Why Having A Toddler Is Like Being At A Prat Party*

This is from another blog, I loved it so much I had to put it here. ::laughing:: It's from Suburban Snapshots

Thursday, June 10, 2010

*That one frat party I've ever been to, having gone to a Very Serious Arts College.

10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.

9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.

8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.

7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.

6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.

5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.

4. There's definitely going to be a fight.

3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.

2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.

1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.

Politics, unemployment, immigrants... & HSUS

Why is it that we can not get someone in office that will be brave? I swear, there were a few things that pissed me off about Bush Jr, but over all he knew what he was doing. He took a stand for our military, made sure they got good annual raises and when someone tried to start shit with our country he took charge and declared war. Sure, I wasn't keen on the whole rebuilt Iraq bullshit, but he did what was right for the time. At least he wasn't a pussy like Clinton was. Now we have Obama...hmm...one word comes to mind...twit. Seriously, what the frakk is his malfunction? He's so concerned with how he looks on camera and other crap that he could care less about the country.

You want to know the reason for the unemployment rate in this country? Out sourcing, that's what. The stuff that we're so dependent on is no longer made here in the US. We used to be so self sufficient, what the frakk happened? I'll tell you what happened, companies wanted to save money so they went to China, India and other countries to get stuff made at a cheaper labor rate, which saves them billions of dollars, yet it makes the population and the economy suffer. Lovely, no? Now the US is just getting fat and lazy, it's sickening really. If we want to help with the unemployment rate, bring the jobs back to the US, stop taking them away!

You want lower prices for gas? Then stop going to Iraq for crude, seriously, we have so much hard crude in warehouses it's not even funny. And why do we have them in storage? Because no one wants a plant in their home town that can covert hard crude into petrol.

Don't even get me started on China. They've been sending us toys and stuff containing lead for who knows how long. Are they trying to kill us? What wold happen if we put a tariff on China? Oh, wait, we did that then the big companies who are saving billions and avoiding paying their taxes would suffer cause they'd have to hire US people to do the same job at a decent pay.

Border control...or lack there of. Every day who knows how many illegal immigrants come into this country, and it's not just from Mexico which is the one we're so worried about. Check the shipping containers coming over from China, bet you'll find human trafficking going on there.

We're one frakked up country, I'll say that much. Little by little we're losing our Constitutional rights.

The oil spill in the Gulf has been getting a lot of press lately, a lot of attention. Yet why are so many people ignoring it like it doesn't exist? What's the HSUS doing about it? There are a lot of unanswered questions about them in my mind. Here's a blurb I found that sums it up pretty damned well, I think.

HSUS and the Oil Spill…Silence

The title of their organization is the Humane Society of the United States.

They have told us how they have been off to Haiti saving dogs and other animals after
earthquakes did damage. (Although the small island is known to not have many, if any, dogs).

They told us how they went in and scooped up dogs and animals right after Katrina and saved them. But no one for the life of me can tell me where those animals were sent to and they cannot produce records of any actual rescues.

They show us close-up photos of dogs with sad eyes…in cages.

But they don’t bother to tell you that many of those photos were taken in vet’s offices in their holding pens of animals waiting to be operated on, or were being given medications, etc. Not really photos of animals being mistreated…that is why the photos are seldom "wide screen" and almost always close up of just a cage or two.

Funny how silent HSUS has been with the obvious catastrophe about to occur along America’s gulf coast shores…oil heading to areas that will kill millions of natural habitats and their animals.

HSUS, with their millions and millions of your donated dollars for rescue…has not made a single announcement regarding the gulf region and how they plan on helping the USDA and others try to save the area’s wildlife.

You know…a huge…."Humane" effort being required.

Oh, I forgot…HSUS just got through telling us that USDA was nothing more than a puppy mill itself.

Guess we are lucky to have HSUS on the watch for us. Although at this point they seem a bit like Mighty Mouse without the cape or the ability to fly. A bit more like Batman on a drunken weekend.

Now if we can just get HSUS off their dead butts and actually do something other than stealing peoples’ dogs and then selling them at local Pet stores.

But that would be logical and responsible.

Neither seems to be in HSUS’s operating plans.

Michael Costin and the staff of The Oklahoma Reporter

So yeah, you tell me....what do you think? Is this country going to hell in a hand basket or what?


< /rant >

The Apple iPad - my (re)view on it

Here's my experience with the Apple iPad ( From now on I'll call it Panel since iPad reminds me of a feminine product.). Be warned I don't hold my punches nor do I sugar coat it, so here we go.

Okay, so it looks great, seems so pretty in the store. And then you get it home. If you're like us and have Windows XP 64 bit, you're screwed unless you have a spare system or laptop with 32 bit windows. Sorry to be so blunt it's the truth. After nearly 3 hours of trying all the different work around, hacks and ideas running around the net Strider is reduced to loading up his laptop so we can get it to work.

Mind you, he even called Apple to see if they had any hints or ideas on what to do. You know what they told him? "Upgrade to Windows Vista 64 bit" Umm..what? Now that's funny, and I'm serious, Strider actually laughed out loud and said that's something you don't put in the same sentence "upgrade: and "Windows Vista".

So, anyway, he got his lap top connected to the wireless network we have here at the house so he can get iTunes and the mobile whosie-whatsit to work. And then came the fun of loading the books, photos and such, then to see just how customizable the Panel is.

Once we got everything moving along on the laptop it went smoothly, very smoothly. After transferring some of my pics onto the Panel I was able to set up my home screen and the lock screen. So far it seems really nice, I love how I can dim the screen when my eyes are especially sensitive to lights, which is a big plus in my book.

The books read really nicely as well. So far I'm pretty happy and impressed with the Panel. I can check my email, browse pictures, read a book, listen to music, browse the web, look at a map. So now when I need a recipe I can pull it up and have the Panel right there with me. The screen turns when you turn the Panel, as in full 360 degrees.

I like my new shiny.

< /rant >

Capri Sun... hoax or not?

Over the past two days two different Facebook pages have surfaced with claims of finding things, fleshy looking things, inside of the drink pouches for Capri Sun. Is this the first time something has been found in a Capri Sun pouch? No, it's not. A few years back a woman's kid was drinking a pouch of juice when the straw became clogged. Upon checking it out the woman found this gelatinous goo stuff.

The first one, to be honest, looked like a water logged mushroom. Supposedly the first one was confirmed by Kraft to be mold. Okay, I'll buy that. The pouch was punctured which meant air got into it, and since those things do sit on hot trucks for who knows how long during shipping, mold can grow.

The second thing looks like, I dunno what it looks like other than an urethra or some other fleshy item. To be honest, I think the second instance is faked for attention. The person who posted the second one saw how much attention the first poster was getting and decided to try to get some attention too.

I read the posts on Kraft's Facebook page and let me just say this, it has become a flame war. People are flaming the poster of the first set of pictures, making fun of them and so on. As for the second set of pictures, they're getting attention on other sites where they're being made fun of, big time.

I emailed Kraft Foods as a concerned parent, I'm sorry, but I want to know. If this is a hoax then it needs to be shut down as soon as possible. If it's real then they need to recall every one of the packs from the affected lots or from that particular factory. Not to mention that box from the first claim you can clearly see that it was made in China, or so the stamp on it stated.

Here's what I wrote to Kraft -

Hi, as a concerned parent I have to ask this question. In the past 2 days 2 pages have popped up on Facebook claiming that there have been things found in Capri Sun juice pouches. Are these claims real or are they a hoax? If they are hoaxes, please shut them down. If they're real then please recall all cases from the affected lots.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Not sure if I'll even get an answer, but it's worth a shot, right?

What do you think? I'm curious as to what others think about this.

*UPDATE 6-14-2010 9:49pm EST*

I got a response from Kraft foods. Here's what they said.

Thank You for Contacting Us!

Hi Z,

Thank you for visiting http//www.caprisun.com/ and for your interest in Capri Sun.

The quality and safety of Kraft Foods products and Capri Sun are our very highest priority. Sometimes small leaks in the package may occur and because Capri Sun does not have preservatives, these leaks may lead to a quality issue but not a food safety one.

We recently received word from a consumer about an issue with a Capri Sun pouch. We understand that some people are concerned. Now that we've tested the material, we've confirmed it was mold. While unpleasant, it is not a safety issue. If this had been a safety issue, Kraft Foods certainly would have taken the necessary steps, including issuing a recall.

As a general food safety tip, please remember that because Capri Sun beverages don't have preservatives, a leaky pouch can cause the beverage to spoil and discarding it is the right action to take.

If you haven’t done so already, please add our site to your favorites and visit us again soon!

Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Consumer Relations

~~TLXEA_20649958~~Y

Since they had no mention of the second one what so ever, I'm going to have to say it's a hoax. The first one was plausible, the second one...not so much by the looks of what was found in the pouch.

So there you have it, my opinion and a little leg work to get to the bottom of things.

< /rant >

WTF is wrong with her?!

Just as I start to feel better from the other night with the bullshit from my mom she calls and does it to me all over again. How do I turn off the way she makes me feel? How do I stop letting it get to me? ::sighs:: She started talking down about Bug and I asked her why so she snapped at me and said "If I was talking down about her I'd call her an idiot." Seriously? I can't believe she said that!

She's starting to show a very poisonous personality which is detrimental to Bug and all of us around her. Why is she like this? Why does she have to treat people this way? She always talks down about people as though she's better then they are. She talks crap about family too. Which is bullshit.

Anytime we go out she talks crap about people she sees, be it how they dress, look or act. She says it loud enough for people to hear. I'm not talking things like "Look how she's dressed" or "How can she let her kids act that way?" I'm talking mean things that even I wouldn't say, and I tend to speak my mind A LOT. You want to know the sad thing? She's been like this most of her life, but it's getting progressively worse.

I'll admit, I can be pretty mean spirited too, but that's only after I've been pushed to that point by someone. ::sighs::

< /rant >

Life unbound

Ever feel completely invisible? I do, but only to certain people.

Ever have those friends who claim to give a damn then they turn out to be complete psychotics? Yup, got them too.

Ever feel like your life has spun out of control and you're barely hanging on? Yup, going through that too lately, the emotional roller coaster can stop now, I'm ready to get off and go back to my quasi normal life.

Ever feel like you want to just scream? ::raises hand:: That's me again, I'd love some primal scream therapy, but in my neighborhood the cops would show up, not a good idea.

Ever feel like you're being pulled in a thousand different directions? ::sighs: That would be me as well.

So, the ones I feel invisible to are the ones I enjoy talking to, their lives became busy yet they don't seem to have two seconds to respond to a text message. Hmm, okay, I must be strange then because I always take the time to respond even if it's a few hours later, I still respond. My friend Jay, that's what we'll call him, recently got engaged, I understand how hectic life can be, but he doesn't have the time to even answer a single text message? He said he felt like crap for ignoring his friends, so I talked to him about it. He hangs out with his friends that live near him, but he said he felt like he was ignoring me. Which, yeah, he was, and is. But it's okay. Friends grow apart, right? Not like I can stay on contact with him forever, no matter how much I enjoy his company and conversation. There are a lot of people that I've lost touch with over the years, but some of them seem to stand out more than others. There are some that it hurts to have fallen out of touch with them, and others that I could care less about. Okay, time to get out of this annoying funk. I have good friends that I can talk to, that I enjoy talking to. So what if these other people can't be bothered, right? I have my post-it-note girl, my Shadus, my Kuroshi, my girls, my Strider, my Bug...what more do I need?

I've been feeling pretty nostalgic lately, which for me can be a bad thing.

Sometimes I feel invisible. Don't we all? Lately Strider's been trying to help me through this. But there's not much he can do, not much anyone can do really. I've been feeling very out of sorts lately. I know a lot of it has to do with menopause, which is a bitch in and of itself. I don;t wish this on my worst enemy, but, just about every woman I know will go through this at some point in her life. I get confused far too easily, I forget things. As an example, I was standing in the kitchen cooking when Jake started to talk to me, I stopped doing the prep for dinner. Then I got confused as to what the hell I was doing. ::chuckles:: Talk about annoying. Some days I walk into a room and forget what I was doing. Yeah, annoying as all hell. The night sweats have come back full force, and the mood swings..up and down, up and down....annoying! I can't kick the crap out of this like I do every other stress in my life like depression. If I can't beat it what can I do? Live with it? GAH! I'm being pulled in a thousand directions at one, can I get a break now? I just want the ride to stop so I can take a breath and get my head together.

My therapy...my needs....my wants...can you handle it?

Primal scream... where you let the beast within you scream out with all the built up rage and fury it has gathered over the years. Scream it out for the world to hear, scream it out in the most feral of voices.

Rough sex... yes even a good rutting is good for the soul, and the body sometimes. Clawing, biting, screaming, sweating, growling, groaning. Mmmm.

Run...just run. Go into the forest, a place so pure, so wild and just....run. Feel free, feel alive, feel the ground beneath your feet.

Barefoot...yes, barefoot. Stand in the grass barefoot, feel the pulse of the Earth beneath your feet. Breathe in, breathe out, feel Her all around you.

Talk to a rock...I know it sounds insane, but sometimes just talking gets it all out. Talk about the things you don't dare tell your mate or friends, tell it your darkest secrets, your darkest thoughts and desires. It'll listen and it won't walk away or ignore you or interrupt you.

No words anymore..just....be.

That's what I call therapy. That's what I call a way to focus and find your center again. We can all do it. At certain points of our lives we all feel like our skin's crawling, like there's something deep inside of us clawing to get out. How do you handle it?

I feel so much better now, hope you enjoy my crazy ranting and strange methods of therapy. Maybe I should put a disclaimer on here...warning you may find some things said here offensive or down right STRANGE! ::laughs::


< /rant >

Am I really that bad of a person?

Seriously, am I?

Tonight started off bad. On the way to pick up my mom I ran over a bird. Talk about a bad start to a night, it popped under the front tire and I nearly cried. Then we pick up my mom...and things went down hill from there, and I mean seriously down hill.

Bug loves to sing to music in the car, but my mom can't go for more than two seconds without talking. So what does she do? She starts talking to Bug while she's singing. I mention something about it after the second song. She snapped at me then started treating Bug like shit. I'm talking it got so bad that Strider actually yelled, twice. No matter how calm and nice I tried to talk to my mom she kept getting angrier and more mean spirited. When we got the restaurant she gets in my face after Strider and Bug went inside. After that she snaps again inside and decides to call a cab then starts talking shit about me to the restaurant owner! What the frakk?

Am I really that bad of a person that I should be treated like this? What the hell made her treat Bug the way she did?

Despite the way she acted and everything I hope she got home safely, I really do. She is my mother after all and I can't exactly stop caring about her, no matter how pissed off at her I get.

I'm going to get my Bug to bed now, maybe I'll post more later. Right now I feel the like crawling into a hole in my backyard and not coming out for a long while.

< /rant >

I need to get this out!

There's no excuse for parents not handing their kids. I've seen far too many times including today when some woman's daughter was spitting on people after taking a sip of her drink. The lady laughed and said "Kids will be kids". Umm...no, you tell your kid to stop, take away the drink and be responsible. Is it really that hard? I mean seriously!

And then she goes on to tell me that her daughter ended up with a straw down her throat from running with one in her mouth then getting pushed by her younger sister. What the hell was she doing running with it in her mouth in the first place?! The woman shrugged as if she didn't give a damn! It was very obvious that she likes the IDEA of kids but not actually PARENTING them, and her mother was there and was the exact same way so I saw where she got it all from.

I've seen some crazy ass things parents do and all I can do is shake my head. We were at the Aquarium a few weeks ago, these parents were there with the kids and the son just pushes e to look at something without even an excuse me. He actually PUSHED ME! I said as loudly as I could "Excuse me?" His mother looked at me and glared, I swear it was as though she thought they rules the world and I should let her kid do what ever he wanted. Umm..hell no! I won't even let Bug get away with that!

I've seen kids acting out, screaming, yelling, running, breaking things in stores and the parents just ignore it as if it's not even happening. Where's the discipline? Oh, wait, they don't give a damn, that's why there is none! I will never understand the idiocy of some parents.

Her lovely eyes

Took Bug to see her eye doctor today. It went pretty well actually. He said that her eyes are doing rather well. No need to change her RX for her glasses, she's doing pretty good. Only bad thing is that now she's not seeing red nor is was she able to do the push the animal back down that popped up. I thin it has to do with the atropine drops in her left eye, he didn't mention it so I'm guessing it's nothing to be worried about. He wants to see Bug back in 3 months, so we'll see what happens then. And as usual, I will keep a journal of her vision, the things she does, sees and so on.

She even drew him a picture, which he totally adored. We even talked about activities for her, and he loves everything we've been doing as far as going places and letting her explore things.

Now that we're home it's time to get to cleaning up the house so we can have a clear day to go to the Aquarium later this week if Bug wants to, which I know she does.

2010 World Oceans Day Celebration ~ Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center

This is something that is just awesome for the kids to do. It's all based on a Dr Seuss book One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. We're going to try to make it to this even I thing my Bug would absolutely love it.


2010 World Oceans Day Celebration ~ Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center

And let the drama begin...

This weekend has been wonderful. We spent Friday at home just hanging out, Saturday we went to the Aquarium and Sunday we went to the beach. Today we've been hanging around the house watching pirate movies, which Angie loves as much as we do.

We just finished dinner and are about to put in Cutthroat Island when Strider's mom calls...by the tone of his voice and what I can hear she's guilt tripping him because we rarely see her. Well, I'm sorry, we can't really afford the trips up there and we have invited her for holidays but she always bails on us. Ever since Strider's g-father died and his g-mother moved away his mom's been pretty strange. Oh the things I can tell you about her...but I digress.

So anyway, she guilt tripped him enough that now we have to find a weekend and drove up there for a day trip. It's a 4+ hour drive up there! Personally I think she has no right to guilt trip him what so ever. She lost custody of Strider and his brother when they were toddlers because of the living conditions and such. Strider had been shuffled from foster home to foster home, about 5 or so I think, and then all of a sudden she wants back in his life? This all started after he joined the Navy I think, the whole trying to get back into his life. I'm sorry, but she lost the right to guilt trip him a long time ago. Aside from that and the drinking, and the hording, and the losing her place to live due to the way she lived...she's not a bad person, a bit on the seriously messed up side psychologically but she's okay. It took her several years to even get us the presents and stuff for birthdays and x-mass for Bug. By the time we got the stuff it was all too small for Bug, I'm talking T sizes and infant toys.

When he was talking to her I could tell she struck a nerve or two by the way he talked. First he brought of the whole being sent up north thing then he basically crumpled. Which means she won. She griped about him not calling her....Strider never calls anyone! Why should she be any different? The only reason he calls me when he's away from home or when he's on his way home is because I'm his wife! So, now we need to find a weekend that we can go up there for a day trip. Not my idea of fun, like I really want to be on the road for 8+ hours?

So, now I have to paint on a smile and find a Saturday that we can drive up there.

Drag Me To Hell

Watched "Drag Me To Hell" last night...can I just say this....it was funny. The FX were, well, typical Sam Raimi. When I say typical Sam Raimi I mean campy, weird and down right silly! Like when the old Gypsy woman shoves her arm down the girls throat, hilarious, not to mention so very over exaggerated like so many scenes in just about any Sam Raimi 'horror' flick! The gore was almost non-existent, but the slime, snot, mucus and gross spurts of stuff and over-exaggerated blood sprays were very present.

The way the "Lamia" threw the girl around reminded me a lot of other Sam Raimi flicks as well, especially Army of Darkness. And for those who do not know, Lamia was a beautiful queen of Libya who became a child-eating daemon. While the word Lamia literally means large shark in Greek, Aristophanes claimed her name derived from the Greek word for gullet (λαιμός; laimos), referring to her habit of devouring children. You can read more about Lamia here - Lamia in Greek Mythology or here Lamia from Wikipedia

During several scenes I was actually expecting Ash to show up with his boom stick. As for then end sequence in the graveyard, the only thing that came to mind was Ash saying "Clatto Verata N... Necktie... Neckturn... Nick...el... It's an "N" word,it's definitely an "N" word! Clatto... Verata... N-coughs-"

Over all if it was a decent flick, good for B rated Raimi flick. So, if you want to laugh and see Raimi at his best since Army of Darkness, watch Drag Me To Hell.

Seriously?

Ever have one of those conversations where you wish the person would just shut the frakk up? I seem to have those kinds of conversations a lot lately with S, I mean, seriously, is it really all about you? Just shut the frakk up!

All she ever does is talk about herself, it's always blah, blah, blah, blah, you know? Maybe if she'd stop and listen to someone else for a second she'd notice that she's losing her friends. I'm about two seconds away from just turning my back on her and cutting my losses with her, which at this point is material as well as monetary.

She used to be a cool person, but then she started to change into who she said she wanted to be...that person is a snide, conniving, egotistical bitch that I do not want to be around, nor do I want her anywhere near me or mine.

I guess eventually she'll get the hint when the only friends she has left are her family and others like her. I can't let someone like that into my life, time to make it all go away.

She may enjoy ignoring the true joys in life and being a complete bitch, but eventually it'll all come back and bite her in the ass, especially when she needs something, no one will be there. Especially me, I will be as far away as possible when her life comes crashing down around her.

As for me, I'm enjoying life with my family, going on day trips and just plain having fun. To me, this is what life's all about, enjoying the time you have with the ones you love.

Owie

Back on Wednesday I started sniffling, sneezing and feeling miserable, didn't sleep that night either because of the sinus pressure, yay. yesterday I felt even worse, then last night I spiked a fever of 101.8, that was after taking Aleve.

I went to the doc's today and he said that it's bacterial sinusitis. So he gave me anti-biotic to take only if I feel worse in the morning or if the fever comes back. otherwise, he said that hiking this weekend would be good for me.

YAY!! I'm so looking forward to hiking this weekend.

Hmm, I wonder what we'll do next weekend.

Save The Ta-Ta's Giveaway

We all have our things that we're all for. You all know how I am about breast cancer awareness and so on. I'm seriously all for it.

Save the ta-ta's is having a give away. I'm still waiting for my sticker BTW.

Anyway, here's what you do to get involved in the giveaway.

1. Leave a comment telling me where you would wear your TaTa’s shirt. Yes, creativity counts – each comment counts for one entry, but the BEST comment counts for 3 entries. (Comments will be judged by an independent panel – mainly comprised of myself, my husband and perhaps the UPS guy…only if I need a tie-breaker, of course)

2. Become a fan of Someone WIll Buy This on the FACEBOOK PAGE by clicking "LIKE" AND update your status with information about the giveaway and the link to my blog – http://www.someonewillbuythis.com (you know, the page you are on NOW). Make sure you tag Someone Will Buy This in your post, so I know you did it – you tag us by typing @someone – Facebook will take care of the rest. (2 entries total, 1 for becoming a “fan” and one for the post.)

3. Add a Someone Will Buy This button to your blog. Then, leave a comment with your blog address, or email me at tj@yoktom.com with the blog address. (3 entries. Show that Linky Love! – button and code can be found on the bottom right of this page)

4. Write a post on your blog about the giveaway and include a link to my blog AND http://www.savethetatas.com. (5 Entries! Mostly because I love to see my name in print…)

5. Become a fan of Save the TaTa’s on Facebook! You can do that HERE. This equals 1 entry as well :)

Contest ends on May 21st 2010. Winner will be chosen AT RANDOM from the above entries. Different entries carry different weight, so you are in control of the number of entries you get!

You can read more about it here

Someone Will Buy This...: Save The Ta-Ta’s GiveAway!

And don't forget to add Save The Ta-Ta's on Facebook!

Save The Ta-Ta's On Facebook!

Rant

Warning, below is a rant that will most likely piss off some people. It will most likely make some people think I am angry with them when in fact I am not. It will most likely cause some hate and discontent amongst some people who read this. I'm not worried, if you are not adult enough to handle what is said in this rant then yu may as well lock yourself up in a closet and never see the light of day again, because you're not adult enough to handle the world. Consider yourself warned.

< RANT >
To all of you who can not be bothered to answer a single phone call or even a simple text message. Don't worry, I got the hint. You're obviously not worth my time or the effort of even trying to be friends with you.

I've done all I can to be nice and be a friend to you. I was there for you when you needed someone to talk to. I was there for you when you were far from home and needed a friend. I was there for you late at night when you needed to chat. I can't be there for you anymore because you severed the line.

What ever I did wrong to upset you, I'm sorry. What ever I said that made you turn away from me, I'm sorry. Correction, I'm not sorry. Because honestly, if it was something I said then you could have spoken up about it. You knew that I was strong and spoke my mind about everything and anything. So, to you I say this, I truly hope you're happy now. I will not longer be in your life, nor will I ever call you or even text you again. I will remove your number, address and even your chat service SN's just so there isn't even the tiniest bit of temptation on my part to contact you in hopes that you would be a friend and not the complete waist of time you have shown yourself to be.

To those who call me back, who return text messages. Those who have been there for me as much as I have been there for them, if not more in some cases. Thank you. You're the ones who I call my friends, my family. We are there for each other, even if I say something that you don't like and vise versa. You know me as well as I know you, and you know that what I've written here tonight is the truth. You know that I don't hide my feelings, I don't sugar coat my words, and I don't take shit from anyone.

To those who have tried to reconnect with me, I admire you for trying. But if you really want to reconnect with me, call me. Return an email or something. Don't just sit there, do something to make the reconnection happen, otherwise...stop faking.

Is this world really the piece of crap it seems to be or is it just me? People seem to be getting nastier by the day. People aren't raising their children with respect. When I was a kid you either respected your elders and others around you or you got your ass handed to. Now-a-days they get little to no discipline.

Tell me something, is it really that difficult to fix a road that has sink holes? Stop filling it in and actually do something about it. There are five sink holes on my street alone and they're all along the water mane. Does this happen everywhere or is it just this idiotic city called Portsmouth? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I've ranted about this damned city a few times already. But, seriously people, fix the damned potholes!

And this one is for the economy...why the fuck does everything have to be so damned expensive?! Seriously, when I was a kid, hell, when I was twenty, the price of gas was 99 cents a gallon! The price of everything is so damned high it's no wonder more and more people are filing for bankruptcy. Between the housing market sucking, which means we can't sell our house without taking a huge cut which will leave us owing money instead of breaking even, and the cost of living alone...it's become insane.

Gabe! Stop yowling into the corner, we all know you can yowl loudly! And Karma, must you really egg him on by doing it too? I can't concentrate on my ranting! GAH!

Okay, I think that's it for now.

< /RANT >

Now, a show of hands of all those who are offended or pissed off by this rant. Come on, raise your hands, his rant was bound to piss someone off, was it you?

Adventures in grocery shopping...

Some people really need to either not go out in public or learn some manners. Seriously.

I was in line at Farm Fresh and the woman ahead of me was having issues with her card as well as her check, so after about five or so minutes she apologizes to everyone and says she'll be back. Meanwhile, before the lady ahead of me excuses herself politely, the lady behind me walks up, puts her stuff in my cart...yup, she just waltzed up and put her crap in my cart! How rude! And her son's right there with their cart! I was like...WTF? But I let it go. Then she starts making comments about the lady ahead of me who was having issues. I'm talking seriously rude comments. Then the bitchy, rude woman storms off after slamming her hand into my cart...wow. The third woman who was behind her looks at me with a raised brow and shakes her head. I said to her "Patience is a virtue." To which she replied "Which she has none. And she put her stuff in your cart, why?" I just shrugged, which prompted her son to take the item out of my cart and put it into their own with a dirty look. Guess we can tell what kind of guy he'll turn out to be...just look at his mother. Anyway, after I check out I leave. As I'm turning to head the back way to get home, that woman is walking across the street. She actually walked out into traffic and held her hand out and yelled "You have to stop for me!" Yet again...wow.

Sitting at the light to turn onto GW this young guy in a red Pony is trying to make a left turn onto the street I'm at, he's yelling and cursing at the on coming traffic so loudly that I could hear him, all because they wouldn't yield for him. Wow.

Makes me glad I'm home now. Which reminds me, Strider should hopefully be home soon. He had fallen asleep after he called me, dork. So...yeah...that was my adventure.

updates and such

What's so hard about keeping your promise to get my car done on time? I'll tell you what the problem is, your damned mechanic is an ass. Seriously, you said you'd have my car done by 5pm yesterday, here it is 11am and still no word on my car.

About S - Just...wow. Make up your mind!

About K - I haven't heard from K in months, not since she left her husband and was having some issues with his family. I miss K, I really do.

About me - I'm walking the razor's edge of a break down. I don't know why I'm so easily pissed off these days, it could be because of the way things have been going, who the hell knows.

Really....wow....

Some people really amaze me with their inability to even say thank you. I mean, come on, how hard is it? Seriously!

I did some images for people, most of them said thank you and truly enjoyed them, then there are the people who couldn't even be bothered to say thank you. They didn't even say a damned word! If they didn't like them...say something!!! That way I can redo them.

Yes, they do take a lot of time to create, and no I'm NOT getting paid to do them. I did them for people to be NICE!

Maybe I should stop being nice.


And that brings me to another thing...

People scare me, they really do. If I had known the issues with S( That's what I'll call her) before I had allowed her to get close, I never would have let her get this close. She's threatened divorce more times that I care to count, stop threatening and just do it already, stop begging for attention with your actions! The person S is becoming is someone I DO NOT want to even be around. S has become snide, rude, mean...yet she says she's becoming who she wants to be...yeah, okay, not going to be around her anymore. S complains about her kid all the time, about how her kid does this and that, gets hurt and so on...then PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR KID!!! Get off the fucking computer and pay attention to him!! Yes, I sit at my computer some times, like now, but I ALWAYS pay attention to my Bug. I do my images and play around and look stuff up AFTER she goes to bed, unless I need a recipe for dinner.

I'm going away now before I really get pissed...time to go get dinner in the oven and finish some things around the house...

Let's break the rules

I'm not sure which is worse, the horror that is now our world or the blatant lies the news casters tell. And yes, they lie around here to placate people and keep them calm.

They do lie, they do it all the time, even our government lies to us. They say things are false or untrue, that is a lie, even a half truth is a lie. When a school shooting happened here a few days ago they lied about the gun and said it was a toy gun. BS, I talked to a few moms who's kids went to the school...the gun was real, bullets had been fired. You tell me, is it right for the news to lie to us? Or would you rather be just another sheep grazing on the BS they feed us and waiting for them to tell you when to go BAAH? Sorry, I'd rather be the one who strays from the herd and thinks for herself.

I'm not just talking about the news here, I'm talking about everything. Think about it. They tell you how to dress, what to eat, how much to eat, what to say, what to think, how to feel. Is that right to you? I refuse to follow the leader and be like everyone else. Why should be obey the rules? Seriously, do you want to be told what to do, what to wear, eat, say, when to sleep or when to say BAAHH? If you do then walk away from me right now because you won't like me when I stand up and start yelling that I have rights and that I'm free to speak my mind.

I think I'm done ranting for now. Feel free to add your two cents, come on, let's discuss this, don't be afraid, voice your opinion.

McNeil drug company - can we trust them?

I just emailed them as a concerned parent. Wouldn't you be too? I mean look at their track record...four months...four recalls...all for the same if not similar reasons. What would you do? Personally, I emailed them, and here's what I had to say.

As a parent I am concerned about all the recalls your company has had in the past 4 months. Can we, as parents, trust the products that your company makes any more? How can we safely try to break a fever, reduce allergies or even tend to a cough without the risk of either a too high a dose, or a contaminant in the medications? Again, as a parent I ask you this, how can I trust this company when this has happened four times in four months?

Feel free to send this message on to them, we need to get the point across to these drug manufacturers that we as parents give a shit about our children and are sick and tired of their bullshit and their continuous screw ups.

*steps off her soap box*

Let's add insult to inury, shall we?

Okay, so a few weeks ago I bashed up my toes to the point of being put in a foot immobilizer, not so bad really, I heal quickly so it was about a week of that.

Menopause has been kicking my ass something fierce. The hot flashes and night sweats have mostly gone away, I've been gaining weight which is awesome in my book. You want to know the best part? My boobs grew! * does the happy jiggly boob dance* What? You think I'm insane? Well, I'm not, you see, I've always been the thorn in the boob fairies side because I've always wanted bigger boobs. They didn't even blossom until I was eighteen or nineteen, which sucked for high school. They've always been small, like A small. Now they're a nice curvaceous B! So, yeah, I'm happy about that. Just like I'm happy about gaining weight. Yet again, I know you think I'm crazy. Imagine being a size 00 all your life. Sucks, doesn't it? Now, thanks to menopause, I'm a size 1!

This brings us to this past week. Bug's not doing the patch therapy anymore, now it's the drop therapy. So three days a week, consecutive days mind you, I have to put a drop of Atropine into her left eye. Yeah, you heard me right, Atropine, the stuff derived from Belladonna, jimsonweed, mandrake root and other solanaceae plants. It was horrible at first, she screamed so loudly while Strider and I held her down to put the drop in on Saturday morning. Yesterday was a bit easier and today was a breeze.

Yesterday while Strider was working on the trim in our bedroom and part of the hall I was outside doing gardening with Bug. I rolled my left ankle, yup, you heard right, the same foot I bashed the toes up on I rolled. And now we're to the insult to injury part of all of this. Last night in the shower I slipped and rolled my ankle AGAIN! I was barely able to move it last night without it hurting to the point of tears, thankfully today it doesn't hurt so much.

That's enough for now, I'll update when I get back fro my doctor's appointment.

Have fun!

Grrrr!

I'm not even sure what to do anymore. Bug's lost her mind. I mean seriously. What the hell happened to the good little girl I had a year and a half ago? She refuses to pick up her toys, fights me on everything, challenges every word I say.

Last night it was a fight to even get her to go to bed. She screamed and carried on for a good hour. Not to mention that she still refuses to let go of the damned nuk!!

I'm at my wits end with all the screaming, yelling, tantrums and refusing to listen.

Grrr!

Playing catch up...

Okay, so I haven't posted in here in a while. So what? You gonna hold it against me? Hmm, now that I think of it, I wouldn't mind having some things held against me. *wink*

Anyway...back on topic here. I've been MIA for a while, as you can tell. Things kinda blew up big time.

Strider came home from Iraq, all was good, sort of. bug was afraid of him at first but she settled into daddy being home again, which was good.

Strider's grandfather passed away, no big loss there for me, he was a complete asshole anyway.

We had to put our dog to sleep, poor guy was suffering too much with his seizures and hip displaysia.

Bug burned her hand pretty badly on hot coffee. Poor kid screamed for what felt like hours, it broke my heart. Thankfully it was only a first degree burn/scald.

Hmm, what else....oh yeah! We got rid of all the carpeting, except the carpeting in the computer room. We put down bamboo flooring, we did it ourselves. So very proud of ourselves for that. Now if I can only get a good weekend so we can finish them! Grrr!

Strider and I have been married for over 12 years now. Woohoo!

I started menopause...whole other topic there, trust me, you really don't want to miss it. *rolls eyes*

I think that's about it. I may be mistaken since my memory has been pretty iffy lately at best.

Snow in VA

I miss snow, I really do. but here in VA I swear, the people are idiots, complete and total idiots.

It snowed here on Saturday, did I see a single plow? Nope, not a one. Sunday rolls around...nope, still no plows, all the roads were still snow covered. Even the main roads! I mean, come on people, is it really that hard to plow a frakking road? Oh, wait, that's right, you all spent your winter storm allotment on useless BULLSHIT! And now you can't do what you say you do on your own website.

And this is a direct quote from their site.

Snow removal

Snow removal plays an important role in the winter duties for the Shop. In September of every year, the Shops starts readying the City snow equipment to be in good working condition for our unpredictable weather in Portsmouth. Shop crews coordinate the Public Works snow detail and provide annual updates to the City of Portsmouth Snow Manual.

At the first sign of news that snow and ice are on the way, Public Works employees are ready to spread salt and sand and plow roads. Crews work in 12 hour shifts. Bridges and overpasses are addressed first. Next, crews proceed to the main arteries of the City. As the weather clears, crews move onto the secondary streets.

Each truck has a snow route map to follow, and each area has a supervisor that examines the area for heavy buildups of snow and ice. The supervisor will dispatch a truck to such an area when encountered. The Police Department provides additional assistance in reporting these areas.

In severe weather, unless there is an emergency please stay off the roads and show our driver courtesy. Residents should understand that snow removal is a public safety initiative. It is not intended to provide convenient road conditions for everyone to travel everywhere within the City of Portsmouth.

What the hell are they doing? Sitting around with their thumbs up their asses? Getting drunk and frakking their cousins? I mean come on! If this was NJ,. far too many people would have been out of jobs. And here's the kicker...the Governor knew they had no money for snow removal, due to spending the allowance on bullshit they didn;'t need, that he declared a state of emergency BEFORE the storm hit!

Yup, I'm a very pissed up pup right about now. *huffs*

I'm done

Strider knows how tight we are financially, yet he still went out a bought a fucking motorcycle. We had agreed to enroll Bug in either dance or martial arts classes this month or January...that's not happening now. WTF was he thinking?!

Then he has the gall to yell at me when I bring up the fact that we are going to sink financially.

Why are men such idiots? He needs to ask his family for a bail out, I refuse to ask my mom again, she's helped out too much already. She buys us groceries if we're short on money, but I refuse to ask her to help us out again.

Because of all this stress I haven't slept since I woke up Friday morning.

I can't even type anymore...bye for now..

Unsaid things - a rant at people

I have had it with your fucking bullshit , I'm tired of you being part of my life! You dare to call MY cell and give ME a fucking attitude when you want to talk to your grandson! You make the flight arrangements BEFORE he finds out if he has the leave or not! You said YOU would pay for the fucking car rental then I find out that Strider had to when my card was fucking DECLINED!!!

And you, you fucking bitch of a MIL, you don't want to leave on an earlier flight because you don't want to get the up before 9am! Well you! Grow the up and put your big girl panties on and suck it the fuck up! I want Strider home BEFORE the storms hit!

So what, his grandfather died, like I give a flying rats ass! The two of you wished me dead and wished Bug had never been born! He got what he deserved! You'll get yours in the end too! I WANT YOU THE FUCK OUT OF OUR LIVES!!! If you EVER call here again I WILL HANG UP ON YOU!! I gave you both a second and third chance for Strider's sake! And you both screwed it up by ignoring me in MY OWN HOUSE AND MY MOMS HOUSE!!! THAT ENDS AS OF THIS MOMENT!! Highly aggressive? Oh, this is nothing, trust me, this is just me fuming! If you want to see me highly aggressive, I dare you to push my buttons one more time!! I've kept my mouth shut about you for long enough! I'm done holding my tongue when it comes to talking to you, which will NEVER happen again! Fuck you!

Back door frame - Why the did you have to break?! Don't we have enough shit to deal with without having to replace a door and frame??

Neighbors with dogs - CURB YOUR FUCKING DOGS!! I'm tired of picking up your dogs crap in my front yard!!

And Bug - I love you dearly, but I swear, if you don't start picking up your toys and behaving I'm going to pop you on the bare butt and send you to your room no matter how much or how loudly you scream about it.

Why?

It's been a tough month. Two weeks ago we had 6 tornadoes touch down, then we had some great weather for a few days. Then it got all cold again, last night we had another tornado warning in effect. Grr, I just want this weather to stabilize!

I heard from Strider today, for about 20 minutes of the phone before the call got cut. At least I got to hear his voice, and got to play email tag with him for about an hour or so. Bad thing is where he is now. I hate this war crap, I wish it would just be over and there wouldn't be anymore troubles. but, of course that's not about to happen anytime soon. I miss him so damned much. I can't wait until he's home again.

*sighs* Well, that's it, I'm too down to write any more...

Gettin rough...

Two months are done, six remaining...it's so hard right now, maybe it's because this is our first Iraq tour, I dunno. I'm just so down right now, yet when I talk to someone on the phone or face to face I paint on a smile and act as though every thing's alright. Some days I find it so hard to get out of bed, but I have to, I have to take care of Bug. There's really no one around lately either. My friends who said they'd be coming out to visit have more excuses then carter has pills and no one seems to be home when I try to call anyone. I just feel so....alone.

Okay, so maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, or maybe it's starting to get to me. I look forward the times when Angie takes a nap, a little quiet in the middle of the day. But, then when she goes to bed at night it's too quiet. Every time Strider and I talk on the phone it gets harder and harder to say goodbye, and I catch myself whimpering as I hang up the phone.

I don't have the energy to clean, which I really need to do, my living room looks like an atom bomb went off in the toy box and sent everything everywhere. I also need to get back to painting, that at least made me happy and not think on the situation.

Plus, my mom's planning on moving to CA, she's putting her house on the market in June. She said when it sells she's out of here, so much for her sticking around until Strider got home. *sighs*

Oh well, another day marked off on the calendar is one day less, right?

Amazon's at it again...

Is it really right for a company to try to bully a publisher to get them to raise their prices? I thing it's rediculous how Amazon tries to do that with my publisher. Here's the email I got from my publisher.

Dear author:
 
PublishAmerica is drastically reducing sales prices of all titles on its own website!
 
A little background: A few weeks ago we shared with you news about the pressure that many publishers were receiving from online vendor Amazon.com. As you know, PublishAmerica refused to budge. Today we can also report that this was not the first time that Amazon attempted to strong-arm PublishAmerica.
 
Roughly a year ago Amazon forced PublishAmerica to raise the pricing of our own books on our own website. They would not allow us to sell our almost 30,000 titles at sales prices lower than what Amazon chose to charge, and they threatened us with the very same retaliation that followed a year later after all. We complied at the time, and have been charging full list price in our own online store, because Amazon also charged full list price.
 
Staring down the bully: Now that Amazon has decided to punish PublishAmerica anyway for resisting further bullying, the time has come to reduce prices in our own online bookstore. And as an introductory step we will now slash our prices in half.
 
That's right: all book sales on PublishAmerica's website are at a 50 pct discount. Royalties are paid on all online sales. Go see for yourself at www.publishamerica.com.
 
The introductory offer will expire April 28, when discounts will go back to approximately where they were before Amazon first attempted to dictate the nation's vending terms.
 
Thank you!

PublishAmerica Author Support team

Naps?

It seems that Bug is not going to be taking Naps anymore. Talk about tiring.

She's also been acting out alot since Strider left. Maybe this is all just normal, I have no idea.

He called!

Bug and I were in the shower, I had brought the phone in and turned the volume all the way up just in case. He called me from BAB! It was so damned good to hear his voice!! I miss him so much. I've been dreaming about him too, and no I won't share those dreams here.

Missing him

Strider got to Germany safely, but he couldn't get an operator on the line to call me, so he emailed me. I miss him so much, it's so hard not to loose it right now, and we have so much more time to go until he's home.

Breaking my heart...

Strider called me tonight, collect. Not like I care, I mean, so long as I get to hear his voice I'm all good with it. I asked him what was wrong and he didn;t answer, it sounded like he was crying. When I asked him if he was crying he said he was...he doesn't cry...ever. He loves me so much, he loves Bug so much that this is killing him as much as it's killing me. He said he'll call me when he gets to Germany...I can't wait to hear his voice again. I miss him so damned much.

Please let the next 5 months go by quickly....please....

Yesterday (A new poem...finally)

It feels like just yesterday
That you told me you loved me
That you held me in your arms for the first time
That we kissed with so much passion
It was the beginning of our life together

Do you remember how it all started?
I do, like it was yesterday
I stood at the booth in jeans and a chainmaille bikini top
You were arrogant and stubborn
You stalked me, hunted me, pursued me

There was nowhere for me to hide
In the end I gave into your desires
I took you home with me, you met my mom
You took me to see my brother in the hospital
You took me out for dinner...you got a ticket for no headlights

We made love with passion unbridled
We said words so sweet and full of hope
When the leaves began to fall from the trees
You asked me to marry you, but not in the traditional way
More like a common place discussion is what it was

I dropped my wine glass and stared at you
I said yes with a smile and a glad heart
But I had my doubts about your sincerity
Until the day you put that ring on my finger
And we said I do

We have been through so much together
We've grown so strong together
We've created a child together
And now you're going away
So far away from me, it hurts my heart




I pray that you'll return to me
That you'll be safe
That you'll be secure and in good health
You are my world, my life, my love
You bring me passion and thoughts that I cannot speak

Do you remember how it felt?
When we kissed that last time?
It was like the flame was burning so deep within us
That nothing could quell it
And now I wait for you to return to me, my love

We are one in so many ways
But do you remember when it first became obvious?
I do, like it was yesterday
We were swimming in the lake at the mountain
I looked into your eyes and asked you if you loved me

You said you did as you stared deep into my eyes
I knew at that very moment that it would be forever
I write in my journal for you, so you can read my thoughts
I help our daughter to paint, to sculpt to draw things for you
I have your picture all over the house

I miss you more with every passing day
My heart cries out for you
My body screams for your touch
My lips beg to taste your kiss
I remember how it felt to touch you, to kiss you

When you return to me we will kindle that flame once more
We will be as one again
We will be stronger then ever before
We will endure the distance and grow from it
Yesterday is our tomorrow

It feels like yesterday that I held you in my arms
That I kissed your lips
Touched your face
Held your hand
I miss you, my love

Man I get a break now???

Well, today we said our goodbyes over the phone, Strider has to be up and on the transport at the butt crack of dawn in the morning. He said he'll call when he gets to Germany, it'll be so good to hear his voice.

Today was an absolutely terrible day. I woke up to the sound of our dog Remy puking, not just once, but so many times that I took him to the vet. Turns out that his pention for eating everything in sight, including my clothing, has caused him alot of badness...and is costing me a lot of money that we don't have. He needed surgery to remove a bloackage in his stomach/intestines. So, yeah, it's been a bad day.

Bug's been saying "I want daddy home now" and "I miss my daddy" and "Mommy, call daddy now." I wish I could wave my hand or pray to the goddess and have him be home, but that's not about to happen. And so, we have 172 days until he's home again.

The house seems colder now that he's gone, and I find it hard to breathe, I miss him so much, even though he pisses me off to no end at times.

*sigh*

206 days...

Tomorrow Bug and I take Strider to the airport. It's really hard to try to see the months to come without him here, but we'll make it, one day at a time. After he leaves we won't see him for 206+/- days...my heart's breaking over this crap.

*sigh*

Life...

Well, I haven't had much to say, until over the past few months, life kinda exploded. My mom's having issues with her doctors, our dog started having severe seizures 8 hours apart...and Strider's deploying to Iraq.

I'm not really sure if I can handle this whole Iraq deployment thing, emotionally. I mean, sure, I've been through alot in my life, but nothing really prepares you for your husband going to war, you know? Bug and I will be taking Strider to the airport on Tuesday, he'll be down south for about 2 weeks, so at least we'll still be able to talk to him. After that...he's off to the sand box.

I need some serious strength here, not sure where I'm going to get it from, but I have got to find some.

Wish me luck!

Pneumothorax...a scary word

Spontaneous Pneumothorax is a scary word, even more so when you're the one told that it you have one. A few weeks ago I went in to see my doctor because I thought I was coming down with bronchitis, the doc decided to do a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia... after the visit we went home, then right back to the doctors for Bug's 2 year appointment, that's when they told me that my doctor wanted me back in his office STAT. He said it was an emergency situation. So, after Bug's appointment we went back to see him, that when he told me the news...I had a Spontaneous Pnuemothorax, my right lung had a 30% collapse...talk about terrifying. I couldn't help but laugh. So, after nearly 6 hours in the ER and no change to the amount of collapse they sent me home.

I had to make an appointment with the thorasic surgeon for a follow up, which went good. All except for him telling me that there's a 30% chance this can and most likely will happen again, and if it does that I'll have no choice but to have surgery. He also said that I'll hopefully out grow this by the time I turn 40...so...6 years to go..

I still have about 3 1/2 weeks of restrictive activity, can't lift things and have to to try not to cough too hard and so on. Other then the errant pain in my chest I'm doing pretty good. Poor Bug though, she was so scared seeing me in the ER with all the wires for the monitors on me and the IV in my arm...I was just lucky that they didn't have to put a chest tube in.

The price of milk...

You know it's just wrong when the price of milk is more then the price of a gallon of gas! I went into a WalMart and was appalled to see that the price of PET milk was nearly $6 a gallon!





Will someone please explain this to me??!!

A long few months...

Well, it's been an interesting few months. Strider's been gone alot, Bug's been getting her two year molars and I've been going nuts. While he was home on leave we finally finished the doorway where the water heater is, we framed it out and put up the new door. We also tore down all the paneling in the living room and the hall, it looks alot better. Minus the two tone paint job and the spackle everywhere it looks better. We're planning on waiting until fall to buy the paint and get the living room, hall and kitchen/dining room painted. That way we can have the windows open for ventilation.

I went in to see the doctor a week or so ago about my left shoulder, it's been killing me for the past few months. Anyway, he does this whole thing where he squeezed each of my joints, then he tells me that he wants me to have a full body x-ray done as well as a whole battery of blood work. When I asked him why, he said that it's to rule out some stuff and to confirm his diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis...lovely. I've had some bad days lately where the pain is so bad that I don't even want to get out of bed, but I have to...I have to take care of Bug.

The house is in serious need of a good cleaning, I've slacked off big time. Maybe I'll start on it this Friday or Saturday.

To top it all off, bug refuses to go to sleep tonight, she's like wired for sound. She needs to go to sleep, she really does...so I can gather up the trash and get the can outside for the morning pickup then get to bed myself.

I really miss Strider, he'll be back sometime next week, hopefully Wednesday, late. I so need a break..again. When he was home on leave he got up with Bug just about every morning because I was getting up with her several times a night.

I have a new addiction...FlyFF...Fly For Fun...it's a MMORPG, and it's alot of fun.

Anyway, time for me to go and try to get this kiddo down for bed.


Till next time...

New favorite words...

Bug has a new favorite word...ucky. From the time she woke up this morning to the point where I couldn't take any longer , Bug was pointing at the carpet in the living room and hallway saying ucky. Yes, I know the carpets got rather badly soiled, but what am I supposed to do? Anyway, I got to the breaking point and broke out the steam cleaner. Between 1130 and 245pm I got the living room, hallway, mine and Bug's carpets all steam cleaned. What a job that was, but it was worth it. After I got the carpet in the living room cleaned she leaned down, sniffed at it and smiled saying "Dragon Garden!". Her way of saying it smells good now.

Next on my hit list is the kitchen...yet again...and the curtains and the bed linens. It's going to be another late night for me, but that's okay, I like having a clean house.

It's been a while

Okay, so it's been a while since I've written anything here, it's been a busy month or so. Back on May 15th Bug had her surgery. It went well, the only bad part was when she came out of the anesthesia she panicked and was inconsolable. Thankfully I was able to hold on until we knew she was alright and everything had gone well. From the moment I heard the words "she needs surgery to fix her eyes" my stomach had been queezy. Once we knew she was alright my blood pressure bottomed out and my heart started to act up, I barely made it to the bathroom without passing out, one of the ambulatory nurses had to help me to the bathroom. But, once I puked I felt so much better. We brought her home a few hours later, she was a bit cranky at first, which was understandable, I mean hell, her eyes were killing her and she couldn't open them without them hurting. The next day, though, she was up and running like nothing had happened. Now she's doing great and not tripping over anything. We've already had her first post op appointment, her next one is on the 21st of June. But, so far all is good with the Bug's eyes. YAY!

On another note, I started to make jewelry to keep my sanity and to help with the post pardom depression, it's really been helping me to deal with it better. I've even sold quite a few pieces. You can see them all here. Spider Designs Or here Spider Designs Blog.

This past week I've had the gates down that normally block off the bedroom and the kitchen from the Bug. She's been doing really well with the gates down. I'm so proud of her!

Anyway, it's about bath time for the Bug, so I need to go get her bath ready while Strider keeps her happy for a few minutes.

Until next time!

The randomness of my brain

The date of Bug's surgery is getting closer and I'm feeling worse and worse about it. I know that everything's going to be fine, but I still can't shake the feeling that this is somehow my fault. What did I do wrong that made her eyes end up this way? The doctor says it's not my fault, but I still feel as though it is.

To keep myself from going completely nuts I started to make jewelry, here's where it's all listed. Spider Designs

A friend of mine seems to think that I'm angry with her or something, I'm not. I'm just in a bad place emotionally right now. I should probably give her a call today just so she knows that I'm not angry with her.

This past Saturday Strider and I took Bug to the aquarium. It was pretty cool. She got to pet a Sting Ray, see all sorts of fish, some sharks, otters and other nifty stuff. The down side? Well, we ate at the cafe and spent about 28$ for a hamburger with fries, a kids grilled cheese ( or should I say pressed cheese) sandwhich with fries and a garden salad for myself...and the drinks were extra! Not to mention that the aquarium is currently under some major renovations. Once the renovations are done we'll go back and see what they have going on.

The next place we want to take Bug is to the Living Museum up in Newport News. It should be fun, a long drive, but fun none the less. I also want to take her to the Children's Museum. I want her to experience all there is.

Well, that's about it for now. Tomorrow is Bug's pre-op, so we'll see how it goes.

Until next time...

This is what I've been up to...

I've gotten back into making jewelry. So far I have made four necklaces, three bracelets, and three sets of earrings. Have a look. They're all for sale, just ask about pricing.

This one is made from black freshwater pearls, smokey quartz chips and seed beads for the spacers.

















This one is the same as the black freshwater pearl set, but instead of the pearls I used Rose Quartz.

















This one is made of all gemstones.

















This one is made with Lampglass and Swarovski crystals with Bali beads as spacers.

Yuck

Poor Bug, she woke up this morning all happy. I woke up to a smiling Bug climbing into bed with me, talk about a nice way to wake up. A few hours after waking up she had diarrhea, and bad. I'm talking the kind that explodes in the diaper and creeps up the back. Poor Bug. Then the fever kicked in. So, I gave her some tylenol, she's been drinking juice today which is good, it'll help keep her hydrated. But, the diarrhea's still there, if she still had the diarrhea tomorrow morning I'll call to get her an appointment with her doctor. I'm hoping she feels better soon.

Maybe she got sick from being out with me yesterday. It was cold and windy all day, very little rain, she never got wet or anything. She may have gotten sick from breathing in the germs of someone who was sick. We all know how those tiny micro-particles float through the air when we sneeze or cough without covering our mouths. All it takes is one sick person to cough or sneeze and not cover their mouth for others to get sick.

I know I should be doing the dishes right now, but I'm worn out. Bug's been running crazy today, when she's not laying on the floor, the couch or in my lap whimpering from the body aches.

Gonna just have to wait and see how she feels later tonight.

Addendum:
Before putting Bug to bed tonight I checked her temperature...it's up to 100.4. I gave her Motrin so we'll see how it goes. I plan on calling her doctor tomorrow and getting her in if she still has either or both the diarrhea and fever. This poor kid, it sucks that she's sick again, but they say that kids get sick an average of 12 times a year.

Monday...

The day started off with an odd feeling of dread, maybe it came from the nightmare I had earlier that morning. At around 3am I woke up with a start, in my dream I heard gunfire and screams, no real details. I never should have watched the news yesterday morning. I turned on the tv like I do every morning to turn the Disney channel on for Bug, and there it was on the news...mass murder at VA Tech. Scary is one word to describe it. I mean, we've always thought of college campuses as a safe haven...not any more.

Kids bring guns to school, and I'm not talking college or high school kids, I'm talking about grade school kids. As it stands I'm putting serious thought into getting certified or licensed, or what ever it takes, to home school Bug to keep her safe.

It's frightening how the world is going now a days. Every time you turn on the tv you see murder, rape, disease, famine, arson... is this the world we're leaving for our children? Every time I turn around I'm seeing some horrific thing on the news, and it seems to be getting closer and closer to home. You read the paper, or watch the news and you can see it, kids who look all strung out on drugs, kids having babies, kids with guns. Don't parents give a damn anymore about what their kids are doing? I mean come on! All you have to do is talk to your kids about not doing drugs, about safe sex, about guns and safety and about the dangers of gangs. How difficult is that? My mom talked to me about those things and I stayed clear of them...until I met my ex, that's when it all went down hill. But I brought myself back to the surface and look at me now. I have a great husband, a beautiful daughter and a good life. Granted it could be better, you know, more money and such, maybe a bigger house, but that's something that we can work on. But all this other crap...it can be avoided. We have the power to keep our kids safe, we have the power to change things, we have the power to make a difference. But do we use that power? No, not until a tragedy like the VA Tech massacre happens, or the Twin Towers, or Somalia. And when people do use that power it's to speak out for a short time, then they go back to the way they were.

I remember when the Towers crumbled, it's a day I'll never forget. People remembered for a while, they were nice to one another for a while...a year at the most...and now they seem to have forgotten. Why? Because it's easier to forget then to deal with what happened. I say deal with it! Deal with what's happening in your world! Deal with what's happening in your neighborhood! Deal with what's happening in your schools! Stand up and speak up! For gods sake, do something! Don't just sit there with your thumbs up your asses waiting for someone else to stand up and do something. If you wait...nothing is going to happen.

Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box for now, but I'm far from finished with this rant...so don't even get me started.

WTF is up with gas prices?

This is getting ridiculous now, I mean, come on! I know that they can lower the prices of gas, hell, congress could do it, but, they won't. Why won't they do it? Easy, the gas companies have the politicians in their pockets. Not to mention that despite the fact that we have our own pipe line coming down from Alaska, we're still dependent on foreign oil. Oh, and we can't forget that it's coming close to summer, so they have to raise the price of gas for that too.

At the gas station I took this pic at, they only had regular, there was a sign on the pump that said they had no medium or plus grade gas. Sounds to me like that gas station is only selling regular in an effort to try and save people some money, since they have to pay a higher price they have to jack the price up for us too.

I'm so sick of the gas prices lately. I've been tossing around the idea of sending one hell of a gripe letter to congress about this, as well as the gas companies. Who do they think they are? Gods? I think not.

Rough week

Well, as my earlier post said, last week started the bad week. Last Monday we find out that Bug need surgery on her eyes, then way early Wednesday morning Strider left to do work in another state. That afternoon Bug fell and slammed her forehead into the sidewalk out back...I called the EMT's just to be safe. They said she seemed fine but to get her evaluated within a few days, so on Thursday I called to get her an appointment with her pediatrician...no luck, instead we get a different doctor, no big deal really. When I go to check her in at the pediatric clinic they tell me that her appointment is at the Specialty Clinic, so I go over there to check her in. That's when I find out that the appointment was with a pediatric neurologist...talk about luck. Anyway, she got checked out completely, the doc even had her walk up and down the hall, felt her forehead where she had hit the concrete and everything in between. I was told that Bug is perfectly fine, that put my mind at ease big time.

Now for a little back tracking, on Thursday night Bug puked, just once. Most likely from something she ate, but still, it's never an easy thing to see puke coming out of your kid.

This weekend went okay, a little too slow for my taste really.

Monday night I took my mom and Bug to Ruby Tuesday's at Victory Crossing for dinner. When we sat down at the table there were maybe 3 to 4 other tables with patrons. We placed our orders and then got our salads. We waited for between 30 - 40 minutes for our dinners. With it being so quiet in the restaurant one would expect the meals to arrive promptly, not to have to wait 30 minutes or longer. At that point I requested to speak to a manager, who in turn treated me like my comments did not matter, he seemed to be almost angry with me for bringing the matter to his attention. He walked away, didn't say a word, and did not come back to our table to let us know what was going on, instead it was our waitress who told us that the manager had comped our meals. That's not the point, sure, it was nice of him to do so, but I would have preferred an apology, which I never got from the manager. I'm sorry to say that that will be the last time I will go to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. I was seriously disappointed in the time it took to get our meals, which we ended up having to have packed up to go.

After we got home from the restaurant, I put in Happy Feet for Bug, man did she enjoy it! It was a riot to watch her rock out to all the singing and dancing. She loved it so much.

And that leads us to today. Bug woke up happy, had a big breakfast. Man did she get into everything today, I swear, I don't have a kid, I have a monkey. We had to run out to the store this evening so she ended up not getting a second nap, which caused her to become rather cranky and not willing to listen. Tonight we actually got all the way through Happy Feet before she fell asleep. She's now all happily asleep in her bed which gives me the chance to get all her toys cleaned up off the livingroom floor. I'm just waiting for Strider to call, then after that I can go get some rest too. I'm wondering why it's taking him so long to call me tonight...maybe I should call him.

Ah well, time for me to get the picking up of the Bug toys.

Bug's eyes...

We took Bug in for her 18 month check up back on Monday, it went good. She's a few centimeters shy of 33 inches tall and almost 23 pounds. She's doing so great. After the pediatrician appointment we went to see her ophthalmologist, that's when the bad news was given. Bug needs to have surgery on her eyes, the doc wants to go in on either side of her nose and loosen the eye muscles to straighten them out. Her eyes turn inward.

I have this huge hole in my gut about all of this. I mean, it's my baby going in for surgery, it's nerve wracking.

Work work work

It's been a busy week for us. Bug's had a lot of fun playing outside when the weather was warm. Today my mom got Bug a club house play house with a swing, Strider's putting it together. While he was mowing the back yard and getting started on the club house I took Bug to the garden center.

I decided that I want to pull up the shrubs that are in front of the house, they look all diseased and just nasty. So, Strider's doing to take care of that for me. I got a bunch of really pretty flowers and rose bushes, some anti-weed matting and some mulch. Once he gets the shrubs out I can work on getting the area ready for planting. I think it'll turn out nice. We're going to need to get a about 15 yards or so of mulch to put around Bug's play house, that way if she falls it'll be softer. Plus, if we get the cedar mulch it'll keep the pests away from the area.

We hit Sears, JC Penny and the Disney Store the other day, they all had some nice sales going on so we got bug a bunch os spring and summer clothing.

The house needs to be cleaned yet again, so I might start doing that this week, try to get it all done by the weekend. I know I've been doing alot lately, but I just want our house to look nice inside and out. Especially if we'll be selling it in a year. If we do sell the house it'll be to buy a bigger one.

Bug's napping right now so I'm off to watch a little tv and fold laundry.

Until next time.

My day

Today was a good day with Bug, she woke up around five til nine this morning. Granted she got a little cranky while I was making her breakfast, but it stopped as soon as she started eating. It was a miserable day out today, rainy and in the 40's...yuk! So we had to spend the day inside.

Bug and I sat down to watch Anastasia this afternoon, around five after one she got up off the floor, picked up her bunny and crawled into my lap. Five minutes later she was out cold. It was just so cute! After she got up from her nap we went to the store.

I got really pissed off at this one fat cow of a woman that was in there. I swear, she was seconds away from getting her face punched. I was over by the dairy grabbing a gallon of milk and this woman was standing there complaining about the cholesterol on eggs, I so mentioned that the brown, free range eggs by Eggland's Best had about half the cholesterol of the regular white eggs. Let's just say that she's lucky that Bug was with me at the time...she had the gall to say "You don't have to worry about cholesterol, you skinny bitch.". Man was I pissed at that woman!

Anyway, by the time we got home Strider was already home, which made it easier for me. I got out of the car, grabbed Bug then opened the trunk, grabbed three bags with my free hand then went to the back door. I'm still not entirely sure how I managed it, but I held Bug in one arm, the groceries in the other and still was able to open the door. I asked Strider to get the rest of the bags out of the car so I could get Bug inside and out of the rain..he had no issues with that.

Shortly after we got home Bug started to get cranky, she was getting hungry, so I had Strider made her a hot dog while I was putting the groceries away. I think it was about an hour after she ate she crawled into my lap and fell asleep again. It was so adorable!

It's been a pretty busy day, and I must say that I'm glad it's nearing the end. Strider has duty tomorrow which means it's just Bug and I all day until Sunday morning.

I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Tinker Bell

I can't wait for Tinker Bell the movie to come out, Bug will absolutely love it!

Identity...

We all have an identity, but some of us lose it somewhere along the line. I know I've lost my identity, or at least, the way I used to be.

I was rummaging through some of my old stuff yesterday and found all my jewelry that I used to wear. Been putting some serious thought into reverting to the way I used to dress...only classier. You know, the classy goth kind of look. Not so much in the eyeliner or other makeup department, but the nice black and dark colored clothing. Basically the way I am now, only with a little makeup and some of my old jewelry...like my ankh choker.

Then there's my hair...it's short, and I was thinking of going even shorter...but if I do that then I'll need to figure out what color to dye it next. Maybe something darker then it is. Right now my hair's a medium mahogany color...hmm.

Hmm...

Not sure what happened last night, Bug usually goes to bed around 10pm, but that wasn't the case last night. She was wired for sound and didn't go to bed until around 1130pm. I don't mind the hyper happy being up late, it's the cranky, scream all the time up late that I don't like.

Around noon yesterday I got this strange pain in my left shoulder, between my shoulder blades that wrapped around and across my chest. I couldn't figure out what it was, so I guessed at it being a pulled muscle or a pinched nerve. I took some Aleve and it didn't help. I decided that if I still had the pain today or if I was feeling odd that I would go to the doctors. When I woke up this morning the pain was almost completely gone, only a slight twinge in my shoulder. My chest is still bugging me a little, but it's the muscles, most likely from coughing alot. I'm still fighting this damned head/chest cold, it's been four weeks now. Blame it on the weather...in the 70's one day, 40's the next.

The sky looks a bit overcast today, like it's going to rain. I hope not, I want to be able to take Bug out after she wakes up from her nap and has something to eat. If it's not raining we might make a run out for some fast food or something.

Strider put our new platform bed together last night. We didn't need the boxspring so it's out for Thursday's bulk pick-up. The bed is so comfy now, and Bug can crawl right up onto it.

And in other news...as you can see I've changed the layout of my blog...yet again. I like this look a lot better. But I'm keeping my options open.

A stink pretty house

Bug and I went to Wally World today to pick up a few things, while we were there I found this new scent of Arm & Hammer carpet powder. The scent is Lavender and White Rose Petals, it's nice and subtle. It got the smell of the animals, smoke and everything out of the computer room and Bug's room carpeting, as well as in the air. It made the whole back half of the house smell so nice that it sent me into a cleaning tizzy. I used the Clorox wipes on all of her toys, the tables, and I even scrubbed the TV screen and entertainment center glass door. I asked Strider tonight when I spoke to him if he could possibly take Bug outside to pay tomorrow for about 20-25 minutes while I get the hall and living room carpets done. He said he would.

I just have this thing about my house being as clean as possible. There are days when it seems like an absolute disaster area to me, but to anyone who visits they say it's really clean and smells nice. All I want is a safe and clean environment for Bug. The last thing any of us want is a sick Bug...again. Especially since there's a nasty stomach virus running around.

After I get the house cleaned up as much as I can tomorrow I might decide that we're going out for dinner...dunno yet.

Tonight before I put Bug to bed I was getting her room ready, she walked into the room holding a stuffed dragon that I had gotten for my birthday when I was 16. I smiled and asked her where she wanted me to put it, she pointed at a spot across from her bed, so I put him there. His name's Fafneer by the way. Anyway, she then pointed at his head then to her bed and said "Dagan potet me." so I turned his head toward her bed and she nodded her approval with a big smile. It's amazing how quickly they grow up, she's going to be 17 months on Sunday...and man is she ever smart.

Hopefully my Bug will sleep through the night again tonight, this way we can have a good day tomorrow. She had slept through the night last night, and I had to wake her up this morning. She is just too cute for words.

Anyway, that's about it for now, time for this one to go get some sleep.

Very upset Bug

My poor Bug woke up a little bit ago screaming. She wasn't fully awake so I knew not to wake her because it could do more harm then good. It seems to be a either a night terror or gas, possibly a combination thereof. Strider's trying to calm her down right now, I'm just worried about her. If this is a night terror I hope she doesn't have them late into her life the way I do.

I gave her some Mylicon, if it's gas it'll help. After she started to open her eyes she stretched while screaming and gave a few small farts. She was looking around as though she had no clue where she was.

I'm hoping she'll calm down, release the gas if there is anymore, and fall back into a peaceful sleep.

It breaks my heart to hear and see her so upset. The last time she was this upset was when she got her 1 year shots which is 4 1/2 months ago.

I'm going to try and get her to maybe have a few sips of water after she calms down a bit more.

Wish me luck.

A Fragile Dream Crushed

Well, today was a mostly good day, minus the headache that I woke up with. The blasted headache stuck with me all day long. Bug was good today, until after she woke up from her nap. She woke up sort of happy then started screaming within the first two minutes. Talk about a bad way to wake up.

The day went pretty good, until I got the mail from the mailbox. Mostly it was all junk mail, except for the letter from my publisher. *sigh* My dream has officially been crushed. Not only is my book not selling at all, but a bookstore that did order it returned two copies of it, so now I owe my publisher money. Major suckage. It really upset me to see that. I mean, I do what I can to market my own book, but it just seems like no one wants to read or buy poetry anymore. I guess I'm not going to be able to get my second book published at all. With the way it's going I might as well pull my book from the publisher and call it quits. After three years of no sales I think it's time to just forget about my dream.

I don't get it, people claim that they love poetry, but then when I ask them if they'd buy my book they ask me if I have a copy to give to them. Give to them! Come on, people, I need to make money. All I ever wanted was a little recognition for my writing, but I'm not even getting that. Maybe one day people will recognize my writing, probably when I'm long dead, that seems to be how it goes for people who write poetry anyway. Look at Shakespeare and Poe and others like them, they all became well known after they died.

Okay, enough sulking for now, Bug's getting upset and it's about time for her to go to bed anyway.

What's wrong?

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, I mean, I try to be the best mom I can to Bug, but, it just feels like I'm doing something wrong. As for my marriage...I feel like I've already lost Strider. He barely talks to me anymore and even when he's home he's not really here.

When Strider and I started out we had so much passion for one another, now it seems like that passion has died. Granted, he's not the most romantic man in the world, but he used to try, now he just seems to ignore my needs. He doesn't touch my hair or my face very often and we barely even have sex anymore. It seems like the only time he's even remotely affectionate to me is when we do have sex...and that worries me. When he's away from he doesn't seem to miss me or Bug at all, it's as though he's free. I wish I knew what to do.

It feels like there's there's something that I'm missing, forgetting about. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to make sense of it, I can't seem to be able to make sense of much lately. Maybe it's just the stress of everything getting to me.

I know it's not the finances because we're doing good in that department. Sure, we have two mortgages, but we're not having difficulties paying them. We have no credit card debt except for the new appliances which will be paid off in a year. If it's not that then what is it? Have I lost who I am? Or am I just too far gone?

Lately it seems like even the friends I have don't have time to talk anymore. Most of them live in other states, I only one person out here where we live and I rarely talk to her. I miss Mouse and the way we were able to get together anytime we wanted when I lived up North. It's been almost four years since I saw her last.

I used to be so strong, so willing to do anything, now it seems like I've lost my edge. Sure, others see me the same way as I was years ago, but I don't. Can I ever regain myself? Can I ever be the way I used to be? Can I ever find the peace that I want to badly to find? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Bug in glasses and life

Well, I took Bug in to see the ophthalmologist the other day, he said that her eyes hadn't improved any and he wanted her to wear glasses for the next two months. Now there's an interesting concept, trying to keep glasses on the face of a 15 month old. She's been wearing them without too much of a hassle, at least until they start to hurt the bridge of her nose.

I ended up having to go to two different places to get the glasses even done. After calling everywhere and finding only one place that had the infant frames I was frustrated to say the least. Anyway, I went to the shop that had the infant frames, the guy was nice, but he pushed me into buying the plastic frames which are a bit heavy for Bug's face. After that I took her over to Lens Crafters to get the lenses done, after a lot of hassle and bullshit, meaning the day before when I was treated like complete shit by the lady at the shop, I got the lenses made and put into her frames. The lenses cost 210$, can you believe that? The manager gave me 50% off, granted that dropped them to 105$, but still, that's way too much money.

Yesterday I took Bug over to Walmart to pick up a few things and decided to stop in the eye center they have there. To make a long story short, the lady there showed me the best frames for Bug, they're light and metal, they can be made shorter in the temples and the lenses will not make them much heavier. The new glasses cost me about 125$. The new glasses will be in next Wednesday, after I pick them up I'll be going over to Lens Crafters and getting my money back on the lenses.

This has been a very busy week for Bug and I, especially with Strider being in Nevada since Monday...and today he drops it on me that won't be home until Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. Talk about pissed.

Tomorrow I need to run to the store to pick up more of her little lunches, she really likes them. I also need to run by Lowes and pick up the vent covers so we can get the heat go all throughout the room instead of being a curtain of heat along the wall.

Ah well, guess that's it for now...