotees of the Krishna Consciousness have no codified rituals of conversion, but promote recitation of the Hare Krishna mantra as a means to achieve a mature stage of love of God. ISKCON adherents view Krishna as the supreme deity that those of other faith traditions worship.

A commonly accepted notion among Krisna Consciousness devotees is that ISKCON allows one to recognize the primacy of the supreme deity, Krishna, in the practices and traditions of other faiths. Krishna Consciousness promotes the concept of Sanatana-Dharma, the 'eternal law' that other faiths can uncover.

Sikhism is a proselytizing religion, however, proselytism is largely discouraged "through force or inducement" out of the belief that each person has a fundamental right to practice their religion freely. Although Sikhs freely share their faith with others, offending other religions is against the tenets of Sikhism. However, Sikhism does accept voluntary converts.

Islam

In Islam, inviting people to the religion is a meritorious activity. The Qur'an states "Let there be no compulsion in the religion: Surely the Right Path is clearly distinct from the crooked path." Al-Baqarah which is taken by Muslim scholars that force is not to be used to convert someone to Islam.

According to Abul Ala Maududi there are those who view proselytism to Islam as a religious duty of all faithful Muslims and that Jihad, religious war, should be waged against Jews and Christians because they are guilty of "committing Shirk", non-Islamic beliefs about the Day of Judgment, and by ignoring laws of Islam. "The Messenger of Allah invited the Arabs to accept Islam for 13 years. He used every possible means of persuasion, gave them "incontrovertible arguments and proofs", showed them "miracles" and put before them his life as an example of piety and morality. In short, he used every possible means of communication, but his people refused to accept Islam. When every method of persuasion had failed, the Prophet took to the sword. That sword removed evil mischief, the impurities of evil and the filth of the soul. The sword did something more—it removed their blindness so that they could see the light of truth, and also cured them of their arrogance; arrogance which prevents people from accepting the truth, stiff necks and proud heads bowed with humility."

The Hadith (Muhammad's words) describes the following, " ... Fight in the name of Allah and in the way of Allah. Fight against those who disbelieve in Allah. Make a holy war, do not embezzle the spoils; do not break your pledge. When you meet your enemies who are polytheists, invite them to three courses of action. If they respond to any one of these, you also accept it and withhold yourself from doing them any harm. Invite them to (accept) Islam; if they respond to you, accept it from them and desist from fighting against them. Then invite them to migrate from their lands to the land of Muhajirs and inform them that, if they do so, they shall have all the privileges and obligations of the Muhajirs. If they refuse to migrate, tell them that they will have the status of Bedouin Muslims and will be subjected to the Commands of Allah like other Muslims, but they will not get any share from the spoils of war or Fai' except when they actually fight with the Muslims (against the disbelievers). If they refuse to accept Islam, demand from them the Jizya (penalty tax). If they agree to pay, accept it from them and hold off your hands. If they refuse to pay the tax, seek Allah's help and fight them. When you lay siege to a fort and the besieged appeal to you for protection in the name of Allah and His Prophet, do not accord to them the guarantee of Allah and His Prophet, but accord to them your own guarantee and the guarantee of your companions for it is a lesser sin that the security given by you or your companions be disregarded than that the security granted in the name of Allah and His Prophet be violated."

Judaism

Unlike in the Hellenistic era (Second Temple Judaism), in the modern era most branches of Judaism do not actively proselytize to non-Jews. Instead non-Jews are encouraged to follow Noahide Law, which is said to assure a place in the World to Come.

Some groups, however, will encourage nonobservant Jews to be observant, such as Aish HaTorah or Chabad. Many branches of Judaism are open to the conversion of the non-Jewish spouses of already existing mixed marriages to convert to Judaism. Orthodox Judaism in theory, neither encourages or discourages conversion, however their standards for conversion can be very challenging but persistent and sincere requests for conversion are conducted.

Currently the Dor Deah branch of Orthodoxy is the only group known to actively encourage the proselytizing of Gentiles to Judaism. Today there is no official Dor Dai movement, but the term is used for individuals and synagogues within the Yemenite community (mostly in Israel) who share the original movement's perspectives.

Propriety

Views on the propriety of different types of proselytism differ radically. Some feel that freedom of speech should have no limits and that virtually anyone, anywhere should have the right to talk about anything they see fit. Others see all sorts of proselytism as a nuisance and an intrusion and would like to see them restricted (either completely or to a limited arena). Thus, Prof. Natan Lerner of Tel Aviv University observes that the issue is one of a clash of rights—the perceived right of a person to express his or her views versus the perceived right of a person not to be exposed to views that he or she does not wish to hear.

Some don't mind preaching but are concerned if the speech is accompanied by material benefits (e.g., a soup kitchen that provides food, but only under the condition that the recipients listen to an evangelical discourse) or new converts are given material benefits not available to those who don't convert. Others are concerned if the preaching is aimed at children without the knowledge and consent of the parents.

Exclusivity

Many religions, including Christianity and Islam, believe that their religion is the One true faith. Judaism discourages active proselytism and maintains an exclusivity doctrine on adherence while Christianity and Islam both doctrinally advocate active proselytism, while discouraging converts from maintaining multiple adherence’s or apostasy.

Legal standpoint

From a legal standpoint (international, as well the European Union, or nationally India, Canada and United States), there do appear to be certain criteria in distinguishing licit from illicit proselytism. The International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights Article 18 states,

Everyone shall have the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion. This right shall include freedom to have or to adopt a religion or belief of his choice, and freedom, either individually or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in worship, observance, practice and teaching.

No one shall be subject to coercion which would impair his freedom to have or to adopt a religion or belief of his choice.

Freedom to manifest one's religion or beliefs may be subject only to such limitations as are prescribed by law and are necessary to protect public safety, order, health, or morals or the fundamental rights and freedoms of others.

The States Parties to the present Covenant undertake to have respect for the liberty of parents and, when applicable, legal guardians to ensure the religious and moral education of their children in conformity with their own convictions.

The first amendments to the constitutions of United States and India, the European Union Charter of Human Rights and the Canadian Charter of Right and Freedoms provide that all people have: the right to have religious beliefs (or to not have religious beliefs) (Freedom of Religion) the right to form organizations for the purpose of worship, as well as for promoting their cause (Freedom of Association); and the right to speak to others about their convictions, with the purpose of influencing the others. (Freedom of Speech).

By the same token, these very rights exercise a limiting influence on the freedoms of others. For instance, the right to have one's religious (or non-religious) beliefs presumably includes the right not to be coerced by the government into changing these beliefs by threats, discrimination, or similar inducements.

Proselytism is considered inappropriate, disrespectful, and offensive by some individuals. As such, it is not protected in certain environments open to the public or are owned privately: government buildings, public education (grade schools and college campuses), the workplace and private properties like ones' home or front yard. These environments, due to either their openness or privacy, are often where proselytism takes place and can come from a variety of sources depending on the environment (e.g., students or teachers in schools and colleges, coworkers or employers, office workers, family members, or neighbors in a community).

Limits on proselytism is a combination of what is considered legal (and this varies from country to country) and what is considered moral or respectful (and this varies from person to person).

Some countries such as Greece prohibited all proselytism until 1994 when Jehovah's Witnesses were legally recognized as a religion and allowed to preach. Some countries such as Morocco prohibit it except for Islam and in Canada or certain parts of the USA, socio-cultural norms suggest proselytism is improper. Some restrict it in various ways such as prohibiting attempts to convert children or prohibit offering physical benefits to new converts.

Religious groups also draw lines between what they are willing to do or not do to convert people. For instance the Catholic Church in Ad Gentes states that "The Church strictly forbids forcing anyone to embrace the Faith, or alluring or enticing people by worrisome wiles." The World Council of Churches in The Challenge of Proselytism and the Calling to Common Witness states the following: (Note: this document uses proselytism in the negative sense only.)

Proselytism as described in this document stands in opposition to all ecumenical effort. It includes certain activities which often aim at having people change their church affiliation and which we believe must be avoided, such as the following: making unjust or uncharitable references to other churches’ beliefs and practices and even ridiculing them; comparing two Christian communities by emphasizing the achievements and ideals of one, and the weaknesses and practical problems of the other; employing any kind of physical violence, moral compulsion and psychological pressure e.g. the use of certain advertising techniques in mass media that might bring undue pressure on readers/viewers; using political, social and economic power as a means of winning new members for one’s own church; extending explicit or implicit offers of education, health care or material inducements or using financial resources with the intent of making converts; manipulative attitudes and practices that exploit people’s needs, weaknesses or lack of education especially in situations of distress, and fail to respect their freedom and human dignity.


< /RANT >

Not okay...

Time to pull out the paint and paint on a smile and act like everything's okay even though its far from okay.

But I'm not okay, I'm not okay with him going away, not okay with being without him...not okay.  Bug and I will miss him so much, sure, we're used to him going away for 5 to 6 months, but this is a whole year...

All day I've felt sick to my stomach at the thought of Strider leaving tomorrow night.

Everything's not okay, so very not okay.

I went ahead and redid the crystal binding I had made for Strider over fifteen years ago, put fresh locks of our hair in it and wrapped it up with nice soft cow hide. If the first binding lasted for this long this new one should do great.

Tomorrow night is Bug's show where she'll be singing with the All City Chorus.  After that we're going out for dinner then head to the airport over on base.  Strider's flight leaves at 1am on May 1st....my heart hurts.  I hate being away from my love, even if it's just for a few weeks...but this time it's a year and it's killing me.

Bug's playing Little Big Planet with Strider for the last time until he comes home next year...

No....I'm not okay.


< /RANT >

Why am I going to bed alone?

Good question. With only a few days left before Strider leaves for a full year you'd think that he'd want to snuggle or make love to me. So what's stopping him, you ask? A fucking video game.

He's been up playing the game until way early in the morning. At this rate we won't even any intimate moments between us before he leaves...unless this is what he wants.

Is he trying to push me away? Unintentional or not it still hurts like hell. Not to mention what he said last night. I told him about what this one person said about why he didn't want Bug and I going with him do Bahrain. The whole he has another woman out there crap that I always hear just before he leaves.

He actually said that he'd still come home to us as though nothing was going on...and he wonders why I worry?

Should I worry? I hope not. I'd really hate to have to walk away from him and take Bug with me...breaking apart our family would suck.

Anyway, here it is after 2am and I'm alone in bed...sometimes it feels like he's already left..like he's not really even here until he wants to to it touch me...

Is my marriage really this fucked up or is just my nerves because if how long he's going away for this time?

Time for bed, lets hope I can get through this without losing my mind or my faith in Strider.


< /RANT >