Pisses me off...

I swear to Gods, no matter what the hell is going on Strider has to go hide in the damned computer room.  I understand that the computer is in there, but he goes in there and starts playing Facebook games! Really?! Are those games really that important to him? Seriously pisses me off.

Today I had asked him to hang out with Bug outside while she played outside in the small pool, what does he do? He sits in the fucking dining room and plays a game on his cell phone with the window open!! That's apparently his idea of watching her!! What the fuck!!

He refuses to work out, he refuses to eat less, he's getting fat and he doesn't seem to give a shit. Gah! I'm putting on weight and it's turning into fat, so I
m working out, riding my bike 2 days a week, plus going to PT three days a week.  I still try to get the flab gone even with all that pain I'm in every single fucking day. If I can do it why the hell can't he? Lazy! That's why, he's fucking lazy!

My mom seems to think that she needs to know everything that's going on with Bug, especially at school.  It's as though she's trying to be a mom to Bug. Sorry, I'm Bug's mom, not her. She wasn't that good of a mom when I was growing up. To be honest, she wasn't quite right, she was always lashing out verbally, physically, and psychologically. She was always so damned angry all the time, she's still angry all the time.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe it's not jealousy, jealousy over the fact that I'm still married to a man that loves me and she's not. She ended up losing her marriage when I was three, could she still be holding a hatred over it? She's always bringing up the past and trying to get me to side with her. She even told me that my grandparents used to abuse her, beat her and such. I'm sorry, but I can't believe that, not even a little bit.  She always says how her sister hates her, and how her sister had been mean to her during her sisters son's funeral. I don't think it was all my aunt's fault, there's got to be a reason behind it all.  Even my aunt won't talk about it, she even told me that she doesn't want to talk about or even hear my mom's name at all after what she did, but she won't tell me what she had gone. Gah! That's frustrating as all hell.

There are so many inconsistencies when my mom talks about something that it's so obvious that she's lying. I'm starting to think that Bug's tendencies to tell tales and lye about things is something she's learning from my mom, so not good.

Just a little bit ago she called and was acting all "I gotta know what's going on" type of thing. She kept asking me to repeat when my appointments were tomorrow, she wants a reason to bitch about Strider. She's convinced that he's not a good dad or husband. You know what? The military takes him away from us, and I can deal with that. If she sees that as a failure as a husband and dad then she needs to wake to hell up and realize that his job isn't like a civilian job, he has no choice.

My mom said it was bullshit that he'd still deploy if the thing in my knee turned out to be cancer, well, I dunno, we'd have to see what happens when we get the results.

::sighs::  Somedays it's just not worth it to get out of bed or to start thinking about things, or to even answer the phone. lol


< /RANT >

Two scary words...

As though things couldn't get any worse they did...  I went in for the ultra sound of my right knee today.  Two of my doctors both said it was a Baker's Cyst...man were they wrong.  The lady who was doing the ultra sound said that it looked like a tumor...yup, a tumor.

That single word...tumor...can make the heart stop, the mind race, and fear to grip you as tight as steel bands.  No matter how strong you think you are, as soon as you hear those words in regards to yourself, you get spooked.  Of course Strider's not that freaked out about all of this, not like I expected him to even show it, but still.

I can't even go talk to my neighbor KA, she's been too busy hanging out with KM lately.  They've been inseparable, I guess it's good that they found each other, but did they have to stop talking to me? KM tries to act as though she cares, but I'm not even sure if she does anymore.  It's okay, I'm used to this happening, I can get through this without them if I have to.

I'm just hoping that this isn't the cancerous type of tumor, especially where it is, too close to the lymph node behind my knee, it's not good looking.  I've had one fight with cancer, if I have to fight it again, I will.

The really hard part is that I know that I'll need surgery to have it removed, but Strider won't be here for it.  He's deploying anytime within the next week, maybe two at the most.  With him leaving soon I need to stay strong and not let Bug see me crack.

Strider will be deploying for 6 months, when Bug was younger it was so much easier, but now that she's older, I have a feeling it'll be a bit rougher on both of us. We'll get through it, just have to keep busy and keep my chin up. Yet another word that's scary...deploying...

I think that's it for now...I need to get my head together so I can handle all this crap that's been piled onto my plate over this past month.


< /RANT >

At a loss...yet again

I'm at a loss, what am I supposed to do? On Friday my mom flipped out on me about her grill.  Strider and I both told her how easy it was to replace the igniter, as long as you followed the instructions.  She did it and then called me screaming and cursing at me.  When I asked her to stop yelling at me she got even worse, telling me to shove it up my ass then she hung up on me.  All weekend we hadn't heard from her, then today while I was at PT she called and left a message on the house phone. I called her back, which is the polite thing to do.  When I asked her what was up she said "I left you a message telling you". So I asked her why she was getting rid of the grill, her response was "Because I am." I was about to ask her a question about the location of a place I need to go to for therapy, and she said "That's all, good bye" and hung up on me. What the hell am I supposed to do? I feel as though I'm going in circles with her.

When she gets her way she's all sweet and nice, but as soon as one thing goes wrong or not in her favor she flips out and becomes very belligerent. Her personality seems so damned toxic, and I really don't want Bug exposed to that.

Last week she told Bug that she was going to buy her a new play-set, the very next day she said she wasn't going to do it, which upset Bug and made her cry. My mom told her to stop being so dramatic and deal with it.  Really? That's not how to treat a child, I don't care if they're crying or not. If you tell a child that you're going to do something and then change your mind and get snippy about it, you better expect the child to cry and be upset with you.

On Easter Sunday Strider's uncle D was in the area so he stopped by. He took us out for dinner, my mom included. It was a good time despite my mom being her usual self.  Last night when I was talking to D over the phone I voiced how I felt about my mom and the way she's been acting. He said that he wasn't sure how to approach the subject with me, but he felt that there was something wrong with my mom, as in mentally wrong. She seems to be almost bi-polar, yet when a psychiatrist mentioned it to her she freaked out and stormed out of his office, to me that says that she does have an issue that needs treatment.

I'm at a complete loss about what to do about her. I want Bug to spend time with her, yet with the way she acts I'm afraid to leave Bug there with her without either Strider or I there. She's my mom, and I do love her, yet the way she is makes me not want to be around her.  She's so lonely, and it's very obvious, if only she treated people better, maybe, just maybe, she'd have friends or maybe even a boyfriend. I feel sad for her, I really do.

No matter what she's talking about you can't tell if she's angry or not, she always sounds angry. Even when she's being nice she sounds so damned angry.  But gods forbid I mention it to her, she snaps and starts yelling at me. No matter what she's talking about she seems to change her story at least twice in the span of a few sentences, why can't she just be honest? Why can't she just be calm? Why can't she just be happy? The way she is has been teaching Bug how to fight with me, which I really dislike. Thanks to my mom Bug fights with me about almost everything, it needs to stop.

Time for a subject change before I get even more upset about this whole thing...



I went through a whole bunch of blood tests over the past few months, they tested me for everything they could think of that. They found that everything looks rather normal, and that I'm most certainly in menopause.  After all the tests the rheumatologist came to the determination that I have fibromyalgia, lovely, no? At least now I know why when I get stressed out or upset that I hurt a lot and my bowels are all irritated too. After some x-rays I was told that I have degenerative disc disease in my lower back and bone spurs. I also have osteoarthritis as well as osteoporosis. Oh yay.

Even with the pain I still do everything I used to do, just push through the pain and keep on trudging along. What else am I supposed to do? Give in? Yeah, that's not going to happen.

I'm one of the assistant leaders for Bug's girl-scout troop, she loves it so much.  It's amazing how much she's blossomed over the past few months since she started going to the meetings. She's also enjoying school, even though the curriculum is below what she knows. I've been contemplating pulling her out of the school come next year and home school her.  If I did that she'd get a better education, but at the same time she'd miss her friends, so I can't pull her out without upsetting her. Gah! Some-days it's so hard to keep a balance.

Strider's deploying either next month or in June, I need to figure out what Bug and I can do to keep her busy and happy all summer long while he's gone. Time to gather up some crafts supplies, make some plans to go places, see things, experience new adventures. Maybe a day trip up to the Living Museum, she'd love it. A trip to the Botanical Gardens would be great too, get her a better camera and let her take as many pictures as she wants. While Strider's gone I'll be paying my mom off and trying to save up to get Bug that new play-set she wanted. If everything goes right we should have most of the bills paid off, some of our debt to my mom paid off and the money saved up for Bug's play-set...or so I hope.

Strider's gone for a few days, so it's just Bug and I until Wednesday evening when he gets home. I'm not looking forward to him deploying in a few weeks or month, but I know that Bug and I will be just fine, we'll find things to do.


That's it for now...

< /RANT >

A little dirt never hurt anyone

Another day of working on clearing the area between the house and the neighbors fence.  I got about 3 more feet done while waiting for Strider to get the wheelbarrow from moms house. That makes 8 feet in total done, with it being 6 inches deep with pine needles and vines that's not bad for a total of 2 1/2 hours of working on it. My right knee is still hurting and that damned burning feeling in my left thigh is bugging me again...but I need to get this done otherwise it'll bug the crap out of me. We still need to get the new wood down around the front gardens, then it will be done except for getting the grass looking like grass again instead of weed central.

By the end of the day, meaning by the time I had to go pick Bug up at school, the entire area between the house and the fence cleared out.  Sure it was hard work, but it was fun, I enjoyed getting dirty and working outside.  Tomorrow Strider and I will work on the wood around the gardens when I get back from the doctor's.  Getting my knee and leg checked out.

I think the yard's looking pretty good so far, the gardens and such are going to be full of flowers soon.  Bug and I planted a whole bunch of wild flowers and sunflowers. As soon as I can I plan on raking up all the pine needles in the back yard as well as the front yard, maybe once we get that in check we can start getting the lawn looking better...I hope.

If it's clear again tonight I'll take another shot of the moon, I love how last nights shot came out blue, it was breathtaking. I was able to get some great shots of the Komodo Dragon at the Aquarium on Saturday, through the glass at just the right angle and there was no glare at all, not even a single reflection of anyone standing around the glass window. Sometimes I impress myself with the photos I take.

I'm not sure why, but I seem to take better photos of nature and animals then I do people. Even if the animal is moving the photo seems to come out better.  Maybe I'm just not as comfortable with people as I am with nature and animals.

< /RANT >

Politics...sad really

So, Newt Gingrich is running to "save the Western Civilization from Pagan culture"...look at your history people, paganism was here long before Jesus died on a cross....and the rep from Tennessee, John Ragan, says "it's virtually impossible to get AIDS from heterosexual sex"...and people would entrust our country to these kinds of people? Really?

I haven't seen any politicians I would trust. I'm still not sure about Romney, kind of on the fence about him, and Obama needs to get the fuck out.

I could have sworn that we the people had the right to remove politicians from office who were not doing their jobs. We need to scrap the whole bunch of them from the mayors all the way up to the president and start from scratch.  Lower their pay scales, remove their pensions unless they serve for 20+ years and take away the free college education for all their kids.  Stop giving to the welfare folks who refuse to get a job after a certain amount of time, stop sending our jobs to other countries and stop funding other countries.  As for illegal immigrants....get rid of them too, their a burden on our country.  Yes, I know that most of us are from immigrants that came to this country, but they did so legally.

The government type folk keep taking money from our military and education, why not take it from their own pockets? They make way more then they need to, personally I think they need to get paid what a lower middle class worker makes and see how difficult it is to make ends meet.  The price of groceries just keeps going up, the price of gas keeps rising...will we ever see the light of day again financially? I'm starting to doubt it. 

We're in the middle of a repression right now, it seems like we're steam rolling right toward a depression.  Sadly, though, there's not much that the average person like you or I can do about it, except keep voting the fat cats out and try to get better ones in.


< /RANT >

Lost Silk...it's sad...

I was rather disappointed when I saw that BJ's wasn't carrying Silk vanilla Soymilk anymore, so I asked at the member services desk, the response I got was "It's code 2, means we're not going to get it anymore, we're discontinuing selling it"  Umm...okay....but why?

So today I called BJ's corporate office and asked them the same question, they tried to offer me a substitute for twice the cost, yeah, not gonna happen.  After I got off the phone with BJ's I called Silk and talked them about it, I was told that all BJ's had to do was have their buyers call Silk and order the soymilk and it would be sent to them.

That seems easy enough, right? Well, it seems that to BJ's it's not that easy...come one people, seriously, do you have any idea how many people prefer the Silk brand over any other brand?  We buy it because Bug's allergic to milk protein, and yes, I've tried other brands, she didn't like the taste or texture of any of the other brands, but she loved Silk.

Aside from the milk protein allergy that Bug has, the other reason why we get the Silk from BJ's is due to the price. At Walmart, Food Lion, Kroger's and Farm Fresh it's about $4.99 for a half gallon.  At the commissary it's not much better.  BJ's had the double half gallon ( 1 gal total) pack for $4.99! And now they don't carry it anymore and I have 2 $1 off coupons!

Here's the message I sent to BJ's :

Please get Silk Soymilk Vanilla (2 half gallon pack) back in stock at the BJ's near me. Any substitute won't work, my daughter prefers Silk over all the other brands. My daughter cannot drink regular milk due to an allergy to milk protein, so the soymilk is very important.

http://silksoymilk.com/

After speaking to both a lady at your customer service as well as a lady at Silk, all that needs to be done is your buyers need to contact Silk and they'll be glad to supply your stores with the Silk Soymilk Vanilla. If the problem is with your distribution centers then your buyers need to express the customer need for the product.

Thank you in advance for your time and understanding, I hope to see Silk Vanilla Soymilk back in stock at the Chesapeake VA location soon.

Please let me know via email if and when it will be restocked, I would truly appreciate it.

I sent a similar message to Silk asking if there was a way for them to get in contact with the buyers from BJ's to get the Silk vanilla Soymilk back in stock.

It wasn't long ago that I was fighting with the school Bug's in to get the Silk soymilk in stock for breakfasts. Let me tell you, that was a long drawn out situation.

< /RANT >

Lack of PTA and soy milk

I feel as though I'm dealing with a band of idiots. I've been asking from September 6th about the PTA at Bug's school.  First I get told that they're "reorganizing", now no one knows, so then I track down the PTA FB and ask if and when there's going to be a PTA, I made sure to state that it's not up to the school but rather the parents, which it is. They post was deleted, can you believe that? They actually deleted my post then posted "James Hurst PTA is looking for a new executive board ASAP. Any one interested please contact me or the school.". So what do I do?  I respond with "Several parents including myself have already made it known to the school about wanting information on the PTA. I asked yet again today and the answer I got was a shrug from one of the ladies in the office. I had also posed the question here only to have it deleted." So far there's been no answer, am I surprised? Nope, not even a little bit.


From what I've read there hasn't been an active PTA at the school since 2009...seriously?  The parents really don't give a damn? Where do they think the money for new books, computers and other supplies come from? 


On top of that I'm still fighting to get the soy milk for Bug because of her dietary need.  The school keeps dragging it's feet which is pissing me off as well as pissing off her teacher and the school nurse.  Nine weeks into the school year and still nothing is being done.  What's wrong with people?  ::sighs::




< /RANT >

Annoyed

I hate, hate, hate , hate Facebook games!  You wanna know why?  I'll tell you why.  Cause Strider plays them to the point of obsession!  Seriously, he sits there and just stares at them ignoring everything else around him.  This morning he was playing them too then he rushes around to get shaved and ready for work. Then there's the frakking iPod, he's always either reading or playing a damned game on it, even when Bug's trying to get his attention.  When she asks him to play outside with her you know what he does?  he sits int he damned dining room by the winder playing a frakking game on his iPod while she plays outside! WTF?! Seriously, it's as though he doesn't want to be a daddy or something.  It's pissing me off and upsetting Bug which is pissing me off even more.

At night he stays up until midnight, yet he'll act like he wants to have sex, well, I'm sorry, by the time he's finally ready for bed I'm too damned tired.  Not to mention the damned belly, seriously, it's a turn off for me.  I know that sounds horrible, I know I should want him no matter what he looks like but it looks sloppy.  He promised me he would work out and take care of himself, he doesn't.  When he gets home all he does is sit on his ass and play frakking games.  Meanwhile I'm always on the go save for an hour in the morning, well, sorry, two hours, one hour for breakfast and relaxing then another hour for yoga. After that I get going with my day of cleaning, baking and cooking.  I'm not asking for a perfectly toned body from him, just get rid of the belly and tone it up a bit, and go to the doctors for his feet and his other issues.

I try to make sure he eats healthy, but he tends to over do it, as in eats more then he should, he refuses to listen to me as far as portioning. The laziness and tendency to eat too much tells me that he doesn't want to lose the weight, he doesn't want to lose the belly. Just because we're married doesn't mean he has to stop taking care of himself. He doesn't shower at home, which annoys the crap out of me, he's lazy, doesn't finish what he starts, (EX: the flooring, the fence, the back door that still has a bottom piece that needs to be trimmed off.) and it annoys the holy living hell out of me.

Another thing that annoys me about him is that he gets all pissy with Bug and especially the dog.  All Logan wants is attention, to lick his hand and be near him, yet all Strider does is shove the dog away and yell at him. What the hell is his problem?

::sighs::


< /RANT >

Yet another annoying segment in my life

People who do nothing but complain and expect some to always listen to them yet refuse to listen when someone else needs to talk or vent annoy the ever living hell out of me. Seriously, get a fucking grip, put on your big girl panties and deal with it! You got issues that bad then go find a therapist, seriously, cause I'm done trying to even help you. Don't call me to bitch about your life or your problems cause I really don't give a fuck.

Seriously, differentiate your real life from the relationships you formed in the game.  Just because we're in the same alliance doesn't mean we're close friends, acquaintances yes, close friends no.  I really don't give a damn about your personal issues, or that you can't get past having to have a womanly exam.  If it's messing you up that badly emotionally and psychologically, GET HELP! Talk to a therapist or something.

If the guy you're living with is talking to other chicks, get a grip! You're not dating him, hell, you don't date anyone, you say you're asexual, that you no desire what so ever for it or any kind of relationship, then stop your bitching when he shows interest in someone else.

Why are people such complete idiots?  Don't they get the hint when you tell them you can't handle their crap at the moment cause you have your own shit going on? Maybe I'm phrasing it incorrectly, perhaps I should flat out say "Go the fuck away, stop talking to me, you psychotic little bitch", maybe then they'd get the hint. What do you think?

Maybe I'm just too damned grumpy for my own good lately, but people in general have been getting under my skin like a bad rash. It's kinda like a nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from where all the annoying people in the world start stalking me, harassing me and continuously chattering.

Then you have the idiots who just should not be be allowed to breed let alone breathe. There's this woman that my mom introduced me to, Alana, well, she's a complete douche bag. I'm serious, she was all nicey nicey the day I met her then suddenly she showed her true colors. She never called, refuses to even make eye contact, when my mom asks her to tell me about something she can't even look at me. Even her husband's afraid to look at me. Is my beast showing or something?  Are my eyes really that scarey? Or are they just complete assholes? I'm leaning toward the asshole angle. 

I know that I'm growly and aggressive, but do I really deserve to be treated that way? No one does.  Then she went ahead and had the gall to ask my mom how SHE got Angie's reading up to a 2nd -3rd grade lvl. I'm sorry, but my mom had no part in that, that was all ME! I'm the one that taught Bug all she knows and still hungers for. If Alana can't be bothered to work with her girls then I seriously feel sorry for them.  Maybe she hates me because I home-schooled Bug for so long. She actually said she didn't have time for it.  She stays home all day and does nothing, how the hell does she not have the time?!

Meh!

< /RANT >

Enough is enough

How many times do I have to tell her to stop talking about my finances? How many times do I have to yell it at her before she gets the hint that it's not her business? How many times do I have to suffer through the way she talks to me, yells at me, attempts to guilt trip me? Does she want to push me to the point of suicide? Is that her ultimate goal?

She's already pushing me to the point that I don't want to talk to her and I don't want Bug talking to her, not until she changes her angry ways. She gets me so damned upset that my stomach hurts for days that i sink deeper into the darkness of this goddamned depression that I'm trying to get out of.

I also asked her to stop telling my brother and sister in law about Bug, Strider and I, if they want to know they can damned well call. My life and my family is no one's business but my own.  I want my mom to be a part of my life, but with how angry she is all the time I'm not sure I can handle it anymore. She's becoming toxic to everyone around her including herself. 

Is it jealousy that my marriage is lasting and hers failed? Is it jealousy because I can be here for Bug and she could have been there for my brother and I?  One would think she'd be happy about that not angry, happy that I can do those things for my Bug, yet she's so damned angry all the time.

She talks down to people, bad mouths people, especially if they're overweight.  She needs to get out and make friends, but with how damned picky she is she'll never make friends. They have to be a certain mentality and certain body type of she wants nothing to do with them, and that sickens me. It always has to be about her and I just can't take it anymore.

< /RANT >

Is that all you care about?

A kid was bitten in the face yesterday by a Beagle, yes a Beagle.  But of course most of the people I know are all like "Watch them spin it so it was a pit bull" or "I'm surprised they gave it coverage since it wasn't a pit bull". What the fuck, seriously? A child was bitten by a dog and that's all you care about?

I don't care what breed it is that's not right.  Have they ever said how the kid is? How badly was he bitten? Will the kid have to suffer through the belly shots because of an irresponsible dog owner?

They gave it such a small article, yet if it was any of the "aggressive" breeds it would have a ton more information.

*sighs*

< /RANT >

How should I feel?

Read an article today, not a big surprise there, I mean, we all read them, right? Anyway, this one was about Dr Zahi Hawass, the Minister of Antiquities in Egypt.  He was fired...

Not really sure how I feel about this. He was one of the few that I enjoyed reading about, learning from and even watching on tv.  His exuberance was what kept me inspired.  The news here said that the new regime is treating all the people of the old regime as though they were thieves. 

Granted, I didn't take everything he said with 100% acceptance, thought I truly enjoyed the way he interpreted and even presented the information to the public.  Look at everything he has done to increase the love and fascination of Egyptology and archeology.  Look at how he increased tourisn in Egypt. He's brought so many artifacts back to Egypt, he brought them back because he views them as the property and history of the people of Egypt.

"He was the Mubarak of antiquities," said Nora Shalaby, an activist and archaeologist. "He acted as if he owned Egypt's antiquities, and not that they belonged to the people of Egypt." Really?  I don't believe it, if this were true then tell me why was he trying to get the antiquities back to Egypt from other countries saying they were Egypt's history, the history of the people?

Yes, I will admit that he didn't think outside the box on everything and that he was a bit pushy with his opinions, but he was a great man who did great things for Egypt.  By the things the news has been saying it's mostly because the protesters had been calling for the removal of everyone that had been there during Mubarak's reign. 

Thoughts?

Time for an all out rant

Let's list things in the order of the annoyance factor, shall we?

1- Stop pushing your religion down my throat.  I choked down the Jesus pills once, I regurgitated it, and your God gives me hives, so stop it. Do I want to hang out with you and your kids? Yes, but not at the price of having you try to force feed me the pre-chewed ramblings of drunk insane men who deiced to write a book called the Bible.

2- If everything upsets you, then I suggest you grow thicker skin. If people upset you then I sugjest you grow a set of balls and stand up for yourself.  If you want him to yourself then DO IT! Stop saying one thing and doing another then getting all bitchy when someone else shows interest. I'm sick of hearing about all the bad shit in your life. If you think you should have killed yourself years ago, then let me hand you the blade, go right ahead.  You know why I say that? Simply put, if you're saying it then you want the attention. Take it from someone who's tried to commit suicide, if you really want to do it you won't talk about it, you'll just do it.

3- You're five years old, bug, stop fighting me at every turn. I swear, my hand is going to meet your ass and it's not going to be a happy reunion, I can guarantee that.

4- All you stupid ass mother frakking idiots who claim to be my friends, you know who you are.  Every time I see you bitch about something bad happening in your life I laugh, seriously.  How many times have I voted for your kids, pets what ever? Hmm? Every time you've asked I've voted, yet you couldn't be bothered to reciprocate? Frakk you, seriously, I'm done with all of you.  Remove yourself from my friends list, save yourself the humiliation when I call you out.

5- So you think I can afford to run all over the place? Yeah right! What kind of crack are you smoking? They don't pay us enough to the bullshit Strider has to put up with, yet these asshole welfare mother-frakkers get more money? Excuse me? We need a president in office who will take care of the shit storm that's been unleashed on our country. Leave the damned retirees alone, they worked their asses off all their lives for their pensions and SS, yet you take it from them? I frakking hate you! You increase federal taxes onb the military and cut out BAH? I hate you more! You give more money to the assholes who are on welfare and popping out more kids and spending their money on low profile tires and drugs? I FRAKKING WANT YOU DEAD!

6- Family...bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch...that's all I ever hear.  Please stop, try having a normal conversation sometimes, you may like it.  As for my brother...he's an asshole who's dead to me until he gets his shit together and learns how to treat family.

That's all for now, thank you for listening...well, reading at any rate.

::steps off her ranting box::
< /RANT >

Get a grip!

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of depressed people I know.  I understand how bad depression can be, I really can, I've been there.  If you're not willing to do anything to try to make your situation better or get yourself into a better place emotionally and psychologically, then I'm sorry, there's not much I can do save for tell you to pull yourself up by your boot straps.

I can only take so much of the depressive attitude, the crying, the unwillingness to get themselves out of the situation they got themselves into.   I also can't take much more of the "I should have killed myself back when" crap either. I understand that at certain point of depression that we all feel like that, but the more you talk about it the more you're just looking for the attention.  I firmly believe that suicide is one of the most selfish acts you can do in your lifetime.  If that makes me heartless, then so be it.

People need to find that strength that I know is inside them and get a grip on their lives, pull themselves up by their bootstraps and start moving ahead.  no one else can help them if their unwilling to help themselves.

If you bitch about not having money, GET A JOB!!  If you bitch about where you live, FIND A BETTER PLACE!!  If you cry about how miserable your life is, GET A GRIP!!

*huff*

< /RANT >

I need a break...

I'm not sure how much more I can handle, seriously, it's getting to the point where I'm ready to start smacking some heads around.

Strider left about a week ago, which is fine, I know he's got to do it even if we don't like it, but then comes all the crap that comes along with him leaving.  I'll spell it all out for you.

Firstly, not even a few days after he left we have tornadoes.  One touched down about 1/2 a block away from my house. I was looking out the front window while Talking to Strider on the phone when I saw it.  Both the power and the cell phone died at the same time. I had gotten Bug into the bath tub and under a blanket, just in case.  It got so damned loud in the house, and she was so scared.  We finally got power back after a little over 24 hours, which brings me to stage two of everything...all the food in the fridge and freezer had melted/thawed/gone warm...so we lost a little over 300$ worth of food.  I had just gone grocery shopping not even three days prior. Thankfully our home owners insurance covers food spoilage.

And now on to the next phase...lots of arguments with my mother, seriously.  She's always finding something to complain about, and it's always about the same damned thing.

Next phase...Sears...yup...Sears again.  This time it's over the bill.  I had changed when I paid the damned bill to keep them happy, and now they're saying that the payments are even later then before which is bullshit. What's happening is that NFCU transmits the money to them then they take their sweet fracking time in crediting it to my account, which makes the payment late, so now I have to call a manager on Monday and give him or her a piece of my mind.

Next is my mother yet again.  She had said that she would pay for the Aquarium membership renewal if I upgraded our Zoo membership to include her, so I did, well, she didn't do her part. Poor Bug was so upset that she was crying.  My mom blamed on going to the Pow Wow yesterday and buying Bug a buck skin hide, so now she's returning the snow cone maker she got for herself and the flavorings.  Did I mention how she tries to get Bug into trouble by lying about what's said even if I'm right there in the room? She actually called bug an instigator.

Okay, sure, Bug can be angry at times, but she learned it from watching how my mother treats me and treats other people. She picked up on the panicking over little shit, so now she does it all the time. I try so hard to be nice, I really do, but I can't keep being nice when she starts to damned much trouble.

And then there's David....really?  Seriously? he's trying to go for custody of a kid that might not even be his, he treated those of us who helped him out like crap. He only texts or calls me when he wants something, which isn't right at all. That's not how you treat your friends/family.  Ever since he went to stay with this other couple he's been like this, and I don't like it.  We went out of our way to pick him up from the airport when he got back from Japan, we went out of our way to give him a place to stay and even let him drive Strider's Jeep, which he wrecked in a car accident.  What else an I do but to ignore someone whom I thought was a good person who turned out to be an asshole?

Add all of that to menopause and you have one hell of a shit storm, especially if you trace it all back to when it started...last September when my cousin Mark died in a car accident.

< /RANT >

Blowing off some steam...

I've noticed something, and yes I know it's been an issue for many years, but not as prolific as it is now...teen pregnancy....seriously?  Don't these kids know that having a kid in high school can make it so they never get to experience certain things in life?  I know, I know, horrible person for even bringing it up...but seriously.  And now there's a reality show about it...WFT?!

Down here in VA the big thing seems to be feasting off the system.  And by that I mean welfare, food stamps and so on. I understand WIC for pregnant women, even though according to them I did not qualify for it when I was pregnant with Bug..what a crock of shit.  Anyway.  I see all these people driving these Lexus', BMW's, Mercedes and so on, yet in the grocery stores they're using their food stamps cards and welfare checks. Where exactly does that make sense?

Don't even get me started on the people with those ridiculous low rider tires on their cars.  Seriously. I saw them the other day and the people who got out, a man and his kids, the kids were dressed like he had no money, yet he could afford those kinds of rims and tires?  Is it a status symbol? If so, what the fuck kind of status is it portraying?  Ignore your kids and spend on your car? Is it really that important for people to have posh cars when they can't even afford to put food on the table?

Then you have the people like my little brother who have to live in the most posh neighborhoods that are occupied with nothing but doctors and lawyers...all in the hopes of looking like they have more then they really do.  Why are people so into image?  Really?  Why do they have to pretend to be something/someone they're not?

But you know what really burns my ass? The grossly overweight assholes that make rude and hurtful comments about people like myself who are thin.  I have some overweight friends, but you know what? I wouldn't change them for the world, why? Because they're the best friends anyone could ask for. Brenna is my soul sister and I love her, same with Mouse, I love her too.  But the women like the one at the buffet last night...she had no right what so frakking ever to be so damned nasty because I'm thin.

All my life I've dealt with the comments all my life, the comments that cut deeply and leave me feeling like shit.  People ask me why I have little to self esteem, maybe now you'll understand why. And it's not just from people I run into at restaurants or at the stores, it's been from doctors and teachers as well.  Over the years I've learned to just smile and move on, no matter how much the comments hurt.  Several of my friends have told me that they think I'm beautiful, even Strider tells me on occasion, but I still don't feel it.  I just don't see it when I look in the mirror.

< /RANT >

One terrorist dead...

The news on every channel, in every state was alive last night with the news of Osama Bin Laden's death.  They had killed him about a week ago, but they finally got the DNA results and dental results last night according to the news.

This is great news that he's dead.  Although if I'm not mistaken wasn't he dead once before? Or was that just a mistake?

The sad thing is that this happened during Obama's presidency, yet another reason for people to reelect him.

That's all I really have to say on this subject right now.


 < /RANT >

In Basts Arms

After 19 plus years of loyalty, love, adoration and companionship, my sweet familiar Karma passed away on Friday at around 445pm. It broke my heart, it felt like a knife was being stabbed into my heart, yet I knew it was for the best.

Three weeks ago she had a seizure as well as a possible aneurysm. The aneurysm had burst in her eye leaving a spot of blood in her beautiful mustard gold eye. Her pupils had become fixed, one open and one constricted. She was doing well even after that, she was still eating and drinking, then suddenly on Wednesday she stopped. By Friday I knew it was time so I let her walk in the grass one last time and my daughter picked flowers for her which she got to smell.

I called a cremation place and they will be tending to her remains. She'll be cremated with respect and the flowers Bug had picked for her.

Bast has her in her loving arms now, and I trust that Bast will love her as much as I do. Here's a prayer for the sick and dyeing, it's a prayer for Bast.

Great Lady of the Cats,

I call upon your sleek for to aid me.

Your child is ill here in my arms.

Come to us and bathe your child

with your tongue and heal her wounds.

Heal her nose and mouth

so she may breathe and taste.

Heal her teeth and claws

so she may hunt and eat.

Heal her eyes and ears

so she may know the world.

Heal all those things that let her digest,

so she can grow healthy.

Heal her heart, lungs and legs

so that she may travel on.

Heal her skin and fur

so she may show beauty.

Heal her bones and joints

so she can play again.

Heal her tongue

so she can heal her sisters.

If her mortal body

cannot be healed, then I pray to you

Great Lady of the Cats,

Sacred Bast,

Bring her into your arms and give her peace.

Em hotep, Karma. I will always love you.

Second chances don't exist

Can you believe that there are actually people out there that feel that Obama deserves a second chance? They think that he didn't do anything wrong, that he didn't make our economy worse.

My opinion is that he screwed this country up more then anyone in the past. Look at what he was trying to do if the budget failed...he was going to take away the pay of the military. Yet those on welfare would still get paid. What kind of message does that send about our country? He has already reduced the military's annual pay increase from 3.5% down to 1.5%, he has also reduced BAH. He'd reduced Social Security, increased the federal taxes on Pensions, IRA's and military pay...shall I go on? And now he wants to get rid of the tax deduction we currently have for our mortgage interest.

I seriously believe that we need to get rid of everyone, and I mean everyone, that is currently holding a position in out government and get new ones in there who will actually work for US, not THEMSELVES. Do you think that congress or the president will ever take a pay cut to help out our financial crisis? Nope, not even a little bit. Yet look at Japan, after everything that happened, the companies decided not to take their tax breaks so they could help the country rebuild. This country could learn a thing or two from the Japanese.

How can people still think he's doing good for us? He said during his campaign that he was going to "change" things..well, he did. He changed them for the worse. In his rush to put the stimulus into affect he royally screwed up the economy. If they had said no like Boehner said to we wouldn't be in this mess, but instead Obama rushed to pass it.

*sighs* Do you see the problem with him now? I hope so, I really do. The only reason why they came to a decision at the eleventh hour is because elections are coming up soon and they wanted to look good for re-election. Sorry, not gonna happen, we need someone else in that office, someone who will actually help us instead of hurt us.

*steps off her soap box....for now*
< /rant >

Headed in the wrong direction...

If they don't come to a resolution by midnight tonight then we get no pay. That's right, you heard me, no pay! If they get a resolution we get half. HALF?!?!? Oh, and did you hear that during all of this they're also suspending death benefits for those killed in action? They said that it will be suspended or, and here's the best part *insert sarcasm here* some may not get any benefits!

What's going to happen to those who have mortgages, rent, bills?

Welfare? Nope, not being cut. Why not? Think about it. They're still getting paid but those who defend this country will have to go without pay? Does that sound right? Those who live off the system won't have to go through this, of course not, yet out lovely government will take away the pay of our military. What kind of message is this sending?

You know what they're saying is a big hold up? Here, look at this.

"Republicans want to change the way that the government hands out money to programs like Planned Parenthood, which provide abortions as well as other health services.

These organizations are barred from using federal funds to pay for abortions. But conservatives say that government funds free up money that can then be used for abortions."

Okay....what about the fact that these clinics also do mammograms as well as early cancer screenings? Oh, wait, they're pro-lifers so anything that has to do with abortions will make them not want to help anymore. I swear, they need the shit slapped out of them. These folks who want to tell women what to do with their bodies need to back the frakk off. These clinics are important. Okay, sure, remove the option of abortions as birth control, by all means, please do! but DO NOT remove the ability to have one in case of medical emergencies or rape!

If this is what's holding them back from making a decision about the budget and if that's what's making it so we're not getting paid then they need to get their frakking shit together!

Seriously, what government in their right mind would stop paying their military? OURS!

I've got this bad feeling that we're headed to another civil war if this keeps up.

< /rant >

Excuse me?!

There's a lot of chatter going on lately about us (military families) not getting paid as of the 15th of April. By chatter I mean from AirforceTimes, NavyTimes, ArmyTimes and so on. So far I have no found any concrete proof of this. The government did shut down once before in 1995, the military continued getting paid, albeit a few weeks late. But, will this time be different or is this all speculation? The sad part is that if this is going to happen we won't even know until it's time for pay to go through and we see 0$.

It would seem that our illustrious government can't seem to get it's collective heads out of their asses. I've heard so many different things on this subject, everything from the military, police, firefighters and others will not be getting paid yet the welfare folks will continue to get their pay checks. To me that's bullshit.

Congress, the president and the rest of our great government make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year yet they can't be bothered to take a pay cut to help our economy. Of course not, why should they when they can take away from those protecting our country? Sure, why not, they already cut our BAH, our dental coverage which wasn't much to begin with and increased our federal taxes. Why not make it so we have to scrape even more? And they also changed the minimum income for the EIC (Earned Income Credit), which means we didn't get it this year.

I'm starting to think that Obama wants only the rich and those on welfare to survive this financial crisis. Those of us who are middle class, working Americans or active duty military families are struggling in some places. Granted, not all of the financial woes are caused by the government. Look at personal spending for example, people tend to spend more then they can afford...oh...wait, that does have to do with our government, they raised the prices of everything, including gas.

< /rant >

Meh

Oral surgery sucks, seriously it does. I had oral surgery on Thursday and my jaw is still hurting. They took out like 4 teeth, one of them had to be cut out because of how it broke, another had to be pulled because of the root puncturing my sinus cavity, lovely no? So here I am in pain, discomfort and bored. So what am I doing? I'm auto killing on Jade Dynasty and doing laundry...yup, I'm boring today.


Is it April yet?!?!?!? I wanna play Prius!!

Prius online is yet another MMORPG that I got into closed beta for. I already passed out my keys so don't even ask me for one. :P


< /rant >

Disgraceful!

So many people take our liberties and freedoms for granted. Here's an example...WBC(Westboro Baptist Church). They feel they have the God given right to picket and protest at military funerals, to yell profanities and untruths at the families of the fallen soldiers. They feel that the soldiers that die over in Iraq, Afghanistan or other war torn areas is because they are being punished by God for homosexuality. Seriously, where are these people getting this information from?

Recently the courts said they had the right to protest under the first amendment. freedom of speech is one thing, but to completely disrespect the family of a fallen soldier and to dishonor the fallen soldier should not be tolerated. We as a whole need to stand up against these people, shield the families of the fallen soldiers from them. What they are doing borderlines on hate crimes. Have they actually defiled any graves or harmed anyone yet? Not that I know of. But, that doesn't mean that they won't resort to that at some point in the future to get their point/vision across.

I can understand protesting against something you feel strongly about, but to do so at a funeral? Really? The WBC is nothing more then a bunch of religious zealots with loose screws. I'm telling you, there's something fundamentally wrong with these people. Why not protest things that are actually hurting our economy? Like the increase in federal taxes? Or the decrease in military BAH? Or the reduction of the annual raise the military gets? What about gas prices? Or how about tax on food/groceries? Why not any of those? Come on, people, wake up, there are more serious issues in this world then protesting a military funeral. Stop dishonoring our fallen heroes!

Throughout history we have seen all sorts of religious zealots. These people are no different. Why should we tolerate them? Why does the court agree to let them continue on? Due to the court's ruling the WBC plans on quadrupling their protests. See, the courts empowered them, added fuel to their fire. Yet, there is little we can do about it.

Getting the media to stop covering their protests won't work, the media sees them as a cash cow. Which they are. They protest a funeral of a fallen soldier, the media covers it, the people watch the news more, the media makes more money, it fuels the WBC, they work harder to dishonor our fallen soldiers. Can you see the pattern emerging here? I sure as hell do.

Tell me, what would you do if it were your husband or your wife that died in combat and these people showed up....how would you feel? What would you do? How would you see their actions? Would you smile and say "Well, they have the right to speak their minds" or would you get in their faces and tell them to fuck off? Me personally? There wouldn't be enough police presence to keep me from seriously hurting them. They're dishonoring out heroes. Where's the justice in that?

Our men and women go to war to fight for our freedom to speak our minds, to assemble, to have the liberties and constitutional rights that we have...yet these idiots at the WBC are turning their sacrifice into something it's not. They're dishonoring their memories, they're treating them like they deserved to die.

I wonder, if one of the people in the WBC, if they had a child that joined the military and died in combat...would they allow the protests to happen at their sons/daughters funeral? I bet you they wouldn't. Talk about hypocritical.

Ever thought of emailing them? Sending them letters? I have. But what it accomplish? Most likely they'd throw the letters away or delete the emails. Do they not see what they're doing? Or are they so blinded by their faith, by what they think is true? What would they do if they found out that Jesus was bi-sexual? Go ahead, scream at me if you want, but if you look closely you'll see it. Hell, even the history channel hinted at the bi-sexual relationships between Jesus and his disciples. Maybe they should take a closer look at themselves, at their beliefs.

A funeral is a religious act/rite, a way for the family to let go of their loved ones. When they protest at a military funeral are they not getting in the way of said religious rite? Does that not make them blasphemers? Think about it. If God were to come down here today what do you think he/she would do about the WBC? I personally would like to think that he/she would come down here and slap the shit out of them and tell them to cut the shit. Then again, if God came down here I'm sure he/she would smack the shit out of a lot of people for being so damned stupid. Maybe it's just wishful thinking to hope that one day these people would have to bury a soldier from their own family and to see what they've been doing to others. But I doubt that will ever happen.

...and let the flame war begin...

< /RANT >

Giardia

Last Tuesday I took Logan in to see the vet because he had diarrhea, we though it was because Bug had fed him 2 pickles a day for 6 days. Well, by Friday it was still bad so I took him back. They suspected Giardia and put him onto Metronidazole that's used for it as well as panacur powder that's added to his food. Yesterday I noticed blood, it looked like steak sauce color, so I called the e-vet. Let me tell you, the e-vet was awesome, she got all the info needed and then let me know that seeing blood is normal with Giardia.

It might be normal but you know what? The diarrhea needs to go away, poor Logan, it's like he has a hose attached to his ass. And yes, it's that bad. He has to wear an e-collar to keep him from licking his already raw testicles and his butt which is all swollen and sore. before the e-collar he licked himself clean which made him sick, he threw up a lot. but now we clean him after he goes outside and he'll not throwing up.

We also have to make sure we wash the blanket he lays on every day and we use hand sanitizer when we touch him, better safe then sorry. Seriously do not need any of us getting this parasite. I'm also keeping an eye on the cats.

Once the parasite's gone I'll be sprinkling the yard with diatomaceous earth to kill every kind of bug and parasite off that's there.

My poor pup.


< /RANT >

When will it end?

So you think you know what kind of stress I'm under....well, good for you. There are so many who said they'd be there if I ever needed a shoulder...you know what? There are maybe 4 people who I can actually depend on to be here if things take a turn for the worst.

You want to know what's going on...okay, I guess I'll fill you in.

About eight or ten years ago my mom was diagnosed with kidney insufficiency. Well, here we are all those years later and they're now saying she needs a transplant. I'm her medical advocate, what does that mean? It means that I handle hints when she can't and I also go with her to speak with the doctors and to make sure that everything is going smoothly and that they don't screw around. 

So far we've talked to the transplant surgeon and the vascular surgeon. During all the tests for the transplant surgeon they thought they saw either a blood clot or an inclusion in the artery going into her heart. So we went to the vascular surgeon. Well, he checked her out and said that hen was able to feel her aorta...yeah, not good. He mentioned two possibilities...he felt it as a result of an injury or a rare form of cancer. Talk about adding more to the plate of stress.

So now we have a bunch more tests that she has to go through before we'll have an answer as to wether or not we can go ahead with the kidney transplant or not.

On the good side, I have already gotten offers from four people who are AB blood type. They want to donate a kidney to her. Plus a lot of people who want to donate blood for her surgery.

Out of all the people I know only a few are stepped up to try to help. What would you want people to do if it was you who needed a a kidney, or other transplant? Wouldn't you want people to be selfless? Then why are people so selfish?

I swear, if there's a limit to how much stress I can handle I haven't found it yet. But it have a feeling I might find my limits soon.

With everything that's going on we found out that we can't trust the VITA office anymore to do our taxes.  Thanks to them we owe the IRS about a thousand dollars in back taxes, not to mention the four hundred something to defile the taxes from last year and what ever interest and penalties we get hit with. Before you ask...no, they're not going to help with any of it. They're volunteer which means they have zero liability. Totally fucked up if you ask me.

< \RANT >

Let's not do that again...

I did a rather silly/stupid thing today. We have this container of Szedeg Steak rub, anyway, I decided to shake it, open it then sniff it...yeah, not so smart. It burned all the way up my nose, down my throat and into my lungs. Don't ever do this, never ever, unless of course you're into sniffing bath salts.

See...this is what happens when I suffer from sleep deprivation... On to sleep now...

< /rant >

Disappointed in people...

Over the past year I must have voted for who knows how many contests that women I know entered their kids into. I was hoping for some reciprocation, well, so much for that one. They're so damned wrapped up in their own little worlds that they could care less why I'm doing this.

I entered the contest with the intention of sharing the winnings, then Star's parents house burned to the ground leaving her family homeless...being homeless wasn't the worst part of it. Her father had full thickness burns over hos back, arms and the back of his neck, her step mother had been burned was well...the good news? Well, the good news is more of a miracle really, her baby sister made it out without even so much as a singed hair. So, I then changed where the winnings were going, I'm sending them out to Star so she can get them to her folks.

Imagine for a moment that you lost everything...how would you feel? You'd be lost, horrible lost. Now, imagine how it would feel if people you worked with, friends and family all donated to help you get back onto your feet. You'd be grateful, deeply grateful. now, imagine how it would feel for complete strangers to donate and show their love. You'd be awestruck and filled with more love then you knew what to do with.

Am I wrong in wanting to help her family even though I don't know them? No, I'm not. What is wrong is people I know, people who can't even return the favor and help me to win so I can send the items to Star. I'm disappointed in people....yet again.

The recipe I entered was my rolled turkey breast recipe. It'll be in the cookbook once it's complete. Anyway, the link's here - Contest. I've posted a link to it at least once a day since I entered, I even stated what I was going to do with the winnings, yet no one even seemed to care or want to help. Well, I guess this changes things a bit, doesn't it? The next time they want me to vote for them...they can forget it. And yes, I'm going to be petty.


And of course, now I start thinking about something else...all the people who signed up on the site for my recipes...hardly anyone posts or even comments. Really? If you want recipes you damned well better learn how to comment and talk in the forums. I gave people a sneak peak at the recipes that will be in the cook book and I'm starting to think that they don't even want to be there, they want something for nothing basically. Well, I'm still writing recipes, still taking pictures of the dishes, but I'm not posting them. If someone wants a recipe they can come to me directly.

I guess I'm just disappointed by people today, sad thing is, this happens more often then not.

< /rant >

DC...

You know how some people are followers? Well, I keep getting told that DC is a follower. Basically, when he was staying with us on the weekends he was laid back, relaxed and didn't drink unless it was one beer with me during dinner.

Anyway, I spoke to B the other day and she told me that he's been acting strange. He's hanging out with this other couple he knows, he works with the guy.

A little background on DC, he's Donna's soon to be ex-husband. Yup, she fucked up and lost a good guy.

Back to my < rant >...I'm worried about him. He got sick just before New year's and has been sick ever since. He stopped calling, texting and google chatting. I'm afraid that this new couple he's hanging around with will be bad for him. By bad I mean destructive. They like to party, they have no kids so they can. I think DC said they were asking him for 600$ per pay to rent a room...WTF? is that's the case then he's paying their fucking rent, which is wrong!

I've tried to talk to him but...I dunno..maybe I just worry too much...or maybe he's done what everyone else seems to do...drift away.

I hope he's okay, he's like a little brother to me.


< /rant >

Idea vs reality

It's astonishing how many parents actually use the TV as a baby sitter. Umm...excuse me, shouldn't you be taking care of your kid? Case in point....Donna. She would put the tv on and just sit on the computer all day ignoring her kid. That sickens me. The only time I ever saw her taking care of her kid was when she saw how I was with Bug. Seriously? That's not a mom, that's someone who enjoys the idea of a family but not actually having a family.

This is all too common to be honest. There are too many women out there who enjoy the idea of a family, but not actually having one. You can tell which women are the kind that simply like the idea and now the reality. They're the ones who use the TV as a baby sitter, the ones that don't give a damn, their kids are always dirty and so on. They're usually the ones to throw the first stones too, they'll call you a bad mother without looking in the mirror.

I've < rant >ed about Donna before, but I usually didn't use her name, well, guess what, now I am. Why? Because I could care less. If you like what I have to say...then don't read my blog!

Anyway, the whole thing has be burning, it really does. There are far too many parents out there that like the idea of kids, but not the reality of them. If you didn't want kids then why the hell didn't you use birth control? Don't give me the crap that it's against your religion, that's bull shit. I don't care what religion you're part of, no one has the right to tell you what you can and cannot do with your own body! You shouldn't pop out kid after kid after kid! Okay, apparently I have religion issues today too. But that'll be saved for yet another < rant >.

< /rant >

Just when you think it's safe...

There was an article in the news today, a woman down in SC hung and burned her nephew's 1 year old pit bull for eating her bible. Seriously? What the fuck was this woman thinking? I mean, okay, I can see how she was devout and all in her religion, but can someone please tell me where it says to hang and burn an animal for eating the bible? It's people like this that scare the hell out of me, but that's another < rant >.

This comes just days after two stories of kids being bitten by pit bulls in NC and TX. I have a pit bull, and let me tell you, he's a big baby. He's very, and I mean VERY, snuggly. If you're sitting on the couch, he has to be in your lap, and I mean all 60 some odd pounds of him! My daughter Bug can do anything to him and he adores her, even playing dress up. yup, you heard right, Bug plays dress up with Logan. usually putting a cape on his collar, or ribbons on him...you know, the whole Supper Pitty or cutie pitty. Yup, Bug sure does love to play with him. The only thing he eats are her Lego's...and he steals her stuffies...stuffies, as in stuffed animals for those who don't a dictionary that explains Kiminese. ( Long story short, that term came from my old Guild in PWI.)

Anyway, back to the point of this particular < rant >. If you look through the news or do a search for dog attacks in the news, what's the one breed most often mentioned? When they do mention the breed it's Pit Bulls. What about the Chihuahua's? They bite people all the time. So do other dogs. Other breeds also kill people but you hardly hear about it. What about the Shepherds, the Rotty's, and other breeds, like Chow Chow's? They all have bitten and or killed people, but do you hear about it as prolifically as you do the pit bull attacks? Nope, not even a little.

I used to have the most gentle and adoring wolf hybrid. Do you know how many people told me that wolves are dangerous and should be killed? Far too many. Let me tell you, my baby boy was the sweetest thing on four legs. He passed due to degenerative-myelopathy, disease of the spinal cord.

The pup we had before we got Logan was a Rotty/Sheppherd/Chow/something mix...he was a sweetie! Bug could do anything to him and he just adored her. But, we had to put him to sleep. He was sick, very sick. He had a severe seizure disorder that left him unconscious for 15 minutes after the grand mal seizure was done, and he had inoperable hip displaysia.

Out of all the dogs I've had there was one bad seed among them all. Chance, she was just bad. I got her from the shelter, they couldn't tell me anything about her past, other then she had been surrendered by her owners. Chance was a pit bull/lab mix. Black with very little white, she was sweet to start with, but then two or three weeks later she turned on me. I'm not talking the little growls or posturing to keep me away from her, I'm talking full out turned, aggressive and dangerous. She attacked me several times, even when Strider was home, even in my sleep! So I had to have her euthanized. When I took her to the Humane Society they told me the biggest line of bullshit I've ever heard. They actually said that if I had spayed her that it never would have happened! Can you believe that bullshit?! Seriously, since when does spaying or neutering a dog change it's personality?

I used to be leery about Pit Bulls, and I had good reason. I didn't hate the breed, I hated what had become of Chance. But after having Logan here, I can tell you that they're a gentle breed, if not a bit thick headed and stubborn.

I'm sitting here typing away and Logan's sound asleep at my feet. He's such a good foot warmer, and a great critter to have in our house. Even if he's a bit insane when it comes to one of our three cats. Logan and tempest have this love hate thing going on.

Anyway, back on track. The whole thing about dogs attacking people...it's not the dog's fault. And I'm not defending any one breed here. It's all how the dog is raised. It's the owner's responsibility to train the dog properly.

If you go to a store and someone's kid is screaming and throwing a tantrum that they want something, what do you think? That kid needs a good stern lesson in how to behave in public. Having a dog is like having another child, you better train it right or it'll be unruly and walk all the hell over you. Do you want a good dog or a spoiled brat? The choice is yours, folks. Just like with your kids, do you want them to be good and treat people with respect or do you want little thugs running around getting into trouble every chance they get?

I read somewhere a comment by a complete idiot. He tried to compare pit bulls to lions and tigers, saying that they belong in a zoo. Where the hell did he get his information from? See, this is what the media has done. Every ten or so years they garb onto a breed of dog and make it the proverbial whipping boy for the BSL (Breed Specific Legislation) folks. They're not just against APBT's, they're against any breed that happens to show up on their radar for that specific set of years. Once they fear monger the hell out of one breed they move on to the next. This all has me wondering, what breed will be the next one on the chopping block? Why not the ones that are actually dangerous? The little ankle biters that are mean and down right attack anything or anyone? Why? Because yet again that's not the dog, that 's the owners lack of responsibility. Socialize your dog. You'd socialize your kid, right? Why not do the same for your dog? if you want your dog to play nice with other dogs and people, then expose them to all kinds of people and animals.

When it's a small dog that bites someone it gets pushed under the carpet. The reason for all the hoopla about APBT's is because they're used as fighting dogs by the assholes of this world. I don't care who the fuck you think you are...you DO NOT USE DOGS FOR FIGHTING!!! I don't give a flying fuck what breed it is, YOU DON"T DO IT! It's wrong! How would you feel if I put you in a ring and made you fight someone just because? Oh, wait, we already have that kind of thing, it's called boxing and full contact fighting....see the trend here? People are sick.

I've been around dogs all my life. Never can I remember a time when I did not have at least one dog and one cat.

Well, there's my thoughts on all of this...take it as you will.


< /rant >

Taxes, taxes, taxes...when can I file...

Okay, so congress passed a bunch of new laws regarding tax filing. How does that affect us? Hmm, let's see. Reading over the information is like stereo instructions to me, makes little to no sense. Or maybe I just need some more caffeine in my system to understand it.

We always save our sales receipts, the normal deduction is 250$ if you do not save them, we save them and our deduction is over 700$( this is a little known thing, we found out about it a few years back from VITA, make sure you ask about it). Plus the deduction for both mortgages, Strider's tuition even though the Navy covers it 100%, Bug's glasses, any prescriptions we get at RiteAid instead of the base pharmacy, the interest on our mortgages, savings accounts, Thrift Savings account(active duty thing), state taxes (Maine for us) and so on. There are so many deductions that make it easier for people. We usually get back about 7k-8k a year, which all goes toward paying off bills and clothing for Bug.

Here's the run down on some deductions you may not have known about. (From Commonly Overlooked Tax deductions)

1. Out-of-pocket costs for charity. There's a perception that charitable donations only include cash or goods. This is because the value of your time spent volunteering for charitable organizations is never deductible. However, out-of- pocket expenses relating to volunteering for charitable organizations are deductible. Costs would include the cost of transportation, such as driving (the standard mileage rate for 2009 is 14 cents a mile for charitable purposes), parking fees and tolls. You can also claim travel expenses while you're away from home performing services for a charitable organization, assuming the expenses are related to the services and not for personal use (such as a vacation). Travel expenses would include air, rail, and bus transportation (as well as expenses for your car); taxi fares or other costs of transportation between the airport or station and your hotel; the cost of lodging; and the cost of meals.

2. Transportation for medical visits. Sure, you've dutifully tucked away your receipts for co-pays to the doctor, but what about the costs of getting there? The cost of getting to and from medical appointments is deductible. If you drive, you can claim your actual expenses associated with the drive or claim the standard medical mileage rate: For 2009, it's 24 cents per mile. Bus fare, train fare, or cab fares are also deductible, as is the cost of tolls and parking.

3. Job hunting expenses. While you can't deduct the cost of looking for your first job (sorry, new grad!), you can deduct out-of-pocket expenses related to your job hunt if you've been laid off or are simply moving on. This includes paper, printing, and stamps for your resume; online expenses to post your resume (on Craigslist, for example); fees paid to employment agencies; travel to and from interviews; long distance calls to prospective employers; and the costs of getting a portfolio or other work samples together. You must be looking for a job in the same profession -- you cannot deduct the cost of looking for a job in a new profession. You also can't deduct job expenses if there has been a "substantial break" between leaving your last job and starting to look for new job. You don't have to have success within a reasonable amount of time, but you do need to be looking.

4. Student loan interest paid by parents. Generally, you can only deduct items on your tax return that you actually pay. But the IRS gives students a break: If you are legally obligated to make interest payments, and your parents make a payment on your behalf, the IRS allows you to take the deduction. This is a great way for parents to help out by making the payments and allowing the child to claim up to $2,500 of student loan interest. Even better? Student loan interest is an above-the-line deduction, which means you can claim it even if you don't itemize.

5. Property tax. For 2008 and 2009, homeowners who don't itemize can increase their standard deduction amount by a portion of property taxes they paid. The increase is capped at $500 for taxpayers who file as single or $1,000 for those who file married filing jointly. To claim the extra deduction, you'll need to complete a Schedule L with your tax return.

6. Gambling losses. You may know that you have to report your gambling winnings as income on your tax return -- even if you won them illegally. But did you know you can deduct your losses as well? You can only deduct gambling losses if you itemize deductions on your tax return, and the amount of losses cannot be more than the amount of gambling income you reported on your return. To prove this, it's important to keep accurate records of your gambling winnings and losses. Depending on where you're getting your winnings (or losses), many casinos will put this information in writing for you.

7. Tax preparation fees. You can claim a deduction for out-of-pocket expenses paid for tax preparation software, tax publications and the costs associated with electronic filing. Those expenses, together with fees paid to a tax preparer in the year of the return (for example, fees paid in 2009 would be reported on your 2009 return) will be reported on Schedule A of your federal form 1040 as an itemized miscellaneous deduction.

8. Home improvements. Most homeowners are aware they can deduct the cost of a mortgage associated with the purchase of a new home. You can also deduct the interest paid on a loan used for the construction of a major improvement to your home. For tax purposes, there is a difference between home improvements and home repairs -- an improvement will add to the value of your home, whereas a repair merely returns it to its previous state. Keep good records to substantiate your claims.

We always go to the VITA center or TAC, it makes it so much easier for us and they've been really good about not messing up on our taxes in the 6 years we've been having them do them. If you don't have access to them there's always Liberty Taxes, H&R Block and an abundance of other companies or private tax preparers out there. Just make sure they have a tax ID number, this isn't something new, but the IRS is cracking down on this.

Make sure you talk to your tax preparer if you have questions about deductions.

Friends...where?

Go ahead, rub it in that you go out with your friends and have fun. Go right ahead. I know I have no life, I know that I have no friends in the area, I know that I suck as a person. So what, you're one of the lucky ones, good for you.

The amount of real friends I have I can count on two hands at the most, maybe 6 or 8 people in total. Everyone else could care the fuck less. I tried to being there for people like Priss and Prim, look where it got me, pushed aside like last years shoes, tossed to the back of the closet to be ignored. I thought I had actually made some friends around here when I met them, yeah, okay, I was delusional, seriously delusional. There have been others aside from them that did the same thing. They hung with me and acted like it was something they were being forced to do. When Priss and Prim were here for Bug's 4th birthday they stuck together, they talked about getting together with one another...in front of me. Thanks a lot, seriously, what a way to make someone feel like total shit.

There are others who have been really upsetting me lately too. No matter what i say, no matter how often I'm there for them, no matter how many sleepless nights I get to keep them company when they need someone...they're not around when I need someone. You wanna know the kicker? They don't even see it. Maybe they'll see it when I stop answering texts and start sending their calls straight to voice mail. Maybe then they'll get the hint.

If you're going to say that you're going to be there for me when I need someone to talk to, then be there. Don't just sit silently on the fucking phone, or argue with your fucking spouse or go off on another fucking tangent. I listen to you, I offer you advice, I talk to you about your problems...why can't you do the same for me? Is it that difficult for you? maybe I should walk away.

Maybe I'm too harsh of a person, maybe I'm too damned brash, maybe I'm just too different. Maybe that's why no one seems to want to be around me. Fuck everyone, I'm through being nice or even trying to make friends. if I'm meant to be without people to hang out with, then so fucking be it. I'm done. Good bye, assholes.

At least I have my bug, she gives me little cards every day with the words "I love you, mommy" inside them that she wrote. I spend every moment with her, every single moment.

< /rant >

Spitting fire...

I was at the place before, been through a good share of hell. It was because of everything I had been through that I became a rape crisis counselor for Camden Co, NJ. I just wish other women can be strong too and get away from situations like that, but not everyone can find that strength. A lot of the time that strength has been beaten into submission, where it lays so afraid deep inside of them, cowering in the shadows of their minds. If they get the one push they need, sometimes, just sometimes, then can regain that strength and wake up the fighter inside of them. I firmly believe that all women have the spirit to fight inside of them and sometimes it takes a near death experience before they can find that strength. Yet there are the women who love so blindly that they end up statistics, and those are the ones I feel most sorry for.

I don't feel sorry for them because they died, I feel sorry for them because they never had the strength to stand up for themselves and to fight. Go ahead, say what you will, but I believe that every woman can fight back. Why should be allow ourselves to be victimized by our lovers, husbands, wives, children, neighbors or others. Stand up for yourself, see the signs that are right in front of you.

You think I'm callous, well, you know what? I was there. I was beaten, raped, nearly broken. You know what? I found the strength to get away, I found the strength to scream out in a rage that was so deep that it scared me half to death, yet I focused it all on making my life better and trying to help others. Did I feel at fault for what happened to me? Bet your ass I did. My own mother called me a liar when I told her I was raped, she adored the guy, refused to believe that he could do such a thing. People are capable of some rather sick things, and some of the truly sick ones get off on doing those things to others.

I've written a lot of poems about stuff like this, some have been called inspirational for the abused women, strengthening and empowering. But, with all the pain I see in the eyes of women who suffer like we have, it pisses me off when they can't break away. It kills me to see abused people become abusive parents, they can't break the cycle, or their afraid to. I've broken the cycle, I refuse to perpetuate it, I refuse to hurt my daughter. Gods help anyone who tries to make her a victim....I'll kill them, I'll rip them apart. No one threatens or hurts a child, there's no excuse for it. And the woman KD spoke of who threatened the child like that needs to get her ass handed to her. There is no excuse for that, and in my mind....she should be the one euthanized.

Wake up, ladies, this isn't going to just go away. If you're being hurt, treated like shit, being stepped on...stand up for yourself! It's time to turn the tides and refuse to accept this sort of abuse any longer. Look into his/her eyes and tell them you've had enough. If you're too afraid to do that...then please, go to a woman's shelter. They can't follow you there, they can't hurt you anymore there. You'll get help, you'll be safe. Please, if you have children, leave, go to the shelter. If not for your own sake, then for the sake of your children.

< /rant >

Really...

I swear, Strider's been pissing me off lately. He seems to think that I do nothing all day. Today he turned on the PS2 and put I. A game, Bug had asked him several questions about the game he was playing and he just ignored her. That's just wrong, seriously wrong. So I asked him why he's not playing with her, he said that he wanted to play the game alone. You know what? I never get to okay a game alone! Never! I always play with Angie, I always make sure that she's enjoying herself and having fun.

He's on leave for the next two weeks, and I can guarantee that he will not want to do much of anything. Bug had asked hin to play a game with him and he got all pissy. I'm sorry if our daughters wants to play a game with him. So then he sits down to play checkers with her and he starts telling her to move "vertically", I'm sorry, a five year old doesn't know words like that. So I told her corner to corner, which she understood. Then I asked him to let her win, the look ha shave me. I wanted him to build up her confidence I playing before getting serious about it. Maybe it's just me, but I feel that you need to build up your kids confidence if you want them to be able to succeed in anything. If they don't ha e the confidence they won't be able to do much of anything with confidence.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother anymore...

< /rant >

The Instability Of Me...

I think it's time to start removing people from my friends list on Trillian. There's only maybe 3 people out of the 85 that even talk to me anymore. I guess that says something, huh? While I'm at it I might as well clear out my contacts list on my cell, clear out all the names of those that have become distant for one reason or another, the main reason...they have better friends and no need to associate with me. lol Funny, no? There was a time when I went out, when I had good friends that I could go to lunch with, now it would seem that, according to my mom, I've become an asshole.

The other day I was in the car with my mom and Bug, we were headed to BJ's to do some grocery shopping. She started in on me yet again, but this time she started to call me names, she called me an asshole, an idiot, she called me stupid and everything. Right there in front of Bug. Bug started to cry as she was yelling at me then threatening to take a cab home. This isn't the first time she pulled this cap, she did it one night when we were going out for dinner. Poor Bug was crying when we went into the restaurant. My mom was even yelling at me in the restaurant and outside. Why? Am I really this bad of a person that she has to do this to me, to Bug?

Last month I had my car in the shop, I tried to charge the cost but found out that Strider's repairs had maxed out the car, so I called my mom. She railed into me and said no, so I told her fine, then she started to yel at me. Even Q, the mechanic, knew that it was my mom I was talking to, he was upset that she upset me. She's very critical of people, she talks about people behind their backs, and she talks down about everyone, which isn't right. She's been like this for most of my life, is this why I am the way I am?

A year or so ago I had people I could hang out with around here, there was Kim and Sako..now even they seem to have better things to do then to even talk to me. Have I really become that bad of a person that no one even wants to talk to me? Even the friends I had back in high school don't even seem to want to associate with me much, unless it's on faceook.

Lately it feels like no matter what I do or say it's not good enough for anyone. I seem to upset people with everything I say or do. Maybe I have become a complete uncaring, cold, heartless asshole. Maybe that's why no one wants to even be around me. It even feels like Strider's distancing himself from me.

All I do is stay around the house with Bug, I don't go anywhere unless it's to go do the grocery shopping or pick up stuff we need. Am I really that horrible of a person that no one wants to be bothered with me? I guess I am. So, maybe it's time to cut everyone out. I can't even smile a real smile lately, things have been tougher then I can ever remember them being.

Back on September 27th by cousin Mark died in a car crash, then Strider's Jeep was totaled in an accident. DC was driving the Jeep when he was rear ended. To top it all off Strider nearly lost his fingers in an accident at work, thanks to the titamiun wedding band he didn't lose his fingers.

I've tried to be happy, but no matter what I do I can't seem to feel happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, I love Bug and Strider more then anything. I see how happy she is and wish that I could be that happy again. Even Strider doesn't seem to see that I'm spiraling, I need this to stop, I need to be appy again. I need to be me again...who ever I am, I don't even think I remember who I am, I think I lost her a long time ago with all the sadness and the betrayal of so many people.

Maybe I've just become the person that no one wants to even be around. I get glared at by people who don't even know me, I get talked about and treated like crap by most people I know.

Maybe it's time I talk to my doctor...but I hate medication, and I really dislike shrinks who think they know what's going on in your head. Am I unstable right now? Yes, I am. Do I have an idea of why? I most certainly do...menopause. I think that with everything else I have to handle, the house, the bills, family, the few friends I have...maybe, just maybe, menopause is the last straw for my mental stability. It could very well be the one thing that has set me off and has pushed me over the edge.

I dunno, I'll have to talk to my doctor...I just don't want another therapist that didn't understand, or tries to stem it all back to my childhood. Yes, my childhood was fucked up, who's wasn't? My mom was less then stable when I was growing up. She was an alchoholic, abusive mentally, emotionally and physically. My great aunts and grand parents were my one saving grace. But after they passed things got worse. But I survived, I made it through, it made me stronger, right?

Somedays I find myself yelling at Bug, making her cry. I hate myself for doing that to her, I really do. Granted, when she doesn't listen when I ask her to clean up her toys or something she does deserve some kind of punishment. But I'm so afraid of crossing the line, so I rarely spank her, even if she deserves it. So I resort to taking away privaleges and stuff. Am I a bad mom? Have I in some way failed my Bug? I dunno, sometimes I feel like I have. Just like there are times, a lot lately, that I feel like I've failed as a wife, that Strider might be better off with someone else, someone that makes him happier then I can.

I try to do all I can to make people happy, I really do. I try to be agreeable, but I'm sorry, I'm not going to roll over and belly up just because people think they're in deservence of my submission. Sorry, but I speak my mind, if I think you're being an asshole, I'll flat out tell you.

I try to give my family good food to eat, so I make everything home made. I make sure that we have fresh bread, cookies and a cake or pie to enjoy. The meals I make are fresh, healthy and very tastey. Yet somehow I feel like I'm letting them down.

Oh well, enough for now...

< /rant >

Unnatural things...

Turducken.......really? Who thought this up? I mean, seriously, this is the most unnatural thing I have ever seen let alone heard of. A duck inside of a chicken inside of a turkey....yeah, okay, seriously, what did the duck do to deserve being shoved up into a chicken? And while we're at it, what did then chicken do to deserve being shoved up into a turkey? Am I the only one who finds this a bit disturbing? It's just unnatural, seriously, zombies are more natural then the turducken...well, to me they are. Does that make me completely insane? Probably.

Let's not even get me started on the turduckenoose...

Person who likes turducken- "We're having turducken for dinner"

Me- *blink blink* "I'm gonna go find a zombie now.....".

That's how it would go in my house, seriously, I'm not kidding you. Even my brother thinks it's unnatural, and dare I say, he's unnatural to begin with.

We all known that I'm a little bit off kilter, well, maybe a bit more then little.

< /rant >

Gah!

Ever since we had the damned security storm doors put in, which were supposedly the highest quality doors made and would never break, rust, yadda, yadda, yadda, we have had nothing but troubles with them! We had them installed back in 2006, five months later had to have them repairs. Six months after that repaired again, six months after that repaired again. Then again in 2009, and now I'm fighting to get them removed/replaced and have the money refunded. When you sell a product with a lifetime warranty and say that it's the highest quality, it had damned well better be what you're toting.

I had called the repair office yesterday and asked that the guy call me back, I was told he would by the end of the business day yesterday. Not a work from him. So I called my contact at corporate, let's see if she calls me back. If not, I guess I'll be left with one option. Email the local news and make a complete mockery of Sears and contact my attorney to get this settled. ::sighs:: And people wonder why I hate Sears.

And that was the beginning of my day.

My mom had called me to ask me to call 911 because she saw a car hit a bicyclist. Well, I told her that since she was right there to call it in herself. Well, she called me back after getting the plate umber and told me that the kid who was hit by the car asked her not to call the police because he's in the country illegally and he works at McDonald's. SERIOUSLY?! I would have called it in anyway. McDonald's is hiring illegals to work for them??? What the fuck?!

< /rant >

Even more recalls

The amount of recalls for everything is insane. We won't use anything by McNeil Labs due to the sheer amount of recalls on the children's medications(Tylenol, Benadryl, Zyrtec, RiteAid brand of Tylenol, etc). I won't endanger my child like that ever. As for the canned food and prepackaged food, we use fresh and still watch the recalls lists to ensure that what I'm feeding my family is safe for them as well as healthy.

Call me weird, I don't care, but I insist on making sure I feed my family, that being my husband, daughter(s) and my animals, all of them, the safest most nutritious food I can. Not to mention the amount of recalls on products, not just food, but just about everything, coming in from China(toys, treats, food, clothing, etc).

So, yeah, there's my opinion and what I do about it to assure my family's health and safety.

To check the recalls that affect us all you can go here. To look up specific recalls you can go here.

< /rant >

I hate politics

What the hell is wrong with this world? With the state if the economy my daughters grandchildren will be paying it off, then again, there won't be any social security if anything at all.

Some people seem to think that having a woman in office would be good for the country. Personally I don't see how. Mrs Clinton, she who was running the country while her hubby was busy getting a blow-job in the oval office fucked us up big time. Some people seem to think that Mrs Clinton saved us economically, I'm not so sure about that. If her husband, Bill Clinton actually helped us, then great. But the rest of the monkeys we've had I office including the latest one have done nothing but fuck up our country more than the one before. I understand that the presidents are nothing more than a figure head. But what will it a take for this country to get it's shit together. We keep fighting this "war" that could have been ended a long time ago. Stop pussy footing around and nuke the sons of bitches. How many opportunity have we had to end this whole thing? Quite a few I'll bet.

And people wonder why I stay out of politics, I hate it, to me it's all one big fucking three ring circus.

This country is going to hell in a hand basket. All the illegals coming in are taking our jobs because they're cheap labor. I don't give a fuck, we're over crowded as it is, kick them the fuck out! Make border patrol stronger and get the job done. Fill in the tunnels they use to cross the border with concrete. Stop letting them come in.

< /rant >

Blacklist?

Is there a Navy Wide blacklist with the wives? If so, am I on it? Seriously! Ever since we lived on Earle it's been like this. They treat me like crap, talk behind my back. Are they insecure? If they are then they need to get over their insecurities and grow the fuck up! Is it because I speak my mind?

Let's go back to the beginning shall we? When Strider and I first got married he was on the Detroit, the Ombudsman and the wives treated my like shit, complete and utter shit. Why, you ask? Because they were in shitty marriages, I was thin, had a career and enjoyed my life, so they hated me. In Annapolis I was liked by the guys more than the wives, nothing out of the ordinary there for me. Here I've been treated like shit by the wives, even the ones from other commands. Seriously! There have been a few that claimed to be friends of mine and then they turn around and stab me in the back or just flat our ignore me.

At one of Strider's commands we had gone to a cookout at night. I was rather pregnant with bug at the time. The women all avoided me like the plague, the guys on the other hand, they all gathered around me to talk and be cool. I asked Strider why and he said it's because I'm a threat to them. When I asked him what he meant he motioned to my body. Okay, so yet again the whole thing about me being thin and in shape plays part in how I'm treated. Talk about fucked up.

Oh well, they'll get over it or they won't. I'm not going to change who I am just so I'll fit into their little groups and get to play in their reindeer games, sorry, I'm not a follower. I'm not the sheep, I'm the wolf that eats the sheep.

Let's talk about commands for a second here. What would you say if your husband came home and asked you what you thought about him deploying for a year then tells you that his current command has gotten him thinking things like that? Well, I would hate it, but then I look on the bright side. I do have two bathrooms and the computer room that need to be gutted and redone. We all remember what happened the last time Strider deployed...I redid the kitchen and dining room.

But a year?! I can dig my heels in and deal with it if I have to, even if I really don't like it. I'm not a wimpy Navy wife, I can handle shit that's thrown at me, for the most part. Hell, I want to know who I need to talk to to start bashing some heads in.

The choices he mentioned aren't all that comforting either, there's Afghanistan, Iraq or the Horn of Africa. Let's see....kidnapped by terrorists and tortured at the best and killed at the worst...or... kidnapped and tortured or killed by pirates...yeah...not very comforting at all, know what I mean?

< /rant >