Giardia

Last Tuesday I took Logan in to see the vet because he had diarrhea, we though it was because Bug had fed him 2 pickles a day for 6 days. Well, by Friday it was still bad so I took him back. They suspected Giardia and put him onto Metronidazole that's used for it as well as panacur powder that's added to his food. Yesterday I noticed blood, it looked like steak sauce color, so I called the e-vet. Let me tell you, the e-vet was awesome, she got all the info needed and then let me know that seeing blood is normal with Giardia.

It might be normal but you know what? The diarrhea needs to go away, poor Logan, it's like he has a hose attached to his ass. And yes, it's that bad. He has to wear an e-collar to keep him from licking his already raw testicles and his butt which is all swollen and sore. before the e-collar he licked himself clean which made him sick, he threw up a lot. but now we clean him after he goes outside and he'll not throwing up.

We also have to make sure we wash the blanket he lays on every day and we use hand sanitizer when we touch him, better safe then sorry. Seriously do not need any of us getting this parasite. I'm also keeping an eye on the cats.

Once the parasite's gone I'll be sprinkling the yard with diatomaceous earth to kill every kind of bug and parasite off that's there.

My poor pup.


< /RANT >

When will it end?

So you think you know what kind of stress I'm under....well, good for you. There are so many who said they'd be there if I ever needed a shoulder...you know what? There are maybe 4 people who I can actually depend on to be here if things take a turn for the worst.

You want to know what's going on...okay, I guess I'll fill you in.

About eight or ten years ago my mom was diagnosed with kidney insufficiency. Well, here we are all those years later and they're now saying she needs a transplant. I'm her medical advocate, what does that mean? It means that I handle hints when she can't and I also go with her to speak with the doctors and to make sure that everything is going smoothly and that they don't screw around. 

So far we've talked to the transplant surgeon and the vascular surgeon. During all the tests for the transplant surgeon they thought they saw either a blood clot or an inclusion in the artery going into her heart. So we went to the vascular surgeon. Well, he checked her out and said that hen was able to feel her aorta...yeah, not good. He mentioned two possibilities...he felt it as a result of an injury or a rare form of cancer. Talk about adding more to the plate of stress.

So now we have a bunch more tests that she has to go through before we'll have an answer as to wether or not we can go ahead with the kidney transplant or not.

On the good side, I have already gotten offers from four people who are AB blood type. They want to donate a kidney to her. Plus a lot of people who want to donate blood for her surgery.

Out of all the people I know only a few are stepped up to try to help. What would you want people to do if it was you who needed a a kidney, or other transplant? Wouldn't you want people to be selfless? Then why are people so selfish?

I swear, if there's a limit to how much stress I can handle I haven't found it yet. But it have a feeling I might find my limits soon.

With everything that's going on we found out that we can't trust the VITA office anymore to do our taxes.  Thanks to them we owe the IRS about a thousand dollars in back taxes, not to mention the four hundred something to defile the taxes from last year and what ever interest and penalties we get hit with. Before you ask...no, they're not going to help with any of it. They're volunteer which means they have zero liability. Totally fucked up if you ask me.

< \RANT >

Let's not do that again...

I did a rather silly/stupid thing today. We have this container of Szedeg Steak rub, anyway, I decided to shake it, open it then sniff it...yeah, not so smart. It burned all the way up my nose, down my throat and into my lungs. Don't ever do this, never ever, unless of course you're into sniffing bath salts.

See...this is what happens when I suffer from sleep deprivation... On to sleep now...

< /rant >

Disappointed in people...

Over the past year I must have voted for who knows how many contests that women I know entered their kids into. I was hoping for some reciprocation, well, so much for that one. They're so damned wrapped up in their own little worlds that they could care less why I'm doing this.

I entered the contest with the intention of sharing the winnings, then Star's parents house burned to the ground leaving her family homeless...being homeless wasn't the worst part of it. Her father had full thickness burns over hos back, arms and the back of his neck, her step mother had been burned was well...the good news? Well, the good news is more of a miracle really, her baby sister made it out without even so much as a singed hair. So, I then changed where the winnings were going, I'm sending them out to Star so she can get them to her folks.

Imagine for a moment that you lost everything...how would you feel? You'd be lost, horrible lost. Now, imagine how it would feel if people you worked with, friends and family all donated to help you get back onto your feet. You'd be grateful, deeply grateful. now, imagine how it would feel for complete strangers to donate and show their love. You'd be awestruck and filled with more love then you knew what to do with.

Am I wrong in wanting to help her family even though I don't know them? No, I'm not. What is wrong is people I know, people who can't even return the favor and help me to win so I can send the items to Star. I'm disappointed in people....yet again.

The recipe I entered was my rolled turkey breast recipe. It'll be in the cookbook once it's complete. Anyway, the link's here - Contest. I've posted a link to it at least once a day since I entered, I even stated what I was going to do with the winnings, yet no one even seemed to care or want to help. Well, I guess this changes things a bit, doesn't it? The next time they want me to vote for them...they can forget it. And yes, I'm going to be petty.


And of course, now I start thinking about something else...all the people who signed up on the site for my recipes...hardly anyone posts or even comments. Really? If you want recipes you damned well better learn how to comment and talk in the forums. I gave people a sneak peak at the recipes that will be in the cook book and I'm starting to think that they don't even want to be there, they want something for nothing basically. Well, I'm still writing recipes, still taking pictures of the dishes, but I'm not posting them. If someone wants a recipe they can come to me directly.

I guess I'm just disappointed by people today, sad thing is, this happens more often then not.

< /rant >

DC...

You know how some people are followers? Well, I keep getting told that DC is a follower. Basically, when he was staying with us on the weekends he was laid back, relaxed and didn't drink unless it was one beer with me during dinner.

Anyway, I spoke to B the other day and she told me that he's been acting strange. He's hanging out with this other couple he knows, he works with the guy.

A little background on DC, he's Donna's soon to be ex-husband. Yup, she fucked up and lost a good guy.

Back to my < rant >...I'm worried about him. He got sick just before New year's and has been sick ever since. He stopped calling, texting and google chatting. I'm afraid that this new couple he's hanging around with will be bad for him. By bad I mean destructive. They like to party, they have no kids so they can. I think DC said they were asking him for 600$ per pay to rent a room...WTF? is that's the case then he's paying their fucking rent, which is wrong!

I've tried to talk to him but...I dunno..maybe I just worry too much...or maybe he's done what everyone else seems to do...drift away.

I hope he's okay, he's like a little brother to me.


< /rant >

Idea vs reality

It's astonishing how many parents actually use the TV as a baby sitter. Umm...excuse me, shouldn't you be taking care of your kid? Case in point....Donna. She would put the tv on and just sit on the computer all day ignoring her kid. That sickens me. The only time I ever saw her taking care of her kid was when she saw how I was with Bug. Seriously? That's not a mom, that's someone who enjoys the idea of a family but not actually having a family.

This is all too common to be honest. There are too many women out there who enjoy the idea of a family, but not actually having one. You can tell which women are the kind that simply like the idea and now the reality. They're the ones who use the TV as a baby sitter, the ones that don't give a damn, their kids are always dirty and so on. They're usually the ones to throw the first stones too, they'll call you a bad mother without looking in the mirror.

I've < rant >ed about Donna before, but I usually didn't use her name, well, guess what, now I am. Why? Because I could care less. If you like what I have to say...then don't read my blog!

Anyway, the whole thing has be burning, it really does. There are far too many parents out there that like the idea of kids, but not the reality of them. If you didn't want kids then why the hell didn't you use birth control? Don't give me the crap that it's against your religion, that's bull shit. I don't care what religion you're part of, no one has the right to tell you what you can and cannot do with your own body! You shouldn't pop out kid after kid after kid! Okay, apparently I have religion issues today too. But that'll be saved for yet another < rant >.

< /rant >

Just when you think it's safe...

There was an article in the news today, a woman down in SC hung and burned her nephew's 1 year old pit bull for eating her bible. Seriously? What the fuck was this woman thinking? I mean, okay, I can see how she was devout and all in her religion, but can someone please tell me where it says to hang and burn an animal for eating the bible? It's people like this that scare the hell out of me, but that's another < rant >.

This comes just days after two stories of kids being bitten by pit bulls in NC and TX. I have a pit bull, and let me tell you, he's a big baby. He's very, and I mean VERY, snuggly. If you're sitting on the couch, he has to be in your lap, and I mean all 60 some odd pounds of him! My daughter Bug can do anything to him and he adores her, even playing dress up. yup, you heard right, Bug plays dress up with Logan. usually putting a cape on his collar, or ribbons on him...you know, the whole Supper Pitty or cutie pitty. Yup, Bug sure does love to play with him. The only thing he eats are her Lego's...and he steals her stuffies...stuffies, as in stuffed animals for those who don't a dictionary that explains Kiminese. ( Long story short, that term came from my old Guild in PWI.)

Anyway, back to the point of this particular < rant >. If you look through the news or do a search for dog attacks in the news, what's the one breed most often mentioned? When they do mention the breed it's Pit Bulls. What about the Chihuahua's? They bite people all the time. So do other dogs. Other breeds also kill people but you hardly hear about it. What about the Shepherds, the Rotty's, and other breeds, like Chow Chow's? They all have bitten and or killed people, but do you hear about it as prolifically as you do the pit bull attacks? Nope, not even a little.

I used to have the most gentle and adoring wolf hybrid. Do you know how many people told me that wolves are dangerous and should be killed? Far too many. Let me tell you, my baby boy was the sweetest thing on four legs. He passed due to degenerative-myelopathy, disease of the spinal cord.

The pup we had before we got Logan was a Rotty/Sheppherd/Chow/something mix...he was a sweetie! Bug could do anything to him and he just adored her. But, we had to put him to sleep. He was sick, very sick. He had a severe seizure disorder that left him unconscious for 15 minutes after the grand mal seizure was done, and he had inoperable hip displaysia.

Out of all the dogs I've had there was one bad seed among them all. Chance, she was just bad. I got her from the shelter, they couldn't tell me anything about her past, other then she had been surrendered by her owners. Chance was a pit bull/lab mix. Black with very little white, she was sweet to start with, but then two or three weeks later she turned on me. I'm not talking the little growls or posturing to keep me away from her, I'm talking full out turned, aggressive and dangerous. She attacked me several times, even when Strider was home, even in my sleep! So I had to have her euthanized. When I took her to the Humane Society they told me the biggest line of bullshit I've ever heard. They actually said that if I had spayed her that it never would have happened! Can you believe that bullshit?! Seriously, since when does spaying or neutering a dog change it's personality?

I used to be leery about Pit Bulls, and I had good reason. I didn't hate the breed, I hated what had become of Chance. But after having Logan here, I can tell you that they're a gentle breed, if not a bit thick headed and stubborn.

I'm sitting here typing away and Logan's sound asleep at my feet. He's such a good foot warmer, and a great critter to have in our house. Even if he's a bit insane when it comes to one of our three cats. Logan and tempest have this love hate thing going on.

Anyway, back on track. The whole thing about dogs attacking people...it's not the dog's fault. And I'm not defending any one breed here. It's all how the dog is raised. It's the owner's responsibility to train the dog properly.

If you go to a store and someone's kid is screaming and throwing a tantrum that they want something, what do you think? That kid needs a good stern lesson in how to behave in public. Having a dog is like having another child, you better train it right or it'll be unruly and walk all the hell over you. Do you want a good dog or a spoiled brat? The choice is yours, folks. Just like with your kids, do you want them to be good and treat people with respect or do you want little thugs running around getting into trouble every chance they get?

I read somewhere a comment by a complete idiot. He tried to compare pit bulls to lions and tigers, saying that they belong in a zoo. Where the hell did he get his information from? See, this is what the media has done. Every ten or so years they garb onto a breed of dog and make it the proverbial whipping boy for the BSL (Breed Specific Legislation) folks. They're not just against APBT's, they're against any breed that happens to show up on their radar for that specific set of years. Once they fear monger the hell out of one breed they move on to the next. This all has me wondering, what breed will be the next one on the chopping block? Why not the ones that are actually dangerous? The little ankle biters that are mean and down right attack anything or anyone? Why? Because yet again that's not the dog, that 's the owners lack of responsibility. Socialize your dog. You'd socialize your kid, right? Why not do the same for your dog? if you want your dog to play nice with other dogs and people, then expose them to all kinds of people and animals.

When it's a small dog that bites someone it gets pushed under the carpet. The reason for all the hoopla about APBT's is because they're used as fighting dogs by the assholes of this world. I don't care who the fuck you think you are...you DO NOT USE DOGS FOR FIGHTING!!! I don't give a flying fuck what breed it is, YOU DON"T DO IT! It's wrong! How would you feel if I put you in a ring and made you fight someone just because? Oh, wait, we already have that kind of thing, it's called boxing and full contact fighting....see the trend here? People are sick.

I've been around dogs all my life. Never can I remember a time when I did not have at least one dog and one cat.

Well, there's my thoughts on all of this...take it as you will.


< /rant >

Taxes, taxes, taxes...when can I file...

Okay, so congress passed a bunch of new laws regarding tax filing. How does that affect us? Hmm, let's see. Reading over the information is like stereo instructions to me, makes little to no sense. Or maybe I just need some more caffeine in my system to understand it.

We always save our sales receipts, the normal deduction is 250$ if you do not save them, we save them and our deduction is over 700$( this is a little known thing, we found out about it a few years back from VITA, make sure you ask about it). Plus the deduction for both mortgages, Strider's tuition even though the Navy covers it 100%, Bug's glasses, any prescriptions we get at RiteAid instead of the base pharmacy, the interest on our mortgages, savings accounts, Thrift Savings account(active duty thing), state taxes (Maine for us) and so on. There are so many deductions that make it easier for people. We usually get back about 7k-8k a year, which all goes toward paying off bills and clothing for Bug.

Here's the run down on some deductions you may not have known about. (From Commonly Overlooked Tax deductions)

1. Out-of-pocket costs for charity. There's a perception that charitable donations only include cash or goods. This is because the value of your time spent volunteering for charitable organizations is never deductible. However, out-of- pocket expenses relating to volunteering for charitable organizations are deductible. Costs would include the cost of transportation, such as driving (the standard mileage rate for 2009 is 14 cents a mile for charitable purposes), parking fees and tolls. You can also claim travel expenses while you're away from home performing services for a charitable organization, assuming the expenses are related to the services and not for personal use (such as a vacation). Travel expenses would include air, rail, and bus transportation (as well as expenses for your car); taxi fares or other costs of transportation between the airport or station and your hotel; the cost of lodging; and the cost of meals.

2. Transportation for medical visits. Sure, you've dutifully tucked away your receipts for co-pays to the doctor, but what about the costs of getting there? The cost of getting to and from medical appointments is deductible. If you drive, you can claim your actual expenses associated with the drive or claim the standard medical mileage rate: For 2009, it's 24 cents per mile. Bus fare, train fare, or cab fares are also deductible, as is the cost of tolls and parking.

3. Job hunting expenses. While you can't deduct the cost of looking for your first job (sorry, new grad!), you can deduct out-of-pocket expenses related to your job hunt if you've been laid off or are simply moving on. This includes paper, printing, and stamps for your resume; online expenses to post your resume (on Craigslist, for example); fees paid to employment agencies; travel to and from interviews; long distance calls to prospective employers; and the costs of getting a portfolio or other work samples together. You must be looking for a job in the same profession -- you cannot deduct the cost of looking for a job in a new profession. You also can't deduct job expenses if there has been a "substantial break" between leaving your last job and starting to look for new job. You don't have to have success within a reasonable amount of time, but you do need to be looking.

4. Student loan interest paid by parents. Generally, you can only deduct items on your tax return that you actually pay. But the IRS gives students a break: If you are legally obligated to make interest payments, and your parents make a payment on your behalf, the IRS allows you to take the deduction. This is a great way for parents to help out by making the payments and allowing the child to claim up to $2,500 of student loan interest. Even better? Student loan interest is an above-the-line deduction, which means you can claim it even if you don't itemize.

5. Property tax. For 2008 and 2009, homeowners who don't itemize can increase their standard deduction amount by a portion of property taxes they paid. The increase is capped at $500 for taxpayers who file as single or $1,000 for those who file married filing jointly. To claim the extra deduction, you'll need to complete a Schedule L with your tax return.

6. Gambling losses. You may know that you have to report your gambling winnings as income on your tax return -- even if you won them illegally. But did you know you can deduct your losses as well? You can only deduct gambling losses if you itemize deductions on your tax return, and the amount of losses cannot be more than the amount of gambling income you reported on your return. To prove this, it's important to keep accurate records of your gambling winnings and losses. Depending on where you're getting your winnings (or losses), many casinos will put this information in writing for you.

7. Tax preparation fees. You can claim a deduction for out-of-pocket expenses paid for tax preparation software, tax publications and the costs associated with electronic filing. Those expenses, together with fees paid to a tax preparer in the year of the return (for example, fees paid in 2009 would be reported on your 2009 return) will be reported on Schedule A of your federal form 1040 as an itemized miscellaneous deduction.

8. Home improvements. Most homeowners are aware they can deduct the cost of a mortgage associated with the purchase of a new home. You can also deduct the interest paid on a loan used for the construction of a major improvement to your home. For tax purposes, there is a difference between home improvements and home repairs -- an improvement will add to the value of your home, whereas a repair merely returns it to its previous state. Keep good records to substantiate your claims.

We always go to the VITA center or TAC, it makes it so much easier for us and they've been really good about not messing up on our taxes in the 6 years we've been having them do them. If you don't have access to them there's always Liberty Taxes, H&R Block and an abundance of other companies or private tax preparers out there. Just make sure they have a tax ID number, this isn't something new, but the IRS is cracking down on this.

Make sure you talk to your tax preparer if you have questions about deductions.

Friends...where?

Go ahead, rub it in that you go out with your friends and have fun. Go right ahead. I know I have no life, I know that I have no friends in the area, I know that I suck as a person. So what, you're one of the lucky ones, good for you.

The amount of real friends I have I can count on two hands at the most, maybe 6 or 8 people in total. Everyone else could care the fuck less. I tried to being there for people like Priss and Prim, look where it got me, pushed aside like last years shoes, tossed to the back of the closet to be ignored. I thought I had actually made some friends around here when I met them, yeah, okay, I was delusional, seriously delusional. There have been others aside from them that did the same thing. They hung with me and acted like it was something they were being forced to do. When Priss and Prim were here for Bug's 4th birthday they stuck together, they talked about getting together with one another...in front of me. Thanks a lot, seriously, what a way to make someone feel like total shit.

There are others who have been really upsetting me lately too. No matter what i say, no matter how often I'm there for them, no matter how many sleepless nights I get to keep them company when they need someone...they're not around when I need someone. You wanna know the kicker? They don't even see it. Maybe they'll see it when I stop answering texts and start sending their calls straight to voice mail. Maybe then they'll get the hint.

If you're going to say that you're going to be there for me when I need someone to talk to, then be there. Don't just sit silently on the fucking phone, or argue with your fucking spouse or go off on another fucking tangent. I listen to you, I offer you advice, I talk to you about your problems...why can't you do the same for me? Is it that difficult for you? maybe I should walk away.

Maybe I'm too harsh of a person, maybe I'm too damned brash, maybe I'm just too different. Maybe that's why no one seems to want to be around me. Fuck everyone, I'm through being nice or even trying to make friends. if I'm meant to be without people to hang out with, then so fucking be it. I'm done. Good bye, assholes.

At least I have my bug, she gives me little cards every day with the words "I love you, mommy" inside them that she wrote. I spend every moment with her, every single moment.

< /rant >

Spitting fire...

I was at the place before, been through a good share of hell. It was because of everything I had been through that I became a rape crisis counselor for Camden Co, NJ. I just wish other women can be strong too and get away from situations like that, but not everyone can find that strength. A lot of the time that strength has been beaten into submission, where it lays so afraid deep inside of them, cowering in the shadows of their minds. If they get the one push they need, sometimes, just sometimes, then can regain that strength and wake up the fighter inside of them. I firmly believe that all women have the spirit to fight inside of them and sometimes it takes a near death experience before they can find that strength. Yet there are the women who love so blindly that they end up statistics, and those are the ones I feel most sorry for.

I don't feel sorry for them because they died, I feel sorry for them because they never had the strength to stand up for themselves and to fight. Go ahead, say what you will, but I believe that every woman can fight back. Why should be allow ourselves to be victimized by our lovers, husbands, wives, children, neighbors or others. Stand up for yourself, see the signs that are right in front of you.

You think I'm callous, well, you know what? I was there. I was beaten, raped, nearly broken. You know what? I found the strength to get away, I found the strength to scream out in a rage that was so deep that it scared me half to death, yet I focused it all on making my life better and trying to help others. Did I feel at fault for what happened to me? Bet your ass I did. My own mother called me a liar when I told her I was raped, she adored the guy, refused to believe that he could do such a thing. People are capable of some rather sick things, and some of the truly sick ones get off on doing those things to others.

I've written a lot of poems about stuff like this, some have been called inspirational for the abused women, strengthening and empowering. But, with all the pain I see in the eyes of women who suffer like we have, it pisses me off when they can't break away. It kills me to see abused people become abusive parents, they can't break the cycle, or their afraid to. I've broken the cycle, I refuse to perpetuate it, I refuse to hurt my daughter. Gods help anyone who tries to make her a victim....I'll kill them, I'll rip them apart. No one threatens or hurts a child, there's no excuse for it. And the woman KD spoke of who threatened the child like that needs to get her ass handed to her. There is no excuse for that, and in my mind....she should be the one euthanized.

Wake up, ladies, this isn't going to just go away. If you're being hurt, treated like shit, being stepped on...stand up for yourself! It's time to turn the tides and refuse to accept this sort of abuse any longer. Look into his/her eyes and tell them you've had enough. If you're too afraid to do that...then please, go to a woman's shelter. They can't follow you there, they can't hurt you anymore there. You'll get help, you'll be safe. Please, if you have children, leave, go to the shelter. If not for your own sake, then for the sake of your children.

< /rant >

Really...

I swear, Strider's been pissing me off lately. He seems to think that I do nothing all day. Today he turned on the PS2 and put I. A game, Bug had asked him several questions about the game he was playing and he just ignored her. That's just wrong, seriously wrong. So I asked him why he's not playing with her, he said that he wanted to play the game alone. You know what? I never get to okay a game alone! Never! I always play with Angie, I always make sure that she's enjoying herself and having fun.

He's on leave for the next two weeks, and I can guarantee that he will not want to do much of anything. Bug had asked hin to play a game with him and he got all pissy. I'm sorry if our daughters wants to play a game with him. So then he sits down to play checkers with her and he starts telling her to move "vertically", I'm sorry, a five year old doesn't know words like that. So I told her corner to corner, which she understood. Then I asked him to let her win, the look ha shave me. I wanted him to build up her confidence I playing before getting serious about it. Maybe it's just me, but I feel that you need to build up your kids confidence if you want them to be able to succeed in anything. If they don't ha e the confidence they won't be able to do much of anything with confidence.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother anymore...

< /rant >

The Instability Of Me...

I think it's time to start removing people from my friends list on Trillian. There's only maybe 3 people out of the 85 that even talk to me anymore. I guess that says something, huh? While I'm at it I might as well clear out my contacts list on my cell, clear out all the names of those that have become distant for one reason or another, the main reason...they have better friends and no need to associate with me. lol Funny, no? There was a time when I went out, when I had good friends that I could go to lunch with, now it would seem that, according to my mom, I've become an asshole.

The other day I was in the car with my mom and Bug, we were headed to BJ's to do some grocery shopping. She started in on me yet again, but this time she started to call me names, she called me an asshole, an idiot, she called me stupid and everything. Right there in front of Bug. Bug started to cry as she was yelling at me then threatening to take a cab home. This isn't the first time she pulled this cap, she did it one night when we were going out for dinner. Poor Bug was crying when we went into the restaurant. My mom was even yelling at me in the restaurant and outside. Why? Am I really this bad of a person that she has to do this to me, to Bug?

Last month I had my car in the shop, I tried to charge the cost but found out that Strider's repairs had maxed out the car, so I called my mom. She railed into me and said no, so I told her fine, then she started to yel at me. Even Q, the mechanic, knew that it was my mom I was talking to, he was upset that she upset me. She's very critical of people, she talks about people behind their backs, and she talks down about everyone, which isn't right. She's been like this for most of my life, is this why I am the way I am?

A year or so ago I had people I could hang out with around here, there was Kim and Sako..now even they seem to have better things to do then to even talk to me. Have I really become that bad of a person that no one even wants to talk to me? Even the friends I had back in high school don't even seem to want to associate with me much, unless it's on faceook.

Lately it feels like no matter what I do or say it's not good enough for anyone. I seem to upset people with everything I say or do. Maybe I have become a complete uncaring, cold, heartless asshole. Maybe that's why no one wants to even be around me. It even feels like Strider's distancing himself from me.

All I do is stay around the house with Bug, I don't go anywhere unless it's to go do the grocery shopping or pick up stuff we need. Am I really that horrible of a person that no one wants to be bothered with me? I guess I am. So, maybe it's time to cut everyone out. I can't even smile a real smile lately, things have been tougher then I can ever remember them being.

Back on September 27th by cousin Mark died in a car crash, then Strider's Jeep was totaled in an accident. DC was driving the Jeep when he was rear ended. To top it all off Strider nearly lost his fingers in an accident at work, thanks to the titamiun wedding band he didn't lose his fingers.

I've tried to be happy, but no matter what I do I can't seem to feel happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, I love Bug and Strider more then anything. I see how happy she is and wish that I could be that happy again. Even Strider doesn't seem to see that I'm spiraling, I need this to stop, I need to be appy again. I need to be me again...who ever I am, I don't even think I remember who I am, I think I lost her a long time ago with all the sadness and the betrayal of so many people.

Maybe I've just become the person that no one wants to even be around. I get glared at by people who don't even know me, I get talked about and treated like crap by most people I know.

Maybe it's time I talk to my doctor...but I hate medication, and I really dislike shrinks who think they know what's going on in your head. Am I unstable right now? Yes, I am. Do I have an idea of why? I most certainly do...menopause. I think that with everything else I have to handle, the house, the bills, family, the few friends I have...maybe, just maybe, menopause is the last straw for my mental stability. It could very well be the one thing that has set me off and has pushed me over the edge.

I dunno, I'll have to talk to my doctor...I just don't want another therapist that didn't understand, or tries to stem it all back to my childhood. Yes, my childhood was fucked up, who's wasn't? My mom was less then stable when I was growing up. She was an alchoholic, abusive mentally, emotionally and physically. My great aunts and grand parents were my one saving grace. But after they passed things got worse. But I survived, I made it through, it made me stronger, right?

Somedays I find myself yelling at Bug, making her cry. I hate myself for doing that to her, I really do. Granted, when she doesn't listen when I ask her to clean up her toys or something she does deserve some kind of punishment. But I'm so afraid of crossing the line, so I rarely spank her, even if she deserves it. So I resort to taking away privaleges and stuff. Am I a bad mom? Have I in some way failed my Bug? I dunno, sometimes I feel like I have. Just like there are times, a lot lately, that I feel like I've failed as a wife, that Strider might be better off with someone else, someone that makes him happier then I can.

I try to do all I can to make people happy, I really do. I try to be agreeable, but I'm sorry, I'm not going to roll over and belly up just because people think they're in deservence of my submission. Sorry, but I speak my mind, if I think you're being an asshole, I'll flat out tell you.

I try to give my family good food to eat, so I make everything home made. I make sure that we have fresh bread, cookies and a cake or pie to enjoy. The meals I make are fresh, healthy and very tastey. Yet somehow I feel like I'm letting them down.

Oh well, enough for now...

< /rant >

Unnatural things...

Turducken.......really? Who thought this up? I mean, seriously, this is the most unnatural thing I have ever seen let alone heard of. A duck inside of a chicken inside of a turkey....yeah, okay, seriously, what did the duck do to deserve being shoved up into a chicken? And while we're at it, what did then chicken do to deserve being shoved up into a turkey? Am I the only one who finds this a bit disturbing? It's just unnatural, seriously, zombies are more natural then the turducken...well, to me they are. Does that make me completely insane? Probably.

Let's not even get me started on the turduckenoose...

Person who likes turducken- "We're having turducken for dinner"

Me- *blink blink* "I'm gonna go find a zombie now.....".

That's how it would go in my house, seriously, I'm not kidding you. Even my brother thinks it's unnatural, and dare I say, he's unnatural to begin with.

We all known that I'm a little bit off kilter, well, maybe a bit more then little.

< /rant >

Gah!

Ever since we had the damned security storm doors put in, which were supposedly the highest quality doors made and would never break, rust, yadda, yadda, yadda, we have had nothing but troubles with them! We had them installed back in 2006, five months later had to have them repairs. Six months after that repaired again, six months after that repaired again. Then again in 2009, and now I'm fighting to get them removed/replaced and have the money refunded. When you sell a product with a lifetime warranty and say that it's the highest quality, it had damned well better be what you're toting.

I had called the repair office yesterday and asked that the guy call me back, I was told he would by the end of the business day yesterday. Not a work from him. So I called my contact at corporate, let's see if she calls me back. If not, I guess I'll be left with one option. Email the local news and make a complete mockery of Sears and contact my attorney to get this settled. ::sighs:: And people wonder why I hate Sears.

And that was the beginning of my day.

My mom had called me to ask me to call 911 because she saw a car hit a bicyclist. Well, I told her that since she was right there to call it in herself. Well, she called me back after getting the plate umber and told me that the kid who was hit by the car asked her not to call the police because he's in the country illegally and he works at McDonald's. SERIOUSLY?! I would have called it in anyway. McDonald's is hiring illegals to work for them??? What the fuck?!

< /rant >

Even more recalls

The amount of recalls for everything is insane. We won't use anything by McNeil Labs due to the sheer amount of recalls on the children's medications(Tylenol, Benadryl, Zyrtec, RiteAid brand of Tylenol, etc). I won't endanger my child like that ever. As for the canned food and prepackaged food, we use fresh and still watch the recalls lists to ensure that what I'm feeding my family is safe for them as well as healthy.

Call me weird, I don't care, but I insist on making sure I feed my family, that being my husband, daughter(s) and my animals, all of them, the safest most nutritious food I can. Not to mention the amount of recalls on products, not just food, but just about everything, coming in from China(toys, treats, food, clothing, etc).

So, yeah, there's my opinion and what I do about it to assure my family's health and safety.

To check the recalls that affect us all you can go here. To look up specific recalls you can go here.

< /rant >

I hate politics

What the hell is wrong with this world? With the state if the economy my daughters grandchildren will be paying it off, then again, there won't be any social security if anything at all.

Some people seem to think that having a woman in office would be good for the country. Personally I don't see how. Mrs Clinton, she who was running the country while her hubby was busy getting a blow-job in the oval office fucked us up big time. Some people seem to think that Mrs Clinton saved us economically, I'm not so sure about that. If her husband, Bill Clinton actually helped us, then great. But the rest of the monkeys we've had I office including the latest one have done nothing but fuck up our country more than the one before. I understand that the presidents are nothing more than a figure head. But what will it a take for this country to get it's shit together. We keep fighting this "war" that could have been ended a long time ago. Stop pussy footing around and nuke the sons of bitches. How many opportunity have we had to end this whole thing? Quite a few I'll bet.

And people wonder why I stay out of politics, I hate it, to me it's all one big fucking three ring circus.

This country is going to hell in a hand basket. All the illegals coming in are taking our jobs because they're cheap labor. I don't give a fuck, we're over crowded as it is, kick them the fuck out! Make border patrol stronger and get the job done. Fill in the tunnels they use to cross the border with concrete. Stop letting them come in.

< /rant >

Blacklist?

Is there a Navy Wide blacklist with the wives? If so, am I on it? Seriously! Ever since we lived on Earle it's been like this. They treat me like crap, talk behind my back. Are they insecure? If they are then they need to get over their insecurities and grow the fuck up! Is it because I speak my mind?

Let's go back to the beginning shall we? When Strider and I first got married he was on the Detroit, the Ombudsman and the wives treated my like shit, complete and utter shit. Why, you ask? Because they were in shitty marriages, I was thin, had a career and enjoyed my life, so they hated me. In Annapolis I was liked by the guys more than the wives, nothing out of the ordinary there for me. Here I've been treated like shit by the wives, even the ones from other commands. Seriously! There have been a few that claimed to be friends of mine and then they turn around and stab me in the back or just flat our ignore me.

At one of Strider's commands we had gone to a cookout at night. I was rather pregnant with bug at the time. The women all avoided me like the plague, the guys on the other hand, they all gathered around me to talk and be cool. I asked Strider why and he said it's because I'm a threat to them. When I asked him what he meant he motioned to my body. Okay, so yet again the whole thing about me being thin and in shape plays part in how I'm treated. Talk about fucked up.

Oh well, they'll get over it or they won't. I'm not going to change who I am just so I'll fit into their little groups and get to play in their reindeer games, sorry, I'm not a follower. I'm not the sheep, I'm the wolf that eats the sheep.

Let's talk about commands for a second here. What would you say if your husband came home and asked you what you thought about him deploying for a year then tells you that his current command has gotten him thinking things like that? Well, I would hate it, but then I look on the bright side. I do have two bathrooms and the computer room that need to be gutted and redone. We all remember what happened the last time Strider deployed...I redid the kitchen and dining room.

But a year?! I can dig my heels in and deal with it if I have to, even if I really don't like it. I'm not a wimpy Navy wife, I can handle shit that's thrown at me, for the most part. Hell, I want to know who I need to talk to to start bashing some heads in.

The choices he mentioned aren't all that comforting either, there's Afghanistan, Iraq or the Horn of Africa. Let's see....kidnapped by terrorists and tortured at the best and killed at the worst...or... kidnapped and tortured or killed by pirates...yeah...not very comforting at all, know what I mean?

< /rant >

One of those nights

Why is it that when a day starts off good it has to get worse? I'm just wondering, does anyone else not understand this? This morning Bug was so happy and good. Strider had gotten up with her so I could get a little sleep. By five this evening she was having tantrums from hell. This has been going on for almost two weeks now, maybe more I've lost track.

I think she's getting frustrated with the fact that we've been trapped inside for the past several weeks. It's been way too damned hot to do anything, and by hot I mean in the 100's! So much for going to the beach, zoo or even hiking. I hope it cools off soon, then again, I really hope we get rain soon! The lawn is completely dried, dead, crunchy under the feet when you walk.

We need some cooler days and a lot of rain. In the past few years we've been seeing less and less rain here during the summer.

< /rant >

::sigh::

Okay, so S is now saying that she's going to get rid of her dog. WTF? Seriously? That dog needs someone that can care for it and help it through the obvious mental instability it has. Because of how meek the dog is euthanasia may be the only option, I hate to say it. Personally the reason she gave about the boarding costs being too much because she travels too much is bullshit, take the dog with on the trips. If she claims to consider the dog "like a daughter" then she needs to treat it as such in my opinion. She claims to get a panic attack every time she even thinks about the shelter she had gotten the dog from. You can get mad at me for how I feel about this, I really don't care. It sickens me to see animals treated like their nothing more than objects or possessions.

She also told Echo that I don't talk to her anymore, you know what? I don't give a fuck. Seriously, the last few conversations I've had with her are all about her. You try to say anything about you or something other than her and her response is "oh". Ignorant fucking bitch, no wonder why people want nothing to do with you. As for the whole me not talking to her, she said she would call me and never did. When someone says they will call me I wait to see if they actually will. Not my fault if they don't. Plus I'm usually invisible on AIM or not even online because I'm busy going out and stuff with Bug during the week then doing the family thing on the weekends.

Sometimes I really hate the fact that we had to move down here to VA. I had friends up in NJ and in MD, here all I have is aggravation and idiots. I refuse to hang out with S for the simple fact that she's nuts and it's always all about her. Sorry, I refuse to cater to that.

We were supposed to get together with Mas but she never got back to me. So much for that, huh? And what about K you ask? Well, she bailed on me a while ago. T and R are too busy with work and such, not to mention that their boys are unruly as hell.

Widow...well, she's always busy with something or other so we haven't been able to get together yet.

Most of the mom's I've met since we've been here have all become completely self centered assholes.

Guess they just can't handle a woman who speaks her mind and doesn't take shit from anyone, not even them. Sure, I probably upset them when I call them on their own bullshit, but oh well, that's their problem, not mine.

The ones I get a long with don't live around here, total suckage. I mean, Mouse lives up in NJ, same with MJ. Kat lives up in Northern VA, Shadus lives out in CA, and Kuroshi lives out in....I forget where he lives, and Kayla is getting ready to move to Michigan. But the point is that I can't depend on anyone here to hang out with, no one that I can let my Bug be around, which is horrible. We used to go out places with people and then it all just stopped. Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it? It's fine though, if they'd rather not be around me for their own stupid reason, then so be it. I'm done with the idiots who think it's all about them and that I should bow to their whims. Not going to happen. If you can't deal with the way I am, don't even bother talking to me.

As for all those clones out there...get a fucking life. You try to be me for a time, then you latch on to someone else and change who you are each time you meet someone new and fascinating to you. I feel bad for people like that, I really do. How c an you go through life now knowing who you are? Does it really make you feel good about yourself to emulate others? Don;'t you have an original thought in your head? Pathetic.

Am I bitch? Yes I am, and I really don't care what people think. This is me, people, take it or leave it. Weak people can't handle the way I am, the strong ones love it and appreciate my bluntness.

Now I'm sitting here thinking that maybe the next place we live will be better. We'll see what happens.

I just came to the realization that I very well may have to have a the anatomy talk with Bug. She went into the bathroom that Strider was in and asked him "Why are you rubbing your but button?" I really don't want to know what she saw him doing, but damn.

< /rant >

Odds and ends...

Is it just me or has everyone and their brother started a cooking blog? Seriously. Maybe I should start one. Think I'd scare people? Hmm, I just might with the way I tend to tell it like it is. What would I even call it?

Before I forget! The other day I was out and about doing some running around. On the way to drop off my mom we nearly got side swiped by a white van, not just any white van but a PETA van! That just goes to prove that they are just as irresponsible behind the wheel of a vehicle as they are with animals. Let's not even get me started on PETA, you really don't want to go there with me. Of course, of you do, let me know and I'll gladly take you there.

And that brings me to cars. My Sante Fe started making this noise that sounded like a demonic cricket was under the hood, I shit you not. It was a loud chirping sound. So I took it in to Q and had him look at it. At first he thought it was the idler pulley, but after his specialist guy look and listen he found that it was in fact the power steering pump...oh...yay...another 400+$. He ordered the part, but they sent the wrong one, so now I get to wait another few days before I can get it fixed. I'll be dropping my car off on Friday, not sure if I'll get it back on Friday or Saturday, guess we'll find out. I also had Q price a few other things for me just in case, like the water pump (500$) and the fuel pump (479$). Considering my car has about 108k miles on it so far, I figured it would be better to be safe than sorry as far as knowing the cost of things that could go wrong.

< /rant >

Kitchen witch...so what?

I'm a kitchen witch, also called a hearth witch, so what? You don't like it then go away.

I have nothing against Christians or Catholics, I have issues with people who are closed minded. They see my pentacle and instantly think I'm evil or that I sacrifice animals. Wow, talk about idiotic. I do not sacrifice animals, and I'm not evil. I just practice one of the oldest of magics there is. Hearth magic. I cook, create things in my kitchen with love. Nothing wrong with that. I've made the occasional potion for banishing nasty things like ill feelings or bad presences. I've made poppets and trinkets for people to keep them safe and help them in certain areas of their lives that they needed help in.

The Kitchen Witch's crede is pretty simple really.

In this pot, I stir to the sun
An' follow the rule of harming none.

Banishment of bane when goin' winddershins;
An' with water and salt negativity is cleansed.

Household duties are more than chores,
Magic abounds when mopping floors.

With this broom, I do sweep
To clean my house and safely keep.

Marigold, Basil, Thyme and Yarrow
My spell is cast for a better tomorrow.

Lemons for joy and apples for health,
The power within brings great wealth.

And, in this kitchen I do pray
To truly walk the Witches Way.

See, nothing evil there.

So, why all the hate?

< /rant >

Why Having A Toddler Is Like Being At A Prat Party*

This is from another blog, I loved it so much I had to put it here. ::laughing:: It's from Suburban Snapshots

Thursday, June 10, 2010

*That one frat party I've ever been to, having gone to a Very Serious Arts College.

10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.

9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.

7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.

6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.

4. There's definitely going to be a fight.

3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.

2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.

Politics, unemployment, immigrants... & HSUS

Why is it that we can not get someone in office that will be brave? I swear, there were a few things that pissed me off about Bush Jr, but over all he knew what he was doing. He took a stand for our military, made sure they got good annual raises and when someone tried to start shit with our country he took charge and declared war. Sure, I wasn't keen on the whole rebuilt Iraq bullshit, but he did what was right for the time. At least he wasn't a pussy like Clinton was. Now we have Obama...hmm...one word comes to mind...twit. Seriously, what the frakk is his malfunction? He's so concerned with how he looks on camera and other crap that he could care less about the country.

You want to know the reason for the unemployment rate in this country? Out sourcing, that's what. The stuff that we're so dependent on is no longer made here in the US. We used to be so self sufficient, what the frakk happened? I'll tell you what happened, companies wanted to save money so they went to China, India and other countries to get stuff made at a cheaper labor rate, which saves them billions of dollars, yet it makes the population and the economy suffer. Lovely, no? Now the US is just getting fat and lazy, it's sickening really. If we want to help with the unemployment rate, bring the jobs back to the US, stop taking them away!

You want lower prices for gas? Then stop going to Iraq for crude, seriously, we have so much hard crude in warehouses it's not even funny. And why do we have them in storage? Because no one wants a plant in their home town that can covert hard crude into petrol.

Don't even get me started on China. They've been sending us toys and stuff containing lead for who knows how long. Are they trying to kill us? What wold happen if we put a tariff on China? Oh, wait, we did that then the big companies who are saving billions and avoiding paying their taxes would suffer cause they'd have to hire US people to do the same job at a decent pay.

Border control...or lack there of. Every day who knows how many illegal immigrants come into this country, and it's not just from Mexico which is the one we're so worried about. Check the shipping containers coming over from China, bet you'll find human trafficking going on there.

We're one frakked up country, I'll say that much. Little by little we're losing our Constitutional rights.

The oil spill in the Gulf has been getting a lot of press lately, a lot of attention. Yet why are so many people ignoring it like it doesn't exist? What's the HSUS doing about it? There are a lot of unanswered questions about them in my mind. Here's a blurb I found that sums it up pretty damned well, I think.

HSUS and the Oil Spill…Silence

The title of their organization is the Humane Society of the United States.

They have told us how they have been off to Haiti saving dogs and other animals after
earthquakes did damage. (Although the small island is known to not have many, if any, dogs).

They told us how they went in and scooped up dogs and animals right after Katrina and saved them. But no one for the life of me can tell me where those animals were sent to and they cannot produce records of any actual rescues.

They show us close-up photos of dogs with sad eyes…in cages.

But they don’t bother to tell you that many of those photos were taken in vet’s offices in their holding pens of animals waiting to be operated on, or were being given medications, etc. Not really photos of animals being mistreated…that is why the photos are seldom "wide screen" and almost always close up of just a cage or two.

Funny how silent HSUS has been with the obvious catastrophe about to occur along America’s gulf coast shores…oil heading to areas that will kill millions of natural habitats and their animals.

HSUS, with their millions and millions of your donated dollars for rescue…has not made a single announcement regarding the gulf region and how they plan on helping the USDA and others try to save the area’s wildlife.

You know…a huge…."Humane" effort being required.

Oh, I forgot…HSUS just got through telling us that USDA was nothing more than a puppy mill itself.

Guess we are lucky to have HSUS on the watch for us. Although at this point they seem a bit like Mighty Mouse without the cape or the ability to fly. A bit more like Batman on a drunken weekend.

Now if we can just get HSUS off their dead butts and actually do something other than stealing peoples’ dogs and then selling them at local Pet stores.

But that would be logical and responsible.

Neither seems to be in HSUS’s operating plans.

Michael Costin and the staff of The Oklahoma Reporter

So yeah, you tell me....what do you think? Is this country going to hell in a hand basket or what?


< /rant >

The Apple iPad - my (re)view on it

Here's my experience with the Apple iPad ( From now on I'll call it Panel since iPad reminds me of a feminine product.). Be warned I don't hold my punches nor do I sugar coat it, so here we go.

Okay, so it looks great, seems so pretty in the store. And then you get it home. If you're like us and have Windows XP 64 bit, you're screwed unless you have a spare system or laptop with 32 bit windows. Sorry to be so blunt it's the truth. After nearly 3 hours of trying all the different work around, hacks and ideas running around the net Strider is reduced to loading up his laptop so we can get it to work.

Mind you, he even called Apple to see if they had any hints or ideas on what to do. You know what they told him? "Upgrade to Windows Vista 64 bit" Umm..what? Now that's funny, and I'm serious, Strider actually laughed out loud and said that's something you don't put in the same sentence "upgrade: and "Windows Vista".

So, anyway, he got his lap top connected to the wireless network we have here at the house so he can get iTunes and the mobile whosie-whatsit to work. And then came the fun of loading the books, photos and such, then to see just how customizable the Panel is.

Once we got everything moving along on the laptop it went smoothly, very smoothly. After transferring some of my pics onto the Panel I was able to set up my home screen and the lock screen. So far it seems really nice, I love how I can dim the screen when my eyes are especially sensitive to lights, which is a big plus in my book.

The books read really nicely as well. So far I'm pretty happy and impressed with the Panel. I can check my email, browse pictures, read a book, listen to music, browse the web, look at a map. So now when I need a recipe I can pull it up and have the Panel right there with me. The screen turns when you turn the Panel, as in full 360 degrees.

I like my new shiny.

< /rant >

Capri Sun... hoax or not?

Over the past two days two different Facebook pages have surfaced with claims of finding things, fleshy looking things, inside of the drink pouches for Capri Sun. Is this the first time something has been found in a Capri Sun pouch? No, it's not. A few years back a woman's kid was drinking a pouch of juice when the straw became clogged. Upon checking it out the woman found this gelatinous goo stuff.

The first one, to be honest, looked like a water logged mushroom. Supposedly the first one was confirmed by Kraft to be mold. Okay, I'll buy that. The pouch was punctured which meant air got into it, and since those things do sit on hot trucks for who knows how long during shipping, mold can grow.

The second thing looks like, I dunno what it looks like other than an urethra or some other fleshy item. To be honest, I think the second instance is faked for attention. The person who posted the second one saw how much attention the first poster was getting and decided to try to get some attention too.

I read the posts on Kraft's Facebook page and let me just say this, it has become a flame war. People are flaming the poster of the first set of pictures, making fun of them and so on. As for the second set of pictures, they're getting attention on other sites where they're being made fun of, big time.

I emailed Kraft Foods as a concerned parent, I'm sorry, but I want to know. If this is a hoax then it needs to be shut down as soon as possible. If it's real then they need to recall every one of the packs from the affected lots or from that particular factory. Not to mention that box from the first claim you can clearly see that it was made in China, or so the stamp on it stated.

Here's what I wrote to Kraft -

Hi, as a concerned parent I have to ask this question. In the past 2 days 2 pages have popped up on Facebook claiming that there have been things found in Capri Sun juice pouches. Are these claims real or are they a hoax? If they are hoaxes, please shut them down. If they're real then please recall all cases from the affected lots.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Not sure if I'll even get an answer, but it's worth a shot, right?

What do you think? I'm curious as to what others think about this.

*UPDATE 6-14-2010 9:49pm EST*

I got a response from Kraft foods. Here's what they said.

Thank You for Contacting Us!

Hi Z,

Thank you for visiting http//www.caprisun.com/ and for your interest in Capri Sun.

The quality and safety of Kraft Foods products and Capri Sun are our very highest priority. Sometimes small leaks in the package may occur and because Capri Sun does not have preservatives, these leaks may lead to a quality issue but not a food safety one.

We recently received word from a consumer about an issue with a Capri Sun pouch. We understand that some people are concerned. Now that we've tested the material, we've confirmed it was mold. While unpleasant, it is not a safety issue. If this had been a safety issue, Kraft Foods certainly would have taken the necessary steps, including issuing a recall.

As a general food safety tip, please remember that because Capri Sun beverages don't have preservatives, a leaky pouch can cause the beverage to spoil and discarding it is the right action to take.

If you haven’t done so already, please add our site to your favorites and visit us again soon!

Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Consumer Relations

~~TLXEA_20649958~~Y

Since they had no mention of the second one what so ever, I'm going to have to say it's a hoax. The first one was plausible, the second one...not so much by the looks of what was found in the pouch.

So there you have it, my opinion and a little leg work to get to the bottom of things.

< /rant >

WTF is wrong with her?!

Just as I start to feel better from the other night with the bullshit from my mom she calls and does it to me all over again. How do I turn off the way she makes me feel? How do I stop letting it get to me? ::sighs:: She started talking down about Bug and I asked her why so she snapped at me and said "If I was talking down about her I'd call her an idiot." Seriously? I can't believe she said that!

She's starting to show a very poisonous personality which is detrimental to Bug and all of us around her. Why is she like this? Why does she have to treat people this way? She always talks down about people as though she's better then they are. She talks crap about family too. Which is bullshit.

Anytime we go out she talks crap about people she sees, be it how they dress, look or act. She says it loud enough for people to hear. I'm not talking things like "Look how she's dressed" or "How can she let her kids act that way?" I'm talking mean things that even I wouldn't say, and I tend to speak my mind A LOT. You want to know the sad thing? She's been like this most of her life, but it's getting progressively worse.

I'll admit, I can be pretty mean spirited too, but that's only after I've been pushed to that point by someone. ::sighs::

< /rant >

Life unbound

Ever feel completely invisible? I do, but only to certain people.

Ever have those friends who claim to give a damn then they turn out to be complete psychotics? Yup, got them too.

Ever feel like your life has spun out of control and you're barely hanging on? Yup, going through that too lately, the emotional roller coaster can stop now, I'm ready to get off and go back to my quasi normal life.

Ever feel like you want to just scream? ::raises hand:: That's me again, I'd love some primal scream therapy, but in my neighborhood the cops would show up, not a good idea.

Ever feel like you're being pulled in a thousand different directions? ::sighs: That would be me as well.

So, the ones I feel invisible to are the ones I enjoy talking to, their lives became busy yet they don't seem to have two seconds to respond to a text message. Hmm, okay, I must be strange then because I always take the time to respond even if it's a few hours later, I still respond. My friend Jay, that's what we'll call him, recently got engaged, I understand how hectic life can be, but he doesn't have the time to even answer a single text message? He said he felt like crap for ignoring his friends, so I talked to him about it. He hangs out with his friends that live near him, but he said he felt like he was ignoring me. Which, yeah, he was, and is. But it's okay. Friends grow apart, right? Not like I can stay on contact with him forever, no matter how much I enjoy his company and conversation. There are a lot of people that I've lost touch with over the years, but some of them seem to stand out more than others. There are some that it hurts to have fallen out of touch with them, and others that I could care less about. Okay, time to get out of this annoying funk. I have good friends that I can talk to, that I enjoy talking to. So what if these other people can't be bothered, right? I have my post-it-note girl, my Shadus, my Kuroshi, my girls, my Strider, my Bug...what more do I need?

I've been feeling pretty nostalgic lately, which for me can be a bad thing.

Sometimes I feel invisible. Don't we all? Lately Strider's been trying to help me through this. But there's not much he can do, not much anyone can do really. I've been feeling very out of sorts lately. I know a lot of it has to do with menopause, which is a bitch in and of itself. I don;t wish this on my worst enemy, but, just about every woman I know will go through this at some point in her life. I get confused far too easily, I forget things. As an example, I was standing in the kitchen cooking when Jake started to talk to me, I stopped doing the prep for dinner. Then I got confused as to what the hell I was doing. ::chuckles:: Talk about annoying. Some days I walk into a room and forget what I was doing. Yeah, annoying as all hell. The night sweats have come back full force, and the mood swings..up and down, up and down....annoying! I can't kick the crap out of this like I do every other stress in my life like depression. If I can't beat it what can I do? Live with it? GAH! I'm being pulled in a thousand directions at one, can I get a break now? I just want the ride to stop so I can take a breath and get my head together.

My therapy...my needs....my wants...can you handle it?

Primal scream... where you let the beast within you scream out with all the built up rage and fury it has gathered over the years. Scream it out for the world to hear, scream it out in the most feral of voices.

Rough sex... yes even a good rutting is good for the soul, and the body sometimes. Clawing, biting, screaming, sweating, growling, groaning. Mmmm.

Run...just run. Go into the forest, a place so pure, so wild and just....run. Feel free, feel alive, feel the ground beneath your feet.

Barefoot...yes, barefoot. Stand in the grass barefoot, feel the pulse of the Earth beneath your feet. Breathe in, breathe out, feel Her all around you.

Talk to a rock...I know it sounds insane, but sometimes just talking gets it all out. Talk about the things you don't dare tell your mate or friends, tell it your darkest secrets, your darkest thoughts and desires. It'll listen and it won't walk away or ignore you or interrupt you.

No words anymore..just....be.

That's what I call therapy. That's what I call a way to focus and find your center again. We can all do it. At certain points of our lives we all feel like our skin's crawling, like there's something deep inside of us clawing to get out. How do you handle it?

I feel so much better now, hope you enjoy my crazy ranting and strange methods of therapy. Maybe I should put a disclaimer on here...warning you may find some things said here offensive or down right STRANGE! ::laughs::


< /rant >

Am I really that bad of a person?

Seriously, am I?

Tonight started off bad. On the way to pick up my mom I ran over a bird. Talk about a bad start to a night, it popped under the front tire and I nearly cried. Then we pick up my mom...and things went down hill from there, and I mean seriously down hill.

Bug loves to sing to music in the car, but my mom can't go for more than two seconds without talking. So what does she do? She starts talking to Bug while she's singing. I mention something about it after the second song. She snapped at me then started treating Bug like shit. I'm talking it got so bad that Strider actually yelled, twice. No matter how calm and nice I tried to talk to my mom she kept getting angrier and more mean spirited. When we got the restaurant she gets in my face after Strider and Bug went inside. After that she snaps again inside and decides to call a cab then starts talking shit about me to the restaurant owner! What the frakk?

Am I really that bad of a person that I should be treated like this? What the hell made her treat Bug the way she did?

Despite the way she acted and everything I hope she got home safely, I really do. She is my mother after all and I can't exactly stop caring about her, no matter how pissed off at her I get.

I'm going to get my Bug to bed now, maybe I'll post more later. Right now I feel the like crawling into a hole in my backyard and not coming out for a long while.

< /rant >

I need to get this out!

There's no excuse for parents not handing their kids. I've seen far too many times including today when some woman's daughter was spitting on people after taking a sip of her drink. The lady laughed and said "Kids will be kids". Umm...no, you tell your kid to stop, take away the drink and be responsible. Is it really that hard? I mean seriously!

And then she goes on to tell me that her daughter ended up with a straw down her throat from running with one in her mouth then getting pushed by her younger sister. What the hell was she doing running with it in her mouth in the first place?! The woman shrugged as if she didn't give a damn! It was very obvious that she likes the IDEA of kids but not actually PARENTING them, and her mother was there and was the exact same way so I saw where she got it all from.

I've seen some crazy ass things parents do and all I can do is shake my head. We were at the Aquarium a few weeks ago, these parents were there with the kids and the son just pushes e to look at something without even an excuse me. He actually PUSHED ME! I said as loudly as I could "Excuse me?" His mother looked at me and glared, I swear it was as though she thought they rules the world and I should let her kid do what ever he wanted. Umm..hell no! I won't even let Bug get away with that!

I've seen kids acting out, screaming, yelling, running, breaking things in stores and the parents just ignore it as if it's not even happening. Where's the discipline? Oh, wait, they don't give a damn, that's why there is none! I will never understand the idiocy of some parents.

Her lovely eyes

Took Bug to see her eye doctor today. It went pretty well actually. He said that her eyes are doing rather well. No need to change her RX for her glasses, she's doing pretty good. Only bad thing is that now she's not seeing red nor is was she able to do the push the animal back down that popped up. I thin it has to do with the atropine drops in her left eye, he didn't mention it so I'm guessing it's nothing to be worried about. He wants to see Bug back in 3 months, so we'll see what happens then. And as usual, I will keep a journal of her vision, the things she does, sees and so on.

She even drew him a picture, which he totally adored. We even talked about activities for her, and he loves everything we've been doing as far as going places and letting her explore things.

Now that we're home it's time to get to cleaning up the house so we can have a clear day to go to the Aquarium later this week if Bug wants to, which I know she does.

2010 World Oceans Day Celebration ~ Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center

This is something that is just awesome for the kids to do. It's all based on a Dr Seuss book One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. We're going to try to make it to this even I thing my Bug would absolutely love it.


2010 World Oceans Day Celebration ~ Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center

And let the drama begin...

This weekend has been wonderful. We spent Friday at home just hanging out, Saturday we went to the Aquarium and Sunday we went to the beach. Today we've been hanging around the house watching pirate movies, which Angie loves as much as we do.

We just finished dinner and are about to put in Cutthroat Island when Strider's mom calls...by the tone of his voice and what I can hear she's guilt tripping him because we rarely see her. Well, I'm sorry, we can't really afford the trips up there and we have invited her for holidays but she always bails on us. Ever since Strider's g-father died and his g-mother moved away his mom's been pretty strange. Oh the things I can tell you about her...but I digress.

So anyway, she guilt tripped him enough that now we have to find a weekend and drove up there for a day trip. It's a 4+ hour drive up there! Personally I think she has no right to guilt trip him what so ever. She lost custody of Strider and his brother when they were toddlers because of the living conditions and such. Strider had been shuffled from foster home to foster home, about 5 or so I think, and then all of a sudden she wants back in his life? This all started after he joined the Navy I think, the whole trying to get back into his life. I'm sorry, but she lost the right to guilt trip him a long time ago. Aside from that and the drinking, and the hording, and the losing her place to live due to the way she lived...she's not a bad person, a bit on the seriously messed up side psychologically but she's okay. It took her several years to even get us the presents and stuff for birthdays and x-mass for Bug. By the time we got the stuff it was all too small for Bug, I'm talking T sizes and infant toys.

When he was talking to her I could tell she struck a nerve or two by the way he talked. First he brought of the whole being sent up north thing then he basically crumpled. Which means she won. She griped about him not calling her....Strider never calls anyone! Why should she be any different? The only reason he calls me when he's away from home or when he's on his way home is because I'm his wife! So, now we need to find a weekend that we can go up there for a day trip. Not my idea of fun, like I really want to be on the road for 8+ hours?

So, now I have to paint on a smile and find a Saturday that we can drive up there.

Drag Me To Hell

Watched "Drag Me To Hell" last night...can I just say this....it was funny. The FX were, well, typical Sam Raimi. When I say typical Sam Raimi I mean campy, weird and down right silly! Like when the old Gypsy woman shoves her arm down the girls throat, hilarious, not to mention so very over exaggerated like so many scenes in just about any Sam Raimi 'horror' flick! The gore was almost non-existent, but the slime, snot, mucus and gross spurts of stuff and over-exaggerated blood sprays were very present.

The way the "Lamia" threw the girl around reminded me a lot of other Sam Raimi flicks as well, especially Army of Darkness. And for those who do not know, Lamia was a beautiful queen of Libya who became a child-eating daemon. While the word Lamia literally means large shark in Greek, Aristophanes claimed her name derived from the Greek word for gullet (λαιμός; laimos), referring to her habit of devouring children. You can read more about Lamia here - Lamia in Greek Mythology or here Lamia from Wikipedia

During several scenes I was actually expecting Ash to show up with his boom stick. As for then end sequence in the graveyard, the only thing that came to mind was Ash saying "Clatto Verata N... Necktie... Neckturn... Nick...el... It's an "N" word,it's definitely an "N" word! Clatto... Verata... N-coughs-"

Over all if it was a decent flick, good for B rated Raimi flick. So, if you want to laugh and see Raimi at his best since Army of Darkness, watch Drag Me To Hell.

Seriously?

Ever have one of those conversations where you wish the person would just shut the frakk up? I seem to have those kinds of conversations a lot lately with S, I mean, seriously, is it really all about you? Just shut the frakk up!

All she ever does is talk about herself, it's always blah, blah, blah, blah, you know? Maybe if she'd stop and listen to someone else for a second she'd notice that she's losing her friends. I'm about two seconds away from just turning my back on her and cutting my losses with her, which at this point is material as well as monetary.

She used to be a cool person, but then she started to change into who she said she wanted to be...that person is a snide, conniving, egotistical bitch that I do not want to be around, nor do I want her anywhere near me or mine.

I guess eventually she'll get the hint when the only friends she has left are her family and others like her. I can't let someone like that into my life, time to make it all go away.

She may enjoy ignoring the true joys in life and being a complete bitch, but eventually it'll all come back and bite her in the ass, especially when she needs something, no one will be there. Especially me, I will be as far away as possible when her life comes crashing down around her.

As for me, I'm enjoying life with my family, going on day trips and just plain having fun. To me, this is what life's all about, enjoying the time you have with the ones you love.

Owie

Back on Wednesday I started sniffling, sneezing and feeling miserable, didn't sleep that night either because of the sinus pressure, yay. yesterday I felt even worse, then last night I spiked a fever of 101.8, that was after taking Aleve.

I went to the doc's today and he said that it's bacterial sinusitis. So he gave me anti-biotic to take only if I feel worse in the morning or if the fever comes back. otherwise, he said that hiking this weekend would be good for me.

YAY!! I'm so looking forward to hiking this weekend.

Hmm, I wonder what we'll do next weekend.

Save The Ta-Ta's Giveaway

We all have our things that we're all for. You all know how I am about breast cancer awareness and so on. I'm seriously all for it.

Save the ta-ta's is having a give away. I'm still waiting for my sticker BTW.

Anyway, here's what you do to get involved in the giveaway.

1. Leave a comment telling me where you would wear your TaTa’s shirt. Yes, creativity counts – each comment counts for one entry, but the BEST comment counts for 3 entries. (Comments will be judged by an independent panel – mainly comprised of myself, my husband and perhaps the UPS guy…only if I need a tie-breaker, of course)

2. Become a fan of Someone WIll Buy This on the FACEBOOK PAGE by clicking "LIKE" AND update your status with information about the giveaway and the link to my blog – http://www.someonewillbuythis.com (you know, the page you are on NOW). Make sure you tag Someone Will Buy This in your post, so I know you did it – you tag us by typing @someone – Facebook will take care of the rest. (2 entries total, 1 for becoming a “fan” and one for the post.)

3. Add a Someone Will Buy This button to your blog. Then, leave a comment with your blog address, or email me at tj@yoktom.com with the blog address. (3 entries. Show that Linky Love! – button and code can be found on the bottom right of this page)

4. Write a post on your blog about the giveaway and include a link to my blog AND http://www.savethetatas.com. (5 Entries! Mostly because I love to see my name in print…)

5. Become a fan of Save the TaTa’s on Facebook! You can do that HERE. This equals 1 entry as well :)

Contest ends on May 21st 2010. Winner will be chosen AT RANDOM from the above entries. Different entries carry different weight, so you are in control of the number of entries you get!

You can read more about it here

Someone Will Buy This...: Save The Ta-Ta’s GiveAway!

And don't forget to add Save The Ta-Ta's on Facebook!

Save The Ta-Ta's On Facebook!

Rant

Warning, below is a rant that will most likely piss off some people. It will most likely make some people think I am angry with them when in fact I am not. It will most likely cause some hate and discontent amongst some people who read this. I'm not worried, if you are not adult enough to handle what is said in this rant then yu may as well lock yourself up in a closet and never see the light of day again, because you're not adult enough to handle the world. Consider yourself warned.

< RANT >
To all of you who can not be bothered to answer a single phone call or even a simple text message. Don't worry, I got the hint. You're obviously not worth my time or the effort of even trying to be friends with you.

I've done all I can to be nice and be a friend to you. I was there for you when you needed someone to talk to. I was there for you when you were far from home and needed a friend. I was there for you late at night when you needed to chat. I can't be there for you anymore because you severed the line.

What ever I did wrong to upset you, I'm sorry. What ever I said that made you turn away from me, I'm sorry. Correction, I'm not sorry. Because honestly, if it was something I said then you could have spoken up about it. You knew that I was strong and spoke my mind about everything and anything. So, to you I say this, I truly hope you're happy now. I will not longer be in your life, nor will I ever call you or even text you again. I will remove your number, address and even your chat service SN's just so there isn't even the tiniest bit of temptation on my part to contact you in hopes that you would be a friend and not the complete waist of time you have shown yourself to be.

To those who call me back, who return text messages. Those who have been there for me as much as I have been there for them, if not more in some cases. Thank you. You're the ones who I call my friends, my family. We are there for each other, even if I say something that you don't like and vise versa. You know me as well as I know you, and you know that what I've written here tonight is the truth. You know that I don't hide my feelings, I don't sugar coat my words, and I don't take shit from anyone.

To those who have tried to reconnect with me, I admire you for trying. But if you really want to reconnect with me, call me. Return an email or something. Don't just sit there, do something to make the reconnection happen, otherwise...stop faking.

Is this world really the piece of crap it seems to be or is it just me? People seem to be getting nastier by the day. People aren't raising their children with respect. When I was a kid you either respected your elders and others around you or you got your ass handed to. Now-a-days they get little to no discipline.

Tell me something, is it really that difficult to fix a road that has sink holes? Stop filling it in and actually do something about it. There are five sink holes on my street alone and they're all along the water mane. Does this happen everywhere or is it just this idiotic city called Portsmouth? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I've ranted about this damned city a few times already. But, seriously people, fix the damned potholes!

And this one is for the economy...why the fuck does everything have to be so damned expensive?! Seriously, when I was a kid, hell, when I was twenty, the price of gas was 99 cents a gallon! The price of everything is so damned high it's no wonder more and more people are filing for bankruptcy. Between the housing market sucking, which means we can't sell our house without taking a huge cut which will leave us owing money instead of breaking even, and the cost of living alone...it's become insane.

Gabe! Stop yowling into the corner, we all know you can yowl loudly! And Karma, must you really egg him on by doing it too? I can't concentrate on my ranting! GAH!

Okay, I think that's it for now.

< /RANT >

Now, a show of hands of all those who are offended or pissed off by this rant. Come on, raise your hands, his rant was bound to piss someone off, was it you?

Adventures in grocery shopping...

Some people really need to either not go out in public or learn some manners. Seriously.

I was in line at Farm Fresh and the woman ahead of me was having issues with her card as well as her check, so after about five or so minutes she apologizes to everyone and says she'll be back. Meanwhile, before the lady ahead of me excuses herself politely, the lady behind me walks up, puts her stuff in my cart...yup, she just waltzed up and put her crap in my cart! How rude! And her son's right there with their cart! I was like...WTF? But I let it go. Then she starts making comments about the lady ahead of me who was having issues. I'm talking seriously rude comments. Then the bitchy, rude woman storms off after slamming her hand into my cart...wow. The third woman who was behind her looks at me with a raised brow and shakes her head. I said to her "Patience is a virtue." To which she replied "Which she has none. And she put her stuff in your cart, why?" I just shrugged, which prompted her son to take the item out of my cart and put it into their own with a dirty look. Guess we can tell what kind of guy he'll turn out to be...just look at his mother. Anyway, after I check out I leave. As I'm turning to head the back way to get home, that woman is walking across the street. She actually walked out into traffic and held her hand out and yelled "You have to stop for me!" Yet again...wow.

Sitting at the light to turn onto GW this young guy in a red Pony is trying to make a left turn onto the street I'm at, he's yelling and cursing at the on coming traffic so loudly that I could hear him, all because they wouldn't yield for him. Wow.

Makes me glad I'm home now. Which reminds me, Strider should hopefully be home soon. He had fallen asleep after he called me, dork. So...yeah...that was my adventure.

updates and such

What's so hard about keeping your promise to get my car done on time? I'll tell you what the problem is, your damned mechanic is an ass. Seriously, you said you'd have my car done by 5pm yesterday, here it is 11am and still no word on my car.

About S - Just...wow. Make up your mind!

About K - I haven't heard from K in months, not since she left her husband and was having some issues with his family. I miss K, I really do.

About me - I'm walking the razor's edge of a break down. I don't know why I'm so easily pissed off these days, it could be because of the way things have been going, who the hell knows.

Really....wow....

Some people really amaze me with their inability to even say thank you. I mean, come on, how hard is it? Seriously!

I did some images for people, most of them said thank you and truly enjoyed them, then there are the people who couldn't even be bothered to say thank you. They didn't even say a damned word! If they didn't like them...say something!!! That way I can redo them.

Yes, they do take a lot of time to create, and no I'm NOT getting paid to do them. I did them for people to be NICE!

Maybe I should stop being nice.


And that brings me to another thing...

People scare me, they really do. If I had known the issues with S( That's what I'll call her) before I had allowed her to get close, I never would have let her get this close. She's threatened divorce more times that I care to count, stop threatening and just do it already, stop begging for attention with your actions! The person S is becoming is someone I DO NOT want to even be around. S has become snide, rude, mean...yet she says she's becoming who she wants to be...yeah, okay, not going to be around her anymore. S complains about her kid all the time, about how her kid does this and that, gets hurt and so on...then PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR KID!!! Get off the fucking computer and pay attention to him!! Yes, I sit at my computer some times, like now, but I ALWAYS pay attention to my Bug. I do my images and play around and look stuff up AFTER she goes to bed, unless I need a recipe for dinner.

I'm going away now before I really get pissed...time to go get dinner in the oven and finish some things around the house...

Let's break the rules

I'm not sure which is worse, the horror that is now our world or the blatant lies the news casters tell. And yes, they lie around here to placate people and keep them calm.

They do lie, they do it all the time, even our government lies to us. They say things are false or untrue, that is a lie, even a half truth is a lie. When a school shooting happened here a few days ago they lied about the gun and said it was a toy gun. BS, I talked to a few moms who's kids went to the school...the gun was real, bullets had been fired. You tell me, is it right for the news to lie to us? Or would you rather be just another sheep grazing on the BS they feed us and waiting for them to tell you when to go BAAH? Sorry, I'd rather be the one who strays from the herd and thinks for herself.

I'm not just talking about the news here, I'm talking about everything. Think about it. They tell you how to dress, what to eat, how much to eat, what to say, what to think, how to feel. Is that right to you? I refuse to follow the leader and be like everyone else. Why should be obey the rules? Seriously, do you want to be told what to do, what to wear, eat, say, when to sleep or when to say BAAHH? If you do then walk away from me right now because you won't like me when I stand up and start yelling that I have rights and that I'm free to speak my mind.

I think I'm done ranting for now. Feel free to add your two cents, come on, let's discuss this, don't be afraid, voice your opinion.

McNeil drug company - can we trust them?

I just emailed them as a concerned parent. Wouldn't you be too? I mean look at their track record...four months...four recalls...all for the same if not similar reasons. What would you do? Personally, I emailed them, and here's what I had to say.

As a parent I am concerned about all the recalls your company has had in the past 4 months. Can we, as parents, trust the products that your company makes any more? How can we safely try to break a fever, reduce allergies or even tend to a cough without the risk of either a too high a dose, or a contaminant in the medications? Again, as a parent I ask you this, how can I trust this company when this has happened four times in four months?

Feel free to send this message on to them, we need to get the point across to these drug manufacturers that we as parents give a shit about our children and are sick and tired of their bullshit and their continuous screw ups.

*steps off her soap box*

Let's add insult to inury, shall we?

Okay, so a few weeks ago I bashed up my toes to the point of being put in a foot immobilizer, not so bad really, I heal quickly so it was about a week of that.

Menopause has been kicking my ass something fierce. The hot flashes and night sweats have mostly gone away, I've been gaining weight which is awesome in my book. You want to know the best part? My boobs grew! * does the happy jiggly boob dance* What? You think I'm insane? Well, I'm not, you see, I've always been the thorn in the boob fairies side because I've always wanted bigger boobs. They didn't even blossom until I was eighteen or nineteen, which sucked for high school. They've always been small, like A small. Now they're a nice curvaceous B! So, yeah, I'm happy about that. Just like I'm happy about gaining weight. Yet again, I know you think I'm crazy. Imagine being a size 00 all your life. Sucks, doesn't it? Now, thanks to menopause, I'm a size 1!

This brings us to this past week. Bug's not doing the patch therapy anymore, now it's the drop therapy. So three days a week, consecutive days mind you, I have to put a drop of Atropine into her left eye. Yeah, you heard me right, Atropine, the stuff derived from Belladonna, jimsonweed, mandrake root and other solanaceae plants. It was horrible at first, she screamed so loudly while Strider and I held her down to put the drop in on Saturday morning. Yesterday was a bit easier and today was a breeze.

Yesterday while Strider was working on the trim in our bedroom and part of the hall I was outside doing gardening with Bug. I rolled my left ankle, yup, you heard right, the same foot I bashed the toes up on I rolled. And now we're to the insult to injury part of all of this. Last night in the shower I slipped and rolled my ankle AGAIN! I was barely able to move it last night without it hurting to the point of tears, thankfully today it doesn't hurt so much.

That's enough for now, I'll update when I get back fro my doctor's appointment.

Have fun!